#9198182, By sunjumper National Novel Writing Month 2012

  • sunjumper 3 Dec 2012 02:32:27 3,378 posts
    Seen 5 hours ago
    Registered 16 years ago
    I need to catch up on reading, which I fully intend to do.
    Right now my reading list is MetalDog, Blerk and Carbon_Altered.
    Once I am up to date with them I am going to add one or two additional stories to my reading roster. December should be on the productive reading side. (I hope)

    Some feedback before I get back to writing.

    Good lord. That is an impressive ammount of writing you got done there.

    Chapter 27

    One random thought while I enjoy your distopian not so distant future where mega-corporations are openly fucking around with state policy (instead of thinly veiled) there only seems to be 4L as an all powerful mega-monopolist. We know from the Mars story that there is at least also PolyMol who are small fries compared to 4L. But there seems to be hardly anyone else.
    While that was no problem in the isolation of space back down on Earth I begin to wonder where and who the others are.

    The observation that Szwejkowski's many augmentation are a form of compensation and/or a crutch for his self esteem is a very good one.

    And Clow returns! No idea why but I love that smug, cryptic, old bastard. He certainly fills the Wise Man archetype with a lot of dry humour.

    [...} he was wearing an extremely punchable little smile [...] :-D

    OK. Very impressive. Today watching a TV series with a friend there was a point where something happened that was not really a plot twist. I had not seen it comming but when it happened it was not a real surprise either. I commented that these things are actually rather neat every once in a while but hard to pull off.
    What you did here with Clow and Yew is exactly that and damn you did a great job of it.
    The green tint of my envy is only rivaled by my shrill fanboy shrieks.

    And one line later you do it again. Although I do feel like an idiot for not having seen it before. It was rather obvious. In hindsight.

    How cloak and dagger it has all become.

    This chapter was pure solid gold.

    Right now i am thinking a little 'Guide to the 4L Universe might not go amiss. Thaat way a lot of important information can be provided to those who want to know more without fucking up the narrative's flow.

    Chapter 28
    White Heppa? Wow...
    Oh. No. Wait. That's even worse.

    Still. Wow.
    I wonder into which dark pit this will lead us.

    ARGH! What a happy note to end the chapter.

    Before I crawl away I'd like to add that the fear of Walker is very interesting. If I were him I'd be afraid of the experiment's results too. As a read I'd really like to know what will happen.

    Chapter 29
    Very short. But progress at last.
    Now I finally know how that thing with the otters and the roses works!

    It is also good to see Szwejkowski getting cranky. Who would have thought that this was even possible.
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