#9598358, By TechnoHippy National Novel Writing Month 2012

  • TechnoHippy 25 May 2013 16:30:27 14,707 posts
    Seen 4 years ago
    Registered 15 years ago
    @Blerk Good work on the word count. I think you made the right choice, sometimes you just have to bull your way through and clean up the mess later.

    Anyway, here are my thoughts on chapter 15:

    The second sentence is very long.

    Why is the General telling him all this?

    I was wondering when the possibility of more advanced Earths would come up, although that raises the possibility of an attack from one or more of them.

    Megalomania is a wonderful thing :-)

    It seems odd that the son is almost an afterthought.

    Although it ends on a suitably sinister tone - I approve :-)
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