Following Cancer Page 85

  • pk1980 27 Nov 2018 21:54:43 1,198 posts
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    Glad everything is going well F_B always nice for some good or at least positive news in here.

    Long may it continue for you.
  • Fake_Blood 28 Nov 2018 09:49:31 9,576 posts
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    Sorry for your loss magicpanda, I hope there were some good moments in that last year and a half too.
  • rice_sandwich 14 Jan 2019 14:37:33 5,580 posts
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    My mother in law has cancer and it is highly likely that she will die within the next few months. Given her age and health, surgery has been ruled out. I'm concerned about how I can support my wife in the run up to this and afterwards. I don't know if I should try to discuss it openly or wait for her to say something first and just listen.

    There a few complicating factors as my wife has had her own (moderate) health problems over the past few years and she's the sort that overthinks and is prone to anxiety/thinking the worst.

    On the other hand I'm quite stoic as I have had not insignificant health issues from birth and have had to struggle just to survive at times, mostly when I was younger. I think it has hardened me, but perhaps not in a good way, and I can probably accept death more than the average person. It doesn't scare me like it scares my wife.

    Her mother lives abroad and so my wife will likely have to stay with her for a while before the end. Not that it's important in the end but it'll cost a lot travelling etc. and we might get in over our heads financially, at least in the short term. My wife already feels guilty over money as she's struggled to get a proper job over the past couple of years.

    Anyway, I suppose that's it. I think it's going to be a hard year.
  • Jono62 14 Jan 2019 14:49:51 22,577 posts
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    @rice_sandwich Sorry to hear the news RS. The best thing imo is to say you are there for her whenever she feels like talking.
  • alt-cmd-esc 14 Jan 2019 15:04:27 316 posts
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    @rice_sandwich sorry to hear your news :( my mother-in-law passed away just before Xmas, about 18 months after her initial diagnosis (pancreatic cancer). I felt like I did very little, and wished that I could have waved a wand and made everything better, but my wife says that me just being there and listening was what she needed most. The situation sucks, but keep giving each other lots of hugs, and make sure you get time to laugh when you can, as weird as that might sound.
  • Nexus_6 14 Jan 2019 15:05:00 4,281 posts
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    Ooof bad news Rice. My condolences.
    I was in a similar position last year - my partners mum was diagnosed with cancer in the spring, inoperable but chemo to extend life. Was then hit with a stroke that partially paralysed her and stopped her talking and meant the chemo was too dangerous to continue.
    Cancer spread and she died in November. In the interim we had such joyous times as her refusing to see her grandchildren for fear of upsetting them with her appearance and lack of speech. One of ours was only just over serious health issues and getting to know her gran. That moment when you know that she knows she's seen the children for the last time ever.

    In the end, its a big shit sandwich and you're all going to have to take a bite. I'm sorry I don't have better advice from my experience. One thing though and I was thinking about this just today, my partner, I thought for a good while, was not a coper but turns out she was someone who just bent with the pressure - better than being rigid and snapping. So maybe do prompt her and talk about it even if she isn't making the move to.
  • Frogofdoom 14 Jan 2019 15:12:56 13,655 posts
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    Sorry to hear that mate. I echo what Jono said and just offer to be there when she is ready to talk. Don't push it, just let her know that when she wants to there is all the support she needs.
  • freddymercurystwin 14 Jan 2019 15:17:37 1,694 posts
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    @rice_sandwich I donít think Iíve ever contributed to this thread but I always open it with trepidation, when it appears at the top of the page, thatís awful news.
    I lost my mum last year, she went into hospital in November 2017 as was having problems eating/drinking and ended up having a massive lifesaving op only to reveal cancer of the bowel that had spread to the liver and she passed away in the following February, as has already been mentioned try and have as many positive moments as possible, they will be some of memories that you (or your wife) will cherish. Also, this may sound like a strange one but try to get some video or recordings of conversation. It never occurred to me before and I regret it now. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/5Y3ZgLZbL9MWvRnLHzkHDyK/guy-garvey-wants-you-to-record-interviews-with-your-relatives
  • GuybrushFreepwood 14 Jan 2019 15:32:07 1,191 posts
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    Co-incidentally enough, I've just heard my mother in law has cancer (skin) on her arm and face that they want to remove. Sounds like they wanted to remove both today but sounds like she panicked a bit and has said she wasn't able to stay for the procedures. I don't know more than that at the moment as I've just had a bunch of text messages from my wife.

    MIL also has a bone disorder which is causing bone growth in areas of her body (including skull (she's had mood swings already) and spine (she's finding movement increasingly painful)) and is affecting her red blood count.

    She's not had anyone give her any timescales around things that I'm aware of, so hopefully its not massively serious.

    @Rice, sounds tough for you both. I would try and do what you're doing, be the supportive one like the others have said.
  • rice_sandwich 14 Jan 2019 16:42:00 5,580 posts
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    Thanks guys. I suppose things are what they are and there's no point denying otherwise. I will try to sound out her general feelings tonight and see how it goes.
  • drhcnip 14 Jan 2019 17:25:27 6,334 posts
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    shit, squire, sorry to hear all that...which hospital/centre is she under, if it's not prying? just wondering what support services are available in terms of supporting relatives or giving that sort of advice...i know maggies at clatterbridge have been a rock to us at times, just for a cup of coffee, cake and a chat about things like that, especially in the early days...failing that, an email to macmillan or the family forums on there are good at relating experiences in your sort of situation or similar...

    unfortunately, as you say - and as harsh as it sounds, things are what they are and there's no point denying otherwise...i's cliched, but it's the 'new normal' is how we get through sometimes...

    thinking of you & yours - this thread is always a good place to ramble on and find a listening ear or two...
  • THFourteen 21 Jun 2019 05:49:13 52,549 posts
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    Morning folks,

    A few of us on the swapsies discord thought it might be a nice thing to send @drhcnipís daughter a Lego model. The family has been through a lot recently and through the ringer as you can see from his posts above. Poor kid is having to cope with all of this and more, and itís affecting her mental health too. It seems building LEGO helps her therapeutically.

    Anyway hereís the link if anyone would like to drop a few quid in https://paypal.me/pools/c/8fMYd7TiNj

    Dunno why but I have a soft spot for dads and their kids. Was running through cvs yesterday for a job we are hiring for and the guy had a line on his cv that said ď2017-2018 : Full time dadĒ brought a tear to my eye :-)

    Edited by THFourteen at 05:49:27 21-06-2019
  • drhcnip 21 Jun 2019 07:38:01 6,334 posts
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    Cheers, pal - still coming to terms with your generosity and care - I only turned up asking if anyone was selling Lego...:eek:

    Anyway, thought it only fair to update on how things are - can't believe Jan was the last time, but then I've not been particularly prolific on here since the loss of the pms.

    Wife is still on the 'overdose' of the TKI drug which is currently holding the metastatic liver tumours at bay. The price she's paying is a constant physical battering from the side effects and it's also sent her thyroid and bp loopy so it's a daily struggle against it. Home life is pretty much a full-time carer role these days; she manages to work a few days but that wipes her out for the rest of the week.

    Daughter had to leave fulltime ed in December as she was heading for another breakdown and probably hospitalisation. She first attempted suicide about 12 mths ago and has been really struggling since, including a few more 'mild' attempts. She's on meds, been through counselling and also tried horse therapy as she loves animals, but the social anxiety aspect of that brought it to an end.

    She's had a few more plummets this year. At the moment, we're on a little upward trend - she's improving in confidence and resilience socially having been out a couple of times with old friends from 6th form and finding her creative edge again...a bit of painting, playing the piano...and, for the first time in her life, Lego...

    Hasn't been helped by it seeming that everyone around her falling ill and becoming terminally or chronically ill. In the past month or so, a very close neighbour passed away from exactly the disease her mum has got, only 12 mths ahead of her in terms of diagnosis; her grandad has been diagnosed with bowel cancer (if not more - final appt today); her uncle has heart disease; a beloved great-aunt is in palliative care; and I'm at the docs on Monday over a few things. She's had a harsh lesson in the reality of life recently and hopefully will be all the stronger for it in the future but that's outside her safe zone at the moment....

    So, to bring things up to date, I went hunting online to see if anyone had kits for sale, particularly the 'creator' line but anything that was going to give her something to get her teeth into as she loves following the instructions, not having the confidence to be openly creative with it yet...

    Hence the chaps on discord and their incredible kindness and generosity - I have no expectations, I just know an 18 year old who's been unfairly battered by life more than necessary over the past few years who will be overwhelmed and delighted with whatever the outcome of this is...

    It's probably best if i keep my distance now as i have the propensity to get emotional myself with it all (unsurprisngly, I suppose) and that's when my cheesy posts start - please just let me know once she needs to choose a kit or if any questions - I'll try and keep you updated, it's only fair...

    Thanks again to those who have started this off - I was losing my presence in this place in the last few months after the trade 'frauds' and the lack of PMs...this has just restored my faith in it all again. This thread, and a few others, have been sanctuaries for me in the last two years and I can only thank everyone who's been there in any way.

    Anyway, tl;dr - thanks!

    Tony
  • Addy__ 21 Jun 2019 07:55:06 1,092 posts
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    @drhcnip

    Much love from the Addy household Tony. It's heartbreaking to hear of what she, well all of you have been through.
  • Frogofdoom 21 Jun 2019 07:56:52 13,655 posts
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    As Addy says, heartbreaking stuff.

    Much love to you all.
  • wuntyphyve 21 Jun 2019 08:21:27 12,414 posts
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    @drhcnip sending my best wishes too. I canít even imagine what all this must be like for you all. Happy to contribute, even though itís not as much as Iíd like to.
  • JamboWayOh 21 Jun 2019 08:29:26 14,150 posts
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    This thread really does remind me that there's actually a human being behind that username. Keep strong mate.
  • dominalien 21 Jun 2019 08:30:22 9,196 posts
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    I'm so bad at saying anything meaningful in these kinds of situations. Get her some awesome lego drhcnip.
  • TechnoHippy 21 Jun 2019 08:39:54 15,275 posts
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    Happy to contribute to someone enjoying lego, especially in such trying circumstances. My best wishes to your family.
  • Frogofdoom 21 Jun 2019 09:05:52 13,655 posts
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    Th14 I need you to mail me

    You can guess the missing symbol.

    Edited by Frogofdoom at 09:08:42 21-06-2019
  • THFourteen 21 Jun 2019 09:06:16 52,549 posts
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    * right?
  • Frogofdoom 21 Jun 2019 09:08:15 13,655 posts
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    @you muppet :D
  • dominalien 21 Jun 2019 09:09:20 9,196 posts
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    Still, I'd remove it once th14 has seen it.
  • souvlaki 21 Jun 2019 09:19:16 921 posts
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    I hate this thread.

    The things people go through :-(
  • drhcnip 21 Jun 2019 09:35:59 6,334 posts
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    indeed...i'm an old fart who can (just about) deal with it all...

    she's done nothing to deserve all this around her, bless her...just like the girl at my school died at christmas after years of treatment for one of the rare blood cancers, the 6 year old niece of the lady i mentioned above who died has one of the rarest forms in the world...it's a fucking awful thing, but particularly when it affects the younger ones...news like this morning's about the new cure gives me hope they'll find one for her mum's...

    but shit, you guys, i don't know what to say...thanks to each and every one of you

    as jambo said above, things like this show the human behind the name - goes for me and you lot as well...

    this will be paid forward in time, rest assured...
  • Armoured_Bear 21 Jun 2019 10:09:41 27,176 posts
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    THFourteen wrote:
    Morning folks,

    A few of us on the swapsies discord thought it might be a nice thing to send @drhcnipís daughter a Lego model. The family has been through a lot recently and through the ringer as you can see from his posts above. Poor kid is having to cope with all of this and more, and itís affecting her mental health too. It seems building LEGO helps her therapeutically.

    Anyway hereís the link if anyone would like to drop a few quid in https://paypal.me/pools/c/8fMYd7TiNj

    Dunno why but I have a soft spot for dads and their kids. Was running through cvs yesterday for a job we are hiring for and the guy had a line on his cv that said ď2017-2018 : Full time dadĒ brought a tear to my eye :-)
    WTF is Paypal charging a fee of 14% for this?
  • THFourteen 21 Jun 2019 10:11:17 52,549 posts
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    @Armoured_Bear

    Is it????

    https://www.paypal.com/uk/webapps/mpp/money-pools?gclsrc=aw.ds&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5fvBrZ364gIV14bVCh1P-wkwEAAYASAAEgIOZ_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

    Says its free here if you are UK based : *Free when sending money to a UK account from a UK account in £GBP. Fees apply when converting currency and when sending money to an account in another country. See fees.
  • Armoured_Bear 21 Jun 2019 10:12:39 27,176 posts
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    THFourteen wrote:
    @Armoured_Bear

    Is it????

    https://www.paypal.com/uk/webapps/mpp/money-pools?gclsrc=aw.ds&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5fvBrZ364gIV14bVCh1P-wkwEAAYASAAEgIOZ_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

    Says its free here if you are UK based : *Free when sending money to a UK account from a UK account in £GBP. Fees apply when converting currency and when sending money to an account in another country. See fees.
    Ah, it's just me because I'm abroad. wankers.
  • Fake_Blood 21 Jun 2019 14:49:46 9,576 posts
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    Hang in there drhcnip.
  • Chug666 21 Jun 2019 15:09:26 588 posts
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    Nice idea, really hope it helps.
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