Following At what point are you an alcoholic? Page 51

  • Rum_Monkey 7 Apr 2021 14:20:01 2,512 posts
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    Vomit is boring, we need more drunken poo stories!
  • challenge_hanukkah 7 Apr 2021 14:21:12 14,085 posts
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    I remember being sat next to one of my first girlfriends outside a pub waiting for a club to open back in the mid 90s. All was going well and I'd turned to talk to mate only to look back and see she'd fallen off her chair and my leg was covered in barf.

    She managed to do this in complete silence. It was really quite impressive.
  • challenge_hanukkah 7 Apr 2021 14:21:55 14,085 posts
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    Rum_Monkey wrote:
    Vomit is boring, we need more drunken poo stories!
    I'm a bit hungover and I've done about 5 shits today. My arse is sore and bleeding.

    Any good to you?
  • Rum_Monkey 7 Apr 2021 14:23:27 2,512 posts
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    Did any of those shits occur where they shouldn't have?
  • challenge_hanukkah 7 Apr 2021 14:24:39 14,085 posts
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    Nah. All were bog bound.
  • Nexus_6 7 Apr 2021 14:25:30 5,936 posts
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    Drinking 'til your arse bleeds - that's hardcore man.
  • JYM60 7 Apr 2021 14:26:39 18,846 posts
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    I've heard that the sorest shit is if you've had 10 pints of Guinness. Like shitting glass I've heard. Any truth to this? Could manage about 1 pint of the stuff.
  • challenge_hanukkah 7 Apr 2021 14:27:36 14,085 posts
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    Not my story, but a mate of my ex had a party where a lot of ketamine and ecstasy was consumed. When they're were coming down they went to get a takeaway menu from a dresser drawer and apparently found a turd just laying there.

    This person had form for bullshitting and there was no photographic evidence, but a couple of people said it was in fact true. I'm dubious though.
  • nickthegun 7 Apr 2021 14:27:47 86,026 posts
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    Rum_Monkey wrote:
    Vomit is boring, we need more drunken poo stories!
    I was having lunch with a guy at work when his phone rang. The guy on the other end of the phone was going mental. After he hung up, the guy told me it was a waterways rental firm telling him that he was banned for life.

    Turns out that weekend, he had had hired a barge for him and a load of his mates for his best mates stag do. They got pissed, acted like pirates, had mid-tier level capers and handed the keys back.

    But, as the owner of the Barge discovered when he was cleaning it, somebody in the party had taken a shit on the engine.
  • Rum_Monkey 7 Apr 2021 14:29:19 2,512 posts
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    JYM60 wrote:
    I've heard that the sorest shit is if you've had 10 pints of Guinness. Like shitting glass I've heard. Any truth to this? Could manage about 1 pint of the stuff.
    Comes out like tar, and smells like a shitty petrol demon.
  • challenge_hanukkah 7 Apr 2021 14:29:36 14,085 posts
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    Sounds hot.

    And smelly.
  • nickthegun 7 Apr 2021 14:34:53 86,026 posts
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    I was couldnt stop laughing when he told me. Bare faced, imaginative stupidity really tickles me.
  • Rum_Monkey 7 Apr 2021 14:35:20 2,512 posts
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    @nickthegun the engine is a great place to have a shit if you have to be a phantom shitter.
  • challenge_hanukkah 7 Apr 2021 14:38:01 14,085 posts
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    I remember someone shitting on the floor next to the bog in primary school and we had an assembly where we weren't allowed to leave until someone fessed up to it.

    No one ever did and we were there for fucking hours.
  • Vortex808 7 Apr 2021 14:40:29 15,017 posts
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    @nickthegun

    Drowning in the canals in brum would not be the best way to go.

    We did a barge trip strom stratford round to brum years ago. I swear some of the 'fish' we saw round brum were almost like the three-eyed ine from the Simpson's.

    😃

    This was a good 20+ years ago, so maybe it's all cleaned up and lovely now.
  • JYM60 7 Apr 2021 14:42:13 18,846 posts
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    Only shitty story I can remember is one time on a night out with some work mates we went back to the house of one mate who is a bit crazy and has learning difficulties or something. He had met a similarly interesting female during the night.

    When we got to his house his living room floor was absolutely covered with dog shit and piss. The girl he had brought back who was wearing a skimpy white dress was lying on the floor in all the shit, and rolling about in it. We pretty much all got out of there soon after.
  • challenge_hanukkah 7 Apr 2021 14:42:46 14,085 posts
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    challenge_hanukkah wrote:
    I remember someone shitting on the floor next to the bog in primary school and we had an assembly where we weren't allowed to leave until someone fessed up to it.

    No one ever did and we were there for fucking hours.
    We all knew it was Steven Lund, but the little fucker wouldn't admit it.

    Edited by challenge_hanukkah at 14:43:04 07-04-2021
  • Dougs 7 Apr 2021 14:42:50 98,694 posts
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    I've beeb witness to the odd dirty protest in the past, very funny indeed.
  • challenge_hanukkah 7 Apr 2021 14:44:20 14,085 posts
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    Dougs wrote:
    I've beeb witness to the odd dirty protest in the past, very funny indeed.
    You've been in prison? Cool.
  • Load_2.0 7 Apr 2021 14:45:52 32,920 posts
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    Fucking image hosting sites.

    https://imgshare.io/image/p725t9

    Edited by Load_2.0 at 14:51:54 07-04-2021
  • Trafford 7 Apr 2021 17:43:36 9,167 posts
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    On the subject of finding somewhere inappropriate to piss while drunken sleep walking.
    A guy I knew watered the Christmas tree and all the presents wrapped up under it late one xmas Eve.

    My own personal low/if only point was( very nearly) over my future mother in law as she slept on a sofa bed in our lounge.
    Got woken up, cock in hand, by her husband shouting my name loudly.
  • BreadBinLidHero 7 Apr 2021 21:40:46 10,529 posts
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    Never shit myself when drunk, although sharted a few times when hungover, normally when some spicy food was involved. And I can count the times I've vomited from booze on the fingers of one hand. Wet the bed twice, both times sleeping nude which I never do, it's like my body goes 'no boxers, pissing is okay'. Also pissed on my parents stool and the carpet doing the drunken sleepwalk to the toilet.
  • CowsMakeNoise 7 Apr 2021 21:41:56 158 posts
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    @Trafford the old sleepwalking piss excuse eh?
  • RawShark 8 Apr 2021 00:47:08 1,686 posts
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    One more for the piss pile. Although not exactly while drunk.

    I went to a gig with a friend and got invited to a bar far from home by some friendly folk wed met. We got there to find it was a Brazillian cocktail bar so it would have been rude not to get on the caipirinhas. Met a girl, copped off with her, she invited me back and I thought Id done well.

    In fact, she invited me back because she knew last tube had gone and she knew Id never make it home without serious expense. Shes a saint. I was on the sofa of her shared digs, though. I woke in the morning at about 7am in hangover hell and absolutely desperate for a piss, but had no idea where the toilet was. All I could find were closed doors, and not wanting to burst in on some stranger while they were sleeping, I found the kitchen sink.

    There was washing up that needed doing in there but at this point it was either piss in the sink or piss myself. So the sink it was. And a flat mate walked in on me mid-piss. Of course he did. He just muttered his disgust and went back to bed.

    I cleaned the sink and thoroughly washed everything in it. Then I left and saw a bus outside, and got on not caring where it went.

    I got hone some four hours later and endured the worst hangover of my life for the next three days. At least I didnt piss in their fish tank.
  • puddleduck 8 Apr 2021 02:08:54 1,982 posts
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    @RawShark

    I wonder if they rewashed everything anyway. Or if they just decided that was a good time to get new plates.
  • Vortex808 8 Apr 2021 09:29:25 15,017 posts
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    RawShark wrote:
    and not wanting to burst in on some stranger while they were sleeping, I found the kitchen sink.

    There was washing up that needed doing in there but at this point it was either piss in the sink or piss myself. So the sink it was. And a flat mate walked in on me mid-piss. Of course he did. He just muttered his disgust and went back to bed.

    I cleaned the sink and thoroughly washed everything in it.
    I think that's known as 'the full razz', or possibly going by his story of being forced to clean it, he doesn't do the cleaning up bit afterwards.

    Dirty boy.
  • RawShark 8 Apr 2021 09:51:30 1,686 posts
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    No I cleaned up. I was a state but I knew what I was doing was disgusting. It was just marginally less awful than navigating my way home with soiled jeans.

    Hindsight is 20/20 of course. If I were in that situation again Id have ran out to the street and pissed behind a car or something. (Even then the road was in some well off north London area that lacked handy alleys and driveways).

    So yeah, not my finest hour. Havent gotten myself in such a horrific situation since though, thank God.
  • Vortex808 8 Apr 2021 10:15:42 15,017 posts
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    Razz got asked to clean up their sink because it smelt.

    At least you were in dire need and cleaner, rather than not being arsed going to the bog like him (in his OWN house!).

    Edited by Vortex808 at 10:15:59 08-04-2021
  • smoothpete 8 Apr 2021 10:29:26 37,582 posts
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    I saw a guy posting on reddit earlier saying his (now dead) girlfriend drank between half and a full gallon of bourbon a day. A fucking GALLON. 180 units of alcohol.
  • nickthegun 8 Apr 2021 10:34:15 86,026 posts
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    You would like to think being someones girlfriend and drinking a gallon of hard liquor a day is completely incompatible.
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