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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. |
Does anyone know any really GOOD jokes? • Page 61
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robthehermit 8,315 posts
Seen 5 hours ago
Registered 17 years ago -
fontgeeksogood 12,913 posts
Seen 2 hours ago
Registered 3 years agocrashVoodoo wrote:
What do you call a man without a spade on his head?
X201 wrote:
Aye, that is some old shit.
rare_uk wrote:
God, they were doing the rounds when I was at school
What do you call a woman who burns all her bills?
Bernadette
What do you call a man with 50 rabbits up his bum?
Warren
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff
What do you call a man with a car on his head ?
Jack
What do you call a man with a spade on his head ?
Doug
Douglas -
lordofthedunce 727 posts
Seen 4 hours ago
Registered 12 years agoWhat do you call Michael Barrymore after a house party? -
I doubt the wait will be worth it -
lordofthedunce 727 posts
Seen 4 hours ago
Registered 12 years agoA lawyer*
*not worth the wait -
RawShark 1,640 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 9 years agoI used spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone. -
fontgeeksogood 12,913 posts
Seen 2 hours ago
Registered 3 years agoI went to the doctor the other day, I said "Doctor! My feet smell and my nose runs!"
He said, these two conditions clearly aren't related. I'll prescribe you some fungal foot powder and your nose will likely clear up by itself within the week -
TechnoHippy 18,894 posts
Seen 5 hours ago
Registered 18 years agoSomething you don't know about me - I'm an authority on wasp sounds. Anyway I was out for the day and it started to rain. So I wandered into a junk shop, I was looking through the records, the LPs were of no interest so I looked in the singles. Johnny Mathis, Val Doonican, Wasp sounds fro...wait! What's this? "Wasp Sounds From Around The World!" I want this! It's only 50p! So asked the guy in the shop to play it, just so I know it's OK. "Yes, of course!". Then it started to play...Bzzzz...Bzzwzzz...Wzzzzz..." etc. Anyway it finished. I said to the guy "I'm a world authority on wasp sounds but there's not a single wasp on there. "Oh! That's odd!" he said. Then "Aha! I know why! I played the bee side!"
Edited by TechnoHippy at 12:45:54 04-11-2019 -
Decks 29,367 posts
Seen 5 hours ago
Registered 6 years agoI'm quite annoyed that I read all of that. -
TechnoHippy 18,894 posts
Seen 5 hours ago
Registered 18 years agoMy work here is complete .gif)
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Is it like a commentary on how annoying and pointless wasps are? -
RawShark 1,640 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 9 years agoraymondcroce94 wrote:
Booooooooo.
A guy was in a bar drinking beer. He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife, order another beer take out his wallet and looks at a picture of his wife. He did this several times, finally, the bartender asks, why after you finish a beer you take out your wallet and look at a picture of your wife. The guy says as soon as she starts looking better to me, I go home. -
neilka 23,879 posts
Seen 7 minutes ago
Registered 16 years agoEverybody's Indifferent About Raymond -
RawShark 1,640 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 9 years agoI think out of everyone who knew Keith Harris, Orville misses him the most.
Since he died he’s just been sitting in his room, staring into space. I don’t even think he’s moved. -
MysteryLamb 610 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 11 years ago -
Decks 29,367 posts
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Registered 6 years agoWhat was Whitney Houston's favourite kind of coordination? -
Decks 29,367 posts
Seen 5 hours ago
Registered 6 years agoHANNNNND EYYEEEEEE
My apologies -
@Decks Please leave.
Now. -
freddymercurystwin 2,541 posts
Seen 3 hours ago
Registered 17 years agoThe companies who make sanitising gel must be rubbing their hands together. -
KRadiation 1,700 posts
Seen 9 hours ago
Registered 13 years agooh no not a coronavirus joke.
I made a Coronavirus joke a couple of weeks ago.
Nobody laughed at the time, but now everybody's got it. -
Mola_Ram 25,594 posts
Seen 3 hours ago
Registered 9 years agoI have loads of jokes about unemployment, but none of them work. -
freddymercurystwin 2,541 posts
Seen 3 hours ago
Registered 17 years agoKRadiation wrote:
That could go viral.
oh no not a coronavirus joke.
I made a Coronavirus joke a couple of weeks ago.
Nobody laughed at the time, but now everybody's got it. -
TechnoHippy 18,894 posts
Seen 5 hours ago
Registered 18 years agoI told my teacher about the car that hit my dog in the ass.
She told me, "No, it's rectum."
I said "Wrecked him, it bloody killed him." -
freddymercurystwin 2,541 posts
Seen 3 hours ago
Registered 17 years agoAll I had for dinner last night was bread. It was my whole meal. -
grey_matters 5,434 posts
Seen 2 hours ago
Registered 15 years agofreddymercurystwin wrote:
Did it make your day?
All I had for dinner last night was bread. It was my whole meal. -
challenge_hanukkah 14,063 posts
Seen 3 hours ago
Registered 8 years agoI often have bread sandwiches. -
Save yourself some money on an expensive pair of binoculars
By simply moving closer to the object your trying to look at -
northernlights wrote:
Was that a Viz top tip?
Save yourself some money on an expensive pair of binoculars
By simply moving closer to the object your trying to look at
.gif)
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