Does anyone know any really GOOD jokes? Page 62

  • freddymercurystwin 24 May 2020 16:06:47 2,541 posts
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    grey_matters wrote:
    freddymercurystwin wrote:
    All I had for dinner last night was bread. It was my whole meal.
    Did it make your day?
    I don't get it?
  • Deleted user 24 May 2020 17:15:35
    TechnoHippy wrote:
    northernlights wrote:
    Save yourself some money on an expensive pair of binoculars

    By simply moving closer to the object your trying to look at
    Was that a Viz top tip? :-)
    Yeah 😀 one that always stuck in my head
  • grey_matters 25 May 2020 06:50:53 5,434 posts
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    freddymercurystwin wrote:
    grey_matters wrote:
    freddymercurystwin wrote:
    All I had for dinner last night was bread. It was my whole meal.
    Did it make your day?
    I don't get it?
    Just a lame set up to an old joke. Eating that much bread might make your hole weak.
  • freddymercurystwin 25 May 2020 10:01:29 2,541 posts
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    grey_matters wrote:
    freddymercurystwin wrote:
    grey_matters wrote:
    freddymercurystwin wrote:
    All I had for dinner last night was bread. It was my whole meal.
    Did it make your day?
    I don't get it?
    Just a lame set up to an old joke. Eating that much bread might make your hole weak.
    I don't think you got it.
  • wobbly_Bob 25 May 2020 13:11:51 5,162 posts
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    The government's response to the coronavirus pandemic and not firing cummings.

    It is a joke but not particularly funny...
  • grey_matters 25 May 2020 13:28:21 5,434 posts
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    freddymercurystwin wrote:
    grey_matters wrote:
    freddymercurystwin wrote:
    grey_matters wrote:
    freddymercurystwin wrote:
    All I had for dinner last night was bread. It was my whole meal.
    Did it make your day?
    I don't get it?
    Just a lame set up to an old joke. Eating that much bread might make your hole weak.
    I don't think you got it.
    Possibly.

    As an explanation (because that always helps a joke find its true level), "hole weak" is a play on "whole week" which is itself an extension of your "whole meal".

    "Made my day?! It made my whole week!" being an over-used scatalogical punchline to many jokes diwn the years each with different beginnings.

    Which is the bit that did I not get?

    Although looking at the thread title, maybe we should both hang our heads in shame?
  • JoeBlade 25 May 2020 13:34:23 5,998 posts
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    I was about to say...
  • freddymercurystwin 25 May 2020 15:39:23 2,541 posts
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    @grey_matters
    Whole meal
    Wholemeal bread

    What's not to get?
  • Jono62 26 May 2020 07:26:08 26,741 posts
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    I used to enjoy watching Michael J Fox films, but recently his performances have been shaky.
  • Mola_Ram 26 May 2020 07:35:28 25,594 posts
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    Jono62 wrote:
    I used to enjoy watching Michael J Fox films, but recently his performances have been shaky.
    ...

    Wow.
  • robthehermit 3 Jul 2020 10:42:20 8,315 posts
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    I was walking through my local city centre one winter evening and saw a woman pop her head out from underneath a cardboard box in a derelict shop's doorway. I thought it's a bit cheeky of me but I asked her if I could take her home. She replied "yes, you can" but she wasn't too happy when I walked away with her cardboard box.
  • azurelas_2 5 Mar 2021 01:35:43 2,091 posts
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    What's the difference between a stunt convention and a porn convention?




    - One's full of cunning stunts while the other's full of....
  • Mola_Ram 5 Mar 2021 03:12:13 25,594 posts
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    Did you hear? The head of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister of Sweden!

    He'll have his cabinet assembled by tomorrow
  • Nanocrystal 5 Mar 2021 06:59:21 2,377 posts
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    Mola_Ram wrote:
    Did you hear? The head of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister of Sweden!

    He'll have his cabinet assembled by tomorrow
    That joke fell flat - pack it in.
  • ZuluHero 5 Mar 2021 09:28:20 10,082 posts
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    I think you guys are missing a few screws, so i'm going to bolt.
  • Trafford 5 Mar 2021 13:41:57 9,160 posts
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    John Cooper Clarke telling a classic on Australian TV with New Order warming up in the background.

    https://youtu.be/KZpa-tY8hzI
  • souvlaki 5 Mar 2021 16:28:56 1,149 posts
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    Trafford wrote:
    John Cooper Clarke telling a classic on Australian TV with New Order warming up in the background.

    https://youtu.be/KZpa-tY8hzI
    That's great. I need to get his autobiography - it sounds like a crackin read.
  • smoothpete 12 Mar 2021 11:11:29 37,566 posts
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    shamelessly stolen:

    ---

    I took this Liverpool girl out to a vegetarian restaurant

    I said, “Do you like avocado?”

    She said, “No, I aven’t even passed me driving test yet”
  • beastmaster 12 Mar 2021 11:50:41 22,046 posts
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    Dad joke which made me laugh.

    What do you call it when Batman skips church?
    Christian Bale
  • stephenb 13 Mar 2021 19:46:01 3,543 posts
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    What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with a boob job?

    One's a crusty bus station the others a busty crustacean.
  • Trafford 13 Mar 2021 19:53:06 9,160 posts
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    My Thai wife says a small penis doesn't matter.
    That maybe so, but I wish she didn't have one.
  • Vortex808 13 Mar 2021 21:16:26 14,998 posts
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    souvlaki wrote:
    Trafford wrote:
    John Cooper Clarke telling a classic on Australian TV with New Order warming up in the background.

    https://youtu.be/KZpa-tY8hzI
    That's great. I need to get his autobiography - it sounds like a crackin read.
    I picked it up a while ago, looking forward to reading it. Just need to finish the second stephen morris book.

    Trafford's link bizarrely covers my reading plans for the next while with the guests in that show! 😃
  • Deleted user 13 March 2021 22:32:46
    Trafford wrote:
    My Thai wife says a small penis doesn't matter.
    That maybe so, but I wish she didn't have one.
    ...
  • PazJohnMitch 14 Mar 2021 14:01:14 16,855 posts
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    DrStrangelove wrote:
    Trafford wrote:
    My Thai wife says a small penis doesn't matter.
    That maybe so, but I wish she didn't have one.
    ...
    Pretty certain that joke is older than his wife.
  • JoeBlade 14 Mar 2021 17:40:10 5,998 posts
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    I'm still uncertain about the punch line on that one. Does it mean he wishes she had a huge cock instead or... ?
  • fontgeeksogood 14 Mar 2021 17:43:46 12,913 posts
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    Doesn't everyone
  • TechnoHippy 14 Mar 2021 18:16:35 18,894 posts
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    Surely he must have been aware of the cock, small or otherwise before the wedding?
  • Frogofdoom 14 Mar 2021 18:31:20 17,417 posts
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    Maybe he is very religious, don't be so judgemental hippy.
  • Trafford 14 Mar 2021 18:45:05 9,160 posts
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    I'm sorry, the joke is on me.
    A mail order hermaphrodite is just completely out of my budget for my autumn years of love and fucking.
    Maybe a chicken, if I could get it to cross the road.
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