Does anyone know any really GOOD jokes? Page 4

  • TechnoHippy 10 Jul 2008 17:14:50 18,993 posts
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    captaineurogamer wrote:
    Techno Hippy wrote:
    captaineurogamer wrote:
    When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.

    The Russians used a pencil.


    Isn't that an urban myth?

    I dont fucking know

    Well you do now, it is :-)
  • captaineurogamer 10 Jul 2008 17:16:44 4,309 posts
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    And finally Bangladesh best joke Here it again

    When James Bond came to Bangladesh
    James Bond is a stylish hero you know. Whenever people ask him of his name, he answers in his own branded style - "Bond, James Bond". Last year Bond came to Bangladesh for a quick visit. In Noakhali Swimming Complex, he met Pasha.
    Pasha asked:
    Hey, what's you name?
    James Bond replied:
    Bond
    James Bond.
    Then Bond asked Pasha the same: And what's yours?
    Pasha replied:
    Pasha
    Choudhury Pasha
    Rahman Choudhury Pasha
    Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha
    Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha
    Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha
    Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha
    Fazlur Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha
    Mohammad Fazlur Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha
    Kalam Mohammad Fazlur Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha
    Abul Kalam Mohammad Fazlur Rahman Khan Ibne Saidur Rahman Choudhury Pasha.
    From that day on, whenever people ask Bond of his name, he simply replies James Bond.
  • smoothpete 10 Jul 2008 17:18:59 37,616 posts
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    Techno Hippy wrote:
    captaineurogamer wrote:
    Techno Hippy wrote:
    captaineurogamer wrote:
    When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.

    The Russians used a pencil.


    Isn't that an urban myth?

    I dont fucking know

    Well you do now, it is :-)
    The reason NASA didn't use pencils is because the tip might break and it's generally seen as a bad idea if you have a piece of conductive material floating about near electrical equipment when you're orbiting a planet in a tin can
  • Deleted user 10 July 2008 17:20:14
    smoothpete wrote:
    Techno Hippy wrote:
    captaineurogamer wrote:
    Techno Hippy wrote:
    captaineurogamer wrote:
    When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.

    The Russians used a pencil.


    Isn't that an urban myth?

    I dont fucking know

    Well you do now, it is :-)
    The reason NASA didn't use pencils is because the tip might break and it's generally seen as a bad idea if you have a piece of conductive material floating about near electrical equipment when you're orbiting a planet in a tin can

    Not to mention if you sharpen it too much it could float off and take someones eye out.
  • pjmaybe 10 Jul 2008 17:20:49 70,666 posts
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    Yes but my fisher space pen had a metal casing so...er...

    QUE?
  • ballz 10 Jul 2008 17:21:47 497 posts
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    espibara wrote:
    smoothpete wrote:
    Techno Hippy wrote:
    captaineurogamer wrote:
    Techno Hippy wrote:
    captaineurogamer wrote:
    When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.

    The Russians used a pencil.


    Isn't that an urban myth?

    I dont fucking know

    Well you do now, it is :-)
    The reason NASA didn't use pencils is because the tip might break and it's generally seen as a bad idea if you have a piece of conductive material floating about near electrical equipment when you're orbiting a planet in a tin can

    Not to mention if you sharpen it too much it could float off and take someones eye out.

    Made me laugh more than anything else in this thread :)
  • otto Moderator 10 Jul 2008 17:21:50 49,322 posts
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    I for one welcome our new graphite overlords
  • Deleted user 10 July 2008 17:23:29
    Zeus is flying through the air and sees a sexy maiden bathing in the sea.

    He flies down and gives here the most godly fucking ever.

    He dusts himself off and looks at the shocked woman on the floor and booms. IN 9 MONTHS TIME YOU WILL HAVE A BOY AND YOU WILL NAME HIM HERCULES.

    Zeus then flies off.

    The woman stumbles to her feet and shouts FUCK YOU! IN 3 DAYS YOU WILL HAVE A BAD RASH AND YOU WILL CALL IT HERPES.
  • Deleted user 10 July 2008 17:26:27
    This is the best joke ever.

    A patient walks into a doctors office.

    patient: hello doctor
    doctor: oh hello whats wrong with you
    patient: well i...
    doctor (interupting): ok bye
  • otto Moderator 10 Jul 2008 17:26:47 49,322 posts
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    Superman is flying through the air and sees a sexy maiden sunbathing naked on a roof.

    He flies down and gives her the most superhuman shagging ever.

    He dusts himself off and looks at the shocked woman on the roof and booms I BET THAT WAS A SUPERHUMAN SURPRISE FOR YOU

    NO YOU CUNT BUT IT WAS A FUCKING SURPRISE FOR ME shouts the Invisible Man


    I thank yew
  • otto Moderator 10 Jul 2008 17:30:23 49,322 posts
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    A family from Norfolk travel to the big city (Ipswich) to go to the hospital one day. The man and his son sit down in the waiting area while the wife goes to the loo. As they sit there, an old lady hobbles over to the lift, presses the button, waits, and gets in. Twenty seconds later a bell dings, the doors open, and a shapely young nymphette walks out.

    Father and son stare at the lift, jaws open. The father nudges his son.

    "Go get your mother."
  • smoothpete 10 Jul 2008 17:37:04 37,616 posts
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    I posted this in the bad jokes thread but I think its good so:


    What's brown and rhymes with snoop?





















    Dr Dre
  • matrim83 10 Jul 2008 17:50:22 5,713 posts
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    tincanrocket wrote:
    A woman goes to the gynecologist,and upon examination, the doctor says, "Why, it's immaculate in here! What do you do to keep yourself so hygenic?"

    The woman responds, "I have a woman in twice a week."

    That induced a giggle.
  • coastal 10 Jul 2008 18:04:00 5,432 posts
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    what do gay horses eat?


















    hey! [has to be said in a very camp voice]
  • Youthist 11 Jul 2008 03:32:07 14,507 posts
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    A man with a black eye boards a plan and notices the man next to him has a shiner too. The first man says, "how did u get that?"

    The second man says, "Instead of asking the big breasted girl at the ticket counter for 2 tickets to pittsburgh, I asked for 2 pickets to tittsburgh".

    First man says, "I got mine like that too! - I wanted to say to my wife "pour me a bowl of frosties please", but I accidentally said "You ruined my life you evil fat cunt" ".
  • Carrybagma 11 Jul 2008 03:41:02 3,904 posts
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    What's black and white, and red all over?

    A squashed nun.


    (You have to say that one, and know the listener has heard the other black/white/red joke.)
    (And it ain't funny anyway, but I didn't type this lot out just to delete it all again so fuckity fuck)
  • Deleted user 11 July 2008 05:19:51
    coastal wrote:
    what do gay horses eat?


















    hey! [has to be said in a very camp voice]
    Made me laugh, which is rare for a joke that really needs to be said out loud.
  • LaundroMat 11 Jul 2008 07:28:50 1,443 posts
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    Here goes my favourite (which makes nobody laugh really, but anyway):

    A hydrocephalic and a boy with a hare-lip enter a sauna. The boy with the hare-lip says: "Sjeesj, it'sj wjarm in hjere".

    Upon which the hydrocephalic starts to whistle.
  • L_Franko Moderator 11 Jul 2008 15:48:45 9,695 posts
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    Seven dwarfs are all in the bath feeling happy. Happy gets out and they all feel grumpy.
  • captaineurogamer 11 Jul 2008 15:49:37 4,309 posts
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    L_Franko wrote:
    Seven dwarfs are all in the bath feeling happy. Happy gets out and they all feel grumpy.


    I get it.
  • OutpostCommand 11 Jul 2008 17:27:23 366 posts
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    Two fish in a tank.
    One says...


    oh.
  • OllyJ 12 Jul 2008 08:26:36 4,864 posts
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    coastal wrote:
    what do gay horses eat?


















    hey! [has to be said in a very camp voice]

    LOL!

    Don't know why I said Hey! out loud, but it was funny.
  • Deleted user 12 July 2008 10:11:47
    Watche Family Guy the other night. Something about a suicide bomber getting to the gates of heaven, eager to meet the 77 virgins.....and they all turn out to be male Star Trek fans!

    /is crap attelling jokes
  • Agent_Llama 12 Jul 2008 12:27:58 3,691 posts
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    I had a wank over an ex the other night; I still have the keys and she's a heavy sleeper.
  • dufftownallan 12 Jul 2008 12:40:38 4,723 posts
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    otto wrote:
    I for one welcome our new graphite overlords
    excellent bit of kentage
    *salutes
  • coastal 12 Sep 2008 00:32:22 5,432 posts
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    Agent_Llama wrote:
    I had a wank over an ex the other night; I still have the keys and she's a heavy sleeper.

    always makes me laugh.

    from popbitch tonight,
    Old Jokes Home:
    A deaf old man goes for a checkup to the doctors
    with his wife.
    Doctor, slowly: "Mr Roberts, I need a urine sample,
    a faeces sample and a sperm sample please".
    "What did he say dear?" says old Mr Roberts.
    Mrs Roberts: "He says he needs your underpants".
  • Foregone-Reality 12 Sep 2008 03:02:54 2,216 posts
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    /comes back after watching 2 hours worth of Mock the Week.

    Pure quality. :D
  • mattigan 12 Sep 2008 07:41:15 1,428 posts
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    Have you heard the one about the gay cowboy...



























    He rode into town and shot up the Sheriff...
  • DFawkes 12 Sep 2008 09:14:32 32,752 posts
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    Hugh Hefner goes into a Doctor and explains his problem:

    "Doctor, I need some help. When I get up in the morning I make love to Ms January. Then I get up and have Breakfast, and after my usual pancakes I go out to the pool for a swim, then have sex with Ms February. After that I usually go back indoors and watch some TV, before having a threesome with Ms March & April (twins, I'll have you know).

    After that, it's usually almost time for Dinner, so I have a threecourse meal, each course accompanied by some intercourse with another playmate, Ms' May, June then July. After Dinner, I usually go for a jog out with Ms August, which alway ends up with some outdoor lovemaking. I get back from my run and make love to Ms September, followed by Ms October (those 2 aren't twins, but it's all very nice).

    Then it's time for Supper. I usually have a nice healthy salad with a light dressing, eaten off of Ms Octobers' toned belly. Then of course we have sex. Then it's off to bed. In bed, Ms November mount me and we make love, then she tucks me in. But usually I can't sleep, so go through to Ms Decembers room and have another lovemaking session. That usually does it, and I'm off to sleep"

    The Doctor looks puzzled. "So, whats the problem Mr Heffner?"

    "It hurts when I wank."

    I realise that's not an American word, but it's the best one.
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