Fret wanking

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  • FWB 29 Jul 2008 19:48:26 56,369 posts
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    Calvin's dad is currently playing in his band because he can't find any other musicians his own age who are good enough.

    Err... no, it's cos he can't find anyone who wants to play with a fret wanker. Can't be that hard to find a drummer and bassist who keeps time (jokes aside).

    Every fret wanker I've ever played with has been creatively bankrupt.
  • Deleted user 29 July 2008 19:51:05
    Okay.
  • M83J01P97 29 Jul 2008 19:53:58 7,607 posts
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    Ha, I knew someone who played guitar like that and constantly moaned that he couldn't fit into any of the bands he played with.

    I always wanted to say "Try playing the guitar like a normal guitarist and you might" but I wasn't out-going enough to back then :(
  • GuiltySpark 29 Jul 2008 19:54:25 6,788 posts
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    Very talented, I can't stand music like that though (I'm aware he's by himself and he has no choice etc etc)

    It's technically very impressive, but it just doesn't sound very good.
  • FWB 29 Jul 2008 19:54:56 56,369 posts
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    Yep, they're a pain in the ass to be around.
  • GuiltySpark 29 Jul 2008 19:57:47 6,788 posts
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    Is "fret wanker" your own little invention or is it a well known phrase in the 'bizz?
  • Psychotext 29 Jul 2008 19:58:09 70,031 posts
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    Practices for 6 hours a day.... practices what exactly?
  • M83J01P97 29 Jul 2008 20:00:02 7,607 posts
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    GuiltySpark wrote:
    Is "fret wanker" your own little invention or is it a well known phrase in the 'bizz?

    It's an established term, Phil Jupitus once did a 40 minute rant about why 'fret wanking' was one of the worst aspects of guitar music during a stand up show.
  • Restart 29 Jul 2008 22:18:00 5,060 posts
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    He'll be announced as Dragonforce's new guitarist next week.
  • mothercruncher 29 Jul 2008 22:48:05 19,212 posts
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    widdlywiddlywiddlywiddlywiddly weeeeeeeeeeeee!

    To each their own and all that, and the technical skill is impressive, but, fucking hell son- less is more!
  • BTBAM 30 Jul 2008 10:17:00 1,982 posts
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    FWB wrote:
    Link

    Calvin's dad is currently playing in his band because he can't find any other musicians his own age who are good enough.

    Err... no, it's cos he can't find anyone who wants to play with a fret wanker. Can't be that hard to find a drummer and bassist who keeps time (jokes aside).

    Every fret wanker I've ever played with has been creatively bankrupt.

    Yep. They're the sort of people who when you're talking to them don't pay any attention to you and look down at their guitar widdling constantly. It's fucking annoying, and I'd substitute feel over speed any day. I like very few technically amazing guitarists, and I don't feel a need to learn to play fast when I can get everything I want through expressive playing rather than impressive playing. Mmm, that was a horrible parallelism.
  • BTBAM 30 Jul 2008 10:17:16 1,982 posts
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    Post deleted
  • MrWorf 30 Jul 2008 10:23:36 64,127 posts
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    Dunno. Sounds like jealously to me.
  • Deleted user 30 July 2008 10:24:57
    BTBAM wrote:
    and look down at their guitar widdling constantly.

    I hear there's a pill you can take for that now.
  • MrWorf 30 Jul 2008 10:25:11 64,127 posts
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    GuiltySpark wrote:
    Is "fret wanker" your own little invention or is it a well known phrase in the 'bizz?
    When a guitarist plays an excessivly virtuoso solo which dominates (and often ruins) the song, or at least a hefty proportion of it.

    Either derives from the same thing as the previous definition, or from the fact that the guitarist in question is playing their solo so vehemently that they seem to be in love with themselves, and so are receiving (metaphorical) sexual pleasure from playing it (as one does when wanking)
  • Deleted user 30 July 2008 10:28:49
    Funny how fret wanking works fine when it's done by Flamenco guitarists but otherwise is just gash.
  • pjmaybe 30 Jul 2008 10:37:50 70,666 posts
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    I used to be in a band with a notorious fret wanker. He was one of those guys who took longer than the drummer to set up, because he had a case full of boss pedals and various other bits and bobs to unpack, as well as 5 different guitars per gig. He was a very talented guitarist but fucking hell he couldn't 'arf go on...
  • Salaman 30 Jul 2008 10:51:54 24,080 posts
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    I thought this thread was going to be about Groovemeister and his pets.

    /thread doesn't deliver
  • Nasty 30 Jul 2008 10:53:33 4,839 posts
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    Fret Wanking usually goes hand in hand with them being unable to have Precense and Treble on their amp being set to anything other than 10.

    /wipes blood from ears
  • MetalDog 30 Jul 2008 10:58:26 24,076 posts
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    Good luck to the kid. Hopefully fret wanking is just his starting block and he'll get a bit more soul as he grows. It's the 30+ fret wankers who are never going to do anything other than endless hammer on widdly-woos that are tiresome.
  • Lovemoose 30 Jul 2008 11:05:45 1,001 posts
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    I was in a band with a reformed fret wanker. He'd learned the error of his ways. We played Jam Nights quite a lot as a house band. It was awesome. He'd sit and play just the usual stuff, sitting nicely in the mix with everyone who'd come and join us - including quite a few fret wankers. They'd all show off their tricks and look down their noses at him. Then he'd pull out the big guns, and play four bars of an unutterably fast and virtually impossible to recreate solo, then drop back to normal. They'd look at their shoes and shuffle off.

    It kept fret-wanking jammers down to a minimum in subsequent gigs.

    If that didn't work, I'd drown them out with an organ solo. That was the ultimate sanction.

    ... no. not that kind of organ.
  • MrSensible 30 Jul 2008 11:10:46 26,517 posts
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    Organs > All
  • Deleted user 30 July 2008 11:34:15
    One of my ex-flatmates would play Steve Vai / Joe Satriani CDs incessently. I honestly class them borderline unlistenable.

    Eventually I bought a CD of 'greatest drum solos' and played that to him. I think I made my point.
  • mothercruncher 30 Jul 2008 14:07:19 19,212 posts
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    Mid-wank.
  • MrSensible 30 Jul 2008 14:13:16 26,517 posts
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    Any solo over 30 seconds can generally piss off.
  • ElectricDemon 30 Jul 2008 14:40:12 2,415 posts
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    You can get great "feel" solos that are well over 30 seconds though, how about "Hotel California" and "Freebird"? Melodic and lovely, not too fast, and both integral and memorable parts of their respective songs, rather than being annoying

    I sometimes wish I could play faster though. I'm not great at lead playing, hammer-on and pull-off runs at anything approaching quite fast messes me up, bah! =)

    I don't have aspirations to be like the DragonForce guys or anything, but even as fast as someone like Jimmy Page would be fine for my purposes....

    Rythm guitar, now that's where I'd really like to be able to play fast =)

    /watches vids of "Angel of Death" by Slayer
    /cries
  • Deleted user 30 July 2008 14:44:54
    I can't be arsed with solos, tbh.
  • Deleted user 30 July 2008 14:52:19
    ElectricDemon wrote:
    I sometimes wish I could play faster though. I'm not great at lead playing, hammer-on and pull-off runs at anything approaching quite fast messes me up, bah! =)

    The real skill is messing it all up and making it sound intentional. Never stop, always keep going, blue notes should be thrown in anyway but accidents can lead to interesting discoveries.
  • MrSensible 30 Jul 2008 17:54:29 26,517 posts
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    Yeah I don't even like the solos in those tbh. Not a fan of them at all. I love a nice, fast, burst but if its any longer than that I tend to start drifting off.
  • vDoll 30 Jul 2008 18:31:11 2,380 posts
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    Razz wrote:
    Dunno. Sounds like jealously to me.

    QFT, or whatever you kids are calling it nowadays.
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