The Worst Christmas Present Thread Page 3

  • Rogueywon Most Generous Forumite, 2016 22 Dec 2019 14:10:57 9,363 posts
    Seen 6 minutes ago
    Registered 15 years ago
    Think I may have told this story on here before.

    Way back when my grandmother was still around, she was very particular about Christmas presents being surprises, so she'd never seek suggestions or anything. Now, she knew I was into "those computer game thingies", so she'd often buy me one of those. But knowing nothing about them, and without doing something sensible like... say... checking with my parents (who at least had a vague idea), a lot of her gifts missed the mark. So I'd get all kinds of stuff that I couldn't use (because it was for a platform I didn't own), that I already had or that would never have been on my radar (I remember getting an edu-tainment title aimed at pre-teens when I was 17 or so). She almost certainly just used to walk into Game or whatever and ask the staff to pick something.

    But the worst would have been around 2003 or 2004ish.

    We were doing Christmas at my parents' place that year, which meant all of the family there on Christmas morning. As I'm not much of a Christmas person, I'd stuck the Xbox in my suitcase and taken it up with me. That... backfired.

    See, that year, she'd got me a game for a platform I owned, that I didn't already own and that... ok... not one I'd have bought myself. Whoever sold it to her must have been pissing themselves laughing.

    Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball. Also known as "the Xbox titty game".

    Imagine unwrapping that on Christmas morning in a room filled with your cousins, their offspring, your parents and your grandparents. Especially when your dad, who is loving every moment, asks "aren't you going to give it a go?". Cue frantic "yes, when I get back home" pleas, while he grins and points at the Xbox under the TV. Don't think I've ever wanted to crawl away and die in a hole quite as much.

    Game itself was actually decent. Had a good laugh with the single-screen multiplayer with my dad once everybody else had fucked off home. But still one of those hideous toe-curling moments that sticks in the memory.
  • neilka 22 Dec 2019 14:31:34 23,549 posts
    Seen 7 minutes ago
    Registered 15 years ago
    That grandmother's name? Albert Einstein.
  • ghearoid 22 Dec 2019 15:46:26 3,619 posts
    Seen 12 minutes ago
    Registered 18 years ago
    Well, it wasn't exactly bad but one year I got nothing but chocolate. No games, no books, no cash, no socks, just boxes and boxes of chocolate from everyone. I mean, I like chocolate, but still.
  • Deleted user 22 December 2019 15:52:05
    This is one of my naffest recent presents https://www.marksandspencer.com/slim-fit-lemur-print-shirt/p/clp60167994

    I realised when I opened it that my in-laws liked me about as much as I liked them...
  • pacrifice 22 Dec 2019 18:14:51 5,248 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 16 years ago
    ghearoid wrote:
    Well, it wasn't exactly bad but one year I got nothing but chocolate. No games, no books, no cash, no socks, just boxes and boxes of chocolate from everyone. I mean, I like chocolate, but still.
    I'd prefer that to a calendar.
  • fontgeeksogood 22 Dec 2019 18:23:58 10,631 posts
    Seen 10 minutes ago
    Registered 2 years ago
    The year my family found out I was a (embarrassed, but keen) golfer, Christmas was a cavalcade of crap presents.

    I'm not ungrateful - I genuinely love the thought process of giving as well as getting presents, but the waste was incredible. Soooo much shit created for golfers, so little of it is useful / interesting
  • sport 22 Dec 2019 19:33:50 16,291 posts
    Seen 22 minutes ago
    Registered 15 years ago
    fontgeeksogood wrote:
    The year my family found out I was a (embarrassed, but keen) golfer, Christmas was a cavalcade of crap presents.

    I'm not ungrateful - I genuinely love the thought process of giving as well as getting presents, but the waste was incredible. Soooo much shit created for golfers, so little of it is useful / interesting
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncjYnLgxyCI
  • fontgeeksogood 22 Dec 2019 19:43:34 10,631 posts
    Seen 10 minutes ago
    Registered 2 years ago
    Yeah, well, not quite that bad. But I did get a potty putting thing. A bad putting felt mat which you apparently put on the floor and use the half length putter while you're taking a shit.

    As an aside I've never found it a problem getting somewhere to have a slash on a golf course
  • ButterVoucher 22 Dec 2019 19:50:17 70 posts
    Seen 9 months ago
    Registered 2 years ago
    I once got a suit off my nan that made me look like a white minstrel.
  • Deleted user 22 December 2019 20:41:29
    Many Swiss moons ago my great Uncle Celtic Kenny went travelling to Italy and retrieved pizza ingredients for me. I soon discovered it was NOT from Naples so I battered him to death with a spiked baguette stolen from a street food vendor.
  • challenge_hanukkah 22 Dec 2019 21:04:48 13,057 posts
    Seen 34 minutes ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    Is it OK to suggest that you're an interferer of children seeing as you're an imposter?

    Edited by challenge_hanukkah at 21:05:25 22-12-2019
  • Deleted user 22 December 2019 21:10:48
    Well that's rude. I only interfere at meal times if they're eating spaghetti hoops instead of Katsu Curry whilst listening to James.
  • JamboWayOh 22 Dec 2019 21:11:50 20,755 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    Oh dear....this will most definitely end well.
  • challenge_hanukkah 22 Dec 2019 21:14:29 13,057 posts
    Seen 34 minutes ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    ecosse_ wrote:
    Well that's rude. I only interfere at meal times if they're eating spaghetti hoops instead of Katsu Curry whilst listening to James.
    Armoured_Bear wrote:
    One must have standards
  • jonsaan 22 Dec 2019 22:06:39 27,052 posts
    Seen 1 week ago
    Registered 14 years ago
    If everyone stopped buying shit Christmas presents, there would be a lot less landfill coming from local tips that’s for sure. I find it odd that the theme of the year has been saving the planet, yet come Xmas time, everyone is busy buying up single use plastic shite just to say that they have got something for someone who doesn’t want anything anyway.

    /Scrooge

    (Obviously none of us EG’s are doing this...but ‘they’ are..)
  • Deleted user 23 December 2019 07:05:54
    @fontgeeksogood the racist book is definitely up there, but believe it or not I got an equally bad gift in an office secret santa once.

    £5 gift maximum. I got 5 Shrek headbands with the green sticky out ears, from Poundland, each one still had a £1 Poundland price sticker on. I think I know who it was that sent me them, miserable old cunt, even if I could prove it, couldn't really batter him.
  • minky-kong 23 Dec 2019 07:18:30 14,619 posts
    Seen 8 minutes ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    racing_fan wrote:
    I think I know who it was that sent me them, miserable old cunt, even if I could prove it, couldn't really batter him.
    Because there was no bread bin lid nearby?
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 23 Dec 2019 07:53:00 26,438 posts
    Seen 1 minute ago
    Registered 5 years ago
    I often hand out beatings to those who don't put in the expected effort to secret santa.
  • mothercruncher 23 Dec 2019 08:04:35 18,032 posts
    Seen 2 minutes ago
    Registered 14 years ago
    Giant inflatable cock, surely Decks, or does that not meet your high “standards”?
  • AddyB- 23 Dec 2019 08:14:54 917 posts
    Seen 9 hours ago
    Registered 9 months ago
    Rogueywon wrote:
    Think I may have told this story on here before.

    Way back when my grandmother was still around, she was very particular about Christmas presents being surprises, so she'd never seek suggestions or anything. Now, she knew I was into "those computer game thingies", so she'd often buy me one of those. But knowing nothing about them, and without doing something sensible like... say... checking with my parents (who at least had a vague idea), a lot of her gifts missed the mark. So I'd get all kinds of stuff that I couldn't use (because it was for a platform I didn't own), that I already had or that would never have been on my radar (I remember getting an edu-tainment title aimed at pre-teens when I was 17 or so). She almost certainly just used to walk into Game or whatever and ask the staff to pick something.

    But the worst would have been around 2003 or 2004ish.

    We were doing Christmas at my parents' place that year, which meant all of the family there on Christmas morning. As I'm not much of a Christmas person, I'd stuck the Xbox in my suitcase and taken it up with me. That... backfired.

    See, that year, she'd got me a game for a platform I owned, that I didn't already own and that... ok... not one I'd have bought myself. Whoever sold it to her must have been pissing themselves laughing.

    Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball. Also known as "the Xbox titty game".

    Imagine unwrapping that on Christmas morning in a room filled with your cousins, their offspring, your parents and your grandparents. Especially when your dad, who is loving every moment, asks "aren't you going to give it a go?". Cue frantic "yes, when I get back home" pleas, while he grins and points at the Xbox under the TV. Don't think I've ever wanted to crawl away and die in a hole quite as much.

    Game itself was actually decent. Had a good laugh with the single-screen multiplayer with my dad once everybody else had fucked off home. But still one of those hideous toe-curling moments that sticks in the memory.
    It wasn't Xmas but when I was 13-14 years old my nan handed me around 100 jazz mags that she found when clearing out my uncles room. This was in front of everyone, and even suggested I start reading one straight away to make sure I wanted them. So picture me flicking through razzle like it was the Wall Street Journal, whilst going Kevin and Perry Crimson red.

    Edited by AddyB_ at 08:15:41 23-12-2019
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 23 Dec 2019 08:18:25 26,438 posts
    Seen 1 minute ago
    Registered 5 years ago
    "I know it was you old man."

    "oh hey Muttler Merry Christmas"

    "the shrek headbands. I know it was you."

    "muttler why do you have a bread bin lid?"

    "DIDN'T EVEN TAKE THE PRICE TAG OFF GGNNNAAAA!!!! “
  • Deleted user 23 December 2019 08:31:54
    Ok well maybe battering was an exaggeration, but I also had a falling out with him as he barged past me when I was using the water cooler. I can't remember what happened next but it ended up with him unfriending me on Facebook.
  • TechnoHippy 23 Dec 2019 08:35:36 17,740 posts
    Seen 19 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    This thread warms my heart :-)
  • fontgeeksogood 23 Dec 2019 08:38:58 10,631 posts
    Seen 10 minutes ago
    Registered 2 years ago
    You can't see the unfriend request as it has been a few years now and hence it disappeared
  • nickthegun 23 Dec 2019 09:30:26 82,983 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 15 years ago
    I got some cable ties in a secret santa once. The most annoying thing was there didn’t even look like there were a fivers worth there.
  • TechnoHippy 23 Dec 2019 09:38:01 17,740 posts
    Seen 19 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    Maybe they though you need an abduction starter kit - expect duct tape next year!
  • Rogueywon Most Generous Forumite, 2016 23 Dec 2019 09:40:40 9,363 posts
    Seen 6 minutes ago
    Registered 15 years ago
    A good few years ago, the Office Stoner drew the Director in Secret Santa and, for reasons best known only to himself, bought him a second-hand pair of skintight grey running shorts from a charity shop.

    The Director did have a sense of humour, but that was taking things too far. There was a witch hunt.

    Edited by Rogueywon at 09:43:08 23-12-2019
  • nickthegun 23 Dec 2019 09:48:15 82,983 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 15 years ago
    TechnoHippy wrote:
    Maybe they though you need an abduction starter kit - expect duct tape next year!
    The next year I got a USB key shaped like a rubber guitar. It said it was 8gb but was actually 512mb and reflashed by pikey Chinese ebay sellers.

    That was somehow even more impressively shit.
  • Dombat 23 Dec 2019 10:21:03 1,789 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    nickthegun wrote:
    I got some cable ties in a secret santa once. The most annoying thing was there didn’t even look like there were a fivers worth there.
    I found this the funniest post in the thread for some reason. :D
  • Dombat 23 Dec 2019 10:26:36 1,789 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 9 years ago
    The worst present I got was a token additional gift from my grandma. It was a key ring of someone in a Spurs shirt pissing on an Arsenal shirt.

    Her response to my bemused reaction: “I thought you liked Arsenal.”

    We all saw the funny side of her blunder at least.
Log in or register to reply

Sometimes posts may contain links to online retail stores. If you click on one and make a purchase we may receive a small commission. For more information, go here.