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Got my first gig for 4 years on Sunday. Ain't got a scrap of material. |
Stand Up Comedy • Page 24
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RichieTenenbaum 2,774 posts
Seen 11 months ago
Registered 11 years ago -
Here's some material.
Oscar Pistorious has no leg to stand on. -
nickthegun 87,711 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 16 years agoDo a bit on how all the women on match.com are heifers and how things aint what they used to be. They'll be eating out of your hand. -
Stickman 29,986 posts
Seen 5 months ago
Registered 17 years agoSo how about those airplane peanuts? When I can't open them it makes me want to kill myself!
/slap bass -
RichieTenenbaum 2,774 posts
Seen 11 months ago
Registered 11 years agomore! -
Lukus 24,639 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 17 years agoDo half an hour of non stop horse meat jokes. -
RichieTenenbaum 2,774 posts
Seen 11 months ago
Registered 11 years agonickthegun wrote:
I'm going to do this.
Do a bit on how all the women on match.com are heifers and how things aint what they used to be. They'll be eating out of your hand. -
I was so hungry last night, yeah, I was so hungry last night that I could have eaten a horse.
SO I WENT TO TESCO AMIRITE. -
Lukus 24,639 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 17 years agoI don't get it. -
thedaveeyres 13,925 posts
Seen 1 week ago
Registered 15 years agoTesco is made of horse. -
I don't get it either I nicked it off Frankie Boyle or someone probably. -
Lukus 24,639 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 17 years agoI just find horse meat really funny, always have... -
Here's a tip.
Get hold of a Bernard Manning video. Write down all the jokes he does, memorise them and then go out on Sunday and perform a few, doesn't matter which. Say each one with a cheeky wink and a nod, and hey presto you're a modern comic. -
nickthegun 87,711 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 16 years agoAfter you have finished your diatribe about modern technology, tell the audience not to post shitty reviews up on the internet, just light a smoke signal. -
nickthegun 87,711 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 16 years agoThats actually a viable gag. You can have that one on me. -
Lukus 24,639 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 17 years agoNick, it isn't. Really it isn't. -
nickthegun 87,711 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 16 years agoI think it would round the bit out quite well, so up your tits. -
Lukus 24,639 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 17 years agoThis is why Richie is the comedian and you are not.
Wait a minute... -
RichieTenenbaum 2,774 posts
Seen 11 months ago
Registered 11 years agocubbymoore wrote:
yesssss. seems perfect
Here's a tip.
Get hold of a Bernard Manning video. Write down all the jokes he does, memorise them and then go out on Sunday and perform a few, doesn't matter which. Say each one with a cheeky wink and a nod, and hey presto you're a modern comic. -
neilka 24,021 posts
Seen 8 hours ago
Registered 16 years agoJust stand on the stage for fifteen minutes without speaking or making eye contact with anyone in the audience and then walk off sobbing. -
No problem mate. If it really starts to dive you can fall back on this classic.
Get hold of a glass full of ice cubes, put about 6 in your hand and say "here's an impression of an eskimo pissing." Then flick a few one by one from your groin area towards the audience.
Saw Ron Jeremy do that one and it had the audience in stitches. -
neilka wrote:
Tried that once. Didn't make it past 40 seconds.
Just stand on the stage for fifteen minutes without speaking or making eye contact with anyone in the audience and then walk off sobbing. -
nickthegun 87,711 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 16 years agoI think I saw that guy with mental problems and the Les Hill hair who is always on buzzcocks do that once.
He did some shit about a shire horse then just had a breakdown. -
Lukus 24,639 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 17 years agoI saw a woman doing standup locally last year or the year before and she came on and kind of was shit all the way through, and then at the end it became apparent it was all a brilliant act, and so the cool people got it and we all chuckled. Do that. -
If you've got some kind of disability exploit that. People don't boo the handicapped no matter how shit they are. -
FartPipe 5,307 posts
Seen 5 years ago
Registered 9 years ago -
Accidentally watched the whole of this Kevin Bridges show last week and found it really funny; sharp observation and great imagination. Good work.
Also really nicely gross. Should appeal to many on EG. Especially the watching pornos with your schoolmates / ghost poo bit around 35 mins. And the bus psycho.
Edited by localnotail at 21:52:31 10-10-2013
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