I wish to end my neighbours Page 63

  • challenge_hanukkah 3 Dec 2017 13:54:22 6,981 posts
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    Can I be naked?
  • LegendaryApe 3 Dec 2017 14:01:18 1,733 posts
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    No. Context. Needed.
  • Rogueywon Most Generous Forumite, 2016 3 Dec 2017 14:26:43 3,739 posts
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    Best new-page ever.
  • challenge_hanukkah 3 Dec 2017 14:33:59 6,981 posts
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    I'm naked now.
  • JamboWayOh 3 Dec 2017 15:21:19 8,460 posts
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    Go on...

    /unzips
  • elstoof 23 Mar 2018 20:47:25 20,349 posts
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    Told my neighbour we were going to replace the knackered old fence that divides our gardens, she looked at me like I’d said I’d paint a giant swastika on the front of the house. Wants to know what type of fence, how high, you’ll have to rearrange the dates you’ll do it because I need to check my plants etc. A few months ago she “helpfully” popped over with the number of a builder she’d found to do a few of her fence panels for a good price, I took that as a hint she’d be keen on the idea
  • challenge_hanukkah 23 Mar 2018 20:49:14 6,981 posts
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    I'm still naked.
  • the_milkybar_kid 23 Mar 2018 21:23:59 7,215 posts
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    I think you should paint a giant Swastika on the new fence.
  • askew 23 Mar 2018 22:00:33 17,051 posts
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    Or lots of little ones on the gravel board.
  • Mr_Sleep 23 Mar 2018 23:21:36 21,829 posts
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    @elstoof I am constantly surprised by how protective people are of the boundaries that connnect one another. Cause obviously you were going to put something awful and crass in there, clearly your intention is to do something tasteful but people are just instantly suspicious.
  • FuzzyDucky 23 Mar 2018 23:46:59 3,247 posts
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    the_milkybar_kid wrote:
    I think you should paint a giant Swastika on the new fence.
    This, very much.
  • robthehermit 24 Mar 2018 01:50:49 6,632 posts
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    The only acceptable fence for a boundary is one you can't see over.
  • elstoof 24 Mar 2018 06:36:18 20,349 posts
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    Not even planning anything exotic, the current fence is a propped up, hobbled together mix of various fence panel types, most of them leaning at jaunty angles and falling apart after decades of “mending”. Just want to replace for something the same height that doesn’t have holes for my dogs to go in and shit in her garden, something I’ll be encouraging them to do from now on. Maybe tell her she can choose the panels if she’s willing to pay for them
  • Some_Goats 24 Mar 2018 08:09:52 54 posts
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    elstoof wrote:
    Not even planning anything exotic, the current fence is a propped up, hobbled together mix of various fence panel types, most of them leaning at jaunty angles and falling apart after decades of “mending”. Just want to replace for something the same height that doesn’t have holes for my dogs to go in and shit in her garden, something I’ll be encouraging them to do from now on. Maybe tell her she can choose the panels if she’s willing to pay for them
    Tell her to stop sitting on the fence about it and say whether she wants one or not.
  • mothercruncher 24 Mar 2018 08:19:09 15,051 posts
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    With a little creativity you could definitely chisel a swastika or hundred on to this type of panel:

  • challenge_hanukkah 24 Mar 2018 08:21:53 6,981 posts
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    Post deleted
  • elstoof 24 Mar 2018 08:51:15 20,349 posts
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    I was thinking about barbed wire trellis with a “arbeit macht frei” sign along the top

    Edited by elstoof at 08:51:27 24-03-2018
  • macmurphy 24 Mar 2018 09:08:24 3,159 posts
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    Maybe stick one of these badgers half way down and shine a searchlight in her lounge when she’s trying to watch Corrie.

  • the_milkybar_kid 10 Jul 2018 10:28:44 7,215 posts
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    We moved into our new house in March and our neighbors are generally very lovely. This bloke I'm about to talk about is normally fine and quite approachable but I've got the feeling he's got a right dickhead streak in him. Was up the ladders on the front trying to plug up holes in the roof tiles, as wasps are trying to nest in there. He's one of these cunts that holidays in a shed on wheels and is part of the "caravan club" whatever the fuck that is. Something to do with dogging? He's got like a Winnebago and he's very particular about it. Was painting the fences not long after we moved in and he stuck his nose around to politely but underhandedly request that I didn't get any paint on it. Fair enough. Hasn't been in for 3 weeks as he's been in his shed on wheels. Made small talk yesterday and he asked if we're having work done. I'd already told him after we moved in that we were planing and converting the garage, nothing said.

    We had the windows done a month ago, they rocked up at about 7.45 and waited outside ours until 8 and must have been overlapping his drive (with big closed gates) and he asked them to move. They moved so they were just in front of ours but he came back waving his arms around because he'd need to pull his fucking caravan out and reverse onto the cul-de-sac. He lives on the other street but his drive is in the cul-de-sac.

    Anyway, the builder came round to measure up for materials and within 2 minutes nobby from next door was back round. Asked me if they were going to be doing any more building work, wasn't sure. Then he was onto him asking what kind of equipment they were going to be using, asked that they used the smaller grinders so they didn't get dust on his fucking shed or work van. I stood on the ladders with my jaw wide open, literally unable to speak. I wouldn't mind but he's had a fucking 2 story extension build on the side of his house and I'm sure he didn't get any uppity cunts going on at him. There's a house 2 doors down from him that are having an extension done and I've found a few times that our back windows have had a layer of dust on them. You just fucking get on with it. Wipe them down and think nothing of it. I told the builder to make as much mess as they needed and I'll have words if he feels the need to say anything again.

    There's a small bit of land between the back of his house and the front of ours with a lamppost, It's got slate brick down, which is the same as the other side of our front. The guy we bought from was a landscaper so I mistook this as ours. They must have seen my tidying it up or my mate parking with his nose just over the front of it as they've put down 4 really shit looking plant pots. It's really fucking lame. And it makes it more awkward for me to get my car out.

    Edited by the_milkybar_kid at 10:31:16 10-07-2018
  • minky-kong 10 Jul 2018 10:41:00 13,759 posts
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    Start chucking bird seed on the roof of his Whine-ebago so birds crap all over it.
  • fontgeeksogood 10 Jul 2018 10:42:23 1,111 posts
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    Also call the cops about some weird smells coming from the winnebago and people coming out wearing gas masks
  • cowell 10 Jul 2018 10:46:38 1,542 posts
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    How old is this dude? Time for something of a sweeping statement, but as people get older and less busy I find them getting more easily wound up about small things. Retired folk don't have enough to occupy them half the time, so they spend their days focusing on a bit of dust on the windows

    I can see it in my Dad and to some extent, I can see it in myself in my forties. I'm generally pretty chill but from time to time, something really banal will get my back up.

    Don't stand for any shit, but equally I'd try not to escalate things if you can avoid it. Probably better to have him onside as much as possible. However from the sounds of it, your building work is going to piss him off whatever happens

    Edited by cowell at 10:47:29 10-07-2018
  • thelzdking 10 Jul 2018 11:17:57 8,294 posts
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    FHUTA. That'll put it in perspective for him.
  • the_milkybar_kid 10 Jul 2018 11:18:37 7,215 posts
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    @cowell He's mid fifties I'd say. Still working full time but any chance they get, they're off to park in a field for a weekend. Yeah, I'd rather stay friendly with people as we've got to live there after all. But I'm not having him collar the fucking builders for doing their job. I've told them not to pussyfoot about either, just crack on. I made an effort to greet all the neighbors when we moved in as there's only 7 houses on the cul-de-sac and all of them are sound, some of them are really nice people so I suppose there's got to be one to balance it out. Like I say, he's generally fine but if anything should inconvenience him or his fucking Winnebago then it's a different story. If it arises will probably just say I'll clean the fucking thing myself.

    @minky-kong This is a winner.
  • Psiloc 10 Jul 2018 11:20:16 4,649 posts
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    cowell wrote:
    How old is this dude? Time for something of a sweeping statement, but as people get older and less busy I find them getting more easily wound up about small things. Retired folk don't have enough to occupy them half the time, so they spend their days focusing on a bit of dust on the windows
    I remember when my great Aunt was alive she'd constantly have a go at her neighbour for parking over her side of the shared drive. The drive was too narrow so it was physically impossible for her neighbour not to be slightly on her side, but it was long, and had a ton of room for loads of cars, but every day she'd wave her rolling pin and moan about it endlessly. What was the guy supposed to do?

    But what seemed to escape her notice was that she was 80 years old and had never had a driver's license or owned a car in her entire life
  • cowell 10 Jul 2018 11:22:10 1,542 posts
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    Reminds me actually. My Dad's generally pretty on the level. But he's seemingly obsessed with hampering the efforts of pigeons and squirrels getting to the food in the bird table.

    Anyone seeing the lengths he's gone to, like making parts of the fence not suitable for landing on would think he was mad.

    I guess this what happens when you've got the time

    Edited by cowell at 11:22:34 10-07-2018
  • Alastair 10 Jul 2018 11:27:52 22,253 posts
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    @the_milkybar_kid How does this guy cope when that 'dusty rain' comes that leaves all the cars absolutely filthy? Who can he blame??

    One option could be to say that the building work is starting next week (or whenever) so you might want to keep your caravan clear for the next couple of weeks so it won't get brick dust on it.
  • cowell 10 Jul 2018 11:30:54 1,542 posts
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    I imagine these builders are savvy and periodically come across irritable neighbours. Must come with territory. As long as they play strictly by the rules like not starting til 8, he won't have a leg to stand on
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