| Does anyone know of some sort of custom lock, that you can put a tub of butter in? Sort of like a safe for butter? Because if one more person steals some of mine, I am liable to go medieval on their bitch asses. For real, yo! |
Stealing from communal work fridge
-
Vice.Destroyer 7,437 posts
Seen 18 hours ago
Registered 15 years ago -
phAge 25,487 posts
Seen 3 days ago
Registered 18 years agoJust poison the butter. Whoever dies is the thief. Also prevents future butter-theft. -
BillMurray 9,736 posts
Seen 3 days ago
Registered 13 years agoHave you tried writing the words 'Fuck off' in your butter? -
elstoof 28,126 posts
Seen 8 hours ago
Registered 16 years agoAttach a photo of you with your cock in the butter to the tub.
Or put all your stuff in a carrier bag and tie it up. -
motti82 3,324 posts
Seen 4 days ago
Registered 15 years agoGet a butter dish, the ones with a little lid on them, and then seal it with sellotape, no one can then nick your butter without ripping off the tape. That, or send a threatening email saying you will kick them into next week if they use your butter in future. -
Stop buying butter, and steal someone else's.
That is literally the first time I have ever used my Economics degree. -
GingerPixel 392 posts
Seen 4 years ago
Registered 13 years agoI steal milk from the work fridge from time to time. I hate my job and it gives me a minute moment of satisfaction, stickin it to the man! -
GingerPixel wrote:
I steal milk from the work fridge from time to time. I hate my job and it gives me a minute moment of satisfaction, stickin it to the man!
For maximum satisfaction, dip your boaby in it once you've finished making the tea. -
MrWorf 64,193 posts
Seen 7 hours ago
Registered 20 years agoStart a butter kitty? Or leave it at home and just take a knob in a small container for the week. -
Razz wrote:
true story ?
Start a butter kitty? Or leave it at home and just take a knob in a small container for the week. -
mwtb 2,381 posts
Seen 8 years ago
Registered 17 years agoPlaces like Staples sell cheap cashboxes that would do the job, but you'll look a bit odd. Also, the Internet tells me that any action taken to defend food in an office fridge is "passive aggressive". -
Fashion a convincing fake butter slab from food dye and dog shite.
Job done. -
Vice.Destroyer 7,437 posts
Seen 18 hours ago
Registered 15 years agoelstoof wrote:
Attach a photo of you with your cock in the butter to the tub.
Or put all your stuff in a carrier bag and tie it up.
I'll skip the first part of your advice. And I am already doing the second part of your advice. The bitches just tear through it. Like the criminal, thieving bitches that they are. Then they have the audacity to tie the bag up again. Presumably that nobody else steals what has now become our (thief and victim) butter. -
Vice.Destroyer 7,437 posts
Seen 18 hours ago
Registered 15 years agomwtb wrote:
Places like Staples sell cheap cashboxes that would do the job, but you'll look a bit odd. Also, the Internet tells me that any action taken to defend food in an office fridge is "passive aggressive".
Trust me, I am beyond giving a shit what people think of me. What kind of a world do we live in, where a mans butter is not sacred?
/channels Michael Douglas
//falls down -
wobbler147 5,255 posts
Seen 8 hours ago
Registered 17 years agoI can't believe you're being butter about this.
/coat -
Nexus_6 6,169 posts
Seen 9 hours ago
Registered 17 years agoMake a big deal out of it one day and see what people say. See if there is a reaction from anyone.
Then, pretend to back down and say that anyone can use the butter - that you were being petty and you are now ashamed etc.
Then make the swap over night to a preprepared butter tub, one that you have taken the butter out of, placed a nice big poo in then lightly packed the sides and skim coated the top of with lovely tasty butter.
Be sure to be in the kitchen the next day when some thieving gypsy bastard scrapes a nice line over the top of the butter only to reveal a brown bottom bomb sitting there. -
Grunk 4,718 posts
Seen 2 weeks ago
Registered 17 years agoJust mtfu and use lard instead -
Grunk 4,718 posts
Seen 2 weeks ago
Registered 17 years agoJust mtfu and use lard instead -
Lie in wait for the culprit then stab them in the face.
Or get rapey.
Your (binary) choice -
-
Go on a spree killing before taking your own life. Your sacrifice will bring this important issue to the forefront of our national consciousness. -
DFawkes 32,791 posts
Seen 15 hours ago
Registered 16 years agoStick laxatives in it for a week (and do remember not to eat it yourself), hopefully this "allergy" they develop should stop them. Though I'd be more inclined to go with dutchspeededup.
To be honest I at my old work if you took butter in, that was a communal thing. That was the understanding we worked on, and it went pretty well. So ensure the same type of understanding hasn't been mistakenly assumed by everyone by setting fire to your place of work. -
matt6666 2,620 posts
Seen 10 years ago
Registered 13 years agoBillMurray wrote:
Change the butter for shit and the butter for a wall!
Have you tried writing the words 'Fuck off' in your butter?
show those fucks, we're behind you dude. -
QueenofSpain 433 posts
Seen 9 years ago
Registered 16 years agoI have same problem at work. Annoying to say the least. I even tried buying a big tub and wrote for all staff on It and the buggers bypassed it and still stole my nice butter! I've found the only way is to buy cheap shit smartprice for myself then no one wants to use It!! That and keep it in my locker in a cool box and take it home each day. -
DFawkes 32,791 posts
Seen 15 hours ago
Registered 16 years agoQueenofSpain wrote:
I even tried buying a big tub and wrote for all staff on It and the buggers bypassed it and still stole my nice butter!
You know, not a court in the world would convict you if you turned the place into a bloodbath using a butter knife. You go to the bother of buying them their own butter and they still take yours, not a single throat should be left uncarved. -
Seriously guys, the more you do, (bags etc) the more people will realise it irritates you, and the more they will do it.
Tell folk they can help themselves, spend £8 more a year on butter, and leave all this stress behind. -
phAge 25,487 posts
Seen 3 days ago
Registered 18 years agoBuy a t-shirt with the words "I'm a gentle, fun-loving kind of guy..." on the front, and the words "... but if you steal my butter again I will fucking cut you" on the back, and wear it at work. -
FairgroundTown 2,522 posts
Seen 8 years ago
Registered 16 years agoDecant it into a small Tupperware, and label it 'Garlic Butter'.
Or...
There was a thing in Freakonomics which showed that people were less likely to steal if there was a picture of some eyes watching them, which sounds crazy, but maybe you could try it as an act of science! -
Ged42 7,985 posts
Seen 2 years ago
Registered 14 years agoLeave a note saying you've been using it for your amateur dramatics production of 'Last Tango in Paris' and not to consume.
Smear a little marmite on it for extra effect. -
Keep this on your desk and put your butter in it. For extra cool points get a Simpsons one like mine.
This approach also has the added benefit of you not having to get up to make your sandwiches.
Sometimes posts may contain links to online retail stores. If you click on one and make a purchase we may receive a small commission. For more information, go here.
