The New Asperger's Syndrome Discussion Thread Page 2

  • spamdangled 28 Sep 2010 04:12:37 31,761 posts
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    @StarMagic

    I guess this is sort of the definition of Asperger's being an "invisible" condition. It's probably not helped by the fact that I find it hard to express exactly how it affects me. I would post my diagnostic assessment on here, if it wasn't for the fact that I am reiticent towards posting such personal documents online.

    When I say I am fine with social interaction, what I mean is that I can deal with it (assuming people around me are aware of my difficulties) to a degree, but that it does cause difficulties, particularly in, say, day-to-day conversations where people go off on tangents, change subjects unexpectedly, use more sarcasm and humour, etc. In office environments, conversation tends to be more concise, have a level of clarity missing from informal chats, and tends to not have the same level of humour, sarcasm or multiple ways of interpretation.

    I also have sensory problems, in that my senses of hearing, smell and touch are over-developed. So I can't really tolerate a busy pub (noise hurts my ears and prevents me from being able to concentrate, as if I have been punched in the ear), or a crowded high street (people brushing past me aggravates me, like they have transmitted some sort of itch that lingers after the fleeting contact).

    There's other stuff surrounding special interests (particularly my love of games and comics), which means that often I get so absorbed in anything related to them that I can sometimes forget to perform basic self-maintenance such as eating a meal, so I need someone to remind me.
  • spamdangled 28 Sep 2010 04:16:23 31,761 posts
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    My partner has just pointed out, for example, that it's 4.15 and i have yet to go to bed because I have become so absorbed in this discussion even though I have work in the morning, lol.

    He has also said (not directly quoting), that Asperger's is something which you don't notice in people until you know about it, but which seems more visible than it actually is when you read about it.
  • warlockuk 28 Sep 2010 04:22:22 19,492 posts
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    Rule 1: Go to bed. Dickheads on the internet will still be wrong in the morning. :)
  • mwtb 28 Sep 2010 04:24:58 2,381 posts
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    darkmorgado wrote:
    I can handle social interaction fine - I just have problems with, say, realising when people are being sarcastic, or inferring indirect meaning to things (tone of voice). A bit of understanding in these areas goes a hell of a long way.

    Firstly, I was responding to your comment about AS employment in general, not about you specifically. I don't claim to know what your specific condition is like.

    Secondly, your response does point out the issue though. You say you can handle social interaction fine, but then lay out a bunch of caveats and an apparent requirement that others bend around your issues. To an employer hiring for a team-based role that's pretty difficult to wear and not straightforward to tackle. Sticking in some wheelchair ramps and handrails in the bogs are easy and clear steps they can take towards opening up the workplace to the physically disabled. What's the equivalent for opening up to people with AS? Company-wide training on how to avoid non-literal speech? "No Irony" signs?
  • AHiFi 28 Sep 2010 04:41:56 1,665 posts
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    mwtb wrote:
    What's the equivalent for opening up to people with AS? Company-wide training on how to avoid non-literal speech? "No Irony" signs?

    Now who's being averse to change? :)
  • morriss 28 Sep 2010 05:57:14 71,293 posts
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    What's this conversation about, again?
  • Genji 28 Sep 2010 05:57:55 19,682 posts
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    It's about assburgers
  • morriss 28 Sep 2010 06:00:18 71,293 posts
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    ...and how noone understands apart from the sufferers. Or Is there more?
  • Genji 28 Sep 2010 06:03:32 19,682 posts
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    It's possibly about the return of groovemeister to EG.
  • MrTomFTW Best Moderator, 2016 28 Sep 2010 06:46:29 47,497 posts
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    darkmorgado wrote:
    ARGH

    that c*nt notmyrealname is PMing me abuse again.

    WHY THE F*CK CAN'T PEOPLE LIKE THIS REALISE WHAT THEY ARE DOING?

    And, more to the point, why can't EG just slap an outright ban on them? I've had it explained to me that an EG ban stops them from commenting on threads but doesn't stop them rating comments or sending PMs. Other sites quite happily hand out outright bans, so why is EG any different, especially if someone is being specifically targeted based on them having a disability?

    I'll address this.

    If you, or anyone, gets an abuse or spam PM from another forum member forward it on to a mod or a member of staff. To be honest all us green-tag mods are going to do is pass it on to staff, but either way they can investigate and take appropriate action if need be.

    But yes, being able to PM while GI'd is a problem, and I'm sure it's on craigy's fix list.

    As for your aspergers... Well doesn't help you out in the real world but here on the Internet the moment you mentioned you have it, it defined you. Before then you're just another socially awkward geek in amongst thousands.
  • speedofthepuma 28 Sep 2010 07:59:22 13,428 posts
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    You're angry at other people for defining you by your condition, or not respecting/understanding it enough and therefore causing you difficulty.

    That middle ground is pretty slim where people are treating you correctly.

    Not to diminish the whole NHS employer thing mind you, they sound like total shits, I'm more commenting about the general tone of the thread: you vs everyone else in the world.
  • LionheartDJH 28 Sep 2010 08:06:21 20,294 posts
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    A guy at our school had Asperger's, and he was an utter prick who bullied me on and off for 5 years. You sound like a nice chap though darkmorgado, sorry to hear that this is affecting you so badly.
  • spamdangled 28 Sep 2010 08:12:42 31,761 posts
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    It's about assburgers

    Thanks for that derogatory term

    0_o
  • spamdangled 28 Sep 2010 08:14:17 31,761 posts
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    I'm more commenting about the general tone of the thread: you vs everyone else in the world.

    I certainly don't mean to come across like that. In a way, I wrote it more in exasperation of the fact that it is almost starting to feel as if it is me and my disability against the world.
  • spamdangled 28 Sep 2010 08:17:40 31,761 posts
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    but then lay out a bunch of caveats and an apparent requirement that others bend around your issues.

    To be fair, it's not too much to ask that an employer just be mindful that they are being clear and concise, or to ask them that I not be placed in areas that could cause issues due to my hearing oversensitivity. And this is actually covered under the aforementioned Reasonable Adjustments clause of the DDA that legally requires them to consider these and not allow them to affect employment.

    But hey ho.
  • Dirtbox 28 Sep 2010 08:21:57 91,187 posts
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    Post deleted
  • spamdangled 28 Sep 2010 08:28:39 31,761 posts
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    Well first of all there were specific people that I was replying to, so I thought it more appropriate to post separate responses. Secondly, erm, I started the thread and thirdly, no-one's forcing you to read them!
  • monkeyspasm 28 Sep 2010 08:36:08 2,965 posts
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    My stepson has Asperger's, and I feel your pain darkmorgado.

    I know what you mean about it being an 'invisible' condition - he has said to us that if people are in a wheelchair everyone can see they are disabled, but he gets more stick because kids just think he's odd and awkward.

    He constantly gets abuse at school, he had to move schools in the last year of primary as they didn't care and basically just labelled him as a naughty child - he was wetting the bed every night and coming home from school in tears every day.

    He didn't have any help or understanding at school, an educational psychologist made a ton of recommendations to the school, none of which they carried out after 2 years of us trying. We moved him to another school, got a statement and 1:1 help for each lesson and he instantly stopped wetting the bed - he was a totally different boy.

    He's now in his 3rd year at high school and has had quite a few problems with bullying - but the school have been very good and he understands himself a lot more now.

    Also, as you said, a lot of problems arise due to the difficulties in understanding nuances in language - he will sometimes see (what most people would regard as) teasing as bullying, or fail to see humour in a statement and take it as an insult. Sarcasm is another thing he just can't understand - langiage has to be 'black and white'.

    He's started making funny, well edited videos set to music and the level of detail he packs in is just amazing, his school have sent some of them to the BBC. It's helped in that he's built up a following - a lot of the kids love them and now just see him as funny and quirkly, although obviously there are plenty of idiots to whom he's a target. He gets escorted to and from lessons 5 minutes before the end to avoid crowds, that sort of thing.

    It is definitely all to do with nuances in language - we have to be very clear with explanations. Even now I still get frustrated with him at times and have to remind myself, even as a close family member it can be frustrating!

    It made me laugh when you said about getting engrossed in things and forgetting to perform tasks like eating - James does this all the time. He'll forget to get on a bus because he's reading a magazine. Once he disappeared into the school toilets, and when a teacher went to get him he was just staring at the ceiling - he'd thrown a wet paper towel and was timing how long it took to fall down. He'll go up to tidy his room, and forget what he's been sent up for, the intructions have to be very specific - 'Put those in the wash, move that over there' etc.

    He hates certain textures in foods - he'll sit and pick every mushroom out of a sauce. When he was very young he was obsessed with green and would only eat green food. Cue my wife buying green food colouring and him having an entirely green meal!

    Once (this was ill-advised from the teacher's point of view tbh) he was in a Science lesson and the kids all had to run around a desk for 3 minutes with a heart monitor on - someone tripped him up and all hell broke loose, he had the lad against a wall by the throat. He 'had' to run around the desk for 3 minutes, and the other boy stopped him doing it, so he lost it. It's just total focus in one area - and extreme reactions if an injustice is perceived. He got excluded for a day for that (and rightly so), but the school should never have had him doing that in close proximity of others in the first place. He was mortified when he calmed down, he hates violence.

    Some lessons he goes into (basically the one he can cope with), other he works with his Study Support Assistant in an office. He started in the bottom sets for most of his lessons at high school, now he's in the top sets for nearly everything (except PE, which is a massive no-no - he screams if a ball goes near him!).

    Aside from all that, he is absolutely the funniest, sweetest boy you could ever meet, and the abuse he gets from idiots is heartbreaking, but then kids are merciless at times.
  • boo 28 Sep 2010 08:42:30 13,525 posts
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    I'm curious DM. I don't know anything about Asperger's, other than what I read in the link you put up earlier.

    You have difficulty (it said) determining when someone is being sarcastic etc, because of the problems in reading facial expression, vocal tone etc.

    Does that also apply to the written word?

    So for example....

    Rush - the greatest band in the world! Masters of the modern prog genre.

    Coldplay - gotta love that quality work - thankfully not every song of theirs sounds the same.

    One of these is as straightforward statement, one of them has sarcasm ladled on, and to me it's obvious which is which. Are you able to differentiate?

    Not trolling - just curious!
  • InfiniteFury 28 Sep 2010 08:49:47 864 posts
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    I'm not sure I can tell the difference to be honest. Is it a trick question and they're both actually sarcastic?
  • spamdangled 28 Sep 2010 08:50:34 31,761 posts
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    Rush - the greatest band in the world! Masters of the modern prog genre.

    I read that literally, perhaps because I've never heard of Rush.

    The Coldplay comment I could tell on a second run-through it was sarcastic, from the use of the word "gotta".

    It's sometimes easier to infer from writing for me, through deliberate and signposted emphasis like bold and italic, smiley faces or winks, as well as being able to re-read things in my own time and analyse what is being said without pressure to provide and immediate response. I think that on the internet, everyone is equal in a sense - because people then have to emphasise their meaning to compensate for the loss of tone of voice or body language.
    It's why I generally prefer written communication - easier for me to infer meaning, as well as convey it, and I am not under any pressure to respond asap.
  • spamdangled 28 Sep 2010 08:51:33 31,761 posts
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    if people are in a wheelchair everyone can see they are disabled, but he gets more stick because kids just think he's odd and awkward.

    This.

    Anyway, off to work now! I'm sure I will find the time for a sneaky post though.
  • monkeyspasm 28 Sep 2010 09:13:28 2,965 posts
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    The guy was just venting, and maybe is after a bit of support - sounds like he's had a shitty time tbh. I can at least partially understand being a parent of a kid with AS, it's not easy feeling like you're very, very different to everyone else you're in contact with, at all.

    It's easy for people to sneer, but if you or a member of your family had to deal with any of those issues I guarantee you'd feel very differently. Cut the guy some slack.

    edit - ah, I know what you're getting at LB, this doesn't seem like groovemeister to me.
  • monkeyspasm 28 Sep 2010 09:23:29 2,965 posts
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    Leolian'sBro wrote:
    I hear you monkey, but Asperger's is unfortunately become the vague attention seeking 'I get special treatment' smokescreen du jour, doubly so on the internet, and so gets short shrift from me.

    My sympathies, though.

    Yeah, I understand that - unfortunately those sorts of 'emo kids that need a label to feel validated' harm the cause of those that genuinely have AS, and struggle to cope.

    Everything DM says rings true with me though.
  • Dirtbox 28 Sep 2010 09:24:18 91,187 posts
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    Post deleted
  • opalw00t 28 Sep 2010 09:26:19 12,820 posts
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    I used to shove my difference in people's faces.

    I was never allowed back to the nunnery.
  • spamdangled 28 Sep 2010 09:27:40 31,761 posts
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    try reading a parenting book not written by Chris Langham.

    Who's Chris Langham? And i'm not a parent... not sure why I would be reading a parenting book?

    And ferrets? Bottles?

    Wha?

    /boggle
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