Extremly Nosy Family Members.

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  • ProudPoppin 16 Dec 2011 10:07:09 52 posts
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    So I moved to Europe from USA about a year ago and met my new family. I came here thinking they are good folks, but they are the most nosy and the most hard headed people I have ever met in my life. In America it's considered very rude to ask about how much money people make, what they paid for their house,car,boat etc. I go visit them, and they bombard me with questions, "Are you looking for a job? What job are you looking for, any phone calls from agencies, how much money are you getting from the state? Blah blah blah...And I ask them how are they doing, not "WHAT" are they doing, How. And they don't answer none of my questions, I'm not the nosy type, and when I'm about the answer a question and say "Ummm, Nevermind" they're all like " well say it!! Say it!! Say It", but they never ever answer, like I'm new here and I want to know what people have for jobs and stuff. And everyone here talks about me behind my back. And it's horrible.

    If anyone has any tips, or anything they can try to help me, Please do!
    Thank you.
  • richarddavies 16 Dec 2011 10:10:33 6,193 posts
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    Watch the toilet scene in Full metal Jacket. That might give you some ideas.
  • billythekid 16 Dec 2011 10:14:41 12,196 posts
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    You need to learn sarcasm.
  • Deleted user 16 December 2011 10:14:43
    Well if you moved over here to shack up with one of their family members and don't have a job lined up, maybe they're just worried that you're a bum and won't be able to support yourself?

    Edited by Mr-Brett at 10:35:50 16-12-2011
  • Concrete 16 Dec 2011 10:14:46 986 posts
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    People are interested in you thats all, it doesnt sound like anything more, maybe they are concerned for you/your work situation in these difficult times? As for that stuff about people talking behind your back, down that path madness lies, so do what everyone else in Europe does, have a drink :D
  • Salaman 16 Dec 2011 10:18:06 23,053 posts
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    When you say Europe, do you mean the UK? Holland? Denmark? Poland?
    Sounds like you made the mistake of moving to The Netherlands. Loud, a bit brash, sounds like shacked up with Dutchies. :-D
  • Deleted user 16 December 2011 10:30:07
    Best bet is talk to your partner about it. Itstheir family. Tell them you're not happy and ask their advice.

    Failing that, be as forward as they are and when they refuse to answer do the "Say it!" shit. It might make them realise what jerks they are being. It might not though if they are insensitive wankers like they sound. Also just stand your ground and say "I'm sorry I'd rather not speak about that" and screw them.

    Edited by Witch.King at 10:31:00 16-12-2011
  • neilka 16 Dec 2011 10:31:29 21,314 posts
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    stab 'em all
  • warlockuk 16 Dec 2011 10:32:54 19,418 posts
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    PP - did you move to Surrey (UK) or something? :) A lot of folks I've met from there were always on about how much you have and what things cost. Weird status mentality. Maybe they've changed since the 90s /shrug
  • ProudPoppin 16 Dec 2011 10:39:39 52 posts
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    I moved to Slovakia, and no guys, these people are NOT worried about me, they found something out about me, they immediately go to the phone and make phone calls to other family members that are just as bad.. I don't trust no one here. There are people I have never in my life met and they know my whole Resume. They know who I am what I'm doing.. it's really really creey. And when I walk down the sidewalk in my village, people stare outside the window and watch me for as long as they can see me, I'm very very uncomfortable. I take a quick glance, and there are people in windows watching me.. Including my family members.
  • Deleted user 16 December 2011 10:39:59
    So anyway... how much DO you earn and what are your intentions?

  • ProudPoppin 16 Dec 2011 10:42:15 52 posts
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    Ha!! See if people confront me and are real about it, I have no problem with it, it's just people have to go behind my back and stab me, it's very sad. EUROPEANS ARE NICE PEOPLE!!! Trust me when I say this. But this topic is about my paranoid family.
  • Deleted user 16 December 2011 10:43:19

    Best bet is go down the nearest pub and get drunk with them. That seems to be their national pastime aside from window twitching (by the sounds of it).

    Sounds like you went to a very small town and the people are pretty interbred. Just wait until they get bored of the latest sensation and move on, but a few beers with them and having a laugh might break down a lot of barriers and you might find some friends. Just wander into the nearest pub next time you are able and take it from there.

    Thats my strategy in new places anyway...
  • ProudPoppin 16 Dec 2011 10:44:42 52 posts
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    Okay I just a perfect prime example..

    My cousin comes to my house, and my wallet is on my bed or on my desk, when my back is turned to the computer monitor, he goes through it really fast, he wants to know how much money I have, and he will go home, and tell everyone about it. SERIOUSLY??? I never ever and will never go through someones wallet. It's that bad guys, I started hiding my wallet and my bank slips.
  • ProudPoppin 16 Dec 2011 10:46:05 52 posts
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    @Witch.King There is a pub, but these people do not drink for fun or socially, these people drink to get drunk, and talk shit, fight.
  • disusedgenius 16 Dec 2011 10:46:12 9,107 posts
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    I don't think you're going to find many experts in Slovakian village politics here I'm afraid. As an Englishman I can only give you the advice of my people - develop an overwhelming sense of superiority, look upon all this talk as the ramblings of children (with the appropriate responses) and wave to anyone staring at you. Maybe wander over to them and try to talk about the weather.
  • ProudPoppin 16 Dec 2011 10:47:28 52 posts
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    I just got a mobile phone, I'm going to have to start hiding that too, he has a phone of his own, but he will go through mine look at my contacts my texts. It's fucking sad.. and yes, these people are interbred.
  • ProudPoppin 16 Dec 2011 10:49:13 52 posts
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    @disusedgenius Exactly!! I look down at these people. I know there are villages in the UK, and I hope people there are civilized. That respect people for who they are, and what they do.
  • Deleted user 16 December 2011 10:51:28
    Play along. Stop washing, leave beer cans lying about.
  • disusedgenius 16 Dec 2011 10:51:29 9,107 posts
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    I... err... wouldn't count on that. :)

    I'm pretty sure that inbred villages are universally odd places to be, world-over.
  • Mageme 16 Dec 2011 10:56:29 2,227 posts
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    Some cultures place a lot of emphasis on your social status, job and wealth background and asking this stuff is just normal for them. Granted, I know nothing about Slovakia but perhaps it's just a conversation topic for them cos they don't talk about the weather like we do?

    Okay, so rummaging through your wallet and phone is a bit creepy. Maybe they're just poor and wanna know if you can support the family financially... or perhaps the whole village. Maybe you could be the village saviour!!!
  • Deleted user 16 December 2011 10:58:40
    Sunds like you're in a place with a right bunch of nosey bastards.

    We've an office in Slovakia and I've been across (though spent more time in Czech) and the people I met were alright. Not weird or nosey at all. I went out for a few beers with people or on my own and I've never had any problems. Been all over the place in Czech including back end of nowhere dives in remote villages and people were universally friendly.

    Have you tried walking out the village? Is it actually possible or do these huge white balls appear whenever you get to the outskirts and block off your path?

    Anyway, its not normal and you shouldnt put up with it. If someone went through my wallet and I spotted them I'd ask what the fuck they were doing and I'd make sure everyone knew about THEIR actions, never mind them talking about me.
  • speedofthepuma 16 Dec 2011 10:58:58 13,418 posts
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    1) Stop referring to people as "Europeans", you will not find a more diverse bunch of people and it is ridiculous to consider them as a singular group.

    2) Get a job.
  • ProudPoppin 16 Dec 2011 11:00:46 52 posts
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    @Mageme Yes, you said it best, these people are extremely bored at their houses and they have nothing to do. So they have to talk about people and they have to ask questions. Like everyday it's a game of 20 Questions for me. It may seem very normal to them, but infact it's not normal at all. I almost want to say unhealthy. BUT WHY? Why do they have to talk about someone behind their backs. SO MUCH SLUR!!
  • ProudPoppin 16 Dec 2011 11:02:06 52 posts
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    @speedofthepuma I just moved to EU last year!! cut me some slack jack :p
  • speedofthepuma 16 Dec 2011 11:04:17 13,418 posts
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    ProudPoppin wrote:
    @speedofthepuma I just moved to EU last year!! cut me some slack jack :p
    Quite right, well handled, I was jesting with you old boy.
  • Deleted user 16 December 2011 11:05:30
    Once you've bought your first cow things will settle.
  • ProudPoppin 16 Dec 2011 11:05:56 52 posts
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    @Witch.King Yeah, they can talk about me behind my back, and waste their breath on it. But going through someones personal items is a extremely big no.
  • Deleted user 16 December 2011 11:07:48
    Cultural difference I did note between the UK and Slovakia are:

    1. They are much more open about sex and nudity. They're certainly not the prudes we can be
    2. They are more into alcohol and cigarrettes. Drinking and stodgy food are a big thing there. I got into the drinking mentality... the stodgy "heavy on the meat and dumplings" food got a bit much after a while.
    3. They seem to do more with families than we tend to and be closer. I've only met a couple of familes well, but they were all close and the extended family (grandma downto the grandkids) was always around.

    Aside from that I found them genuinely friendly. I can only assume that you're in a pretty far SE village where TV might still be regarded as "magic" and an American turning up is a huge deal. I think they are being massively over protective, but there is no excuse for how they are acting in any society. You just dont go through someone's personal property... not unless you're a custom's officer.

    So challenge them on it and dont just put up with it and speak to your partner about it. I would hope they wouldnt be happy that you're feeling so uncomfortable and that people are going through your stuff.

    Alternative is get a Facebook page and friend the lot of them and save them the bother of wondering what you are up to every moment by updateing your status with the dull crap most of us do all day.
  • munki83 16 Dec 2011 11:14:59 1,847 posts
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    Just keep your personal things on you at all times. These people sound weird get a new family and burn this one
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