National Novel Writing Month 2012 Page 21

  • santashi 8 Nov 2012 15:35:32 5,167 posts
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    Just put Chapter Two up. Slowly but surely... :)

    Edit: What's it mean when it's +1? Is that something to do with Google's filing?

    Edited by santashi at 15:40:33 08-11-2012
  • TechnoHippy 8 Nov 2012 15:38:16 14,707 posts
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    I've now breached the 10,000 word count with chapter 10:
  • Salaman 8 Nov 2012 20:25:08 23,036 posts
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    Aaaaah. After the loose bits, the hint of a future showdown. Nice.
    For some reason I was surprised that they suddenly mentioned the MET and listed them as best forensics team of the country. I'd subconsciously placed this in the US. :-) Probably because "secret government agency" is the staple of US movies and series. So I'm glad I'm back on the right track. Although I didn't realise I was on the wrong one to be honest.

    Slight confusion at this sentence by the way:

    The desk sergeant cleared queried the release.
  • TechnoHippy 8 Nov 2012 20:58:43 14,707 posts
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    Oops. Thanks for the spot. I should probably mention what GCHQ is as well.

    And chapter 11 is now up:
  • Salaman 8 Nov 2012 21:01:53 23,036 posts
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    Blerk wrote:
    Well, it's kind of late but I've managed to wrap up my current scene. Chapter 5's not quite done, but I'm confident enough to post Chapter 5, part 2 on the blog now should anyone have reading time.

    I had a lot of fun writing this, so I really, really hope it holds up to scrutiny, especially the sciencey bits.

    17,807 words now, it seems to be going very well! But now I suppose I ought to go to bed. :)
    Good stuff Blerk!

    Dunno if the sciencey bits will hold up under scrutiny but make them any more "realistic" and you'll probably lose me. I can just about cope with the Quantam teleportation, lots of matter and particles intersecting our plane and another which you can trap and use to create a wormhole (or something close to this, yeah?). I wouldn't get too hung up on this unless your audience is likely to be a bunch of quantum physicists.
    Something wrong that most people can sort of follow makes more sense to me than something realistic that goes *whoooosh* across your hole audience's collective heads.

    I like this sentence btw. :-)
    By now even my eyes were stinging, the cool air conditioning of the room drying them out as I stared too much and blinked too little.
    Seems like a normal reaction to being told you can just take a walk over into another universe. One of infinite universes out there.

    My mind's now racing ahead at what on earth they are thinking in "establishing a colony" if they really can't predict where the wormhole opens. Unless they plan to try and find a suitable version of earth and then keep the bridge open all the time whilst they send across a bunch of scientist and their (presumably) massively confused and scared families.

    Also makes me wonder who could have killed Chloe. If they are working on something this top secret, only someone from within would have reason to kill her. Say they somehow found out she was going to resign.

    Also, two entries for you typo correction list
    “Gladstone postulated that some of particles were from another universe, existing in parallel to our own.

    I had so many questions I barely knew where to begin, but a vague memory of something she had touch on earlier in the conversation suddenly thrust itself to the forefront of my mind.
  • Salaman 8 Nov 2012 21:07:19 23,036 posts
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    Blerk wrote:
    TechnoHippy wrote:
    I'm probably misremembering but I thought the butterfly effect was really about how small variable changes in chaos theory result in large variations in outcome?
    I wasn't 100% on that either, but Wikipedia lumps them both in together so I just went with my initial thought. For the edit I shall research that more carefully, I think... just to be sure! :D
    I interpreted Carver's reply to that as "you're nowhere near but at least you're facing the right direction".
    As if it's not really correct but he figures it's the best he can do with this complete layman and he's sort of got the general gist of it right, so why confuse him more.
  • MetalDog 8 Nov 2012 23:50:50 24,080 posts
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    No chance in hell of making an update today, but I can at least see the path for a bit, which is an improvement on this morning \o/

    Damn, but I hope the doc sorts me out tomorrow, I'll need to be on fire next week to make up the ground I'm losing.
  • MetalDog 9 Nov 2012 00:01:53 24,080 posts
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    I'll ask for a speed prescription, that should go down well.
  • spamdangled 9 Nov 2012 00:31:23 31,578 posts
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    Just thought I would post a quick one to say that even though I'm being largely silent on here, and I haven't been updating my nano profile, I'm actually being pretty active. I'm just hugely reluctant to post up anything until either we hit the deadline or I finish my first draft - whichever comes soonest (and assuming I don't become so massively critical of my outpourings that I douse gasoline on my laptop before throwing my hard drive underneath a steamroller).
  • RobTheBuilder 9 Nov 2012 01:42:25 6,976 posts
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    @darkmorgado Well I look forward to piecing together the burnt fragments of your work.
  • RobTheBuilder 9 Nov 2012 02:30:44 6,976 posts
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    Chapter 12. Preparation.
    Tony finds out about this week's guests, and gets an unexpected call.
  • Deleted user 9 November 2012 05:15:37
    Day eight. 31k. Still writing this evening.

    Edited by meme at 05:15:48 09-11-2012
  • Blerk Moderator 9 Nov 2012 08:38:17 48,227 posts
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    Thanks for your comments again, Salaman, and for continuing your role as lead typo monitor! :D

    Carver's been a bit of a surprise to me, actually. I invented him on the fly as a means to an end and didn't anticipate him being more than a bit part in that scene, but I actually kind of like him. I think I might flesh him out a bit more and give him a proper role.

    That said....

    Had my worst night so far, unfortunately. I was trying desperately to finish the next scene and just completely blanking. There are a whole number of threads I want to tie in to the story, but I can't decide how or when. I thought I knew where I was going when I began the scene, but by the end of it I was banging my head on the table. Had to switch off in the end and go shoot some faces instead. Hopefully at some point today I'll have some kind of epiphany and all will magically become clear. Otherwise I'm not looking forward to my next session at all. :|

    Broke 20k regardless, but not feeling very good about it.
  • Salaman 9 Nov 2012 10:31:52 23,036 posts
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    To counterbalance your stuckness feeling. I went to bed last night and picked up my book.
    It's a book called "you are not so smart" and in each chapter they describe some mental process used by humans to trick themselves in some way. It's an interesting read and you can just read a chapter in bed for 5 or 10 minutes before going to sleep.

    So last night I got to bed. Settled under the duvet, reached over to the night stand for my book with eager anticipation and thought to myself "Right .. I wonder how this whole other dimension bridge thing plays out" and then disappointedly realised that isn't what I'm reading before bed. :-(

    I still read a chapter but it felt like a bit of a let down. I'd rather have had your story to get stuck into.

    Edited by Salaman at 12:04:22 09-11-2012
  • Blerk Moderator 9 Nov 2012 10:48:17 48,227 posts
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    Gawd bless you and your lovely pep-talk, guvnor! :)

  • TechnoHippy 9 Nov 2012 11:34:29 14,707 posts
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    On to chapter 12:

    Pretty good. The dialogue works well. I am curious to where this is going? Hopefully the burning of a certain contract :-)
  • RobTheBuilder 9 Nov 2012 11:53:45 6,976 posts
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    @TechnoHippy Thanks! That would be telling, although there is a lot more madness to come...
  • santashi 9 Nov 2012 11:57:01 5,167 posts
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    Not sure it's going all that well so far today. I've tried catching up on other people's stories but I'm feeling a bit antsy about my own so I think I'll go for a walk and see if that helps.
  • RobTheBuilder 9 Nov 2012 12:06:30 6,976 posts
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    I find reading other people's tends to help. It keeps you in the writing frame of mind but clears your head a little!
  • TechnoHippy 9 Nov 2012 12:15:58 14,707 posts
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    Onto day 8 - 31k is pretty good going, especially considering that its reading well.

    Being jealous about soft porn furnishings made chuckle :-)

    I'm missing the massacre thread - I'm hoping we see more on that soon.
  • santashi 9 Nov 2012 12:24:29 5,167 posts
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    @RobTheBuilder I did that yesteday though and I ended up reading all day (plus RL jobs) and getting no writing done at all. :p
  • RobTheBuilder 9 Nov 2012 13:15:42 6,976 posts
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    @santashi But did it inspire you to write today?? ;)
  • santashi 9 Nov 2012 13:36:21 5,167 posts
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    @RobTheBuilder Heh, maybe. It's not inspiration that I'm lacking but I keep writing out of order (as per usual) which I really shouldn't be doing. :)

    By the way, the other stories I was reading yesterday were yours and Technohippy's, but I didn't finish making notes, so my main thoughts 'like' and 'intriguing'. :p I remember that I did really like how you established and contextulised the setting though.
  • RobTheBuilder 9 Nov 2012 13:43:00 6,976 posts
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    @santashi Thanks. That's good to know. Do you the characters come across in a rounded way? I'm trying to make them both likeable and flawed...
  • TechnoHippy 9 Nov 2012 13:45:42 14,707 posts
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    Chapter 12 is now up:
  • Salaman 9 Nov 2012 14:19:36 23,036 posts
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    Chapter 11:
    Another character? Blimey. I thought we were onto the "weaving them all into intersection strands" stage. :-)
    The constant feeling of dread from the bullying victim is envoked very well. As well as and the coping mechanisms the victim devises to deal with it and avoid confrontation with the bullies.

    Chapter 12:
    I like where this is going. Hacker finds security expert as his perfect match in his self created (through a somewhat autistic process) scoring system. =)

    I don't get this bit though.
    At first glance the paucity of data failed to support the match rating Sarah’s profile received. He dug deeper into the collated information and saw some coded personality test results. The reports weren’t attached; they were obviously deemed secret information. But his search code had triggered a test and the test matched.

    There's little info. Some of the info is a personality test result but the actual result itself isn't there. But he had "triggered a test" and this matched? Huh?
    What do you mean by "triggered a test?" is "a" test the test without the report referred to above it? Or based on the fact that there is a test, did his search tool find the actual test on-line somewhere, so he now knows what test she took? But then that doesn't help him with how she scored in the test.
    I'm utterly lost I'm afraid.

    Oh one thing struck me as odd. Dan's working hard at creating the virus. Once reason he's working hard is that tomorrow's wank-into-my-sock night, so he wants to make sure he's finished the work by then so he can have his once a week wank?
    Wouldn't he be able to knock one out even if he hadn't quite finished his work. even with his elaborate ritual surely it's not going to take hours.

    I assume your further trying to demonstrate some of the "quirks" of his character/personality but it found it odd that the idea of rubbing one out the next day somehow motivated him in his work today.

    Good stuff otherwise. I'm starting to get a bit of a hunger for more convergence in the storylines at this point, so I'm glad to see Dan/Sarah being linked.

    Enough for him to look forward play times in the breaks and during holidays.

    Dale’s Achilles Heel is heel a capital in English? Achilles/Achilles'?

    As if in synchronicity with that thought one his terminals beeped.
  • Salaman 9 Nov 2012 14:28:34 23,036 posts
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    MetalDog wrote:
    Definitely in the 'better than nowt' category.
    Tiny update.
    Can I point out to you that your blog is the only one so far where I have to pass by an in-between screen where I have to click a button to acknowledge that the content of the blog is of a mature nature. You must swear something fierce in some of your stories! :-)
  • santashi 9 Nov 2012 14:28:54 5,167 posts
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    @RobTheBuilder Yeah, sorry, I should probably say something a little more detailed. :p

    ... *gets notes*

    I very much like the overall tone. The subject, levity of storytelling and the mixture of past and present remind me a little of Wise Children, which is a good thing. :) In the same way, I'm not sure that I think of the characters as likeable, but you certainly feel a connection to them when reading, and I would say that they are rounded. Also in a similar (and good) way, I like how the characters walk in and out of the story, and not necessarily when you expect them to.

    There are a lot of bits which made me laugh out loud (luckily when in private), such as the sponge cake disaster, the mysterious spaghetti reference, the whole 'why isn't so-and-so on?' bits, the recurrance of the whiskey, to name just a few.

    Just a small thing from glancing at my notebook (which I have managed to get very messy by mixing my notes with notes on other people's stories as well as solutions to puzzles, complete with diagrams), I wasn't that keen on how the first chapter ended with talking about 'few' and the first sentence of the next chapter also had 'few' for its subject. Might be just me but it seemed slightly awkward somehow. Also the apostrophe in the year. I also thought that the the forth-wall thing with the barman might be a little too far yesterday, but I'm not sure either way today.

    Hope that's a bit of an improvement on my earlier comments, anyway! Do let me know if you have any other questions about how anything comes across.
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