Return of the Revenge of NaNoWriMo '13 Page 16

  • MetalDog 19 Nov 2013 23:36:10 24,076 posts
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    Day Nineteen

    And before midnight, by God.
  • Deleted user 20 November 2013 16:52:18
    Day 18 - Which is getting pretty weird

    Day 19 - Which is getting pretty violent

    Nothing like writing a battle scene after a hard day. Get to take my rage out on mythical beasts. Possibly went too far...
  • sunjumper 20 Nov 2013 17:27:01 3,534 posts
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    After a few days of insanity it looks like a have a bit of free time again.

    Here is my newest somewhat pathetic update. I'm catching up with the wordcount again. If today goes well I'll be back slightly ahead tomorrow again.

    Edited by sunjumper at 20:04:05 20-11-2013
  • MetalDog 20 Nov 2013 20:11:38 24,076 posts
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    Undulating in excitement sounds pretty filthy!

    Went a bit science lesson again with the airship there. Run it by more people and see if they mention that, if they don't, you're safe =)
    How does the ridged frame of the zepplain get folded away though? And thereafter, how does the stub-wing fly with cargo?

    The torch working \o/
    This raises the expectation that the bracelet will too, although I confess I have forgotten what it does.

    I like the pansy-ass reaction to the height and gantry - I would be traversing it on my belly, whimpering all the way, I think.

    Thinking of Captain Nemo a bit in the skyway, imagining all brass and deep reds with the wood. Idris is more mercurial than Nemo though.

    Rocking along, not too worried about magic fits in with everything, personally satisfied with the *handwave* approach to magic, but others may feel differently.
  • Deleted user 20 November 2013 22:09:55
    Day 20 - Nowhere near finished putting fictional people through a dank fictional hell.
  • MetalDog 20 Nov 2013 22:26:01 24,076 posts
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    Day Twenty

    Despite being wildly distracted by Crackanory =D
  • sunjumper 21 Nov 2013 01:10:24 3,534 posts
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    As I’m lagging behind in the writing front I am also lagging in the feedback one too. Right now I am trying hard not to panic or to crack under my bad conscience. I have maybe 45 minutes before I have to start writing again. Let’s see how far I get.

    Before I even start. I think you are being a bit too worried. Your funny stuff is actually really funny, but if you feel that it is like pulling teeth putting it in every time you can also drop it. I am sure that you fans here will all survive the shift in atmosphere.

    Another thing you pretty much nail the Hardboiled feeling that you are going for in all your books so far. Your style has an individual slant to it, so that it is clear that you aren’t Chandler or Hammet, but that is a good thing. You have your own style and not something that smells suspiciously like an overzealous copy. Follow your instincts by now they are well honed through simple work and training.

    Chapter 4
    See right here at the start you have a good first person narration, the descriptions are funny but in a very descriptive way and because we are following the thoughts of the protagonist (very good flow in that inner monologue by the way) we also get to hear some serious exposition which nonetheless immerses us more in the world instead of pulling us out of the story.

    O’Halloran retiring? Nooooo! For a fan of your series that has quite an impact.

    Very good dynamic in that conversation and as MD already said the Captain is a legend!

    Nice reintroducing English and Flint. For newcomers this pretty much clears up what you are talking about in the first place and to old timers like me, well us it feel with warm and fuzzy feelings.

    OK the flow of this chapter was excellent. Maybe you are a bit slow but the quality of your writing is top notch. This does not read or feel like a first draft at all. Right now this is MetalDog territory we are talking about. The bit with O’Halloran’s daughters was quite effective for being thrown into the middle of things and being so short. Of course now he is a few days of retirement and has shown family pictures. You monster!

    Chapter 5
    “She actually used rather stronger language than that, but my delicate ears filtered it out.” Great line.

    I feel a certain anger against the people who would dare to throw bricks through the window of my favourite New York diner. Which also makes me notice how much of a vivid image I have of the place and the people working there.

    Hmm an extra plot line. Interesting.

    “’Well. In my professional opinion,’ I said to Jenny, ‘your brother ain’t here.’” Another great line.

    I actually like how you build tension in this chapter that does not lead to any direct bit of drama explosion. This is actually a rather good strategy because it builds on the horror technique of implying that there are bad things going on but that they are invisible to both the reader and the protagonists which makes it way creepier. It also make the disappearance of the brother a tad more strange. Especially considering that he just seems to have gone for a walk and the vanished.

    No matter what. Please don’t stop writing. Your writing is good. It has improved with time and I actually really want to know how this one ends.


    Chapter 17
    Oh huntress. How wonderfully blind you are.
    This is totally not going to end in a disaster. One thing I keep wondering about is, how real the gods are in your world.

    I really like this part of the story. Huntress (yes I know her name is Lula) the drunk woman out for revenge is turned into a servant of a god she does not really care about and sent on a holy quest. I love the very concept.

    It looks like the pantheon is a bit strange and Karl spoke?! OMGWTFBBQ!

    Very nice chapter and nice to see what happens when you open the valve and let more magic flow into your world.

    I love the feeling of this story so far. (While I know how much hair pulling you go through every time you write a story I still am tinged with envy for how you are able to write ‘straight to paper’ prose.)

    Chapter 18
    Ah Dirk you miserable little bastard. I hope one day you will be used to cut vegetable and meat and know the joys of cooking.

    Poor old winter, it is very interesting to be able to listen to him think. It is extra nice to see his reasoning nodding in agreement when he is obviously right and scratching my head when he goes into the wild lands of superstition.

    AHA! Lord Tav! I knew it. That motherfucker! So he is the other master of Winter’s. Not that much of a surprise in hindsight but it is good to see it confirmed. Even in passing.

    Winter is not a specialist in effective communication, is he? I will forgive him for he is a bit socially inept.

    OK Dirk has his moment of greatness with the mercy incarnate line. :-D

    Chapter 19
    Karl again? What a peculiar fellow he is.

    One thing that is strage is that I am starting to see items differently in your story. I wonder what they might talk about.

    I also like how huntress feels the presence of her husband.

    Oh interesting reason why the huntress dislikes the godslaves so much.

    Now that is an unusual way to point out the right way.

    This chapter sets up the huntress as the terminator of the story and she is close. I wonder if she will arrive by next chapter or if Myrtle and Winter have a day left. Nevertheless everyone is now in tons of trouble.

    And another chapter without closing observation by an item.

    Chapter 20
    A touching moment with Hrose, how kind she is right now. Even the dollies in your stories have more character depth than those characters usually found in genre pieces.

    I hope that his asshole god is properly impressed right now…

    Horse does seems to have a very fine tuned sense for approaching disaster.

    “Myrtle cast a suspicious look at the ajar door, just in case death was sneaking in.” a marvellous line.

    It does appear though that Ynor was indeed impressed.

    Brrr now that is a creepy god.

    That bit where he tells her that he will protect her forever was very touching.

    It looks like Myrtel is now a person of extraordinary interest to two different gods. You my Lady are moving into proper high fantasy now. I am impressed.

    Good old Horse. Sniff. Great closing.
  • MetalDog 21 Nov 2013 13:06:54 24,076 posts
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    Thanks Sun! You make it easy to keep bashing away at this, even if I don't know quite how certain conflicts are going to play out =)

    Is it clear that the Karl speaking is the finger or should I underline that a bit?

    Do the chapters without ending statements by items bother you? I can add them in later (more words, whee), I just find those parts the hardest to write. Involves some serious mental gear changing.

    Very interesting interpretation of what Winter promises there....
  • boo 21 Nov 2013 13:17:50 13,614 posts
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    Cheers! I think that I'll definitely be persevering with this one, even if I miss the deadline.
    And in the New Year I'm actually going to go back and finish the one from 2011 that stopped part way through, because I actually know how that finishes - just never got round to writing it down!

    But I don't think I'm in MD's league! She's something else entirely.
  • sunjumper 21 Nov 2013 13:31:27 3,534 posts
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    The endings not having an item talking breaks the format. It is a bit strange and feels like something is missing. But you can add that later on. You will have the benefit of hindsight and have no need to gear change.

    The 2011 story also will be finished? That's brilliant news!
    You might be going slow but you are going good, so I'd rahter you ignore the deadlines and wirte than panic and give up.

    Also you style has come quite a way and you are now firmly in you could sell me a blank book now and fill in the blank pages as you go without me feeling that I wasted my money or that you need some hardcore editing to make your book shine.

    (hmmm early access and alpha reading...)
  • MetalDog 21 Nov 2013 23:26:42 24,076 posts
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    Day Twenty One

    Glad to hear you're planning on finishing 2011 boo =)

    Inexplicably failing to remember how to link...

    Edited by MetalDog at 23:27:42 21-11-2013
  • Deleted user 22 November 2013 00:37:00
    I wrote about someone dying then decided to drink wine. Ah well. Tomorrow will be better. I'm putting everyone through the mill because I feel like shit. Guess it's therapy.

    Tomorrow will be better.
  • MetalDog 22 Nov 2013 21:21:15 24,076 posts
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    Day twenty two

    All getting a bit frantic. I still have 8k to go before I can claim the 50k of nano-only wordage, I hope I can waffle that much longer.

    Going better today, Bill? How close are you to an end do you think? You're well over the line wordwise.
  • Deleted user 22 November 2013 21:29:51
    Thought of a name for my novel; 'the Daedalus complex' if I could ever motivate myself
  • Deleted user 22 November 2013 21:35:32
    @MetalDog Not really. Just feeling a bit down with it but I think I've burned myself out a bit. Going to just coast on a few words over the next few days and get back into it. Er... No! Ha ha. Halfway I think :S

    You can do 8k in 8 days no bother :) Are you close to the end of yours? I'm looking forward to reading it when my own novel/nightmare is over!!!
  • MetalDog 22 Nov 2013 22:42:15 24,076 posts
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    Yeah, I'm close to the end. I'm worried about running out of story before I hit the 53k - but then, I thought it would only run to about 25k at the start, so there is hope.
  • MetalDog 22 Nov 2013 22:47:17 24,076 posts
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    What's stopping you, man?
  • sunjumper 23 Nov 2013 01:42:51 3,534 posts
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    And another mini update. I am now laggin behind significantly. 2.5k? Fuck...

    This weekend better be monster productive... Saturday is mostly dead. So it will be Sunday. Right now I have reall difficulties even reaching 1.5k which is strange because I like the way the story is moving forward.

    The mini update closes chpater 5 and now we go into chapter 6 were even more ridiculous shit and action will take place. I should be tapdacing on the keyboard right now chucking out one chapter after the next. Strange.

    I need to finish this story. I must.

    Edited by sunjumper at 01:43:04 23-11-2013
  • Deleted user 23 November 2013 08:45:38
    MetalDog wrote:
    What's stopping you, man?
    Dude, too many Gin and Tonics when I wrote that. I admire you guys.
  • MetalDog 23 Nov 2013 23:14:02 24,076 posts
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    Day Twenty Three

    Short one from me today. If I have not read some more by tomorrow afternoon, poke me with a cattle prod. Today turned out way less productive than I meant it too.

    Sun, you will finish your story!

    Edited by MetalDog at 23:14:12 23-11-2013
  • Metalfish 23 Nov 2013 23:49:52 9,191 posts
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    I honestly don't know when I'm gonna get time* to reload the feedback cannonade, (hooray for jobs with homework), but I'll be giving you all as much as I can come my next run of time off. So every finisher will at least get something from me (is that an incentive? I don't even).

    *I could conceivably stop playing games, I guess.
  • MetalDog 24 Nov 2013 23:18:01 24,076 posts
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    Day Twenty Four

    Another short one, but scene 25 is part written. I still have a smidge of time before I get cattle-prodded, so I'll see what I can do.
  • MetalDog 24 Nov 2013 23:36:43 24,076 posts
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    " "This is the first time I enter a plane feeling completely underdressed." said Lane."

    Nice line =)

    You've absolutely switched to omnipotent viewpoint in this scene, showing the thoughts of different characters at will. It's a legitamate viewpoint (albeit one that needs signposting like crazy) but it doesn't match what has gone before, so you'll need to make it all match later on.

    "some half rusted ruin of an explain" - What is an explain in this context?

    "The turbines screamed for the sky" - makes it sound as if they've shot off when they haven't.

    Very steampunk ship, still making me think aerial Nautilus very much. It's a short, fine scene getting the ladies from prep to motion and I trust that you have held to your promise to get cracking further along today, because I would like to see where they go and what happens.
  • Deleted user 24 November 2013 23:43:20
    I am no longer updating my blog, having no confidence at all in what I'm writing. I'm still writing though, just don't want anyone to read it. Sure it's just a temporary lull... Things are still progressing albeit in a messy fashion.

    (not fishing for compliments, just to say why I'm not updating it)

    Can't believe we're moving into the final week though. I'm going to absolutely blitz the words this week and see what happens.
  • MetalDog 24 Nov 2013 23:48:03 24,076 posts
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    We Must Have Faith In The Masses And Faith In The Party

    What an odd chapter.
    Nice touch with Parvati being uninterested in tending his wounds and typical of the protagonist to notice as well.

    I'm wondering what Mark is up to - still kicking the guy out, yet telling him his plans. Seems odd.

    Ever going to finish this?
  • MetalDog 24 Nov 2013 23:56:34 24,076 posts
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    This feeling that everything you write is shit is sort of par for the course when in the depths of a story, you know. I get it every damn time and as far as I can tell, so does nearly everyone else who writes.

    Lev Grossman's pep talk mentions it - you'll find it in your NaNo site inbox. There's also the 2007 Neil Gaiman pep talk addressing the same issue - and doubtless countless more.

    Confidence comes and confidence goes, but if you stick with it, you will succeed, even if you make a mess as you go.

    It's going to take me forever to catch up with the wall of words you've been outputting, so hopefully by the time I do catch up with what's there, you'll have updated again =D
  • Deleted user 25 November 2013 00:21:43
    @MetalDog cheers :-) I'll read the Neil gaiman one for sure. Just writing fatigue I guess. I'm still writing I suppose which is the good thing. I'm probably just feeling crap in general which isn't helping my attitude to what I'm writing.

    How you doing? Do you think you'll finish your novel by the end of the month or just the word count? (if you know what I mean)
  • MetalDog 25 Nov 2013 00:39:42 24,076 posts
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    I think I will, yeah. It will be the first year I haven't over-run, so it was one of my ambitions going in this year to type THE END before Dec 1st.
    I don't think it will be the 70k + it would need to be to do anything with, but I reckon I can Fix That Later(tm) by adding another viewpoint character and a sub plot. Nothing to be worrying about right now, anyway.

    As for feeling crap, I've often used writing as an escape hatch for real life. A whole other world to hide in and rest while RL is busy sucking hard. It doesn't always work, but often enough.
  • sunjumper 25 Nov 2013 01:01:04 3,534 posts
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    One thing that you need to remember is that writing is work.
    Just like 'normal' work sometimes its easy and somtimes it is a horrible slog with you just hoping to get to the end of the day in one piece.

    You are hiding the things you are writing from us? Why? It is perfectly OK to write stuff you feel is shit. Maybe it even is but outside input can help with that too.

    More importantly if memory served you cleared the 50k quite a while ago. Don't burn yourself out. While you can work at a fast rate for a while every day, you can't do so for ever. So you might as well take a few days off. Recharge the batteries. You've already won and trying to beat you story with a club so that it has gotten its shit done by a specific date will help neither you nor the narrative.
    PPut up your feedt for a couple of days. Do something different and then return with you brain freshly primed to the battle field. If you work hard you also have the privilege of going hardcore lazy afterwards and feel good about it.
  • MetalDog 25 Nov 2013 01:13:41 24,076 posts
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    I would say cut down the word output for a few days to something elderly, like 500 wpd, rather than not write at all - it always seems much harder to get going again after a complete stop.
    YMMV though!
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