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@sunjumper Leftovers 016 Dickhead is one word, most often. Looks strangely more vulgar split into two. As laurel and hardyesque as the glue slap slap patch is, it would be a wonderfully suffocating attack. I really like this, I'm a big fan of improvised weapons in fights scenes and I might be *heavily inspired* by it in a future fight scene of my own =D Setting someone on fire is a pretty heavy-duty way to kill them. Man, I got upset the first time I saw a sim go up in a housefire. Hmm. Major loss of sympathy for Lane here. Torching a dude was really quite bad. Rage torturing a prisoner is almost as bad, the combination makes me think she'll deserve whatever hurt is coming her way in future. This may be what you intend, but consider it a heads up if it's not! Have to wonder what those guys were doing near that temple. Probably nothing good. |
Return of the Revenge of NaNoWriMo '13 • Page 19
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MetalDog 24,076 posts
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Registered 20 years ago -
sunjumper 3,548 posts
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Registered 20 years ago@BillCityfingers
I wish I had had more time to give you more proer feedback, but see it as a compliment you wrote faster than I could possibly read!
I hope to be done this year. But realistically speaking it will be the end of January. It is also important to set deadlines that are doable and have enough space for breaks, disasters and well deserved being lazy in them else a dead line will break your will when you start to be confronted by guaranted defeat for days.
It is really quite the expirience to see what one can actually do under the right circumstance and those circumstances often just being 'sit down and do it then'. -
sunjumper 3,548 posts
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Registered 20 years ago@MetalDog
Thanks for the feed back!
That dickhead was the stupid spellchecker... It for some reason really hat to pull that dick apart from the head. Who knows maybe it's prude?
I need to get the setting a dude on fire out of there then.
Lane is not supposed to be a bad guy.
The kicking the crap out of the guy who threatened to kill her was a reaction to pent up fear and being constantly threatened by others with death. It wasn't torture. There was no ulterior motive to it.
It should be captain Idris who should look more suspicious to you.
The plans of the guys that attacked them will soon be unveiled.
Edited by sunjumper at 14:32:09 01-12-2013 -
MetalDog 24,076 posts
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Registered 20 years agoHehe, regardless of motive, kicking the shit out of someone who *can't* fight back is extremely tortureish behaviour - even Lula didn't do that to Winter, she was shitkicking a still extremely dangerous opponent and even then, I expected it to lose her even more sympathy than she'd already lost because of the way she went about it. If you want people to stay on side with Lane, it might be better for her to do the sneaking up on him and disarm him by rage-thrashing, or something.
Don't tell me who to be suspicious of! Save the surprises =) -
Just read through my 12k from yesterday. Expected it to be bollocks but it's actually not. Well, not completely. Happy days. Onwards! Still a long way to go and I've only let half of my cats out the bag... -
sunjumper 3,548 posts
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Registered 20 years ago@BillCityfingers
That's often the case which just drives the point home, how that if you want to write something you have to sit down and write something. It realy is the best strategy to start out.
@MetalDog
You are right about that MD. I will have to tweak that scene later. It looked plausible enough when I wrote it and my heart is filled with evil ugly violence, but you are right, it's the wrong action for the wrong person. Changing it a bit will help with the flow and keep the character more grounded.
Edited by sunjumper at 16:10:32 02-12-2013 -
MetalDog 24,076 posts
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Registered 20 years ago@sunjumper
You need more than one asshole's opinion on it before you change anything, really. Luckily I seem to recall folks promising to read in December so hopefully we'll get some fresh insight soon
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I'm going to read everyones once I finish.
If I finish.
One day.
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sunjumper 3,548 posts
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Registered 20 years agoMetalDog wrote:
More feedback is always better but you pointed something out that didn'T work right. I even kept on writing with the revised scene already taken into acount. The scne will not change much, but Lane will set no one on fire. She will kick the guy first and then break his arm, which will stop her or Monica will intervene.
@sunjumper
You need more than one asshole's opinion on it before you change anything, really. Luckily I seem to recall folks promising to read in December so hopefully we'll get some fresh insight soon
If I would not agree with you I would be here explainng why it toally makes sense. -
MetalDog 24,076 posts
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Registered 20 years ago*beats all the non-finished with a stick*
Write, you slackers! -
Struggling now 
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sunjumper 3,548 posts
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Registered 20 years agoMeme nuked his account?
Wow...
And it is normal to struggle Bill.
The tricky part here is to know at which parts you need to push because you are just standing in front of a wall and in which moments you have to relax because you are burning yourself out.
If you push against a wall it will fall and you are free again.
If you push against burning out you will just burn faster.
Why are you struggling at the moment? -
@sunjumper Sorry didn't realise you had responded, sorry!!!
Think it's just being out of routine, still writing a bit, done about 12k in december so far. Not quite what i was on before but still going I suppose!
Managed to set a new disgusting low for me today. Which is nice.
How's yours doing?
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