Following The Poo Diaries Page 2

  • mikew1985 19 Feb 2014 14:00:22 14,754 posts
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    I agree with Load, if you need to hook your poo out; there is a more serious issue at play. Wft have you been eating?
  • wuntyate 19 Feb 2014 14:01:58 14,937 posts
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    @twelveways I feel like I was with you every step of the way. That was positively gripping. I want to embrace you after that and not let go.

    10/10
  • DFawkes Friendliest Forumite, 2016 19 Feb 2014 14:02:28 32,519 posts
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    I forgot to mention, anyone having difficulty having bowel movements needs these. The reviews explain why.
  • Nexus_6 19 Feb 2014 14:05:36 5,064 posts
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    Deckard1 wrote:
    Except for a rabbit obviously
    Small deer? Sheep? Mice? Rats?
  • neilka 19 Feb 2014 14:19:41 23,406 posts
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    I haven't been in the company of this many poo hookers since that weekend in Berlin.
  • Load_2.0 19 Feb 2014 14:23:30 31,885 posts
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    Maybe some of you need a suction device to aid your weak sphincters?
  • BinaryBob101 19 Feb 2014 14:35:03 27,748 posts
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    Maybe you should ask Razz about that.
  • Load_2.0 19 Feb 2014 14:35:36 31,885 posts
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    No tools.

    This is all hand crafted poo grabbing.
  • anephric 19 Feb 2014 14:40:26 4,186 posts
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    Yup. Make a hook with your forefinger and go fish.
  • Pumpatron 19 Feb 2014 14:40:28 491 posts
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    I'm really trying not to laugh while reading this. I can't laugh out loud because then I'll have to explain whats so funny.

    How am I going to explain to people at work that I'm on a gaming forum reading people's poo based horror stores about their own turds trying to kill them, removing them with forceps, hooking them out with their fingers and giant round unflushable poos, without sounding like a weirdo?
  • Murbs 19 Feb 2014 14:41:09 24,815 posts
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    tl;dp
  • BinaryBob101 19 Feb 2014 14:41:21 27,748 posts
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    Could always try a hoover.
  • DFawkes Friendliest Forumite, 2016 19 Feb 2014 14:44:21 32,519 posts
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    I remember reading a thread somewhere about embarrassing possessions people don't know you have, and some guy had "Poo Scissors". His poo was regularly hard enough that he'd have to reach his scissors into the toilet bowl and cut it into pieces just so it'd flush. He was probably kidding, but the detail he went into was so intricate that it wasn't too hard to believe it could be plausible.

    Edit: Was actually pretty easy to find again, here on Reddit.

    Edited by DFawkes at 14:45:54 19-02-2014
  • Load_2.0 19 Feb 2014 14:45:11 31,885 posts
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    Well I have never needed to probe my own anus before so I can't comment with any authority but I suspect you have an angry pincer technique Deckard.

    Maybe the other posters have a more gentle massaging approach, coaxing out the beasts.

    Edited by Load_2.0 at 14:45:46 19-02-2014
  • Rjs37 19 Feb 2014 14:45:29 5 posts
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    I used to have some major issues, i.e. piles (pain and bleeding) basically without going into too much detail!

    But certainly I've had fairly similar experiences in terms of sitting on the loo for a very long time. Never needed to do any guerilla movements though! Usually I just forced it out and dealt with the after effects!

    I've always been pretty irregular with my toilet habits. But this was mainly a diet problem for me, not enough fluids/fibre. Fixing that really sorted me out. I'm still irregular, (twice a week at most) which probably sounds crazy to most people but it works for me.

    Edited by Rjs37 at 14:48:26 19-02-2014

    Edited by Rjs37 at 14:48:50 19-02-2014
  • imamazed 19 Feb 2014 14:54:53 6,419 posts
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    Rjs37 wrote:
    (twice a week at most)
    :o
  • anephric 19 Feb 2014 14:57:03 4,186 posts
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    My missus has done a megapoo before that was a resolute non-flusher. I had to slice it up into sections like a Sunday roast before it would leave. She was mortified. Never let her forget that one.
  • twelveways 19 Feb 2014 14:59:41 7,131 posts
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    I should add that, apart from food poisoning and a bit of constipation when I travel or stay in a strange house, my bowel movements have always been fine, pleasant even.

    They often just fall out like firm brown sausages without any more than an encouraging squeeze from me. I often don't need to wipe too.

    On reflection, with regards to diet, last week I was training my teachers to make chocolate brownies (hmmm) as one of our seasonal activities for the students, I did eat rather a lot of cake that week, could that be part of the reason?
  • mikew1985 19 Feb 2014 15:00:14 14,754 posts
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    Rjs37 wrote:
    I used to have some major issues, i.e. piles (pain and bleeding) basically without going into too much detail!

    But certainly I've had fairly similar experiences in terms of sitting on the loo for a very long time. Never needed to do any guerilla movements though! Usually I just forced it out and dealt with the after effects!

    I've always been pretty irregular with my toilet habits. But this was mainly a diet problem for me, not enough fluids/fibre. Fixing that really sorted me out. I'm still irregular, (twice a week at most) which probably sounds crazy to most people but it works for me.

    Edited by Rjs37 at 14:48:26 19-02-2014
    You decided this was worth coming out from lurking in the shadows for?

    6 years of silence then bam "this is my jam, finally someone is talking about poo" :D

    Edited by mikew1985 at 15:01:37 19-02-2014
  • twelveways 19 Feb 2014 15:03:51 7,131 posts
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    mikew1985 wrote:
    Rjs37 wrote:
    You decided this was worth coming out from lurking in the shadows for?

    6 years of silence then bam "this is my jam, finally someone is talking about poo" :D
    It's catharsis for the soul. I would never speak about poo, at least not on a personal level, in real life. I have been wanting to tell someone my experience ever since it happened,
  • Rjs37 19 Feb 2014 15:04:50 5 posts
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    @mikew1985 Haha! Someone tweeted the thread out and I thought why not. I know I've commented on the odd article before but didn't realize I hadn't left a reply in a forum thread yet!

    That's a stain on my posting career I guess.
  • Humperfunk 19 Feb 2014 15:06:03 8,197 posts
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    I was reading the epic "I poo'd my pants" thread only two days ago, I'm genuinely delighted that a similar thread has been created for further tears of laughter!
  • mikew1985 19 Feb 2014 15:06:30 14,754 posts
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    Quite a turn of phrase you've adopted there Rjs.
  • Rjs37 19 Feb 2014 15:07:59 5 posts
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    @imamazed It's not that uncommon I don't think, but yeah people usually expect it to be once a day but it can often vary between like several times a day to three times a week. So it's not much worse than that ;).
  • imamazed 19 Feb 2014 15:10:37 6,419 posts
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    Rjs37 wrote:
    @imamazed It's not that uncommon I don't think, but yeah people usually expect it to be once a day but it can often vary between like several times a day to three times a week. So it's not much worse than that ;).
    To be fair, I think I'm unusual in that I go twice a day, sometimes three times.

    I do like my vegetables (fruit can fuck off though)
  • ScoutTech 19 Feb 2014 15:12:25 2,428 posts
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    Bit like someone admitting that while having codimal after an accident they found out it is quite an effective binding agent. There fix, after not having passed for a while and being a bit worried, was to don a rubber glove and 'pick it out'.... That this was a female made it all the more horrifying.
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