Following The Poo Diaries Page 3

  • Rjs37 19 Feb 2014 15:14:48 5 posts
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    @mikew1985 Yeah, I just never expected to start up a shitstorm. Sorry, final pun from me.

    Edited by Rjs37 at 15:15:40 19-02-2014
  • imamazed 19 Feb 2014 15:19:18 6,419 posts
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    Deckard1 wrote:
    My arse would be in tatters if I went three times a day. Once a day for me, you could set your watch by my arse.
    Yeh.

    9.30am and 2.30pm for me, sometimes with an extra one at about 10.30pm if I've eaten early.
  • twelveways 19 Feb 2014 15:20:37 7,131 posts
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    3 or 4 hours after a big meal normally. If I eat late then I save it for morning.
  • mrpon 19 Feb 2014 15:22:22 36,273 posts
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    Just dropping the kids off now! Or rather the extended family.
  • anephric 19 Feb 2014 15:31:20 4,186 posts
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    I'm taking Omeprazole for acid reflux at the mo. One of the side effects of that is that I shit about five or six times a day. Well, I use the word "shit" generously - it's more like wind with a few bits and pieces thrown in for good measure.
  • TheMayorOfJugs 19 Feb 2014 15:35:29 6,489 posts
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    Twice or 3 times a week, and they glide out....

    You people with your twice or 3 times a day are strange O_o
  • mikew1985 19 Feb 2014 15:35:32 14,754 posts
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    You guys are neat!
  • mrpon 19 Feb 2014 15:41:27 36,273 posts
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    Deckard1 wrote:
    My arse would be in tatters if I went three times a day. Once a day for me, you could set your watch by my arse.
    When the big hand points upwards?
  • ILoveThrashMetal 19 Feb 2014 15:54:54 1,066 posts
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    Saw a good thread on reddit the other day, if it's true or not I don't know.
    Bloke pissed at his friends party decided to jump on his mates pool table, drop his trousers and light his fart. Only problem it wasn't noxious gas that came out of his arse but liquid poo.
    Apparently he is avoiding all human contact for the next 20 years.
  • minky-kong 19 Feb 2014 16:03:02 14,595 posts
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    TheMayorOfJugs wrote:
    Twice or 3 times a week, and they glide out....

    You people with your twice or 3 times a day are strange O_o
    You're quite young aren't you? Cherish these times because they won't last.

    Edited by kinky_mong at 16:03:32 19-02-2014
  • Nexus_6 19 Feb 2014 16:07:13 5,064 posts
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    David Duchovny is reported to be starring in a tv series about this thread - The Red Poo Diaries
  • Deleted user 19 February 2014 16:09:32
    I feel the OP's pain. The worst predicament I've found myself in was somewhere in the Australian Outback.

    I arrived at a garage / petrol station one morning and after sinking a few of Ozie's finest drinks and food at a Fish restaurant the night before, I'd accumulated what felt like several house bricks that were finding their way to my rectum. It was starting to become troublesome.

    After asking the shop keep as to the whereabouts of his facilities, I located what I can only describe as Leatherface's wet dream. Approaching the door, there was a grim glistening of murk that had gathered on the floor outside. Given the noise my stomach was making, I was prepared to face anything. Opening the door was like releasing Pandora's Box. A devils howl of a smell was released into the already intense heat and the interior looked like some of the shanty town in Resident Evil 5. Further investigation proved that this hole was directly funnelled into Hell. Anyone that stayed in that nightmare would have come out looking like Harvey Dent.

    I couldn't put myself through any more pain, so I shuffled up the road whilst trying to minimise the movement to the beast. I left the road and continued into the wilderness until I found a suitable bush to hide my already diminished modesty.

    20 minutes and several birthing positions later, I finally expelled several meters worth of solid, unrivalled stool to a symphony of pain and whitening about in the dirt.

    Somewhere out there in a few hundred years, they'll find a fossil and believe it to be ET's second cousin.

    Edited by feeg86 at 15:36:32 26-02-2014
  • Deleted user 19 February 2014 16:11:42
    Whilst I agree this was a thrilling read. I cannot understand why you would willingly eat a lunch of fried potato, beef and rice if you had a back logged system.
  • Mr_Sleep 19 Feb 2014 16:39:36 23,445 posts
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    I find that a healthy dose of banana, pear and apple and it slides out like a beautiful slippery work of art. I don't eat any meat which may be part of it too. I am pretty regularly irregular though and my body always seems to want to evacuate when I have to leave the house, it's like a safety mechanism to ensure I never get caught short.
  • twelveways 19 Feb 2014 16:43:21 7,131 posts
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    Someone had ordered it for me and left it on my desk. Whilst I wasn't feeling hungry at that time, the poo had slid out of my mind and the food smelt delicious.
  • anephric 19 Feb 2014 16:54:39 4,186 posts
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    Especially if you insert it in your exhaust pipe a la Axel Foley.

    Edited by anephric at 17:20:48 19-02-2014
  • Deleted user 19 February 2014 16:55:01
    unfortunately it had not slipped from your digestive tract.

    I think that was the game changer. Before you had consumed that bowl of flavoursome goodness your poo was probably a 4.5 on the colon quake scale.
  • Mr_Sleep 19 Feb 2014 16:57:38 23,445 posts
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    Deckard1 wrote:
    Banana is supposed to cause constipation.
    Is that right? Certainly doesn't seem to in my case. Although maybe it does and otherwise I would expunge my bowels in one big jet of liquid.
  • TheMayorOfJugs 19 Feb 2014 17:00:16 6,489 posts
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    kinky_mong wrote:
    TheMayorOfJugs wrote:
    Twice or 3 times a week, and they glide out....

    You people with your twice or 3 times a day are strange O_o
    You're quite young aren't you? Cherish these times because they won't last.
    :-D

    I find this hilarious, in a poignant, regretful kind of way on your part.
  • Ziz0u 19 Feb 2014 17:08:56 11,006 posts
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    I don't think twice or 3 times a week is normal.
  • Load_2.0 19 Feb 2014 17:14:48 31,885 posts
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    Heh exhaust pipe. Sounds like 1920's Detective chatter.

    "Listen up sister, when you're slapped, you'll take it and like it or next stop will be the 13.25 express straight up your exhaust pipe!"
  • minky-kong 19 Feb 2014 17:19:07 14,595 posts
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    I do that a day most of the time. Especially if I had a big lunch.
  • TheMayorOfJugs 19 Feb 2014 17:34:27 6,489 posts
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    Zizoo wrote:
    I don't think twice or 3 times a week is normal.
    What are you trying to say?

    How long do I have? ;(
  • Ziz0u 19 Feb 2014 17:37:39 11,006 posts
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    TheMayorOfJugs wrote:
    Zizoo wrote:
    I don't think twice or 3 times a week is normal.
    What are you trying to say?

    How long do I have? ;(
    Not long. You're full of shit.

  • minky-kong 19 Feb 2014 17:55:34 14,595 posts
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    Deckard1 wrote:
    did you italic the wrong word?
    No, it was in response to Zizoo. Just highlighting I often do that in a day rather than a week.
  • effinjamie 19 Feb 2014 18:10:24 994 posts
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    anephric wrote:
    I'm taking Omeprazole for acid reflux at the mo. One of the side effects of that is that I shit about five or six times a day. Well, I use the word "shit" generously - it's more like wind with a few bits and pieces thrown in for good measure.
    LOL it's not just me then!
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