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The funniest one was probably as a kid finishing my paper round and cycling home on my racer (complete "with a seat like a razor blade") as fast as I could in the pissing rain. Storming down a steep hill towards a main road on the way home I decided I should brake. Of course, the calliper brakes and water didn't mix too well and the sheer amount of water on the wheel rims mean I'm not stopping fast enough. I scooted across the road, with both feet on the ground in some futile attempt to brake slightly, and ran straight across the road and up the pavement on the other side somehow avoiding being mangled between the traffic on both carriageways. Oh, and with being so out of control, I went straight up the kerb, across the pavement on the opposite side and right into a hedge too, giving everyone who just missed me a laugh I'm sure. I always brake a little earlier in the rain now! |
That time I almost died • Page 2
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Vortex808 15,593 posts
Seen 23 hours ago
Registered 13 years ago -
Tonka 31,979 posts
Seen 4 minutes ago
Registered 18 years agoStanding on a frozen irrigation pond 30 minutes from any house with a boulder the size of a football above my head. Repeatedly throwing it as hard as I could to break the ice.
Thank fuck that didn't play out the way I wanted it. -
CosmicFuzz 32,632 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 15 years agoTonka wrote:
Jesus Christ Tonka! That's a Darwin Award contender right there!
Standing on a frozen irrigation pond 30 minutes from any house with a boulder the size of a football above my head. Repeatedly throwing it as hard as I could to break the ice.
Thank fuck that didn't play out the way I wanted it.
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CosmicFuzz 32,632 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 15 years agorivuzu wrote:
Yeah yeah and it caused a massive pile up on the motorway but then you woke up from the vision and stopped your friends from getting in the car in the first place right PULL THE OTHER ONE YOU FUCKING LIAR
I was in the front passenger seat on a car as we were going down the motorway, everything moving about 70 miles per hour, and we were behind an open-backed lorry which was transporting some lumber...
Long, long bits of wood, with the end of which facing us but the entire thing "secured" by some straps and bits. Well, all it took was one slight nudge and those straps were worth shit, as one of the bits of wood fell out and we drove straight into it. Smashed through the windscreen and luckily went down the centre of the car, out the back windscreen. No one was hurt in a car of four people aside from some scratches off of the glass.
Genuine change-your-trousers moment though. The speed and impact of it was just so sudden that none of us had time to react. Just glad my mate didn't panic and crash the car too! -
AcidSnake 8,461 posts
Seen 2 hours ago
Registered 15 years agoWhen I was about 8 I went eel fishing at the lake...
Eel are bastards basically, they come out late at night and especially when it rains (rainfall muddies the water near the shore and gives them stuff to eat)...
So we cast the lines and retreated under the balcony of a lakeside house next to a huge tree. There's a concrete platform there under the balcony for tying up boats and such but nothing too fancy construction wise as the lake water level varies greatly throughout the year and that whole area is prone to be underwater...
After a while lightning was added to the rain for extra atmosphere and being young and frankly bored out of my mind I started whining about going back home...
My dad gave in after a while and we went back up the mountain. As we arrived home (a minute walk by all accounts from the lake) lightning struck somewhere really close by but we thought nothing of it...
As you may have guessed the huge tree and lightning gave each other a great big hug...
So in itself that would have basically scared us and not much more...Thing is, the lightning when connecting to the ground through the tree hit a piece of iron contained in the foundations of the lake house and ran though the whole reinforced concrete platform...Ending just below the surface of that concrete and making a chunk of it explode into pieces...The chunk where we were sitting just a minute before...The concrete shrapnel devastated a small boat nearby and pockmarked a wall of the house, I'm pretty sure it would have torn us to pieces if we would have remained there...
TLR
I whined enough to have my dad take me away from a small shrapnel explosion -
JuanKerr 37,710 posts
Seen 10 months ago
Registered 15 years agoAcidSnake wrote:
Yeah, fuck those eels for coming out in the middle of the night when no-one's around so that they can eat. FUCK THEM.
Eel are bastards basically, they come out late at night and especially when it rains (rainfall muddies the water near the shore and gives them stuff to eat)...
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quadfather 39,069 posts
Seen 3 days ago
Registered 11 years ago@Deckard1
Yup. Disappointed. I wanted to hear about loads of them swarming the house -
CosmicFuzz 32,632 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 15 years agoJuanKerr wrote:
I bet they read war history books too!
AcidSnake wrote:
Yeah, fuck those eels for coming out in the middle of the night when no-one's around so that they can eat. FUCK THEM.
Eel are bastards basically, they come out late at night and especially when it rains (rainfall muddies the water near the shore and gives them stuff to eat)...
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AcidSnake 8,461 posts
Seen 2 hours ago
Registered 15 years agoWell well, look at all the eel lovers...
You know who else liked eels?
Hitler... -
Vortex808 15,593 posts
Seen 23 hours ago
Registered 13 years agoAcidSnake wrote:
Now surely the weirdos are those that want to *eat* eels, no?
Well well, look at all the eel lovers...
You know who else liked eels?
Hitler... -
JuanKerr 37,710 posts
Seen 10 months ago
Registered 15 years agoEels are fantastic. They migrate 5,000 km to near the Bahamas, lay their eggs and the little eels swim all the way back. Awesome. -
superbob86 13 posts
Seen 2 years ago
Registered 7 years agoeels are like snakes but underwater they can be tricky to catch without specialised equipment but taste good in a pie or with some mashed potato ennui is the echo in us of time tearing itself apart -
AcidSnake 8,461 posts
Seen 2 hours ago
Registered 15 years ago@Vortex808:
For what it's worth I've never eaten eel as it looks gross however it is cooked...
And the fishing trips stopped for me shortly after that because...Well because it's fishing and I think it's boring as hell... -
Fake_Blood 11,093 posts
Seen 22 hours ago
Registered 12 years agoI once finished loading a lorry, and the driver was raising the loading plate to close the truck, and a few inches from the top there was a loud bang, a cloud of oil mist and the entire thing came down with an even louder bang, a meter from where I was standing. One of the hydraulic tubes had broken. Turns out the loading platform weighs about a ton on it's own, it actually broke the concrete floor where it came down. -
Caving in Cheddar Caves on an activity holiday when I were little, with a largeish group. Got told to sit on the side of a depression on the cave floor while the rest of the group climbed up the wall that I had just climbed up. Fell off the side of this basin and landed in the floor of the basin next to a dark patch, which my headlight torch could only barely penetrate. After a relieved activity coach pulled me out of the basin, he told me that dark patch was Jacobs Ladder, a shaft that goes straight down like 100 metres or something.
Also got attacked by someone with a carving knife, he slashed my outside left forearm pretty good 3 or 4 times, before I managed to grab an aluminium bread bin lid and used it as a shield, trapped the knife against his chest by punching forward with the lid (in my left hand) as he was lunging at me, momentarily the knife was pressed against his chest by the lid, and sent my right fist over the top into his face, he fell back against a work top, I dropped the bin lid and grabbed hold of his forearm with both hands, raised his hand up and then slammed his hand down against the formica work top as hard as I could I think 3 times and he dropped the knife. I then brought my right fist back, adrenalin was in full flow by then, I was going to hammer the shit out of him till he went down, but no need, he puts his hands over his head and laid down on the floor in front of me whimpering. I just kicked the knife away from him and walked away. He didn't follow. He cut me fairly deep on my left forearm, frenzied slashing, it was quite a wake up call. -
CosmicFuzz 32,632 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 15 years agoHaha!
@ deck
As for that knife story - WTF that's not true!
Edited by CosmicFuzz at 10:00:25 26-09-2014 -
Dougs 100,414 posts
Seen 18 hours ago
Registered 18 years agoFake_Blood wrote:
Christ! Reminds me of when I was standing outside a pub in Covent Garden with some friends, took a step to the right and seconds later, the entire window frame fell out and landed where we had been stood. Obviously we just shrugged and carried on drinking.
I once finished loading a lorry, and the driver was raising the loading plate to close the truck, and a few inches from the top there was a loud bang, a cloud of oil mist and the entire thing came down with an even louder bang, a meter from where I was standing. One of the hydraulic tubes had broken. Turns out the loading platform weighs about a ton on it's own, it actually broke the concrete floor where it came down. -
CosmicFuzz 32,632 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 15 years agoDougs wrote:
Yeah it's pretty scary stuff. I remember standing chatting with my friend in primary school when a bird shit landed RIGHT in the midle of us. Thing flew through between us and hit the ground inches away from us both.
Fake_Blood wrote:
Christ! Reminds me of when I was standing outside a pub in Covent Garden with some friends, took a step to the right and seconds later, the entire window frame fell out and landed where we had been stood. Obviously we just shrugged and carried on drinking.
I once finished loading a lorry, and the driver was raising the loading plate to close the truck, and a few inches from the top there was a loud bang, a cloud of oil mist and the entire thing came down with an even louder bang, a meter from where I was standing. One of the hydraulic tubes had broken. Turns out the loading platform weighs about a ton on it's own, it actually broke the concrete floor where it came down.
I cried for weeks. -
wobbly_Bob 5,162 posts
Seen 7 months ago
Registered 15 years agoI have a few.
I don't know if I was in actual danger of dying but it was scary at the time and definitely one of those what if moments.
I was flying back from America to the UK. I always like to look out the window on flights and also had done the trip many times so when we started banking 30 minutes out I noticed. Bit odd I thought. Then we continued to bank and lock into a circling patten. Very very strange. What's going on? I was a bit concerned.
And then a waterfall of white stuff started pissing out of the engines. Ok now I'm really fucking worried. The plane leveled out and the pilot said they had a problem and they would be heading back to Dallas ( all the while the waterfall of liquid pissing out) of the wings engines. The secure seat belts sign came on and it was a very tense trip back to Dallas. Everybody was really quiet. No talking. It was later on the ground I learned the waterfall of white stuff was them dumping the fuel in preparation for an emergency landing.
I don't know how serious it was and if we were in in danger of dying but it was scary. So that's my I was almost killed in an air crash annecdot.
An actual I was seconds from death moment: I was riding own a very steep hill on a mountain bike. There is a sharp bend and I missed an oncoming car by inches.
Lastly, I was on a narrow boating holiday. My first boating holiday and my girlfriend is nervous of boats. To cut a long story short, I'm off the boat and she managed to wrench the tiller all the way over and get the boat stuck n the opposite bank.
She starts fteaking out. So I decided to be heroic and jump in and swim across to her. As soon as I hit the water I knew what a massive mistake I had made. The current was really strong and my clothing weighing me down. I really didn't know if I would make it across. I just managed to get across. My arms amd legs shaking it was all I could do to hold to the side of the boat. That was massive stupidity on my part. I was lucky there was no under tow. -
Steve_Perry wrote:
Lol, I tried to be at first, thought I could grab or block the knife arm with one hand and do some kind of move, but rather than a single thrust or slash, every time I moved my hand towards his knife hand he frenziedly slashed at my hand and forearm. When he actually cut me and I felt the sting of the knife I straight away abandoned anything fancy and my mind just went, "you need a weapon or a shield now", straight away thought of the bread bin on the counter behind me and jumped back away from the knife and grabbed it as quickly and cleanly as I could, I knew I needed to grab it asap but I was calm enough to realise that I didn't want to drop it as he was still moving forward towards me slashing away.
muttler wrote:
Are you Jason Bourne?
Caving in Cheddar Caves on an activity holiday when I were little, with a largeish group. Got told to sit on the side of a depression on the cave floor while the rest of the group climbed up the wall that I had just climbed up. Fell off the side of this basin and landed in the floor of the basin next to a dark patch, which my headlight torch could only barely penetrate. After a relieved activity coach pulled me out of the basin, he told me that dark patch was Jacobs Ladder, a shaft that goes straight down like 100 metres or something.
Also got attacked by someone with a carving knife, he slashed my outside left forearm pretty good 3 or 4 times, before I managed to grab an aluminium bread bin lid and used it as a shield, trapped the knife against his chest by punching forward with the lid (in my left hand) as he was lunging at me, momentarily the knife was pressed against his chest by the lid, and sent my right fist over the top into his face, he fell back against a work top, I dropped the bin lid and grabbed hold of his forearm with both hands, raised his hand up and then slammed his hand down against the formica work top as hard as I could I think 3 times and he dropped the knife. I then brought my right fist back, adrenalin was in full flow by then, I was going to hammer the shit out of him till he went down, but no need, he puts his hands over his head and laid down on the floor in front of me whimpering. I just kicked the knife away from him and walked away. He didn't follow. He cut me fairly deep on my left forearm, frenzied slashing, it was quite a wake up call. -
Fab4 8,924 posts
Seen 1 year ago
Registered 15 years agoNearly drowned on two different occasions when bank collapsed, while fishing a flood-swollen river. I was also caught by the percussion wave of an under-car bomb in the late 80's, back in Northern Ireland...probably not life-threatening but the shrapnel from the bus-shelter I was sitting at hurt.
I won't even mention getting hit in the face with the swinging hook of a crane or the numerous times i've been hit by cars while cycling...oh wait!.gif)
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CosmicFuzz 32,632 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 15 years ago@muttler why were you fighting this man to the death in the first place? -
Oh-Bollox 6,513 posts
Seen 2 years ago
Registered 14 years ago@Steve_Perry That was the odd thing, the first bloke just said "Thanks." when I helped him up, and then nothing until he told his mate to stab me. It actually took me days to figure out what had happened, I was 15 at the time and a bit naive, and I couldn't work out what I was supposed to have done to have three lads attack me. Even to this day, I think it was a mugging, but I'm not sure. I just think it was so fucking inept it disguised the nature of the crime. If they had asked for my wallet, they would have got it, had fuck-all in it as it was Christmas Eve.
The police rocked up about five minutes after I called them (so about six minutes after it happened) and they're the ones who noticed I'd actually been stabbed because I was so off my face on adrenaline I couldn't sit still, stop shaking, or really feel my body much at all. They called an ambulance, took my statement etc, but never caught anyone (and told me the chances of doing so were near to nil). -
In the spirit of sharing, oddly enough this morning as I was sunning myself on a Turkish beach there was an explosion from the other side of the bay.
My immediate thoughts were "OH FUCK ITS ISIS" (we're miles and miles from the Syrian border) but fortunately some Turkish guy told me it was probably a gas canister getting too hot.
I still scanned the horizon for the next hour. I am a huge pussy. -
@muttler Breadbin lids far too OP. Nerf required.
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