Following I'm a real man's man - be in awe of my manly achievements

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  • BreadBinLidHero 5 Aug 2017 16:20:29 10,570 posts
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    I cleaned my bicycle properly, including degreasing the chain and cassette. I then rode about 25km. Afterwards I ate loads of processed meat. Later I went out and got hammered and I now have a massive hangover, yet I am drinking beer now.

    Most mornings I have Shredded Wheat for breakfast WITH NO SUGAR, HONEY OR ANY KIND OF SWEETNER.

    I bought some beard oil to condition my big, thick manly beard. I am going to have a big steak for tea with shitloads of onion rings.

    I then created a new manly thread to replace the old manly thread that was shown to be weak and girly when it disappeared.

    I am a real man's man and these are my manly activities.
  • elstoof 5 Aug 2017 16:27:24 27,124 posts
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    What happened to the manly things thread
  • Cappy 5 Aug 2017 16:30:24 14,291 posts
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    Beard oil? Get out of here with your effeminate posturing.

    You're supposed to use your beard to degrease the bike chain.
  • BreadBinLidHero 5 Aug 2017 16:36:19 10,570 posts
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    Cappy wrote:
    Beard oil? Get out of here with your effeminate posturing.

    You're supposed to use your beard to degrease the bike chain.
    Stealth 'my girly face can't create a beard' post.

    My manly beard is made even manlier by being well groomed.
  • Cappy 5 Aug 2017 17:33:04 14,291 posts
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    Truly the response of a dildo sub. Get out of here with your jasmine scented beard oil.
  • Syrette 5 Aug 2017 17:39:55 51,081 posts
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    thelzdking wrote:
    Most mornings I have Shredded Wheat for breakfast WITH NO SUGAR, HONEY OR ANY KIND OF SWEETNER.
    .
    What a boring cereal.
  • X201 5 Aug 2017 17:43:19 21,627 posts
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    elstoof wrote:
    What happened to the manly things thread
    I'm presuming that someone was all manly and used a naughty word and the thread went with them :(
  • BreadBinLidHero 5 Aug 2017 18:40:21 10,570 posts
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    Cappy wrote:
    Truly the response of a dildo sub. Get out of here with your jasmine scented beard oil.
    I think it's tea tree actually.
  • Deleted user 5 August 2017 18:40:42
    Cappy wrote:
    Truly the response of a dildo sub. Get out of here with your jasmine scented beard oil.
    I saw a young guy waiting for the bus today with a full ginger (why would you?) beard and waxed moustache. It was a hot sunny day, so he had on a tweed jacket and thick checked trousers. He looked a right pillock. I expect he'll end up a maths teacher.
  • mothercruncher 5 Aug 2017 18:52:26 19,212 posts
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    Syrette wrote:
    thelzdking wrote:
    Most mornings I have Shredded Wheat for breakfast WITH NO SUGAR, HONEY OR ANY KIND OF SWEETNER.
    .
    What a boring cereal.
    Honestly, it's like biting down on cobwebs.
  • Kostabi 5 Aug 2017 19:32:00 5,923 posts
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    Nothing manly about riding a bicycle unless it's down hill at speed.
  • Khanivor 5 Aug 2017 19:42:12 44,732 posts
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    Drinking in the sunshine aint no game for lightweights, son
  • Garfy 5 Aug 2017 19:46:58 1,537 posts
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    GuybrushThreepwood wrote:
    I saw a young guy waiting for the bus today with a full ginger (why would you?) beard and waxed moustache. It was a hot sunny day, so he had on a tweed jacket and thick checked trousers. He looked a right pillock. I expect he'll end up a maths teacher.
    Hey just getting ready for my date tomorrow.
  • JamboWayOh 5 Aug 2017 20:00:43 23,750 posts
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    GuybrushThreepwood wrote:
    Cappy wrote:
    Truly the response of a dildo sub. Get out of here with your jasmine scented beard oil.
    I saw a young guy waiting for the bus today with a full ginger (why would you?) beard and waxed moustache. It was a hot sunny day, so he had on a tweed jacket and thick checked trousers. He looked a right pillock. I expect he'll end up a maths teacher.
    All the maths teachers I ever worked with were all non bearded and fat dads. He sounds more like a Humanities teacher. At a push Geography.
  • BreadBinLidHero 5 Aug 2017 20:11:48 10,570 posts
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    We had a maths teacher who looked like Theresa May and was twice as mean.
  • JamboWayOh 5 Aug 2017 20:44:34 23,750 posts
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    thelzdking wrote:
    We had a maths teacher who looked like Theresa May and was twice as mean.
    Did she have a haunted vagina too?

    Edited by JamboWayOh at 20:45:04 05-08-2017
  • BreadBinLidHero 5 Aug 2017 20:53:52 10,570 posts
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    I imagine that it haunted anyone who went near it.
  • JamboWayOh 5 Aug 2017 21:41:39 23,750 posts
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    I can only imagine it had its own scary music theme too. Something along the lines of the outer limits theme music, it properly freaked me out as a kid.
  • Rogueywon 5 Aug 2017 22:57:46 11,530 posts
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    Beard oil?

    That's not "real man". That's "hipster".

    "Hipster" is to "real man" as "Linda McCarntney Vegan Meat-Substitute Sausage-Inspired Product In Artisanal Granola Bun" is to "proper fry-up breakfast in a traditional greasy-spoon".
  • anephric 5 Aug 2017 23:26:55 4,983 posts
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    I spent all day Friday on a chainsaw course.

    I use my building site voice when I am on such things, for I do not wish to be lampooned by my tattooed manly peers for my effete public-school accent.
  • mAc6 6 Aug 2017 01:41:23 3,396 posts
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    I opened my NAT through my modem and manly effort with headaches, my Xbox looks happy. I SHAVE
  • captainrentboy 6 Aug 2017 09:10:37 1,682 posts
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    A guy gently massaging beard oil onto his facial fuzz, so that it stays all silky soft and controllable, sounds like one of the least manly activities that's ever taken place in the history of man.

    I had a massive 'post curry' shit yesterday (it rose above the water level), it's been over 24hrs and it still fucking stinks in there.
    It's actually pretty concerning. :/
  • Mola_Ram 6 Aug 2017 09:11:32 25,701 posts
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    Try flushing it?
  • captain_markyboy 6 Aug 2017 09:26:23 853 posts
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    captainrentboy wrote:
    A guy gently massaging beard oil onto his facial fuzz, so that it stays all silky soft and controllable, sounds like one of the least manly activities that's ever taken place in the history of man.

    I had a massive 'post curry' shit yesterday (it rose above the water level), it's been over 24hrs and it still fucking stinks in there.
    It's actually pretty concerning. :/
    You know it's a manly shite when it still stinks in the bog the day after the event....

    Good work
  • captain_markyboy 6 Aug 2017 09:26:58 853 posts
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    Post deleted
  • captainrentboy 6 Aug 2017 09:40:27 1,682 posts
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    Mola_Ram wrote:
    Try flushing it?
    Hahaha.
    I did a lol. :)
  • Dirtbox 6 Aug 2017 15:02:15 92,343 posts
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    elstoof wrote:
    What happened to the manly things thread
    Craigy had a hissy and deleted all my old posts and threads. The forum shrunk by about a third.
  • Jeepers 6 Aug 2017 16:43:15 16,612 posts
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    Dirtbox wrote:
    elstoof wrote:
    What happened to the manly things thread
    Craigy had a hissy and deleted all my old posts and threads. The forum shrunk by about a third.
    And overall anger levels by seven eighths.
  • mal 24 Aug 2017 22:36:23 29,326 posts
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    Been chopping down a couple of 30ft trees the past couple of weeks. The midges were quite bad when the humidity was high, and my uncovered legs in shorts had dozens of little bites on them that evening. Tonight, in the bath however, I looked down and it looked like I had a third bollock - but it turns out that one adventurous midge made it all the way up there.

    Still, if you've got it you may as well flaunt it, even if it is just a blood swelling caused by an insect bite.
  • mothercruncher 24 Aug 2017 22:50:50 19,212 posts
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    I just scrapped off the yellow-ey crusty bloody forearm length scab I got from a choice sliding session on the road after I came off my bike and swabbed the angry pink mess with salt water a few times to get the fucker to finally dry up.
    It hurts a lot now and the bravado has worn off a bit. Whiskey isn't fixing it, weirdly. I need to do my hip next :(
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