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Day 27 http://nanodrivel.blogspot.co.uk/2017/11/day-27.html |
NaNoWriMo 2017 aka write ten pages then give up • Page 15
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The12thMonkey 598 posts
Seen 6 hours ago
Registered 17 years ago@FogHeart
I wonder how Matthew feels about the dolphins that are named after his dead wife now? Good shift from playful to sinister.
Been stupidly busy at work since Black Friday (the joys of working retail at Christmas, though not customer facing, thankfully...), so I haven't had a chance to do very much more on my story, or other reading, but I did have a nice idea which I think is helping me with the structure and planning. -
The12thMonkey 598 posts
Seen 6 hours ago
Registered 17 years ago@rice_sandwich I think this was the best section of Keiko so far. Leaves me none the wiser how it all ties together, though. -
@The12thMonkey
I dunno exactly either. I think her story will run throughout Harry's stay at the hotel. I guess by talking to people you can learn more about life and different perspectives. Or maybe I'll dump it all and write another story just about that. -
Skirlasvoud 4,039 posts
Seen 4 months ago
Registered 11 years agoThe work so far:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3h_8X-pKBHIWGxrb01NSWM0dUk/view
http://sunlash.net/?p=12 (Getting to the dreadnought)
http://sunlash.net/?p=37 (Arrival on the dreadnought)
http://sunlash.net/?p=50 (Exploring the Pirate Bar)
And then the last of the work that I managed to... vomit up... until yesterday:
http://sunlash.net/?p=61 (Getting access to visit the planet)
http://sunlash.net/?p=66 (Word garbage, basically. Skipped the bit where you need to talk to your contractor.)
I'm done. Don't think I will be participating if Sunjumper wants to go on past November. I've burned out and I'm growing dissatisfied with my own work. I need a good long think about how I'm going to change it up. I'm the sort who carefully plans his story and I need time to figure out how I'm going to add new components to the engine.
12thMonkey's tips hit right on the nail and I'm anxious to introduce more interactivity and mix things up. I also want to condense my work, make the themes clearer and make the flow tighter. I think it'll be easier if I start to code and think of where the branches lead. This linear stuff is making the quality of the choices and my overview suffer.
Think I'll also lean into mass effect more and actually come up with an unseen or used alignment system. I'll constantly give the reader the choice between Idealism vs Pragmatism, with the pirates being pragmatic villains, the Rathvani being idealistic heroes, and the two faction on the moon being Pragmatic (realpolitik) heroes and Villains with vile idealism.
Doing that, I'll force myself to put in more interaction where these choices are presented, create a stronger central theme, allow Hanson/Celes to develop more personality and break up the paragraphs.
Any brave soul with enough of a constitution to make it to the end of the last post, I've left a little hint of where I'm going with this story.
Edited by Skirlasvoud at 17:38:52 01-12-2017 -
Skirlasvoud 4,039 posts
Seen 4 months ago
Registered 11 years agoWhatever the case, I really enjoyed this NaNoWriMo. 
There weren't many of us, but some of the output was REALLY good! I enjoyed reading everyone else's stories.
I'm going to wrap and come back to the last of other people's output, after I've recovered from being sick of writing and reading my own work.
Edited by Skirlasvoud at 17:25:53 01-12-2017 -
So how are we all doing with writing now that nanowrimo is over? I intend to keep working on my entry over the next couple of months. No need to push a daily word limit which feels better. Ideally I'd like to finish my 2016 and 2017 entries and also pick up a 40k word story that I believe I started in 1996. -
LittleSparra 7,926 posts
Seen 3 years ago
Registered 6 years agoI didn't participate in this, but I did recently send a story (well, the first 20%) to some friends of mine. Doesn't sound like much, but this is a story I've had gestating and been reworking for a few years, and I am keen to know what they think.
Sounds a bit precious, but it's scaaarryy. -
The12thMonkey 598 posts
Seen 6 hours ago
Registered 17 years agoIn terms of the story itself, The Last Forecast is on hold while I work on previous projects. I enjoyed writing it and finally turning a core idea into some kind of structure, even though I ran out of ideas at the end. I've got several plans to take forward and the fix for Alice has been scoped out, so there's plenty to work with when I can spare it the time.
Really, my goal, was to get better at writing to target, and writing more spontaneously - which don't sound compatible. I had got into a habit of always writing in my notebook, then writing up on PC, because I found the blank sheet intimidating. Lines in an A5 pad feel more comforting - you can fill up a page with about 200-250 words, so it can quickly look like quite a lot, which I found helpful. However, the NaNo challenge I set myself was to do without that, and I'm pleased I managed to achieve as much as I did. And hitting the 1666 /day wasn't too difficult (while the ideas were flowing).
I flew blind through most of it, but I'll have a plan next time NaNo rolls around. Think I'll run with a different story idea. Now that The Last Forecast is more than a half-page summary, it's easier to think up solutions to the problems in there.
Also, big thanks to everyone in the thread for the support during November.gif)
Edited by The12thMonkey at 11:37:37 17-01-2018 -
Skirlasvoud 4,039 posts
Seen 4 months ago
Registered 11 years agoI'm continuing work on Sunlash. I've the occasional day off and I'm spending the full 8 hours working on it in a library.
Have to say; Nanowrimo gave me burn out for at least December and January, but I'm back on track now.
Once I finish Chapter 1, I'm going to hound my illustrator for a status update and learn how to use Unity to implement the work. Keeping people's tips and preferences in mind once I do! -
sunjumper 3,548 posts
Seen 2 weeks ago
Registered 20 years ago@Carbon_Altered
Soooo.
In preparation of the coming month I decided to go back and take care of some feeback I promised to give.
First is Carbon where I last read chapter 8 and where there are still two chapters left for me to read.
Chapter 9
Getting back to the story cold reading the very disturbing opening passage just caused a massive flashback to what has happened so far. A good sign if a reader suddenly remembers a plot he last read almost a year ago. And I’m already smiling again 7 lines in. (I counted)
This: “[…]the flesh deflated a little, an approximation of sagging shoulders[…]” is a great description.
I like the plot twist with the aliens not really knowing either what the haemorrhage is and how to stop it. This is probably the point where someone should say something about exposition but it is compact, compelling and well-earned at this point in the story.
“ ‘It’s really very clever. They’ve started a process of media manipulation. By slowly making those inside the dome increasingly unhappy with the situation elsewhere in the world the fact that none of it is really there is envisaged as being a relief to them when the truth is uncovered’ “ This bit is brilliant and very funny.
And that plot twist was surprisingly gruesome and effective.
Another great line “They worked quickly, if not precisely, Jacoby attempting not to look, Jack nearly forgetting his role when he did look, and Granny’s hand shaking.” Captures the moment perfectly and may I compliment you how you switch between the funny and the deadly serious. Your craft has come a long way and with every story you write you get better at what you are doing.
An not they have to take Gary with them? X-D
Chapter 10
The exposition from chapter 9 pays off instantly here compared with the wild speculations of the protagonists inside London.
The glass of frothy water and the banana were great.
The rest of the chapter flows very well, I immersed in the story again. The characters are all great and the style is to the point and works very well.
While Chapter 9 answered a few questions the people on the inside are still wondering about the fate of the people who “go home” after a day at work is deeply intriguing and by now it is high time that the two story lines start to merge.
Sadly that was that.
I would have loved to read more.
The story and the characters are very compelling and as always I really love your style. You can easly change between light and really funny to dark a horrifying and back again in just a few sentences and you always have a great cast of characters.
I hope you get to write again this year. -
sunjumper 3,548 posts
Seen 2 weeks ago
Registered 20 years ago@FogHeart
Yep. I double posting, to make sure that everyone who gets feedback also gets to so it.
So there was this thing with that ship lost at sea...
Going to the Ice
Nice bit of imposter syndrome from the protagonist over their skills compared to Simon.
That tea without taste is a very nice detail.
A good chapter establishing if I am remembering correctly the crew of the ship and their mission before they all disappeared. Also good character work with Matthew and Simon.
Dolphins
I like the opening underwater section being compared to a surrealists idea of a Christmas tree. The scene needs a bit of rewriting to really shine but the idea is great and it works.
One thing I like in particular is that you manage to put in the science bits and make them fit with the rest of the story. Usually these parts tend to turn into long phases of exposition often at the cost of the story and characters, here it is carefully placed in the background. Good work.
Those dolphins are rather creepy. I like how the characters in the story are reacting excited at discovering a new species of dolphins while I as a read feel a sense of foreboding, knowing that this is not going to end well. Also while your description is mostly neutral you to manage to describe everything in a way that is vaguely sinister. The dolphins are not quite right, and Simons fervour to follow them and in the process leaving the divers behind and the damaging the ship is a tiny bit unhinged instead of just enthusiastic. The pod just remain stationary waiting for the ship also feels mostly ominous.
“ ‘They’re leading us,’ I said in wonder.
Simon nodded. ‘They’re leading us.’ ” Yep. Sinister.
Laura
Simon’s pride and greed makes perfect sense, the radio silence is pure paranoia but it meshes well with the horror flavour of the story.
“It did make sense although it felt wrong.” Well said Matthew.
This bit: “Simon stood up and deliberately interposed himself between the projector and the screen, demanding the attention of the room. Distorted images of the dolphins streamed across his torso. His shadow loomed large behind him.” is great. Another example of how you work the feeling of foreboding into the story.
How very fitting that a month long day now turns quite spectacularly into night.
Bonus point for the people in parkas now looking like hooded figures made from pure darkness and mentioning the dead wife. Delightfully creepy.
And now the dolphins start mobbing one of the people on board of the ship. Strage and creepy.
End of the line again. No more updates.
A pity, this was a good story with a strong sense of style that you kept going for all the chapters you wrote.
I liked what I read, it only took me one and a half chapters to be fully immersed in the story again (for once no pun intended) and I am impressed how you managed to handle the escalating feeling of something being horribly wrong through the whole text. -
FogHeart 1,270 posts
Seen 3 weeks ago
Registered 14 years ago@sunjumper Oh, alright, you can have it early.
https://fogheartnanowrimo.blogspot.co.uk/ -
@sunjumper
Ha! I figure I'd pop in to see what you lot were up to and I find sunjumper still giving awesome feedback! I crashed hard last year, so it's really nice to read your kind words. Thank you.
I'm not planning on participating this year owing to a general lack of inspiration, but I'll be around to cheer you all on.
.gif)
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