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So. I am not sure if this is a duplicate thread because the awful redesign makes it awkward to search for all threads. Basically I thought that a dedicated thread for bereavement, past or recent, may be better than lumping it in with the depression thread. So yeah. I don't really want to start. But I hope people can appreciate the sentiment behind why I started this. |
Bereavement
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spamdangled 31,803 posts
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Registered 13 years ago -
hedben2013 2,261 posts
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Registered 9 years agoOk I'll start.
You know that cliche about how you should tell your loved ones how you feel and be really open with them, in case one day it's too late and you can't? 100% all of that.
I lost my dad to lung cancer in 2008. We knew it was serious when it was first diagnosed about 18 months earlier, and most of my family knew it was terminal for the last few months- but somehow me and my dad never transitioned from talking about treatment options and chance of remission to accepting the inevitable, right up to the end. I'm still not sure if it was that he thought he was protecting me, or that he found it too painful to talk about it himself, but I know he got closure with others (including my mum, who was surprised after he died that we'd talked so little). There's now so much I wish I'd talked to him about while I had the chance- nothing really deep or meaningful, mainly stupid stuff - like how I'd never beaten him at chess and always figured when I finally managed it I'd have "grown up".
So yeah, even if you have plenty of time to prepare like with cancer, it's possible to have regrets about missed opportunities. Take them while you've got them. -
hedben2013 2,261 posts
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Registered 9 years ago@spamdangled Now that I've read the depression thread I feel a little bad about how my post plays into what you're dealing with. Obviously having time to prepare for bereavement and doing a bad job of it is still vastly preferable to losing someone more suddenly.
On the music thing, I still get vivid memories of my dad when I hear Zappa, Beefheart or certain songs from his random 90s rap phase- but they're more happy than melancholy. Hope in time that's how it is for you. -
spamdangled 31,803 posts
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Registered 13 years ago@hedben2013
It's cool.
I lost my Omi in 2012. She went into hospital to have a stent fitted, there were complications during surgery and she passed away 2 days later after being kept in a medically-induced coma.
In 2014, my Opi passed away. He stopped taking his medication after Omi died as he just wanted to be with her.
On Easter Sunday, 2016, my father committed suicide by self asphyxiation. He got one of those "roast a whole chicken" bags, put it over his head, and filled it with helium.
The first two, I can deal with because to a degree they were natural deaths. It's Dad that I struggle with. Losing a parent to suicide is fucking hard to get over. To this day, I have dreams about him. And as someone who suffers from anxiety-triggered psychosis, I also occasionally hallucinate that he is telling me to join him.
I started counselling this week and we'll see how that goes. But every Easter and for about a month or two after I find myself listening to all the music he loved, watching his favourite films, playing his favourite games (C&C, DN3D, Doom and... erm... bejewelled). It feels a bit like I am respecting his memory. -
spamdangled 31,803 posts
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Registered 13 years ago@hedben2013
Cancer is a horror show. I am sorry you had to go through it. -
hedben2013 2,261 posts
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Registered 9 years ago@spamdangled Holy shit, I can't imagine what it's like knowing those details. I only hope that the counselling helps, and that the music and gaming is always a nice way of remembering - like it's become for me.
Cancer truly is a horror show, but I think I was kept from the worst parts of it. Again, not sure if that was for my benefit or my dad's, maybe a bit of both. I therefore don't have terrible memories of watching him waste away, but also it made it seem so sudden- like one month he was fine at home, the next I was saying goodbye in a palliative care ward.
Anyway I've had plenty of time to heal- another of those trite folkisms that's popular for a reason- it really does get better. -
spamdangled 31,803 posts
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Registered 13 years ago@ZuluHero
Oh right. Sorry.
German terms. Essentially gran and grandpa. I'm not German and don't have german heritage, but it's just the terms they preferred. They said it made them feel less old. -
Lukus 24,639 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 17 years agoOh good, another Dalechris blog.
Perhaps this thread will be useful for some people, but please Dalechris, just don't take it over. That's all I want to say. -
spamdangled 31,803 posts
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Registered 13 years ago@Lukus
I have no intention of doing so. -
Lukus 24,639 posts
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Registered 17 years agoCool. -
spamdangled 31,803 posts
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Registered 13 years agohedben2013 wrote:
That's actually rather touching. Thanks for sharing that
On the music thing, I still get vivid memories of my dad when I hear Zappa, Beefheart or certain songs from his random 90s rap phase- but they're more happy than melancholy. Hope in time that's how it is for you..gif)
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Stickman 29,986 posts
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Registered 17 years agoHuh. My wife called her gran Bambo. I always assumed it was cos they’re all mental but is it a welsh thing? -
challenge_hanukkah 14,394 posts
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Registered 8 years agoI always called my gran Bill Paxton. Because she looked like Bill Paxton. -
JamboWayOh 25,236 posts
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Registered 8 years agochallenge_hanukkah wrote:
I think you mean David Harbour.
I always called my gran Bill Paxton. Because she looked like Bill Paxton. -
Dougs 100,414 posts
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Registered 18 years agochallenge_hanukkah wrote:
You mean Bill Pullman.
I always called my gran Bill Paxton. Because she looked like Bill Paxton. -
Stickman 29,986 posts
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Registered 17 years agoNah, that’s Jeff Daniels. -
Khanivor 44,800 posts
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Registered 20 years agoI think you’ll find it’s Denzel -
spamdangled 31,803 posts
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Registered 13 years agoPlease don't deliberately derail. -
Your-Mother 8,172 posts
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Registered 5 years agoKhanivor wrote:
It ain't no Denzel.
I think you’ll find it’s Denzel -
Load_2.0 33,582 posts
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Registered 18 years agoThere are forums and communities that are available for you to join Dale/Chris. Do you really think a gaming forum is the most appropriate place for you to share all these details? The regs might all be a bit older but I am sure there are plenty of young kids who come here as well.
Also you don't get to dictate the rules. -
spamdangled 31,803 posts
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Registered 13 years agoFuck it. No point arguing with the forum mafia.
Edited by spamdangled at 20:11:53 29-04-2018 -
Load_2.0 33,582 posts
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Registered 18 years agoIt is just for you. Like everything you post on here. -
Load_2.0 33,582 posts
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Registered 18 years agoBTW I am curious about your cancer diagnosis.
I believe it was potentially terminal. Any news? -
challenge_hanukkah 14,394 posts
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Registered 8 years agoHe went there people. -
spamdangled 31,803 posts
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Registered 13 years agoAnd I PM'd him as it was off topic. -
Load_2.0 33,582 posts
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Registered 18 years agoI'm not interested in engaging you in some weird pm session.
I had a query because I think you are full of shit. -
So, how long till thread gets locked?
.gif)
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