NaNoWriMo 2018 Page 3

  • sunjumper 9 Nov 2018 17:53:57 3,482 posts
    Seen 45 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    @BearFishPie
    Yiou're welcome.
    Don't worry about the wrecks. Keep writing if you don't want to get caught in revision swamp. Most people don't get out of there alive. A revision makes the most sense when the basic story is done.
  • BearFishPie 9 Nov 2018 18:09:35 629 posts
    Seen 5 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    @sunjumper Iíve flagged that whole section as borderline irredeemable and moved on for the time being. Itís a problem for Future Me.
  • sunjumper 10 Nov 2018 05:49:34 3,482 posts
    Seen 45 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    And I finally managed to get something akin to the next chapter done.

    Observation of the day, it is really easy to derail a story by asking questions like: "What do you actually have to do to get what you want." and the classic: "What could possibly go wrong?"

    Here's chapter 5.
  • sunjumper 11 Nov 2018 01:33:00 3,482 posts
    Seen 45 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    And Chapter 6 is done. It is pretty short. But get's the job done nad I hope that I can now mover forward with the story.
  • Carbon_Altered 12 Nov 2018 20:42:08 884 posts
    Seen 4 days ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    @sunjumper

    Chapters 5 and 6 are moving us along nicely. However, I'm getting a little annoyed with Jenny's lack of an architect (maybe my dullest ever feedback, sorry!). Even for a loft extension you'd have one, let alone a crumbling mill. I know the romance of it is sweeping her along, but it's a bit of a stretch.

    I like that the basement is getting more attention. What lies beneath the water??
  • sunjumper 13 Nov 2018 00:02:52 3,482 posts
    Seen 45 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    @Carbon_Altered

    Thank you for the feedback as always. I am very sorry to say that you have to stay strong. While the architect is near the next chapter is almost done and he won't appear in that one. But I agree it is about time that one appeared.

    Right now I am also considering what to do about the damn basement. If I follow my idea as intended I think I might overstretch the story.
    I still need to get some writing done and will post the next chapter later.


    @every one else
    Are you people still alive?
  • sunjumper 13 Nov 2018 01:45:01 3,482 posts
    Seen 45 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    And here is Chapter 7. Around 3k long. I'm not happy with the beginning, the latter part at least had a good flow while I was writing it and in some ways at least moves into the right direction.

    It also contains a little thank you for Carbon.
  • rice_sandwich 13 Nov 2018 08:28:43 4,902 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 3 years ago
    @sunjumper

    I haven't been able to do anything for the last few days. I will not complete the challenge this year or even write more than a few thousand words. Most of my effort is focused on ordering various story threads and thinking about how they fit into a larger narrative. I have thought of a few new things which is good. I don't have anything to show as everything is fragmentary and up in the air.
  • The12thMonkey 13 Nov 2018 09:58:58 540 posts
    Seen 8 hours ago
    Registered 14 years ago
    @BearFishPie

    I thought the central character was very well drawn, and the descriptions were entertaining. It's a sequel, I take it? I never read the previous stuff, so I felt there could have been a bit more detail throughout to get a new reader up to speed. I wasn't sure which bits of his past were relevant and which were just for colour. I accept there's a fine line to be trod between covering old ground and new, though, and I didn't feel excluded from the text, which is mainly down to his power.

    @sunjumper I'll get round to chapter 5 onwards today (assuming I get my best man speech finished...)
    After this weekend, my time is a bit more my own, so I'll be able to at least post something of my own then.
  • RawShark 13 Nov 2018 10:23:43 477 posts
    Seen 14 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    Unfortunately while I've started my project, it's quickly dawned on me that there's no way it's going to be finished by the end of the month, so I'm going to have to withdraw.

    It's a non-fiction piece and just the process of arranging interviews with contributors means I'm going to have to complete it over a much longer period of time. NaNoWriMo actually made me get off my arse and make a start though, so I'm glad I was briefly a part of it.
  • sunjumper 13 Nov 2018 12:50:00 3,482 posts
    Seen 45 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    @rice_sandwich

    You are right, it is hard to share fragments.
    And don't worry about not completing the challenge. As long as you get some writing done you have already won in my eyes. And I hope that your fragments grow together over the next few weeks.



    @The12thMonkey

    I think writing your best man speech should definitely count towards your word count. I'm looking forward to your official NaNo output.



    @RawShark

    Don't worry to much about the word count. Hitting the 50k is actually really hard. As long as you got back into your project that's worth a lot. And having to work with living subjects makes things even harder. Every bit you get down to (virtual) paper is something that you can be proud of.
  • Salaman 13 Nov 2018 12:51:29 23,324 posts
    Seen 1 hour ago
    Registered 15 years ago
    MetalDog wrote:
    @Salaman Apparently so.

    I doubt I'll hit the word count with work as it is and I have no idea what I'm going to tackle, but nothing can be as shit as last year, so hello again, chaps.
    \0/ There she is! Hadn't checked back here since 5 weeks ago.
    I wish I still had time to read everyone's nano efforts.
  • BearFishPie 13 Nov 2018 12:51:52 629 posts
    Seen 5 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    @The12thMonkey Thanks for the feedback! Yes, this is book 2 - book 1 is in pre-publishing procrastination limbo. Itís going to be a struggle to give enough of a primer to get the reader up to speed without stopping the momentum dead, but itís something Iíll aim for in the edit. Having everything in my head makes it difficult to read only whatís actually on the page, if you get my meaning, so feedback from a fresh set of eyes is essential.
  • sunjumper 13 Nov 2018 14:00:31 3,482 posts
    Seen 45 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    @BearFishPie

    If this is truly a sequel I would not go overboard with trying to explain everything that happened to a new reader. You should add reminders of what happened before to make sure that people retunring to the series know what is happening and to give enough context for someone new to the story to have a general idea of what is happening.

    You might want to add a 'Previously on Quicksave' bit in fornt of the story to get all the important things out of the way as you will kill the momentum of the story if you do anything else and if this is intended to be a series the problem will just become worse with each following story.
  • BearFishPie 13 Nov 2018 14:05:44 629 posts
    Seen 5 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    @sunjumper Thatís definitely worth exploring. Iíve got the story planned out as a trilogy, and the way Iím planning to write the intro to book 3 will make the necessary recapping element even more awkward to cover.
  • sunjumper 14 Nov 2018 01:54:20 3,482 posts
    Seen 45 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    And here is Chapter 8.

    I liked Chapter 7 it was the first chapter in a long time that mostly wrote itself. Chapter 8 was a slow grinding process. The scenes did not want to come together in any organic form and while I could often see vividly what I wanted to write before my minds eye it was almost impossible to find the right words. I think I need to try to move away from my visual way of thinking as it always results in really strange descriptions.
  • Carbon_Altered 14 Nov 2018 20:53:50 884 posts
    Seen 4 days ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    @sunjumper
    Chapter 7, damn it I love how you describe the weather! Great start. Also like the bit about the lights only serving to further highlight the dark, really helped me picture the inside of the mill.

    Barbara turns from a nice if generic old lady into a genuinely fascinating character. I just wonder what her price to Jenny will eventually be.

    And then I got to the bit at end, you cheeky scamp!!
  • sunjumper 15 Nov 2018 00:13:41 3,482 posts
    Seen 45 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    Carbon_Altered wrote:
    @sunjumper
    Chapter 7, damn it I love how you describe the weather! Great start. Also like the bit about the lights only serving to further highlight the dark, really helped me picture the inside of the mill.

    Barbara turns from a nice if generic old lady into a genuinely fascinating character. I just wonder what her price to Jenny will eventually be.

    And then I got to the bit at end, you cheeky scamp!!
    You know what they say: 'A real genius steals.'
    Thank you for the feedback as always it helps a lot and as you can see feedback can also shape the way a story unfolds.

    While I'm still unhappy with chapter 8, chapter 9 is shaping up much better, which reminds me that I should be writing...


    And Chapter 9 is done. It is very short not quite 1k, it is more of an intermission but I think it should stand alone. I wish I could have written more today. But I am happy with the result. (although I suspect that it is full of half dead sentences, I really need to sleep more)

    Edited by sunjumper at 01:06:47 15-11-2018
  • sunjumper 15 Nov 2018 17:24:41 3,482 posts
    Seen 45 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    Today was surprisingly productive.

    Chapter 10 is done.

    Somehow the people of the stoy keep interupting the plot. But right now I'm happy to follow them where they might lead me. I am now beginning to understand how some authors never to seem to get anywhere as their book series advance. Just for the record everything I have written this year would have happened off-screen in the original version of the book where the third chapter would have begun after the installation of the new generator...
  • BearFishPie 15 Nov 2018 22:38:53 629 posts
    Seen 5 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    Huzzah, finally crossed the 10k milestone! Which goes to show how far behind par I am. The estimator has me finishing 50k at the end of January at this rate :(
  • FogHeart 15 Nov 2018 23:45:26 1,259 posts
    Seen 1 day ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    Just a short one, but now I'm 'showing my hand'.

    https://fogheartnanowrimo.blogspot.com/
  • sunjumper 16 Nov 2018 00:51:58 3,482 posts
    Seen 45 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    @FogHeart
    It's great to see you return, I was wondering what was happening underwater, beyond the darkness. You've kept us waiting!

    Simon
    I see what you mean about showing your hand. Nicely done, however I would suggest to have Simon be a little bit less well informed. For someone who just saw madness even if it is paraphrased what he said everything makes a bit too much sense especially if youthe reader knows what heís talking about. What exactly could he see with the torch and how much information could he get out of that. I think you can make this more effective especially as you are much better in building dread that H.P. himself. Itís a bit of a strange twist that I smiled in recognition when I read that part. The fan in me feels very happy, yet you might want to give your readers what they need instead of what they want.

    Nonetheless: ďWe...we must not bring the World to him!Ē is a very nice sentence.

    Oh, the loss of time was a really nice touch.

    This: ďUsually breaking surface at night is a wonderful experience: to come from the beautiful underwater world, to see the sky awash with stars like faint foam. This time there were no stars.Ē, is pure gold.

    Short but sweet.
    I believe it would be even stronger if you had Simon flip out and mostly have him try to describe something that canít be described. You are very good at building this feeling of terror, have him reduced a hysterics and failing at saying why what he saw was so very wrong would help you further. He will come over as paranoid in the beginning which will work to your advantage in two ways. People who do not know what you are up to will find him annoying and will sympathise with the people on board who feel the same and think it would be best to sedate him. For those readers that know in what direction this story is going he is going to be the Casandra who will try to warn everyone of the impending doom, but no one will listen to him, thus reinforcing the feeling of cosmic irony. Win win really.

    All in all I give the story sofar a tekeli-li/10




    @BearFishPie
    Don't worry to much about the word count. I've been writing almost daily and I'm still lagging about 5k behind. But the important thing is that you are writing and getting things done.
  • BearFishPie 16 Nov 2018 09:15:12 629 posts
    Seen 5 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    @sunjumper Absolutely. I honestly never expected to be able to hit the par pace, with work and family commitments eating up so much of my time. But I am progressing with the story, and still have momentum. So all in all things are going well.
  • FogHeart 16 Nov 2018 17:22:13 1,259 posts
    Seen 1 day ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    Alright, I haven't talked much about what happens in my story, not intending to until it became obvious what would take place.

    I'll paste here part of the 'intro to my story' post I made last year:-

    I won't say entirely what it's about, but give a few links which, when put together, will give you an idea about what will happen:-

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeRSD7q2ZjE

    https://arxiv.org/abs/1210.8144

    http://www.geom.uiuc.edu/docs/forum/polytope/

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Last_universal_common_ancestor
    I have since decided against using the last link, it doesn't quite fit, but I hope one day to write another story in which it is realised that Ubbo Sathla
    is LUCA

    Those who remember their Lovecraft well will have realised that the dolphins have already made an appearance in one of his stories: The Temple.

    It's one of two stories that Lovecraft has written that builds up the tension and dread quite well - the other being 'The Colour Out of Space'.

    There are all kinds of modern Lovecraft stories. There are ones that straight-up ape his writing style, ones that transplant his mythos into other genres like detective or satire, and (my favourite) the ones who don't use the Gods' names or describe their origins or anything like that, just write stories where the unnamed cosmic horror is recast in a modern light, never named or met, merely alluded to. The first of those I ever read was Ramsey Campbell 'The Voice of the Beach', and there are really powerful writers in that vein now like Laird Barron and TE Grau and John Langan.

    But what I've not yet seen is any Lovecraft story that uses the modern world's achievements and advancements to interface with the Mythos characters in new ways, and that's what interests me. So I don't want characters poring over ancient texts to find their way to the Elder Gods, or summon them through chanting, or finding that The Stars Are in The Right Positions. I want them to find them in submersibles, in ice excavations looking for the first life to develop on Earth, in testing a quantum computer by feeding it a non-Euclidean geometry problem which actually happens to be derived from the books of Keziah Mason

    For this story, I wanted it to be a bit like The Temple, but without the anticlimax which Lovecraft probably felt he had to write as no other ending made sense. But since we are all still here and not victims of an unkillable mountain of green flesh, or driven mad or remade into a chaos of meat and teeth, I needed a means of both discovering, and yet preserving the secret of, the location of R'Lyeh. The concept of the ghost ship fitted my needs perfectly.

    Edited by FogHeart at 22:58:24 16-11-2018
  • FogHeart 16 Nov 2018 22:08:24 1,259 posts
    Seen 1 day ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    OK, written up some more. The story is shifting through the gears now.

    https://fogheartnanowrimo.blogspot.com/
  • sunjumper 17 Nov 2018 01:01:10 3,482 posts
    Seen 45 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    @FogHeart
    What you say about the story makes perfect sense and you succeed perfectly in achieving what you set out to do. You nail the Lovecraftian vibe while having your own distinct voice and while the story is pretty much a classic story in the vein of ďThe Call of CuthulhuĒ or ďAt the Mountains of MadnessĒ it has its own clean voice. That is really good work especially as it does not feel like a simple rip-off or remix.
    I have not read the new chapter but Iím very much looking forward to see how it unfolds.
  • Carbon_Altered 19 Nov 2018 20:15:40 884 posts
    Seen 4 days ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    @sunjumper
    Chapter 8
    I like Claire, and also the description of the hardware store. My only idea would be to build out the roof collapse part on your second pass through. It all happened very quickly when in between buying supplies and talking about roof lights I think it should have stuck out more.
    Only a quibble though.
  • sunjumper 19 Nov 2018 21:42:55 3,482 posts
    Seen 45 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    @Carbon_Altered

    Thanks as always for your feedback, you are a scholar and a gentleman.
    And you are right, the roof incident is to short considering how much everything else is padded out. That is a big one for the revision list.
  • sunjumper 20 Nov 2018 14:35:59 3,482 posts
    Seen 45 minutes ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    FogHeart wrote:
    OK, written up some more. The story is shifting through the gears now.

    https://fogheartnanowrimo.blogspot.com/
    Quiet, loud

    The situation is escalating nicely. I like that there is a bad event happening on the surface mirroring and probably parallel to the one that happened when Phoebe went beyond the seal.
    I think the beginning of this chapter can be expanded a bit in revision as the reaction of everyone, while perfectly understandable, need a bit more time to gestate to have more impact.
    Another little nit-pick is the doctor saying that Simonís situation is beyond his skill as a physician and then listing a long list of actual, treatable symptoms that are perfectly in his ball-park. Just by turning this around and having him list all the things he does know and understand and then at the end stating that he has no idea what the cause for such a rapid decline in Simonís health is would be more effective.

    I like the way Simon reacted to the engine starting. Adds tension and the crew stays where it should not be for a little longer. While I still think that the story should develop a bit slower than it is right now, it is a good yarn and I am looking forward too more.
  • The12thMonkey 20 Nov 2018 15:39:17 540 posts
    Seen 8 hours ago
    Registered 14 years ago
    @FogHeart

    There's a good air of menace in this.
    I had a flip back through the other entries to remind myself what you published last year, and I noticed that the very start is a note from someone stating their reasons for revealing the truth about the Mimas, then there's a brief editors note in the second post, but then nothing. Is that and idea you've dispensed with, or will the Editor be coming back from time to time?
Log in or register to reply

Sometimes posts may contain links to online retail stores. If you click on one and make a purchase we may receive a small commission. For more information, go here.