Married to a non-gamer

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  • daft_punk_909 5 Feb 2019 13:53:51 107 posts
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    How do you manage your evenings? We've been married 11 years now. I want to Game most evening and my wife wants to watch TV. I play on my Switch which is fine, but really I just want to be on my PS4 playing Assassins Creed or another open world game.

    We have 2 young children who knacker us out. By the time they're in bed it's 8:30 pm. If I sit and watch tv I just fall asleep (I'm 43)! When I play games it keeps me awake and I enjoy it more.

    Seriously considering suggesting we get another TV, but that feels like a relationship killer?!

    This must be a common thing amongst married with kids gamers? Really interested in how others sort this out.
  • challenge_hanukkah 5 Feb 2019 13:55:19 11,147 posts
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    Get another TV/and or wife.
  • TheSaint 5 Feb 2019 13:55:52 18,761 posts
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    The answer is to get a second TV just for gaming.
  • Deleted user 5 February 2019 13:57:25
    Get a second TV man no one wants to sit through bloody shit TV when they could Asscreeding
  • hedben2013 5 Feb 2019 13:58:07 1,186 posts
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    Is getting another TV likely to kill your relationship any more than sitting there feeling resentful, watching TV you're not interested in and wishing you were doing something else?
  • neilka 5 Feb 2019 14:01:25 22,658 posts
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    What are your feelings about murder?
  • Graxlar_v3 5 Feb 2019 14:02:05 7,731 posts
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    If i am going to play games my missus goes to bed and watches tv, does puzzles or reads.

    The key (and i have been bad for this at times) is to make sure you take time to spend with your wife before you switch on the games.
  • Armoured_Bear 5 Feb 2019 14:07:04 27,362 posts
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    Get another TV plus find some things to do together part of the time, e.g. watching a Netflix series that interests you both.
  • daft_punk_909 5 Feb 2019 14:07:35 107 posts
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    @hedben2013 I genuinely think you've hit the nail on the head with this. Currently feeling resentful most evenings!
  • RyanDS 5 Feb 2019 14:08:10 12,843 posts
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    I used to play assassins creed via Remote Play on the Vita. Was great fun.

    I am also divorced. Don't know if there is a correlation there...
  • daft_punk_909 5 Feb 2019 14:09:26 107 posts
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    Graxlar_v3 wrote:
    The key (and i have been bad for this at times) is to make sure you take time to spend with your wife before you switch on the games.
    And that's the issue isn't it? That short window after kids and before I need to get to sleep is hardly long enough to load up a game sometimes!
  • challenge_hanukkah 5 Feb 2019 14:10:06 11,147 posts
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    I just leave a life like paper mache replica of myself on the couch and sneak off upstairs to play Battle Raper 3.
  • ZuluHero 5 Feb 2019 14:11:49 7,534 posts
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    I generally only play when she's gone to bed and the main TV is freed up.

    Besides my partner and daughter usually hog the ps4 for netflix, iplayer or amazon.

    I wouldn't recommend getting another TV, unless you still plan on sitting in the same room as your wife, as that might not work out for you.

    Personally I like spending time with mine and having a cuddle even if she's watching rubbish. 9 times out of 10 she gets annoyed and tells me to get lost, but at least that's on her own terms ;)
  • Armoured_Bear 5 Feb 2019 14:14:07 27,362 posts
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    Not a single FHUTA reply.
    Eurogamer, you’ve changed.
  • monkman76 5 Feb 2019 14:15:19 14,928 posts
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    We're woke AF, remember.
  • Graxlar_v3 5 Feb 2019 14:16:22 7,731 posts
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    daft_punk_909 wrote:
    @hedben2013 I genuinely think you've hit the nail on the head with this. Currently feeling resentful most evenings!
    If you are feeling resentful you maybe need to take a break from gaming.
  • robc84 5 Feb 2019 14:16:44 13,760 posts
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    daft_punk_909 wrote:
    Graxlar_v3 wrote:
    The key (and i have been bad for this at times) is to make sure you take time to spend with your wife before you switch on the games.
    And that's the issue isn't it? That short window after kids and before I need to get to sleep is hardly long enough to load up a game sometimes!
    It's difficult to get any decent amount of gaming time in with work, a wife and 2 kids!

    I'm lucky in that my wife is happy to watch tv in bed, or watch netflix on the ipad / phone or on the tv in the dining room. So if the kids go to bed I can get 1-2 hours in (if I can be bothered / have the energy).

    We do try to have a couple of nights a week though where we watch something we are both interested in. Doesn't always happen though due to above mentioned kids!
  • Deleted user 5 February 2019 14:18:59
    Just don't play games every night look for the days when she wants to watch utter dross. Mrs whatfruit loves watching holby city on Tuesdays which is my cue to go in my cave/office and shoot things for an hour.
  • Technoishmatt 5 Feb 2019 14:25:28 3,517 posts
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    My gaming time currently is pretty much only when it is my wife’s turn for bath and bed time... so I feel for ya!

    I think I would generally also prefer to game over watch TV, even though netflix has so much good shit nowadays.
  • BigOrkWaaagh 5 Feb 2019 14:33:19 8,848 posts
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    You can remote play on PC now with Xbox and PS4. The Mrs can watch all the junk she likes while I stream to my laptop.
  • AboutHalfaStevas 5 Feb 2019 14:33:53 1,847 posts
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    Get PSVR.

    Then you can sit next to her and occasionally smack her in the face with a glowball dildo.

    By "accident" this time, though.
  • daft_punk_909 5 Feb 2019 14:34:16 107 posts
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    My major issue isn't my wife or that I'm obsessed by gaming. It's that I fall asleep knackered on the sofa when watching tv. Then I wake up 2 hours later even more frustrated because I've not even watched a whole programme. Gaming is like my solution to this. Headphones on my PS4 and I can stay awake until 11pm!
  • daft_punk_909 5 Feb 2019 14:35:19 107 posts
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    By the way, thanks for all the replies. Genuinely feel better hearing them all.
  • KD 5 Feb 2019 14:36:38 2,121 posts
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    Get a pc for the same room
  • Graxlar_v3 5 Feb 2019 14:39:36 7,731 posts
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    @daft_punk_909 If you do get a second tv. Just remember, the question to ask your wife is...

    Did you want to do anything tonight or are you going to just chill out?.

    Put the onus on her to say she wants to spend time with you and that way you can more readily control the tv remote and you dont have to watch shit.
  • PazJohnMitch 5 Feb 2019 14:43:13 14,649 posts
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    Currently I use the Switch when we are home together.

    Do intend to set up a second TV at some point.

    Also have a PSVR but she has a habit of making random noises which kept scaring me. So I no longer use that either when she is home.

    Edited by PazJohnMitch at 14:47:23 05-02-2019
  • wobbly_Bob 5 Feb 2019 14:47:39 5,144 posts
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    daft_punk_909 wrote:
    My major issue isn't my wife or that I'm obsessed by gaming. It's that I fall asleep knackered on the sofa when watching tv. Then I wake up 2 hours later even more frustrated because I've not even watched a whole programme. Gaming is like my solution to this. Headphones on my PS4 and I can stay awake until 11pm!
    Have you tried sitting down and talking to her about how you feel? I think that's probably the best. You can let her know how you feel being careful to tell her how much you like sitting with her BUT... Maybe you can work things out that way. Even better if she is the one to suggest something. Maybe you could have an hour game time before TV? Maybe you could get a second TV? Try having a chat with her.
  • rice_sandwich 5 Feb 2019 14:50:32 5,608 posts
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    Ideally you should both have your own hobbies and interests as well as an interest in spending a certain amount of time together.

    Just because you're married it doesn't mean that you're joined at the hip. As long as you are both pulling your weight in terms of running the household, sharing childcare / parenting and investing in your relationship / looking after your physical and mental health, I don't see a problem.

    If all you do is game and don't have any other 'worthwhile' goals / interests then that could be a problem and cause issues.
  • THFourteen 5 Feb 2019 14:53:56 52,833 posts
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    Very similar situation to you, two young kids (2 and 4) and both of us work full time.

    Assuming we are home together after the kids are asleep (8pm), the wife likes to watch trashy tv like made in chelsea or whatever, although we do watch a couple of shows together now and then.

    I've got a PC next to the television with a 5m displayport cable running over to the kitchen table where i have a monitor and wireless mouse and keyboard, generally i use that for gaming, i dont put headphones on so we can chat on and off whilst we both do our own thing.

    If friends are round for lunch/dinner, or we want to eat together with the kids on saturday/sunday i can easily just move the monitor and make space.

    Also if i'm knackered then i just play switch on the sofa.

    Havent been married as long as you (only 8 years!) but its worked for us in all that time.

    Edited by THFourteen at 14:54:35 05-02-2019
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