Following Divorce Page 5

  • Dougs 9 Jun 2021 22:41:25 99,642 posts
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    Basically, it's never as easy as it sounds is my guess. Finances also complicates things...if you sell the family home to split things, then neither parent may have enough space for the kids. If one moves out, they almost certainly won't. It's massively complicated. Hope I never have to go through it.
  • ZuluHero 9 Jun 2021 22:46:20 10,220 posts
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    Doesn't help if it's not amicable either, and kids just get weaponised.
  • Nanocrystal 10 Jun 2021 06:49:48 2,473 posts
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    I hope my wife never divorces me because she's the one that handles all of our admin and finances. She'd absolutely screw me, and to be honest I'd happily take it if that meant not having to be involved in any paperwork myself.
  • G0atApocalypse 10 Jun 2021 08:09:34 53 posts
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    lordofthedunce wrote:
    It can be a struggle keeping things amicable. I would really recommend speaking jointly with someone over how to split things up going forward. Someone who can help sort stuff like the house, tax, belongings etc. Things need to be fair.
    I'm going to try and find a mediator. Based on how it went when I tried to get her to do couple's counselling, I suspect she won't engage.
  • dominalien 10 Jun 2021 08:12:43 10,554 posts
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    I thought couple's counselling was meant to keep people together? It seems like you're way past that stage. It's all hard financial and childcare negotiating now.

    Edit: oh, and it's really painful reading about your experiences goat. Really sorry you're going through this shit. One more brick on my never get married wall, too. :-(

    Edited by dominalien at 08:14:01 10-06-2021
  • monkman76 10 Jun 2021 08:23:08 18,730 posts
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    Yeah, he's talking about before they decided to split presumably. Now it's mediation rather than counselling obviously.
  • dominalien 10 Jun 2021 08:47:57 10,554 posts
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    Well, he's talking about her engagement in future tense, I just wanted to make sure he wouldn't be wasting his time.
  • Trafford 10 Jun 2021 08:53:29 9,274 posts
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    Nanocrystal wrote:
    I hope my wife never divorces me because she's the one that handles all of our admin and finances. She'd absolutely screw me, and to be honest I'd happily take it if that meant not having to be involved in any paperwork myself.
    Yes, this is what I did, I just waived all interest in the matter thinking I was 40, earned a good wage and could easily start again. Not my smartest move. 4 years later South Manchester had a housing boom and she upped sticks to country.
    Meh, it's only money. I've learned to handle it better now. Happiness is the main thing.
  • lordofthedunce 10 Jun 2021 09:19:49 758 posts
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    G0atApocalypse wrote:
    lordofthedunce wrote:
    It can be a struggle keeping things amicable. I would really recommend speaking jointly with someone over how to split things up going forward. Someone who can help sort stuff like the house, tax, belongings etc. Things need to be fair.
    I'm going to try and find a mediator. Based on how it went when I tried to get her to do couple's counselling, I suspect she won't engage.
    Ah, that's tough, I understand. We also did some counselling but in hindsight she'd already made up her mind. I got accused of ganging up on her with the counselor. Nuts.

    One thing that has helped me is (trying to) having no contact/discussion about what went wrong etc since moving out. The only time I initiate contact is to do with the kids. I try and keep all my emotions or of it but it's not easy. I even wrote a little reminder in my phone notes to read when I felt the rage building - not to suppress the feelings but to avoid trying to discuss practical stuff or revisit old arguments when I read feeling upset.
  • Rum_Monkey 10 Jun 2021 11:00:38 2,957 posts
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    freddymercurystwin wrote:
    ZuluHero wrote:
    Don't see why people can't split children down the middle. Time wise, not in a King Solomon kind of way.
    This, don't be so aggressive guys. I cannot conceive not seeing my kids every day, sharing them, if that is the right expression, in such a seemingly unfair manner seems peculiar to me and to my wife. I suppose I'm lucky, I've always had amicable breakups in my past and though not on the cards Mrs Mercury and I have always acknowledged if the worst happens childcare/wellbeing etc will be split 50/50.
    You sound like a naive moron.
  • ZuluHero 10 Jun 2021 12:41:12 10,220 posts
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    Naive sure, because he's not been through it (with kids, I think?), and while it's not how it often works out, he shouldn't be branded a moron for that to be his expectation.

    Equality goes both ways, but with fathers still often getting the bum deal in these situations, that shouldn't just be accepted as 'normal' and people who expect things to be equal don't deserve being called names for their naivety.

    Edited by ZuluHero at 12:42:03 10-06-2021
  • Rum_Monkey 10 Jun 2021 12:46:35 2,957 posts
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    I'm not calling him a moron because of he's expectations of equality. It's more the thinking that because they had a chat about and pinky promised that everything will be OK of they do divorce. Not taking any of the factors of why the divorce might come into play and the animosity that might bring.

    Say his wife shags his best mate, is he still going to think back to his pinky promise and be as reasonable?

    And especially as he called someone else situation shit without knowing any of the nuances that led to the situation.

    And he thinks Jaws is cheesy.
  • ZuluHero 10 Jun 2021 13:21:30 10,220 posts
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    Sounded like he was trying to empathise, but without any real experience, it came out in a shit way and sounded a bit insensitive. Hopefully he'll never have to put his pinky swear into practice.

    No excuses for his opinion on Jaws though.
  • Tonka 10 Jun 2021 13:48:56 31,864 posts
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    G0atApocalypse wrote:
    And so it begins. She's taking the kids for 10 days more than I will see them over summer, while demanding she keeps all of our (meagre) savings and demanding I pay council tax on the house we jointly own.

    What. A. Cunt.
    This is the point, in any negotiation, where you should try really hard to stand your ground and establish that you're not a pushover. I personally hate that part, but I've seen people that are good at it, and they always act as if it's the most natural thing in the world that everyone would be interested in doing what's fair.

    They tend to behave as if there's no alternative but to do the right thing. And definitely bring in a mediator.

    "Seeing as we can't agree on things, we have to bring in a mediator"
    First bit is a factual description of the situation, followed by a solution.

    No "Maybe we could" or "I think we should". Just plainly stating what the best way forward is.

    Edited by Tonka at 13:55:03 10-06-2021
  • quadfather 10 Jun 2021 13:54:03 38,797 posts
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    @Tonka

    Agreed - when I got divorced, my head was a complete shambles, and my ex wife basically took me to the cleaners and I lost the lot.

    The only things I did manage to salvage was via legal means - i.e., a 3rd party/mediator type solution. Definitely definitely would do that if it happened again.
  • BreadBinLidHero 11 Jun 2021 03:20:28 10,660 posts
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    This thread is making me want to get in on that MGTOW nonsense. I wish Goat, and all the rest of you well.
  • robo-Dante 11 Jun 2021 09:38:31 12 posts
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    Huh, definitely not a thread I expected to see right after registering on the website. Best of luck, man.
  • G0atApocalypse 11 Jun 2021 11:36:10 53 posts
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    It's pretty much the reason I came back here after a long-ish hiatus!
  • alt-cmd-esc 11 Jun 2021 14:39:49 675 posts
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    Hard for these things to stay amicable, but not impossible (I guess). I was determined to keep lawyers from getting involved and milking the situation for their own benefit, and we managed to start off pretty amicably (difficult from my perspective, as I was being ditched for a newer model), but money always complicates things. Almost lost my house, but managed to get a loan and use that instead. Paying for the privilege of getting traded in still grates nearly 20 years later. Good luck with everything, it will get better :)
  • Wayne 11 Jun 2021 14:40:54 3,630 posts
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    Our breakup was amicable. We said we'd stay in contact. We went for lunch once. I've not seen her since 2012.
  • elstoof 11 Jun 2021 14:59:50 27,431 posts
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    robo-Dante wrote:
    Huh, definitely not a thread I expected to see right after registering on the website. Best of luck, man.
    Wait until someone bumps a classic, like the list of things a user can put himself inside
  • RawShark 11 Jun 2021 15:04:21 1,880 posts
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    I remember watching that Netflix documentary A Marriage Story, and all of my sympathy was with the dad. That does not bode well for me should I ever get married, have kids, then divorced.
  • Yorkshire_Bourne 11 Jun 2021 15:06:33 490 posts
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    Wayne wrote:
    Our breakup was amicable. We said we'd stay in contact. We went for lunch once. I've not seen her since 2012.
    Ah, A roll of Duct tape and the Tar pits it was then eh ;0)

    Sorry, been watching countless random YouTube videos of partners trying to "get away with murder" recently!!

    Actually?!?! Hope nothing happens to my Missus, the police look at my browsing history and I'll be sporting stripy pajamas quicker than you can say "Whoah, I can explain!!"
  • ZuluHero 11 Jun 2021 19:39:51 10,220 posts
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    elstoof wrote:
    robo-Dante wrote:
    Huh, definitely not a thread I expected to see right after registering on the website. Best of luck, man.
    Wait until someone bumps a classic, like the list of things a user can put himself inside
    Nothing says hello like bumping that thread with an update...
  • askew 11 Jun 2021 19:46:24 23,549 posts
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    Its a rite of passage we must know
  • PatrickEwing 11 Jun 2021 23:26:40 2,541 posts
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    ZuluHero wrote:
    elstoof wrote:
    robo-Dante wrote:
    Huh, definitely not a thread I expected to see right after registering on the website. Best of luck, man.
    Wait until someone bumps a classic, like the list of things a user can put himself inside
    Nothing says hello like bumping that thread with an update...
    Whilst were at it, can we bump 360 component cable shenanigans?
  • PatrickEwing 11 Jun 2021 23:26:41 2,541 posts
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    ZuluHero wrote:
    elstoof wrote:
    robo-Dante wrote:
    Huh, definitely not a thread I expected to see right after registering on the website. Best of luck, man.
    Wait until someone bumps a classic, like the list of things a user can put himself inside
    Nothing says hello like bumping that thread with an update...
    Whilst were at it, can we bump 360 component cable shenanigans?
  • Vortex808 12 Jun 2021 11:37:51 15,249 posts
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    phAge embarrassment done.
  • Nexus_6 12 Jun 2021 12:21:14 6,070 posts
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    Who was the guy that went round putting little bells on random cats collars? I thought that was Phage
  • ZuluHero 12 Jun 2021 12:40:56 10,220 posts
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    I read that as "balls*. That would be a whole different thread.
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