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Divorce
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Page 4
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G0atApocalypse 132 posts
Seen 10 hours ago
Registered 10 months ago -
G0atApocalypse 132 posts
Seen 10 hours ago
Registered 10 months agoMoving out tomorrow.
Feels fucking weird. 15 years together and it just ends in polite, awkward chats. And with two kids who we both love dearly caught in the maelstrom.
I'm not sad as such, which is part of the weirdness. I just miss the good times, which I feel grateful for but I know have zero chance of coming back. Remembering them fondly is bitter-sweet.
I'm also terrified that my kids will hate me for leaving. And I hate putting them through this. But I can't tell them it's important in life to pursue their own happiness while I'm miserable. I hope one day they'll understand. I took them to the flat I'm buying today and they seemed really excited. Maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel.
It just seems so odd that I've reached this point. I really hoped I could make it work. -
the_milkybar_kid 8,474 posts
Seen 6 days ago
Registered 7 years agoThey won't hate you. There might be times they don't fully understand or have lapses where they find it difficult, but in the long term they'll understand. Grpm what you've said there seems to be a good dynamic with you and your ex partner so I'm sure that can only help them. -
Youthist 14,723 posts
Seen 12 hours ago
Registered 16 years agoWe currently only have 4 of the 10 NCT group when we had our first child still together. Breaking up gets quite popular once you have a couple of kids. -
MrWorf 64,187 posts
Seen 7 hours ago
Registered 20 years agoPickledShogun wrote:
and have tea from time to time
* wiggles eyebrows * -
Trafford 9,358 posts
Seen 14 hours ago
Registered 14 years agoThere is light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not necessarily an oncoming train.
As I've mentioned, my divorce was a mess. But I like to think I've got through it and have a good relationship with my kids now, 9 years down the line.
I mean, they're on to their second Stepdad now and one of them was a wife beater. -
MrWorf 64,187 posts
Seen 7 hours ago
Registered 20 years agoGood luck Goat, sounds like you're doing it well mate. I like to think most divorces are this amicable and we only ever hear abou the bad ones. But it's nice to hear about the normal ones too. My wife and I are serial pragmatists to the point of almost being inhuman, we often joke that our divorce (should it happen) will be the most boring in human history.
Edited by MrWorf at 23:34:06 06-06-2021 -
G0atApocalypse 132 posts
Seen 10 hours ago
Registered 10 months ago@Trafford dude that sounds fucking horrible -
G0atApocalypse 132 posts
Seen 10 hours ago
Registered 10 months agoPS. thanks lads x -
BurnoutJunkie 1,222 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 16 years agoG0atApocalypse wrote:
Sorry to hear this, mate. I hope it all works out - and I’m sure it will.
Moving out tomorrow.
Feels fucking weird. 15 years together and it just ends in polite, awkward chats. And with two kids who we both love dearly caught in the maelstrom.
I'm not sad as such, which is part of the weirdness. I just miss the good times, which I feel grateful for but I know have zero chance of coming back. Remembering them fondly is bitter-sweet.
I'm also terrified that my kids will hate me for leaving. And I hate putting them through this. But I can't tell them it's important in life to pursue their own happiness while I'm miserable. I hope one day they'll understand. I took them to the flat I'm buying today and they seemed really excited. Maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel.
It just seems so odd that I've reached this point. I really hoped I could make it work.
I went through a divorce a few years ago (and thankfully no kids involved). It was difficult and took me a while to get over it, and if I’m honest, I’m not sure you ever do completely get over it. That said, I’m much happier and in a better place now - took a while to get here though. -
Tonka 31,979 posts
Seen 2 hours ago
Registered 18 years agoG0atApocalypse wrote:
I think there's more to life than pursuing ones own happiness. Looking after others is important as well, and I think you'll be better at doing that for you children if you're out of an energy zapping relationship.
I'm also terrified that my kids will hate me for leaving. And I hate putting them through this. But I can't tell them it's important in life to pursue their own happiness while I'm miserable.
I know a guy who grew up in a family where the parents stayed together for his, and his sisters sake. They both saw through it, and hated it, and felt guilty about it, and couldn't talk to their parents about it.
The worst thing you could do is start using the children as weapons to get back at each other. Second worst is bring them up in a loveless fake relationship. What you're doing will provide them with two loving and happy parents and then maybe down the line, a couple of bonus families. -
Bichii 4,672 posts
Seen 1 day ago
Registered 4 years agoG0atApocalypse wrote:
I hope it works out well for you. Sounds like it is amicable between you which should make it easier. The kids won't blame you if the break up stays friendly. I split from my husband at the time about 4 years ago and although I am still sad we aren't a family unit anymore it was 100% the right thing to do after just growing apart over the years.
Moving out tomorrow.
Feels fucking weird. 15 years together and it just ends in polite, awkward chats. And with two kids who we both love dearly caught in the maelstrom.
I'm not sad as such, which is part of the weirdness. I just miss the good times, which I feel grateful for but I know have zero chance of coming back. Remembering them fondly is bitter-sweet.
I'm also terrified that my kids will hate me for leaving. And I hate putting them through this. But I can't tell them it's important in life to pursue their own happiness while I'm miserable. I hope one day they'll understnd. I took them to the flat I'm buying today and they seemed really excited. Maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel.
It just seems so odd that I've reached this point. I really hoped I could make it work.
Expect it to be tough/upsetting tomorrow though when you actually move in but it will pass and it will likely be a positive in the long term. X. -
G0atApocalypse 132 posts
Seen 10 hours ago
Registered 10 months agoThanks folks.
Moved out a couple of hours ago - Christ that was hard. -
JamboWayOh 25,236 posts
Seen 8 hours ago
Registered 8 years agoG0atApocalypse wrote:
Thanks folks.
Moved out a couple of hours ago - Christ that was hard.
Good luck for the future, like anything difficult it's harder before it gets easier, I suppose you have to remember that it'll take both of you to make it work. -
lordofthedunce 775 posts
Seen 11 hours ago
Registered 12 years agoI moved out last year after 17 years and two kids... Still find some days harder and find myself getting angry at the ex not seeing things from my point of view. As time goes by I realise that's not going to happen and was probably part of the breakdown.
One thing that helped me was going to chat to a counsellor a few times, allowed me to get it all out there, without being interrupted and helped me process the hardest parts. I still allow myself to stay in the moment sometimes when I get sad about stuff.
Part of my frustration comes from my ex being bipolar and me feeling like I compromised for years, doing everything I thought was right to help (including emigration) but inevitably becoming worn out. Nothing worked, I just became miserable too. In the end I got traded in for a 24 year old. Crazy.
Luckily I have two great kids, a great workplace and amazing friends. Moving out from kids you adore adds to the resentment but ultimately the kids sense a happy parent. Living 50% of the time alone can be hard but I don't miss the turmoil.
Weirdly since moving out I've saved a deposit for a house and and moving next month. I'm actually happier in many ways but there'll always be that sadness of not being able to save the relationship. I never envisaged it.
Edited by lordofthedunce at 20:20:57 07-06-2021 -
Dougs 100,414 posts
Seen 12 hours ago
Registered 18 years agoSorry to hear of your woes chaps. No advice to offer, other than echoing what others have said - kids hate seeing their parents fight and will be happier in the long run. -
Khanivor 44,800 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 20 years agoYeah, find someone to talk to about it. The most damaging, draining thing, IMO, is the constant self doubt, despair and questioning, questioning, questioning that goes on a loop inside your mind.
Getting it out of the mind quietens down that internal voice and allows you to focus on the head and now. That’s the path to the future, not going over what can never, ever be changed -
mrpon 37,366 posts
Seen 20 minutes ago
Registered 15 years agoYou'll be fine Goat. If like me, it'll end up being the best move you make. I still see my two girls every Wednesday/Thursday and alternate weekends. I get me time, new girlfriend time and quality daughter time. Love it. -
G0atApocalypse 132 posts
Seen 10 hours ago
Registered 10 months agoAnd so it begins. She's taking the kids for 10 days more than I will see them over summer, while demanding she keeps all of our (meagre) savings and demanding I pay council tax on the house we jointly own.
What. A. Cunt. -
G0atApocalypse 132 posts
Seen 10 hours ago
Registered 10 months ago@mrpon I was pretty optimistic until a couple of days ago! -
lordofthedunce 775 posts
Seen 11 hours ago
Registered 12 years agoIt can be a struggle keeping things amicable. I would really recommend speaking jointly with someone over how to split things up going forward. Someone who can help sort stuff like the house, tax, belongings etc. Things need to be fair. -
freddymercurystwin 2,825 posts
Seen 13 hours ago
Registered 17 years agomrpon wrote:
With all due respect, seeing my kids for two nights a week and every other weekend sound shit!
You'll be fine Goat. If like me, it'll end up being the best move you make. I still see my two girls every Wednesday/Thursday and alternate weekends. I get me time, new girlfriend time and quality daughter time. Love it. -
monkman76 18,987 posts
Seen 4 days ago
Registered 13 years agoWhat a sensitive, considerate comment. -
challenge_hanukkah 14,394 posts
Seen 25 minutes ago
Registered 8 years agofreddymercurystwin wrote:
Not for them though.
mrpon wrote:
With all due respect, seeing my kids for two nights a week and every other weekend sound shit!
You'll be fine Goat. If like me, it'll end up being the best move you make. I still see my two girls every Wednesday/Thursday and alternate weekends. I get me time, new girlfriend time and quality daughter time. Love it. -
Dougs 100,414 posts
Seen 12 hours ago
Registered 18 years agomonkman76 wrote:
Indeed. You can chuck sanctimonious in there too. The time may be less, but better quality and in an environment that isn't toxic.
What a sensitive, considerate comment. -
Bichii 4,672 posts
Seen 1 day ago
Registered 4 years agoDefinitely one benefit of it if it's all amicable is definitely the extra time you get for yourself. Sure I'd rather still be a family unit but I love my time now which I definitely wouldn't have otherwise.
Edited by Bichii at 21:56:10 09-06-2021 -
freddymercurystwin 2,825 posts
Seen 13 hours ago
Registered 17 years agoZuluHero wrote:
This, don't be so aggressive guys. I cannot conceive not seeing my kids every day, sharing them, if that is the right expression, in such a seemingly unfair manner seems peculiar to me and to my wife. I suppose I'm lucky, I've always had amicable breakups in my past and though not on the cards Mrs Mercury and I have always acknowledged if the worst happens childcare/wellbeing etc will be split 50/50.
Don't see why people can't split children down the middle. Time wise, not in a King Solomon kind of way. -
Dougs 100,414 posts
Seen 12 hours ago
Registered 18 years agoLots of variables in that though. Kids need stability for school etc and both parents might not live near each other etc to make that work. -
@Dougs Fair point, I get the location thing.
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