Following Divorce Page 4

  • G0atApocalypse 6 Jun 2021 14:55:46 121 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 8 months ago
    Ah that's great news man and very much what we're aspiring to.
  • G0atApocalypse 6 Jun 2021 23:05:08 121 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 8 months ago
    Moving out tomorrow.

    Feels fucking weird. 15 years together and it just ends in polite, awkward chats. And with two kids who we both love dearly caught in the maelstrom.

    I'm not sad as such, which is part of the weirdness. I just miss the good times, which I feel grateful for but I know have zero chance of coming back. Remembering them fondly is bitter-sweet.

    I'm also terrified that my kids will hate me for leaving. And I hate putting them through this. But I can't tell them it's important in life to pursue their own happiness while I'm miserable. I hope one day they'll understand. I took them to the flat I'm buying today and they seemed really excited. Maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel.

    It just seems so odd that I've reached this point. I really hoped I could make it work.
  • the_milkybar_kid 6 Jun 2021 23:14:33 8,473 posts
    Seen 17 hours ago
    Registered 7 years ago
    They won't hate you. There might be times they don't fully understand or have lapses where they find it difficult, but in the long term they'll understand. Grpm what you've said there seems to be a good dynamic with you and your ex partner so I'm sure that can only help them.
  • Youthist 6 Jun 2021 23:23:32 14,661 posts
    Seen 34 minutes ago
    Registered 16 years ago
    We currently only have 4 of the 10 NCT group when we had our first child still together. Breaking up gets quite popular once you have a couple of kids.
  • MrWorf 6 Jun 2021 23:29:11 64,172 posts
    Seen 3 days ago
    Registered 20 years ago
    PickledShogun wrote:
    and have tea from time to time


    * wiggles eyebrows *
  • Trafford 6 Jun 2021 23:30:49 9,332 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 13 years ago
    There is light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not necessarily an oncoming train.
    As I've mentioned, my divorce was a mess. But I like to think I've got through it and have a good relationship with my kids now, 9 years down the line.
    I mean, they're on to their second Stepdad now and one of them was a wife beater.
  • MrWorf 6 Jun 2021 23:33:29 64,172 posts
    Seen 3 days ago
    Registered 20 years ago
    Good luck Goat, sounds like you're doing it well mate. I like to think most divorces are this amicable and we only ever hear abou the bad ones. But it's nice to hear about the normal ones too. My wife and I are serial pragmatists to the point of almost being inhuman, we often joke that our divorce (should it happen) will be the most boring in human history.

    Edited by MrWorf at 23:34:06 06-06-2021
  • G0atApocalypse 6 Jun 2021 23:42:33 121 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 8 months ago
    @Trafford dude that sounds fucking horrible
  • G0atApocalypse 6 Jun 2021 23:42:48 121 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 8 months ago
    PS. thanks lads x
  • BurnoutJunkie 7 Jun 2021 10:24:08 1,213 posts
    Seen 1 day ago
    Registered 16 years ago
    G0atApocalypse wrote:
    Moving out tomorrow.

    Feels fucking weird. 15 years together and it just ends in polite, awkward chats. And with two kids who we both love dearly caught in the maelstrom.

    I'm not sad as such, which is part of the weirdness. I just miss the good times, which I feel grateful for but I know have zero chance of coming back. Remembering them fondly is bitter-sweet.

    I'm also terrified that my kids will hate me for leaving. And I hate putting them through this. But I can't tell them it's important in life to pursue their own happiness while I'm miserable. I hope one day they'll understand. I took them to the flat I'm buying today and they seemed really excited. Maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel.

    It just seems so odd that I've reached this point. I really hoped I could make it work.
    Sorry to hear this, mate. I hope it all works out - and Iím sure it will.

    I went through a divorce a few years ago (and thankfully no kids involved). It was difficult and took me a while to get over it, and if Iím honest, Iím not sure you ever do completely get over it. That said, Iím much happier and in a better place now - took a while to get here though.
  • Tonka 7 Jun 2021 14:40:43 31,927 posts
    Seen 7 hours ago
    Registered 18 years ago
    G0atApocalypse wrote:
    I'm also terrified that my kids will hate me for leaving. And I hate putting them through this. But I can't tell them it's important in life to pursue their own happiness while I'm miserable.
    I think there's more to life than pursuing ones own happiness. Looking after others is important as well, and I think you'll be better at doing that for you children if you're out of an energy zapping relationship.

    I know a guy who grew up in a family where the parents stayed together for his, and his sisters sake. They both saw through it, and hated it, and felt guilty about it, and couldn't talk to their parents about it.

    The worst thing you could do is start using the children as weapons to get back at each other. Second worst is bring them up in a loveless fake relationship. What you're doing will provide them with two loving and happy parents and then maybe down the line, a couple of bonus families.
  • Bichii 7 Jun 2021 16:12:28 4,639 posts
    Seen 1 hour ago
    Registered 4 years ago
    G0atApocalypse wrote:
    Moving out tomorrow.

    Feels fucking weird. 15 years together and it just ends in polite, awkward chats. And with two kids who we both love dearly caught in the maelstrom.

    I'm not sad as such, which is part of the weirdness. I just miss the good times, which I feel grateful for but I know have zero chance of coming back. Remembering them fondly is bitter-sweet.

    I'm also terrified that my kids will hate me for leaving. And I hate putting them through this. But I can't tell them it's important in life to pursue their own happiness while I'm miserable. I hope one day they'll understnd. I took them to the flat I'm buying today and they seemed really excited. Maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel.

    It just seems so odd that I've reached this point. I really hoped I could make it work.
    I hope it works out well for you. Sounds like it is amicable between you which should make it easier. The kids won't blame you if the break up stays friendly. I split from my husband at the time about 4 years ago and although I am still sad we aren't a family unit anymore it was 100% the right thing to do after just growing apart over the years.

    Expect it to be tough/upsetting tomorrow though when you actually move in but it will pass and it will likely be a positive in the long term. X.
  • G0atApocalypse 7 Jun 2021 16:54:56 121 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 8 months ago
    Thanks folks.

    Moved out a couple of hours ago - Christ that was hard.
  • JamboWayOh 7 Jun 2021 19:06:49 24,959 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    G0atApocalypse wrote:
    Thanks folks.

    Moved out a couple of hours ago - Christ that was hard.

    Good luck for the future, like anything difficult it's harder before it gets easier, I suppose you have to remember that it'll take both of you to make it work.
  • lordofthedunce 7 Jun 2021 20:19:47 768 posts
    Seen 8 hours ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    I moved out last year after 17 years and two kids... Still find some days harder and find myself getting angry at the ex not seeing things from my point of view. As time goes by I realise that's not going to happen and was probably part of the breakdown.
    One thing that helped me was going to chat to a counsellor a few times, allowed me to get it all out there, without being interrupted and helped me process the hardest parts. I still allow myself to stay in the moment sometimes when I get sad about stuff.
    Part of my frustration comes from my ex being bipolar and me feeling like I compromised for years, doing everything I thought was right to help (including emigration) but inevitably becoming worn out. Nothing worked, I just became miserable too. In the end I got traded in for a 24 year old. Crazy.
    Luckily I have two great kids, a great workplace and amazing friends. Moving out from kids you adore adds to the resentment but ultimately the kids sense a happy parent. Living 50% of the time alone can be hard but I don't miss the turmoil.
    Weirdly since moving out I've saved a deposit for a house and and moving next month. I'm actually happier in many ways but there'll always be that sadness of not being able to save the relationship. I never envisaged it.

    Edited by lordofthedunce at 20:20:57 07-06-2021
  • Dougs 7 Jun 2021 21:17:22 100,260 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 18 years ago
    Sorry to hear of your woes chaps. No advice to offer, other than echoing what others have said - kids hate seeing their parents fight and will be happier in the long run.
  • Khanivor 8 Jun 2021 15:59:24 44,761 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 20 years ago
    Yeah, find someone to talk to about it. The most damaging, draining thing, IMO, is the constant self doubt, despair and questioning, questioning, questioning that goes on a loop inside your mind.

    Getting it out of the mind quietens down that internal voice and allows you to focus on the head and now. Thatís the path to the future, not going over what can never, ever be changed
  • mrpon 8 Jun 2021 21:25:47 37,316 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 15 years ago
    You'll be fine Goat. If like me, it'll end up being the best move you make. I still see my two girls every Wednesday/Thursday and alternate weekends. I get me time, new girlfriend time and quality daughter time. Love it.
  • G0atApocalypse 9 Jun 2021 16:14:28 121 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 8 months ago
    And so it begins. She's taking the kids for 10 days more than I will see them over summer, while demanding she keeps all of our (meagre) savings and demanding I pay council tax on the house we jointly own.

    What. A. Cunt.
  • G0atApocalypse 9 Jun 2021 16:14:59 121 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 8 months ago
    @mrpon I was pretty optimistic until a couple of days ago!
  • lordofthedunce 9 Jun 2021 20:30:46 768 posts
    Seen 8 hours ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    It can be a struggle keeping things amicable. I would really recommend speaking jointly with someone over how to split things up going forward. Someone who can help sort stuff like the house, tax, belongings etc. Things need to be fair.
  • freddymercurystwin 9 Jun 2021 21:35:50 2,782 posts
    Seen 1 hour ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    mrpon wrote:
    You'll be fine Goat. If like me, it'll end up being the best move you make. I still see my two girls every Wednesday/Thursday and alternate weekends. I get me time, new girlfriend time and quality daughter time. Love it.
    With all due respect, seeing my kids for two nights a week and every other weekend sound shit!
  • monkman76 9 Jun 2021 21:36:40 18,923 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 13 years ago
    What a sensitive, considerate comment.
  • challenge_hanukkah 9 Jun 2021 21:37:32 14,311 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    freddymercurystwin wrote:
    mrpon wrote:
    You'll be fine Goat. If like me, it'll end up being the best move you make. I still see my two girls every Wednesday/Thursday and alternate weekends. I get me time, new girlfriend time and quality daughter time. Love it.
    With all due respect, seeing my kids for two nights a week and every other weekend sound shit!
    Not for them though.
  • Dougs 9 Jun 2021 21:46:39 100,260 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 18 years ago
    monkman76 wrote:
    What a sensitive, considerate comment.
    Indeed. You can chuck sanctimonious in there too. The time may be less, but better quality and in an environment that isn't toxic.
  • Bichii 9 Jun 2021 21:55:46 4,639 posts
    Seen 1 hour ago
    Registered 4 years ago
    Definitely one benefit of it if it's all amicable is definitely the extra time you get for yourself. Sure I'd rather still be a family unit but I love my time now which I definitely wouldn't have otherwise.

    Edited by Bichii at 21:56:10 09-06-2021
  • freddymercurystwin 9 Jun 2021 22:33:29 2,782 posts
    Seen 1 hour ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    ZuluHero wrote:
    Don't see why people can't split children down the middle. Time wise, not in a King Solomon kind of way.
    This, don't be so aggressive guys. I cannot conceive not seeing my kids every day, sharing them, if that is the right expression, in such a seemingly unfair manner seems peculiar to me and to my wife. I suppose I'm lucky, I've always had amicable breakups in my past and though not on the cards Mrs Mercury and I have always acknowledged if the worst happens childcare/wellbeing etc will be split 50/50.
  • Dougs 9 Jun 2021 22:35:43 100,260 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 18 years ago
    Lots of variables in that though. Kids need stability for school etc and both parents might not live near each other etc to make that work.
  • freddymercurystwin 9 Jun 2021 22:38:18 2,782 posts
    Seen 1 hour ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    @Dougs Fair point, I get the location thing.
Sign in or register to reply

Sometimes posts may contain links to online retail stores. If you click on one and make a purchase we may receive a small commission. For more information, go here.