ubergine nearly died Page 8

  • robthehermit 12 Feb 2020 17:36:29 7,712 posts
    Seen 3 hours ago
    Registered 16 years ago
    This is a very elaborate way to advertise your facebook page, I have to congratulate you for your dedication to your art.
  • davidfowles 12 Feb 2020 19:11:02 112 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 4 months ago
    Thanks! I’ve honestly nowhere to go and nothing better to do. Hospital is great for catching up on your writing in particular.
  • Vice.Destroyer 15 Feb 2020 21:08:29 7,299 posts
    Seen 1 day ago
    Registered 14 years ago
    @davidfowles Hey, I thought that during your recuperation, this true story may also make you smile. A lot less harrowing than yours, but also quite amazing. Worth a read, for sure. Some forumers that know me offline can even vouch for its authenticity.
  • davidfowles 15 Feb 2020 23:02:28 112 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 4 months ago
    Vice.Destroyer wrote:
    @davidfowles Hey, I thought that during your recuperation, this true story may also make you smile. A lot less harrowing than yours, but also quite amazing. Worth a read, for sure. Some forumers that know me offline can even vouch for its authenticity.
    Huh, that’s pretty berserk! Great how an epic hospital stay will draw out the “buried child” in the family dynamic. No literal hidden kids in my family (so far) but my parents especially have been getting an overdue update on the things in my life I haven’t trusted them with. I have this very clear memory of one of my uncles, whose wife of decades spent years declining with brain cancer until she finally died at about 43 I think, and he went peculiar and left his job and disappeared sort-of, seemed to shun the family. I overheard him saying to someone, on a rare post-trauma appearance from him, “I went through a life-changing event. Well, guess what? I changed.” as an “I make no apologies” kind of statement. You can’t know who you’ll be on the other side of something unimaginable. I’m not really sure what life will be like when I’m out of hospital, but it won’t be the same exactly!
  • Armoured_Bear 16 Feb 2020 11:50:15 28,701 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    robthehermit wrote:
    This is a very elaborate way to advertise your facebook page, I have to congratulate you for your dedication to your art.
    It's quite impressive, I wonder how ubergine and his flatmate decided that 25 slashes was the magic number, enough drama to boost the comedy exposure but not enough to kill him :)

    @ubergine
    Any improvement in your roomies?
  • davidfowles 16 Feb 2020 22:01:25 112 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 4 months ago
    I have a delightfully eccentric graffiti artist who fell three stories, (his story has been a little fluid) and he seems more settled after I managed to get him in some art supplies. Boredom and lack of agency are the main things seem to be making people crazy in here. The tow-truck driver who crashed on his way to another crash has finally gone after straight week of tiresome bitching at nurses and disparaging the (rather sensible) advice of doctors because they were Asian. He didn’t have any hobbies (like reading or writing or drawing) so just spent the whole time chewing himself up inside. Maybe a lesson to everyone to develop a “two weeks in bed” interest in case you ever have to spend two weeks in bed.

    He’s been replaced by another old guy with cancer. They tend to be quiet, apart from gurgling in their ravaged oesophagi and farting (maybe the cancer drugs or liquid diet causes the farting. This one fellow had to be fed liquid up a tube in his nose and would shit the bed constantly, he seemed like he’d had the whole inside of his head and neck removed, and then the doctors told him afterwards that scans showed he was riddled with cancer anyway. He got an infection and had to be moved to quarantine. New guy in the room is also for cancer, but he seems to be in much better on the inside than the previous one. His exterior is not so great.

    As horrible as what happened was, currently it seems like the best damage to be in hospital for is knife damage - though I shouldn’t understate how specifically lucky I was that these wound weren’t so much worse. The people in for car crash, explosion and cancer damage, or falling three stories, this kind of damage is chaotic and devastating, whereas the body actually heals very quickly it seems a from more orderly kind of damage like slices.

    Still, avoid.
  • mothercruncher 16 Feb 2020 23:17:01 17,627 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 14 years ago
    I’ve had, how can I put it, intentional knife damage to my right shoulder several times and have multiple scars totalling about 50 centimetres by now over it. Dislocations and fixes to tendons and a couple of plates. I have a large vertical scar down across my collarbone for one plate which severed the nerves that run down the side of your neck and over the top of your shoulder and lost all feeling in the skin over that shoulder. It took a full two years before the skin there wasn’t numb. Then I had the plate removed and lost all fucking feeling again. But a little over two years from that other operation and it’s back again. Just mentioning because it’s pertinent to your condition- nerves can take absolutely ages to sort themselves, way way beyond the usual “six weeks to heal” maxim, but in my experience they’re plucky little fuckers that do get there in the end, even multiple times.
  • Saul_Iscariot 16 Feb 2020 23:58:02 3,685 posts
    Seen 2 hours ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    @davidfowles Is furiously masturbating into a sock still a good two week bedtime hobby? Back in my teenage years I would be quite happy to have done that. The doctors and nurses can watch if they want. And, as an added bonus, keep my fluids topped up.
  • davidfowles 17 Feb 2020 05:27:00 112 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 4 months ago
    @Saul_Iscariot Not when your hands are cut to shit. Consider the arts as a backup.
  • davidfowles 17 Feb 2020 05:29:54 112 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 4 months ago
    mothercruncher wrote:
    I’ve had, how can I put it, intentional knife damage to my right shoulder several times and have multiple scars totalling about 50 centimetres by now over it. Dislocations and fixes to tendons and a couple of plates. I have a large vertical scar down across my collarbone for one plate which severed the nerves that run down the side of your neck and over the top of your shoulder and lost all feeling in the skin over that shoulder. It took a full two years before the skin there wasn’t numb. Then I had the plate removed and lost all fucking feeling again. But a little over two years from that other operation and it’s back again. Just mentioning because it’s pertinent to your condition- nerves can take absolutely ages to sort themselves, way way beyond the usual “six weeks to heal” maxim, but in my experience they’re plucky little fuckers that do get there in the end, even multiple times.
    Interesting, thanks. The doctors have said the arm might take a year to sort out if it even sorts, and yeah, I’ve got numb patches all over the joint across my chest and arms. Can’t really explore my body properly until the neck brace and splint come off. To look at me the right arm is my “good” arm but it’s the worst part of me.
  • BinaryBob101 17 Feb 2020 06:09:54 27,747 posts
    Seen 10 hours ago
    Registered 11 years ago
    Threads like this on EG can put life into perspective when you need it sometimes. It's why I keep coming back here. Good cunts like Ubergine are still the majority I think. These are good things.

    Thank you Ubergine, you just gave me clarity on a very important issue. Much appreciated.
  • mothercruncher 17 Feb 2020 07:36:43 17,627 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 14 years ago
    Glad you decided not to cut someone Bob.
  • fontgeeksogood 17 Feb 2020 07:46:30 9,523 posts
    Seen 5 hours ago
    Registered 2 years ago
    Between this, mothercruncher and Muttler's stories, I wonder if we forumites are actually impossible to kill via stabbing
  • Frogofdoom 17 Feb 2020 08:10:49 16,269 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 8 years ago
    davidfowles wrote:

    Can’t really explore my body properly until the neck brace and splint come off.
    If you ask a nurse really nicely and give her a cheeky wink she might do it for you. If not we can all club together and get you a semi attractive prostitute (we arent made of money).
  • davidfowles 17 Feb 2020 08:48:17 112 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 4 months ago
    @Frogofdoom my hookers and blackjack fundraiser is still up, but probably won’t be for long (I told the friend who started it to wind it up):

    https://www.gofundme.com/f/1vxmh37jio?sharetype=teams&member=3629602&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_source=customer&utm_campaign=p_na+share-sheet&rcid=839b6279ef4447b8a86f9392b5f2d3a5
  • monkman76 17 Feb 2020 08:51:04 16,064 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    @mothercruncher May I ask what happened to you? The way you said it suggested it happened on several different occasions, though I’ve surely misread that? If not you surely need to get on the blower to Netflix’s true crime department.
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 17 Feb 2020 08:54:12 24,444 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 5 years ago
    Shoulder surgery.
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 17 Feb 2020 08:54:22 24,444 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 5 years ago
    I'm guessing.
  • davidfowles 17 Feb 2020 08:58:48 112 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 4 months ago
    You can save me from retyping stuff with my cut up hands by reading this article and the reddit AMA-ish:

    https://10daily.com.au/news/a200205pdcsb/i-talked-someone-out-of-killing-me-then-rang-myself-an-ambulance-20200206?fbclid=IwAR2bIjr0e5hVLf_kb30yDBkmnYxXPV4sDXJBJ9_4HJA_AjLDAjpkb8Z8ppo


    https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/f1cbdj/i_talked_a_man_out_of_murdering_me_while_he_was/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
  • monkman76 17 Feb 2020 09:03:51 16,064 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 12 years ago
    Decks wrote:
    Shoulder surgery.
    Oh right. /hangs up
  • mothercruncher 17 Feb 2020 09:59:57 17,627 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 14 years ago
    Yeah, shoulder’s a mess- operation (unnecessary) to shorten the tendon in an attempt to stop dislocations= 1 scar, then a plate put in to fix collarbone, another, then removed, thankfully cut over the same scar, then another plate and a graft years later, surgeon opted to cut in an entirely new place, then removal of that where the same surgeon just cut another new random incision and messed the lovely alignment of all of the others up when sewing back up.
    I can still wank though so all’s good.
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 17 Feb 2020 10:10:26 24,444 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 5 years ago
    Yeah my shoulder dislocates regularly (though it's seemed pretty good for the last year) and I've always been advised to avoid surgery like the plague because it's a bit shit and rarely fixes it properly.
  • nickthegun 17 Feb 2020 10:11:30 81,385 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 14 years ago
    Good for escaping straight jackets though, right?
  • Dougs 17 Feb 2020 10:18:29 93,664 posts
    Seen 7 hours ago
    Registered 17 years ago
    Decks wrote:
    Yeah my shoulder dislocates regularly (though it's seemed pretty good for the last year) and I've always been advised to avoid surgery like the plague because it's a bit shit and rarely fixes it properly.
    Aye, same with my relatively minor impingement. It's been 3 years now, 2 cortisone injections later it is not too bad but still pulls a bit and is weak as fuck. Managed to swim yesterday with minimal pain though, so it's not too bad.
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 17 Feb 2020 10:18:54 24,444 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 5 years ago
    It's good for going "urgh uregh urghh urgghh" until you can get it back in. Also I got a free night on various high grade opiates last time as they couldn't get it in.
  • mothercruncher 17 Feb 2020 10:33:44 17,627 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 14 years ago
    @Decks
    I think you can close the gap with proper exercises and surgery should absolutely be a last resort if you’re desperate. Surgeon who did mine was a twat who confidently predicted I’d never be able to rotate my shoulder out beyond 90 degrees again and therefore couldn’t dislocate it, despite me clearly being hypermobile and having a connective tissue problem. Six months later I was back to exactly the same laxity, complete waste of my time and NHS money.
    The usual rotator cuff exercises are out the window now, don’t know if you’ve seen a physio in the last few years, it’s all about strengthening long chains of muscles (right shoulder, through core and down to left hip, and visa versa) and it’s drastically made me more stable. Lots of shoulder movements while planning in every direction, and other highly ludicrous positions. Really significant change though.
  • mothercruncher 17 Feb 2020 10:34:23 17,627 posts
    Seen 6 hours ago
    Registered 14 years ago
    *planking.
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 17 Feb 2020 10:41:57 24,444 posts
    Seen 4 hours ago
    Registered 5 years ago
    Yeah hypermobility is by problem. I've built my shoulders up a lot so it takes a fair whack to get it out now, with the downside being it seems a lot harder to get back in now if it does go. My hyper flexible hamstrings mean I can almost suck my own dick though so its not all bad.
  • Lukus 17 Feb 2020 11:22:14 23,136 posts
    Seen 5 hours ago
    Registered 15 years ago
    Making that lemonade
  • Steve-Perry 17 Feb 2020 11:24:12 1,146 posts
    Seen 5 hours ago
    Registered 4 months ago
    @davidfowles i watched your video with the toy tea party, that was great. You are a good actor. You remind me a bit of Bob Odenkirk.

    Keep up the good work!
Log in or register to reply

Sometimes posts may contain links to online retail stores. If you click on one and make a purchase we may receive a small commission. For more information, go here.