ubergine nearly died Page 9

  • challenge_hanukkah 17 Feb 2020 11:24:15 12,663 posts
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    I suffer from chronic groin pain due to a hernia, but they don't want to do any surgery on it as there's a high chance it'll leave me with chronic pain.
  • davidfowles 17 Feb 2020 11:46:37 112 posts
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    Akumer wrote:
    @davidfowles i watched your video with the toy tea party, that was great. You are a good actor. You remind me a bit of Bob Odenkirk.

    Keep up the good work!
    Thanks!
  • davidfowles 17 Feb 2020 11:48:11 112 posts
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    challenge_hanukkah wrote:
    I suffer from chronic groin pain due to a hernia, but they don't want to do any surgery on it as there's a high chance it'll leave me with chronic pain.
    TIP: jelq massage your groin hernia out into an unexpected extra penis!
  • fontgeeksogood 17 Feb 2020 12:22:34 9,523 posts
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    Decks wrote:
    Yeah hypermobility is by problem. I've built my shoulders up a lot so it takes a fair whack to get it out now, with the downside being it seems a lot harder to get back in now if it does go. My hyper flexible hamstrings mean I can almost suck my own dick though so its not all bad.
    Almost would be worse than miles away IMO
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 17 Feb 2020 12:32:08 24,444 posts
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    Depends how much you enjoy the smell of an erection I guess.
  • neilka 17 Feb 2020 14:31:42 23,282 posts
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    The sequel that Al Pacino will always regret.
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 17 Feb 2020 14:34:36 24,444 posts
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    HOO HAA Charlie boy, you ever think of taking a shower?
  • davidfowles 17 Feb 2020 17:06:51 112 posts
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    Had a hospital milestone tonight of sleeping on, then getting off, a flat bed with a pillow, rather than using the bed tilt to assist and no pillow because neck brace.

    Seemed a key thing towards getting home.
  • BurnoutJunkie 17 Feb 2020 21:39:42 1,175 posts
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    My word. I wish you a speedy recovery, my friend.
  • fontgeeksogood 17 Feb 2020 21:48:32 9,523 posts
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    Same, and it shouldn't be like this but I did just think to myself "man I wish I had a bed which tilted (and ideally vertical so in the morning getting up I don't have to use my body like a sucker)"
  • richarddavies 17 Feb 2020 21:52:40 7,606 posts
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    Not the thread to be going on about my story but I had 3 weeks in hospital back in November and you reminded me of the struggle getting in and out of bed. Embarrassing now but I had to pee in a bottle type thing for most of my stay. The missus wouldn't let me take it home with me once I got out of there. Selfish cow.
  • davidfowles 18 Feb 2020 01:00:03 112 posts
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    I couldnít piss in the bottle at all, and it motivated me to get to the toilet under my own steam.

    They took me on a commode chair the first time, used a walker the next couple times, then I just walked there myself to their surprise (though I still needed help getting off the bed for a while). The twit slashed and stabbed both my knees, the right one quite badly, so it was a surprise to everyone (including me) that I was off the bed as quickly as I was. I even managed to wipe myself VERY carefully with my fucked-up hands. Donít get between me and toilet dignity.

    Got my splint off my left arm today and celebrated with the most thorough shower yet. They were meant to transfer me to the rehabilitation hospital about ten days ago, but today commented that Iím getting better that fast Iíll likely just go home from here.
  • Lukus 18 Feb 2020 01:35:21 23,136 posts
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    That's probably not in your best interests. Make sure you get as much rehab as you can and don't just put on a show. I say this having had the bare minimum rehab on a torn hamstring that still gives me grief years later.
  • Lukus 18 Feb 2020 01:43:34 23,136 posts
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    challenge_hanukkah wrote:
    I suffer from chronic groin pain due to a hernia, but they don't want to do any surgery on it as there's a high chance it'll leave me with chronic pain.
    It sounds like you have nothing to lose...

    I'm not sure why they would think that? I've had two hernia repairs in the same area (the first one didn't work) and I have no pain.
  • mrpon 18 Feb 2020 06:36:26 36,139 posts
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    Tell him about your knob dropping off.
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 18 Feb 2020 06:42:07 24,444 posts
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    Who was it that had the farting penis again, was that Nick?
  • Load_2.0 18 Feb 2020 07:30:12 31,406 posts
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    I was told in high school that air in your dick is fatal.and that a guy died because his girlfriend did a blowjob wrong. She blew air into him like a flute and he died of a heart attack.
  • monkman76 18 Feb 2020 07:33:35 16,064 posts
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    Like a *flute*?
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 18 Feb 2020 07:37:19 24,444 posts
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    Yeah that would mean blowing over the top of his peehole so it went hoooooop.
  • Load_2.0 18 Feb 2020 07:41:03 31,406 posts
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    Flute/recorder whatever I wasnt there when his heart exploded. I guess the paramedics weren't musicians when they told everyone.
  • mrpon 18 Feb 2020 07:46:53 36,139 posts
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    Was she holding his penis horizontally? That might help answer this little quandary.
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 18 Feb 2020 07:47:52 24,444 posts
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    Even with a recorder I doubt you would blow into it hard enough to blow a man's heart up. Maybe a tuba or a French horn but with a recorder? I just can't see it.
  • monkman76 18 Feb 2020 07:51:09 16,064 posts
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    Decks wrote:
    Yeah that would mean blowing over the top of his peehole so it went hoooooop.
    Itís more the peehole on the side of his shaft Iím worried about.
  • CalamityJames 18 Feb 2020 09:42:57 256 posts
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    Holy shit ubergine... glad you survived that literal horror show mate.
  • Lukus 18 Feb 2020 10:33:38 23,136 posts
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    mrpon wrote:
    Tell him about your knob dropping off.
    Haha :D
  • davidfowles 18 Feb 2020 12:35:23 112 posts
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    CalamityJames wrote:
    Holy shit ubergine... glad you survived that literal horror show mate.
    Thanks! Seems Iím surprisingly close to going home, too. Iíve spent so long waiting to be sent to rehabilitation hospital that IĎve basically fixed myself out of boredom. Arm is still paralysed but whatever, they can come do physio at my house apparently.
  • Jono62 10 Mar 2020 12:39:24 24,841 posts
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    How's the recovery going?
  • mothercruncher 10 Mar 2020 19:36:59 17,627 posts
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    Itís OK thanks- managed to dig the splinter out myself in the end with a pair of tweezers, really smarted I can tell you.
  • challenge_hanukkah 10 Mar 2020 20:09:50 12,663 posts
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    Apologies if this has already been covered, but are you expecting any recompense or anything?

    Can you sue the knife wielding maniac?
  • eleven63 10 Mar 2020 20:19:46 2,695 posts
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    Just read this thread.

    Thank fuck the cat is ok.
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