A bit of footie humour... • Non-Gaming • Humour • Eurogamer.net

phAge 18 Aug 2005 23:23:52 25,487 posts
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... shamelessly lifted from another forum I visit - y'all probably read it before...

The year is 2007 and little bluenose Duncan is talking to his bluenose Dad.

SON “Dad, my mates in school told me that Liverpool won the European Cup for the 5th time in 2005 – are they right dad?

DAD “Yes son, it’s true, but they were dead lucky son, all the way through the tournament”

SON “Why dad?”

DAD “Well in the group stages …..”

SON “What dad, did they have a team from Azerbaijan, Israel, and Ireland in their group?”

DAD “Well no, they had Monaco, Deportivo la Coruna, and Olympiakos”

SON “Well they still sound like 3 easy teams to me dad”

DAD “Actually Monaco reached the final the year before, Olympiakos had won their league 7 times out of the previous 8 seasons, and Deportivo finished above the galacticos of Real Madrid in their league”.

SON “Jeez dad, that sounds like quite a difficult group then”.

DAD “Yeh I suppose youre right son, but they were still lucky – it took a mishit shot by Gerrard against Olympiakos to get through”.

SON “Oh is that the goal were your hero Andy Gray goes berserk shouting “you beauty, you beauty, what a hit son, what a hit!!!!”

DAD “Yes son it is”

SON “Oh ok. Well what happened in the last 16 dad, who did they draw?”

DAD “Bayer Leverkusen”

SON “Bayer who?”

DAD “Exactly son, but they had beaten Real Madrid 3-0 at home, and won their group that included Dinamo Kiev and Roma too.”

SON “Bloody hell dad, they sound good”.

DAD “Yes, I suppose you’re right son”

SON “So did they win on away goals or something”

DAD ”Errrrr, no, they won both legs 3-1 each”

SON “Oh – well who next then dad”

DAD “Juventus”

SON “How the f#ck did they get past them Dad?”

DAD “Well they did – they won 2-1 at home, and cruised to a 0-0 away draw without Juve having hardly any chances”.

SON “Were Juve sh#t at that time – had all their decent players gone or something?”

DAD “Well actually they still had players like Del Piero, Nedved, Ibrahimovic, Thuram, and Buffon in the side. And they won Serie A a few weeks later.”

SON “Wow, they beat the Italian champions elect – which piss easy team did they get in the semi then?”

DAD “Chelsea”

SON “Chelsea – for f#cks sake – what a piss easy draw – they’ve won nothing, Everton have won more than them”.

DAD “Well that season they won the Premiership and League Cup but the Red shite didn’t let them score in 180 minutes of football”

SON “Jesus Christ – so Liverpool beat the English Champions elect too”

DAD “Yes son, they bloody well did”.

SON “So after all that I suppose all the good teams had been knocked out”

DAD “Not quite son, AC Milan awaited them in the final”

SON “No way – aren’t they the 2nd most successful team in the competition’s history”.

DAD “Yes son they are”

SON “So were Liverpool lucky because Milan had all their good players out with injuries”

DAD “No – they had Shevchenko, Crespo, Maldini, Nesta, Cafu, Kaka, Stam, Dida, Gattuso, Pirlo, and Seedorf”.

SON “Your ‘avin a laff”

DAD “It gets worse son, Milan were cruising 3-0 up at half-time”.

SON “What happened, did they have 3 men sent off in the second half – how did Liverpool get back into the game?”

DAD “No, Milan had no men sent off, the Red shite scored 3 goals in 6 minutes”

SON “Against the best defence in Europe”

DAD “Yes!!!, against the best defence in Europe”

SON “So what happened next - extra time?”

DAD “Yes son, and Dudek made the luckiest save ever to stop a Shevchenko shot from a yard”

SON “Why was it lucky dad – did it hit him on the arse, nose, shoulder or something”

DAD “No son, his hand”

SON “Well aren’t goalies meant to save shots with their hands”

DAD “Yeah but that’s besides the point”

SON “Then what”

DAD “Penalties!”

SON “English teams are crap at penalties”

DAD “Not this f#ckin time they weren’t – they only missed one. And that’s how Liverpool became the luckiest team to win the European Cup”.

SON “But I bet when they brought the cup home there was hardly anyone to watch as all Liverpool fans live anywhere but Liverpool you say. How many was there, 5,000 or so?”

DAD “1 million people lined the streets”.

SON ”So let’s get this straight dad – Liverpool had 3 good teams in their group, they then knocked out a team who had beaten Real Madrid 3-0, they then knocked out the future Serie A champions, then knocked out the future Premiership champions, before coming back from 3-0 down to beat the 2nd most successful club in Europe. And then the whole population of Liverpool came out to welcome them home!!!!

DAD “That about sums it up son”

SON “Dad?”

DAD “Yes son”

SON “Can I have a Liverpool shirt for my birthday next week, and can you stop calling me Duncan – I’m Stevie from now on...”

MikeD 18 Aug 2005 23:26:01 10,063 posts
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I don't get it.

Dragul 18 Aug 2005 23:35:26 5,536 posts
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WTF...

And by the way, you forgot to say they didn't score a single gol against Chelsea... bad referee call... the ball didn't enter.

MikeD 18 Aug 2005 23:37:41 10,063 posts
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No seriously. Can anyone explain it to me?

I get how the story is supposed to be a proactive defense against fans of other teams saying liverpool were lucky. Don't think that's very funny, but I guess you have to be a fan.

But stevie?

phAge 18 Aug 2005 23:38:09 25,487 posts
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Dragul wrote:
WTF...

And by the way, you forgot to say they didn't score a single gol against Chelsea... bad referee call... the ball didn't enter.

Err... you're joking, right?

Dragul 18 Aug 2005 23:41:06 5,536 posts
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Furbs wrote:
Funny, the history books say we did...

Pfff... My history books also said F.C. Porto has one of the best record in hiring players and last season... well to be nice let me say we only bought a truck load of shit... and the worst shit type available...

/burns the history book

Oh... and the history books will say that Liverpool scored a gol... F**K YOU Mourinho for putting R. Carvalho on the Bench... F**K YOU

MikeD 18 Aug 2005 23:43:25 10,063 posts
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Furbs wrote:
Mike, the kid is named after Duncan Ferguson but wants to be called Steve now (ie. after Gerrard)

AH!.....uh....

/pretends to laugh

edit: thanks for explanation, though. :-)

Edited by MikeD at 23:44:23 18-08-2005

Dragul 18 Aug 2005 23:43:56 5,536 posts
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Furbs wrote:

Edit: And for someone from Portugal to complain about a refereeing decision is a bit of a cheek!

Edited by Furbs at 23:38:36 18-08-2005

Come on... we're expert in complaining about referee decision... if somebody needs an opinion about a bad call, come to me... (not that type of come, bunch of pervs).

Ironic isn't it...

Dragul 18 Aug 2005 23:45:24 5,536 posts
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Furbs wrote:
Carvallho would just have given away another penalty like he always tries to do. Good player, terrible cheat.

He should have stayed in F.C. Porto. where he was a GOD. (since he left our defence has been a big pice of shit)

Edited by Dragul at 23:46:19 18-08-2005

Khab 18 Aug 2005 23:50:54 6,583 posts
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Well, I don't claim to know much about footie, and certainly not about the Champion's League, Liverpool or Milan. But I saw that final, and that wasn't luck - it was Milan relaxing and underestimating their opponent in an incredibly sloppy way.

It was also by far the most entertaining game of football I've seen in years.

Edit: Before I get called a Fanboy, I'd better state I'm from Sweden and hardly know where Liverpool IS, much less anything about their footie team.

Edited by Khab at 23:52:34 18-08-2005

Gruff 18 Aug 2005 23:52:11 3,940 posts
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Post deleted

MikeD 18 Aug 2005 23:52:12 10,063 posts
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Milan were the lucky ones, they weren't even supposed to be in the final.

/still annoyed

:-)

Sid-Nice 19 Aug 2005 00:06:43 15,848 posts
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I put £10 on England to win the World Cup.

Dragul 19 Aug 2005 00:09:49 5,536 posts
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Furbs wrote:
I'm kinda proud Liverpool have been involved in probably the most exciting (not best) CL final ever, and the most exciting final of all time in the UEFA Cup final when we beat Alaves 5-4.

Doesnt say much about our defending mind

You're kidding?! right?

The most exciting final on Champions was Bayern Munchen - F.C. Porto with the gol by Madjer Link to gol

Dragul 19 Aug 2005 00:16:12 5,536 posts
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Furbs wrote:
Sorry, dont even remember that one! What was the score?

;D 1-2 but it was an very exciting game, at least for me