Stupid joke to end all stupid jokes Page 2

  • Deleted user 20 April 2006 20:28:21
    Rooney wrote:
    oh, the wild goose chase blonde joke....its shit

    The only people who don't laugh are the ones who don't get it for ages.

    BWAHA
  • Deleted user 20 April 2006 20:32:45
    A Catholic priest and a Rabbi are standing on a streetcorner. A little boy walks by. The priest nudges the Rabbi and whispers "Hey! Let's screw him!" The Rabbi looks confused and asks "Outta what?"
  • Teeth 20 Apr 2006 20:48:45 7,987 posts
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    Rooney wrote:
    "My dog doesn't have a dictionary"

    "how does it spell terrible?"

    LMAO
  • ProfessorLesser 20 Apr 2006 21:00:57 19,693 posts
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    Gremmi wrote:
    A Catholic priest and a Rabbi are standing on a streetcorner. A little boy walks by. The priest nudges the Rabbi and whispers "Hey! Let's screw him!" The Rabbi looks confused and asks "Outta what?"
    Sssssswwwwwwwww.............. like it :-D

    Feckin' hell though Gremmi, that rabbit joke is both long and shit.

    IMO you should've edited the ending to remove the punchline, given it a happy ending and told everyone it wasn't a joke after all ;-)
  • terminalterror 21 Apr 2006 00:04:13 18,931 posts
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    Rooney wrote:
    Teeth wrote:
    Rooney wrote:
    "My dog doesn't have a dictionary"

    "how does it spell terrible?"

    LMAO


    Someone who got it... :)

    I got it too :)

    That is a goodun, although not on a par with the bees joke which is my favourite of the thread so far.
  • terminalterror 21 Apr 2006 00:04:36 18,931 posts
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    What is black and loud?

    Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
  • jozz 21 Apr 2006 00:22:12 4,871 posts
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    God speaks to Noah proclaiming 40 days and 40 nights of flood thereby cleansing the land of the heathens and non-believers.

    Noah is charged with building an arc to weather the storm and collecting two of every animal.
    And so sets about this great task...

    Apon the day of reckoning one of the chosen enters the fabled arc to speak with him and to his astonishment finds the vessel full of fish and only fish. He asks in disbelief:

    "Noah, what have you done! God has tasked you with collecting two of every animal and you only seem to have brought aboard tons apon tons of fish! What was the meaning of all this?!"

    and Noah replies:

    "well, I thought about it and decided instead to build the worlds' first multi-story Carp-Arc"

    Car park/carp-arc, get it!

    Ha ha hahaaa HA!

    Ohhh it's the way I tell 'em I'm sure.

    /dodges rotten fruit

    /kills thread


    Edited by jozz at 00:28:29 21-04-2006
  • RichDC 21 Apr 2006 00:28:15 8,911 posts
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    A jellybaby went to the doctors because his knob was covered in liquorice & coconut... The doc asked "What on earth have you been up to?", he replies... "Fucking allsorts!"
  • Toonster 21 Apr 2006 00:29:35 6,918 posts
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    What's black, white and brown?

    A nun landing in a pile of shit.

    Just made that up actually.
  • Deleted user 21 April 2006 00:56:59
    I wish to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandad....








































    ....not screaming and shouting like all his passengers!


    Cracks me up every time!

    Edited by Nipples at 00:57:29 21-04-2006
  • reality_cheque 21 Apr 2006 09:31:49 7,486 posts
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    I know 2 stupider jokes but as I have punched everyone who has ever told them to me and I don't want to be punched at any EG meets I'm going to keep it to myself.

    Consider yourself lucky as they're truly shite and annoyingly long. I actually like the ex tractor fan joke :(

    Did ya hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field.
  • Deleted user 21 April 2006 09:39:54
    Nipples wrote:
    I wish to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandad....








































    ....not screaming and shouting like all his passengers!


    Cracks me up every time!

    Edited by Nipples at 00:57:29 21-04-2006

    \o/

    Bob Monkhouse FTW!
  • ProfessorLesser 21 Apr 2006 10:28:38 19,693 posts
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    Megapocalypse wrote:
    A jellybaby went to the doctors because his knob was covered in liquorice & coconut... The doc asked "What on earth have you been up to?", he replies... "Fucking allsorts!"
    That one's amazing.
  • Deleted user 21 April 2006 10:30:59
    terminalterror wrote:
    What is black and loud?

    Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

    What's black and even louder?

    Stevie Wonder phoning an ambulance.
  • Kay 21 Apr 2006 10:34:44 20,734 posts
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    Love this joke, so I'll repeat it:

    How do you spot a blind man at a nudist beach?

    It ain't hard, mate.

    K
  • Deleted user 21 April 2006 11:09:07
    Uncle Lou comes over to England for a holiday and is belting down the M1 at 100+ mph, unaware that the rules for speeding are rather different over here.

    Pretty soon he gets pulled over by a couple of traffic police and they ask him to step out of the car.

    As he looks a bit shifty they ask if they can give the car a quick once over and ask him to open the boot. Uncle Lou does so and the police find three dead calves in there.

    A bit puzzled, one policeman asks Lou, "why the hell have you got three dead calves in your boot?"

    Uncle Lou replies - "Zat is der spare veal!"

    Edited by Fozzie_bear at 11:09:21 21-04-2006
  • THFourteen 21 Apr 2006 11:15:51 53,839 posts
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    Why did the condom fly across the room?

    Because it was pissed off.



    Two fish in a tank... one turns to the other and goes...

    so...

    how do you drive this thing.
  • azurelas_2 21 Apr 2006 15:18:13 2,049 posts
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    A parrot flies into a pub. 'Can I have a cracker?' he asks the bartender. The bartender, rather amused, says 'Only if you buy a drink'. The parrot flies off.

    The next day, the parrot returns. 'Can I have a cracker?' he asks again. The bartender, who had a bad night, says 'Look mate. The next time you ask for a bloody cracker I'll nail you to the f****** wall! Now get the hell out!'. The parrot flies off again.

    The very next day, the parrot flies into the same pub again. 'Can I have a cracker?' he asks. The bartender grabs the parrot and nails it to the wall. The parrot, in extreme pain, looks around him and sees Christ on his cross. 'You also asked for a cracker, didn't you?'






    /runs off
  • Stickman 21 Apr 2006 15:23:41 29,986 posts
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    ...um...what?

    How do you get Pikachu on a bus?

    Pokemon.
  • freedumb 18 Jun 2006 01:51:02 1,122 posts
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    Stickman wrote:
    ...um...what?

    How do you get Pikachu on a bus?

    Pokemon.

    That has to be the winner!
  • catterz 18 Jun 2006 06:40:38 8,763 posts
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    Sick one (sorry):

    What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable?






    ...the wheelchair!
  • MetalDog 18 Jun 2006 09:31:02 24,076 posts
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    Dave allen-esque joke I heard back in the Apartheid eighties:

    A white man visits south africa for the first time and hires a car to get from the airport to where he's going. At first he takes it slowly, not being used to the car or the roads, but pretty soon he's zooming along trying to make his appointment on time.

    Going around a blind corner, he crashes into two black farmhands who were having lunch by the side of the road. It's a terrible impact, sending one of the men through his windshield on the passenger side and flinging the other one over the fence into the field. The driver comes to a skidding slewing stop and sits there, shaking and crying under a crushing wave of shock and guilt.

    A minute later a police car comes around the corner and the officer stops and gets out, moving to stand next to the car. This snaps the driver a little out of his trance and he starts trying to explain.

    "Oh my God, officer, I don't know what to say... how could something this terrible have happened? Oh my God!"

    The policeman holds up his hand and says, "Don't worry sir, this sort of thing happens all the time," he points to the man hanging through the windshield and then the one in the field, "We'll do this one for breaking and entering and that one for leaving the scene of the crime."
  • smoothpete 18 Jun 2006 12:25:15 37,129 posts
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    2 verisons of this:

    Q. What's blue and fucks grannies?


    A. Pneumonia





    Q. What's blue and fucks grannies?


    A. Me, in my lucky blue coat!
  • Trowel 18 Jun 2006 12:39:58 23,662 posts
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    Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is
    absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.

    A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row
    And shouts at the top of his voice "Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"

    Amazed that this guy knows about Stevie's varied career, the
    blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild.

    The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord!"

    A bit pissed off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he
    is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.

    The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a jazz chord, play a jazz chord!!"

    Well and truly pissed off that this little guy doesn't seem to
    appreciate his playing ability Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smart ass. You get up here and do it !"

    The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the
    mike and starts to sing...
    .
    .
    .





    "A jazz chord to say I ruv you ."
  • otto Moderator 28 May 2007 11:16:19 49,322 posts
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    You didn't type that yourself did you Gremmi? Cos no-one's gonna read it. :/
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