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Something to cheer me up this Friday afternoon. Best quote wins a Jaffa cake: "Look, Marge, you don't know what it's like. I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order. The whole freaking system is out of order. You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!" |
The legend that is Homer J. Simpson
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erictheking 106 posts
Seen 1 day ago
Registered 16 years ago -
Stickman 29,986 posts
Seen 5 hours ago
Registered 16 years ago"If something is hard to do, then it's not worth doing."
A mantra to live your life by. -
deem 31,667 posts
Seen 2 weeks ago
Registered 17 years ago -
"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand"
I use this one a lot. -
Machiavel 5,964 posts
Seen 5 years ago
Registered 18 years ago"Homer, did you imagine married life to be like this?"
"Yup, pretty much. Except we'd live in a van and go around solving mysteries." -
erictheking 106 posts
Seen 1 day ago
Registered 16 years agoHomer: If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement. -
"Ooh! There's something you don't see in a toilet every day!" -
"Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "you're making a scene." -
StixxUK 8,370 posts
Seen 2 hours ago
Registered 18 years ago"Hmmm, this hose appears to be broken! Perhaps my eye can get to the bottom of this."
/looks down hose, gets squirted directly in the eye, hose goes dead again.
"Intriguing.... Perhaps my OTHER eye..."
Only really works if you know the clip I'm talking about. -
thehat 1,831 posts
Seen 9 years ago
Registered 15 years ago"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. " -
Murbs 24,835 posts
Seen 3 hours ago
Registered 16 years agoIf the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, its that girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling foxy boxy and such and such... -
erictheking 106 posts
Seen 1 day ago
Registered 16 years agoHomer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall, 300 pounds ... it makes ice. -
Fat-Boy 4,300 posts
Seen 1 year ago
Registered 16 years ago"It was like that time I was going to see Mr. T. at the mall. All day I kept saying 'I'll go in a little while, I'll go in a little while' and then when I finally went, he'd gone. I asked the security guy when he would be coming back and he said he didn't know."
"Oohh, a sextet of ale."
"Fiddle de dee, that will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to kick this dog house down!" -
Huntcjna 13,890 posts
Seen 2 years ago
Registered 16 years ago"every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?" -
Machiavel 5,964 posts
Seen 5 years ago
Registered 18 years agoHomer: Kids, there's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!
Bart: Isn't that the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster! -
NeoGoaT 290 posts
Seen 2 weeks ago
Registered 17 years ago"I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T. ... I mean, S-M-A-R-T." -
bivith 2,469 posts
Seen 24 hours ago
Registered 16 years ago"It's funny cos it's a monkey" -
BCrowe 543 posts
Seen 6 hours ago
Registered 14 years ago"Mmmm, free goo..." -
erictheking 106 posts
Seen 1 day ago
Registered 16 years agoHomer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles. -
pauleyc 4,548 posts
Seen 7 hours ago
Registered 19 years agoHomer: For once, somebody may call me "Sir" without adding, "...you're making a scene."
And: "Mmmm... soylent green."
Edited by pauleyc at 14:41:45 22-09-2006 -
Kay 20,734 posts
Seen 4 minutes ago
Registered 17 years ago"I'm better than normal. I'm abnormal."
K -
Huxley 142 posts
Seen 1 hour ago
Registered 19 years agoerictheking wrote:
Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall, 300 pounds ... it makes ice.
Which then gets even better
Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! -
pauleyc 4,548 posts
Seen 7 hours ago
Registered 19 years agoHomer: Mmmmm... reprocessed pig fat...
My favourite (one of the Treehouse of Horror episodes):
Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Bart: No.
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Lisa: Yes.
Homer: But the car's okay?
Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then. -
Dougs 95,487 posts
Seen 18 minutes ago
Registered 18 years ago"Mmmm, free goo."
"Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer." -
matrim83 5,712 posts
Seen 1 day ago
Registered 16 years agoStixxUK wrote:
"Hmmm, this hose appears to be broken! Perhaps my eye can get to the bottom of this."
/looks down hose, gets squirted directly in the eye, hose goes dead again.
"Intriguing.... Perhaps my OTHER eye..."
Only really works if you know the clip I'm talking about.
Ditto for this one
On a telephone pole -
Hmmm lets try the red wire.
/Homer scream. (Gets shocked)
OK lets try the green wire.
/Homer scream. (Gets shocked)
Hmmm lets try the red wire again.
/Homer scream. (Gets shocked)
Hmmm lets try them together.
/Homer scream. (Gets shocked) -
Dougs 95,487 posts
Seen 18 minutes ago
Registered 18 years ago"Son, when you participate in sporting events, its not whether you win or loose, its how drunk you get." -
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.
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