The legend that is Homer J. Simpson

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  • erictheking 22 Sep 2006 14:23:25 106 posts
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    Something to cheer me up this Friday afternoon. Best quote wins a Jaffa cake:

    "Look, Marge, you don't know what it's like. I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order. The whole freaking system is out of order. You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!"
  • Stickman 22 Sep 2006 14:24:38 29,986 posts
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    "If something is hard to do, then it's not worth doing."

    A mantra to live your life by.
  • deem 22 Sep 2006 14:25:27 31,667 posts
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    Post deleted
  • Deleted user 22 September 2006 14:26:33
    "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand"

    I use this one a lot.
  • Machiavel 22 Sep 2006 14:27:16 5,964 posts
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    "Homer, did you imagine married life to be like this?"

    "Yup, pretty much. Except we'd live in a van and go around solving mysteries."
  • erictheking 22 Sep 2006 14:28:57 106 posts
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    Homer: If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.
  • Deleted user 22 September 2006 14:30:02
    "Ooh! There's something you don't see in a toilet every day!"
  • Deleted user 22 September 2006 14:30:25
    "Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "you're making a scene."
  • StixxUK 22 Sep 2006 14:31:35 8,370 posts
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    "Hmmm, this hose appears to be broken! Perhaps my eye can get to the bottom of this."

    /looks down hose, gets squirted directly in the eye, hose goes dead again.

    "Intriguing.... Perhaps my OTHER eye..."


    Only really works if you know the clip I'm talking about.
  • thehat 22 Sep 2006 14:31:41 1,831 posts
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    "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. "
  • Murbs 22 Sep 2006 14:33:02 24,835 posts
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    If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, its that girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling foxy boxy and such and such...
  • erictheking 22 Sep 2006 14:33:08 106 posts
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    Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall, 300 pounds ... it makes ice.
  • Fat-Boy 22 Sep 2006 14:33:23 4,300 posts
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    "It was like that time I was going to see Mr. T. at the mall. All day I kept saying 'I'll go in a little while, I'll go in a little while' and then when I finally went, he'd gone. I asked the security guy when he would be coming back and he said he didn't know."

    "Oohh, a sextet of ale."

    "Fiddle de dee, that will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to kick this dog house down!"
  • Huntcjna 22 Sep 2006 14:35:11 13,890 posts
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    "every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"
  • Machiavel 22 Sep 2006 14:35:47 5,964 posts
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    Homer: Kids, there's three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!
    Bart: Isn't that the wrong way?
    Homer: Yeah, but faster!
  • NeoGoaT 22 Sep 2006 14:37:20 290 posts
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    "I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T. ... I mean, S-M-A-R-T."
  • bivith 22 Sep 2006 14:37:45 2,469 posts
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    "It's funny cos it's a monkey"
  • BCrowe 22 Sep 2006 14:38:32 543 posts
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    "Mmmm, free goo..."
  • erictheking 22 Sep 2006 14:41:19 106 posts
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    Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
    Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
    Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.
  • pauleyc 22 Sep 2006 14:41:45 4,548 posts
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    Homer: For once, somebody may call me "Sir" without adding, "...you're making a scene."

    And: "Mmmm... soylent green."

    Edited by pauleyc at 14:41:45 22-09-2006
  • Kay 22 Sep 2006 14:42:09 20,734 posts
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    "I'm better than normal. I'm abnormal."

    K
  • Huxley 22 Sep 2006 14:42:26 142 posts
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    erictheking wrote:
    Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall, 300 pounds ... it makes ice.

    Which then gets even better

    Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one!
  • pauleyc 22 Sep 2006 14:45:02 4,548 posts
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    Homer: Mmmmm... reprocessed pig fat...

    My favourite (one of the Treehouse of Horror episodes):

    Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad!
    Homer: Did you wreck the car?
    Bart: No.
    Homer: Did you raise the dead?
    Lisa: Yes.
    Homer: But the car's okay?
    Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.
    Homer: All right then.
  • Dougs 22 Sep 2006 14:45:54 95,487 posts
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    "Mmmm, free goo."

    "Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer."
  • matrim83 22 Sep 2006 14:46:11 5,712 posts
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    StixxUK wrote:
    "Hmmm, this hose appears to be broken! Perhaps my eye can get to the bottom of this."

    /looks down hose, gets squirted directly in the eye, hose goes dead again.

    "Intriguing.... Perhaps my OTHER eye..."


    Only really works if you know the clip I'm talking about.

    Ditto for this one

    On a telephone pole -

    Hmmm lets try the red wire.
    /Homer scream. (Gets shocked)
    OK lets try the green wire.
    /Homer scream. (Gets shocked)
    Hmmm lets try the red wire again.
    /Homer scream. (Gets shocked)
    Hmmm lets try them together.
    /Homer scream. (Gets shocked)
  • Dougs 22 Sep 2006 14:46:34 95,487 posts
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    "Son, when you participate in sporting events, its not whether you win or loose, its how drunk you get."
  • FairgroundTown 22 Sep 2006 14:48:38 2,522 posts
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    Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.
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