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I've been constipated for 5 weeks and finally let it all out last night. It felt soooo good but completely blocked the toilet. The in-laws then came round when the emergency plumber was there. It was one disaster after the other. |
Most embarrassing moment ever?
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Doobie 129 posts
Registered 15 years ago -
FluffyTucker wrote:
That's probably why he couldn't get it up.
Farting while getting a blow job probably, we broke up a month later -
Lukus 24,639 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 17 years agoDoobie wrote:
5 weeks?! That's incredible if true. Nothing for 5 weeks? That's got to have been the best dump ever.
I've been constipated for 5 weeks and finally let it all out last night. It felt soooo good but completely blocked the toilet.
The in-laws then came round when the emergency plumber was there.
It was one disaster after the other. -
Doobie 129 posts
Registered 15 years agoLukus wrote:
Doobie wrote:
5 weeks?! That's incredible if true. Nothing for 5 weeks? That's got to have been the best dump ever.
I've been constipated for 5 weeks and finally let it all out last night. It felt soooo good but completely blocked the toilet.
The in-laws then came round when the emergency plumber was there.
It was one disaster after the other.
I made the odd pebble now and again but nothing normal.
Thing is, since last night I've been 3 times and they've all been huge!
Edited by Doobie at 16:49:01 12-01-2007 -
generica 4,279 posts
Seen 3 years ago
Registered 15 years agoI once accidently linked porn over msn which promted possibly the most awkward question, 'are you wanking while talking to me?' ;_; -
Vinnie07 156 posts
Registered 15 years agoI walked in on my ex-girlfriends parents doing anal. -
Dirtbox 92,595 posts
Seen 19 hours ago
Registered 19 years ago -
Dirtbox 92,595 posts
Seen 19 hours ago
Registered 19 years ago -
Oooh, I've had many, mostly whilst attempting to chat up girls (I'm such a failure...).
One time I was getting on really well with someone, and the constant gardener came up as a topic of discussion (she was reading the book). When we moved onto the climactic conclusion (of the film, which I'd seen) I inadvertantly blerted put "yea the ending was really funny" (both main characters die).
The look of disgust on her face was so bad I almost cried. -
Carlo 21,801 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 16 years agoSent a stern warning via email to everyone in the company about wasting time surfing online and linked the online company handbook.
The link however, was to a butt-plug-in-the-shape-of-Jesus website (Secret Santa present I was about to order by a 'workmate') ;D
(http://www.divine-interventions.com/ 'cause I know you're already googling)
Edited by Carlo at 16:56:59 12-01-2007 -
T.G. 5,989 posts
Seen 13 years ago
Registered 15 years agoLong story short, had to puke and shit at the same time. I opted to shit in a toilet and sacrifice puking priveleges. Didn't think it out very well though, and puked into my trousers.
That was a very long and uncomfortable walk home. Lonely too... -
Probably my worst moments have been when I'm drunk, luckily I don't tend to remember them and avoid my mates for as long as possible the day after in the hope I won't find out what awful things I was up to .gif)
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Psychotext 70,652 posts
Seen 1 day ago
Registered 15 years agoVinnie07 wrote:
/wonders what position they were in that it was quite so obvious it was anal... especially given most people would have quickly looked away!
I walked in on my ex-girlfriends parents doing anal. -
Vinnie07 156 posts
Registered 15 years agoPsychotext wrote:
Vinnie07 wrote:
/wonders what position they were in that it was quite so obvious it was anal... especially given most people would have quickly looked away!
I walked in on my ex-girlfriends parents doing anal.
She had a dildo up HIS ass! Can't get more anal than that! -
warlockuk 19,519 posts
Seen 1 week ago
Registered 17 years agoFluffyTucker wrote:
Mall Rats ftw
Farting while getting a blow job probably, we broke up a month later -
A girl I liked came over to mine, traveled 70 miles to come visit me and she was going to stay over (yay!). We were chatting, I cooked her a meal that she said was one of the best she's ever had (she's a veggie so it wasn't that hard) and it was all going swimmingly.
She then asked if she could quickly check her emails on my computer. Of course, says I, and she clicks on the Opera shortcut.
Now Opera has this handy feature where it saves the page that you were looking at before you shut it down last time, and because of this feature I always make a point of clicking over to the bbc's news page if ever I'd been looking at porn, if ever anyone was to wander into to my room and start messing about with my pc. Every time I've done that, except for the one time when it actually mattered.
Oh and it was black porn too. I cleverly covered my tracks by going "Oh, fuck... someone's.... oh not again. Oh..... porn, bastards. They knew you were coming and... bastards." -
Psychotext 70,652 posts
Seen 1 day ago
Registered 15 years agoVinnie07 wrote:
Scarred for life? =)
She had a dildo up HIS ass! Can't get more anal than that! -
cubbymoore wrote:
Did it work?
Oh and it was black porn too. I cleverly covered my tracks by going "Oh, fuck... someone's.... oh not again. Oh..... porn, bastards. They knew you were coming and... bastards."
My response is usually something along the lines of "don't know - must be one of those cheap website pop-ups or something". -
Dirtbox 92,595 posts
Seen 19 hours ago
Registered 19 years ago -
disussedgenius wrote:
Did it fuck
cubbymoore wrote:
Did it work?
Oh and it was black porn too. I cleverly covered my tracks by going "Oh, fuck... someone's.... oh not again. Oh..... porn, bastards. They knew you were coming and... bastards."
Then again I make a joke out of everything anyway so I was saying that in a jokey manner, she knew what was up, I knew what was up, she just laughed for about twenty minutes straight.
It was still embarrassing for me deep down. -
oceanmotion 17,358 posts
Seen 2 years ago
Registered 18 years agoRecent one. Meet my friends new flatmate at a house warming party. End of the night, all cheery, kiss and cuddles goodbye. I said goodbye to the new flatmate who is 6ft 5in, lovely boobs. I went over gave her a hug but considering I'm shorter, I was pretty much in her boosems, not over her shoulder and said "Mmm comfy".
We laughed about it next week and she thought it was cute. Phew. -
Salaman 24,162 posts
Seen 6 days ago
Registered 17 years agoBeen done. But carry on regardless. Been a lot of new people here since. -
CasperCCC 1,087 posts
Seen 9 years ago
Registered 15 years agoCarlo wrote:
Sent a stern warning via email to everyone in the company about wasting time surfing online and linked the online company handbook.
The link however, was to a butt-plug-in-the-shape-of-Jesus website (Secret Santa present I was about to order by a 'workmate') ;D
It is absolutely impossible for anyone to beat this, ever. Anyone posting on this thread from here on in should know that they are only competing for the second most embarassing moment ever. -
manuel_garcia 4,079 posts
Seen 7 months ago
Registered 17 years agoA friend of mine spent 3 years plucking up the courage to make a pass at another mutual friend of ours. The timing eventually was just right at a house party, both of them drunk and they disappeared upstairs together to much applause from the rest of us.
20 minutes later we were in the back yard when he pops his head out of the upstairs window and throws up all over the floor. 10 minutes after that she's in tears outside and he's bolted out of the door.
Turns out he was a little too drunk, went to go down on her, and either the change in gravity (which is what we told her it must have been), or the smell (probably what it really was), made him slightly ill. Problem was, the chunder that we saw coming out of the window was the second wave, he didn't move quickly enough for the first wave to miss her groinal region...
They never spoke after that -
Dougs 100,414 posts
Seen 18 hours ago
Registered 18 years agoInquisitor wrote:
Oooh, I've had many, mostly whilst attempting to chat up girls (I'm such a failure...).
One time I was getting on really well with someone, and the constant gardener came up as a topic of discussion (she was reading the book). When we moved onto the climactic conclusion (of the film, which I'd seen) I inadvertantly blerted put "yea the ending was really funny" (both main characters die).
The look of disgust on her face was so bad I almost cried.
Some women have no sense of humour do they? I laughed during Titanic about 3 times and my date was not amused at all. Lighten up love. -
terminalterror 18,932 posts
Seen 6 days ago
Registered 20 years agoCasperCCC wrote:
Carlo wrote:
Sent a stern warning via email to everyone in the company about wasting time surfing online and linked the online company handbook.
The link however, was to a butt-plug-in-the-shape-of-Jesus website (Secret Santa present I was about to order by a 'workmate') ;D
It is absolutely impossible for anyone to beat this, ever. Anyone posting on this thread from here on in should know that they are only competing for the second most embarassing moment ever.
That is indeed awesome. Although possibly savable if you pretended you were taking the piss. -
The time I set my girlfriend's hair on fire in the pub without a doubt. Burned it all to shit in front of a bunch of folk from work. -
samk 703 posts
Seen 6 years ago
Registered 15 years agomanuel_garcia wrote:
Problem was, the chunder that we saw coming out of the window was the second wave, he didn't move quickly enough for the first wave to miss her groinal region...
LOL!
To pay my way through university I worked at a local Asda in the bakery. Two idiots used to clean the rotisserie next door and rather than take the discarded chicken fat outside safely in smaller quantities they couldn't be bothered so simply used a massive bucket and waited until it was almost full before taking it outside. It took both of them to carry it, that's how heavy it was. Probably two foot across in width.
So one day they were carrying this big bucket of yucky chicken fat outside, goofing around as normal, when I happened to walk around the corner. In the surprise the bucket tipped forward and due to the weight they let go of it entirely. Drenched me from the waist down. Literally sopping wet with horrible smelly slimey chicken fat. I left them to clean up the small lake of chicken fat then covering the floor.
Now, this Asda wasn't a little store but a big superstore jobbie. My route to the staff toilets to clean-up involved trudging a good 75+ metres to the far end of the store, through packed customer isles, heads turning, people pointing and giggling, etc. Nightmare.
Next 15 minutes were spent attempting to wash my legs in a toilet sink while other male staff coming and going, cracking jokes, winking, etc.
Eventually having cleaned myself up the only pair of trousers left probably belonged to Peter Crouch. They were about a foot too long and garrotted me at the waist. I had to finish the rest of my shift wearing these drainpipe trousers that stuck to my legs like glue due to the remaining chicken fat.
And if that wasn't enough, needless to say the lingering smell of chicken fat for weeks afterwards didn't exactly whip up my girlfriend at the time into a frenzy.
100% true.
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Shes not a foxy lady then?
Oh, thats awful, I'm so sorry.
.gif)
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