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I feel that Rooney should be employed by the government to give talks to all boys, when they start school, about the dangers of underpant-rummaging. No-one should have to go through what he's going through right now! Perhaps he could produce a leaflet to give guide lines on exactly how rigorously you can scratch an itchy nutsuck, without causing long-term damage... |
Most embarrassing moment ever? • Page 7
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Beardedmonkey 83 posts
Seen 5 days ago
Registered 14 years ago -
reality_cheque 7,486 posts
Seen 2 years ago
Registered 16 years agoThis thread FTATUMFW. (that's For The All Time Ultimate Mother Fucking Win, by the way) -
I already posted this is a similar thread....
BTW...I'm 38 now...
Here's one of mine, believe me I have too many!
At the tender age of 19 (I'm now 36), I was at my new house (our first house together) with my wife (then fiance) and our beautiful new baby daughter. My wife had been to her mums for the afternoon and only just got back. I'd been playing football with four friends on the front. Our street was one of those with open front gardens, no fences, so it was great for football. Anyway, as she's just got there, I'd stopped playing and gone indoors, leaving the lads on the front. Lin (my fiance) was sat holding the baby in the chair in the front window as the ball whacked against the front window. I rushed to the front door and shouted loudly for them not to be dicks because the baby was on the other side of the window. Cue 2 minutes later, the ball hitting again, harder this time. I ran to the front door raging. "LOOK! FUCK OFF! That's it!". To which my mates, being very apologetic convinced me it wouldn't happen again. I went back indoors, still fuming and was just about to tell Lin that they said sorry, as the ball hit the window again, much harder this time, rattling the glass in the frame.
I ran outside in blind rage, shoving the first mate to the floor and ran into the road where a slightly startled other mate was stood with the ball. I was shouting abuse at the top of my voice, which had alerted neighbours and passers by to the commotion. I slapped my mate with the ball and took it from him. I loudly told them all to fuck off and don't come back and turned towards the house with ball slowly kicking it towards the house. As I got near the door, say about 10 feet away, out of sheer rage I booted the ball towards the open door. Imagine my horror as I BADLY sliced the hard shot and it veered left and went straight through the front window, showering my wife and baby daughter in broken glass. Luckily they were ok, and as soon as it was realised they were, the laughter from outside started. I stood there, not knowing what to do or where to look as my mates literally rolled around on the grass pissing themselves laughing! -
Carbon_Altered 890 posts
Seen 2 days ago
Registered 15 years agoNipples wrote:
I already posted this is a similar thread....
BTW...I'm 38 now...
Here's one of mine, believe me I have too many!
At the tender age of 19 (I'm now 36), I was at my new house (our first house together) with my wife (then fiance) and our beautiful new baby daughter. My wife had been to her mums for the afternoon and only just got back. I'd been playing football with four friends on the front. Our street was one of those with open front gardens, no fences, so it was great for football. Anyway, as she's just got there, I'd stopped playing and gone indoors, leaving the lads on the front. Lin (my fiance) was sat holding the baby in the chair in the front window as the ball whacked against the front window. I rushed to the front door and shouted loudly for them not to be dicks because the baby was on the other side of the window. Cue 2 minutes later, the ball hitting again, harder this time. I ran to the front door raging. "LOOK! FUCK OFF! That's it!". To which my mates, being very apologetic convinced me it wouldn't happen again. I went back indoors, still fuming and was just about to tell Lin that they said sorry, as the ball hit the window again, much harder this time, rattling the glass in the frame.
I ran outside in blind rage, shoving the first mate to the floor and ran into the road where a slightly startled other mate was stood with the ball. I was shouting abuse at the top of my voice, which had alerted neighbours and passers by to the commotion. I slapped my mate with the ball and took it from him. I loudly told them all to fuck off and don't come back and turned towards the house with ball slowly kicking it towards the house. As I got near the door, say about 10 feet away, out of sheer rage I booted the ball towards the open door. Imagine my horror as I BADLY sliced the hard shot and it veered left and went straight through the front window, showering my wife and baby daughter in broken glass. Luckily they were ok, and as soon as it was realised they were, the laughter from outside started. I stood there, not knowing what to do or where to look as my mates literally rolled around on the grass pissing themselves laughing!
Very good story, but in the end useless unless at some point you twisted you testicles until they broke. -
Post deleted -
grayson wrote:
Nipples wrote:
BTW...I'm 38 now...
At the tender age of 19 (I'm now 36),
Aye...The main part is copied and pasted from an older thread...as described. -
Killerbee 5,251 posts
Seen 9 hours ago
Registered 20 years agoWhat happened to Rooney?
Looking at his profile, he hasn't posted since saying in this thread he was just off to A&E... -
Lutz 48,870 posts
Seen 4 years ago
Registered 18 years agoHe's now Roonetta. -
Whizzo 44,810 posts
Seen 3 days ago
Registered 20 years agoHe now posts on EunuchGamer. -
monkeypuzzle 1,949 posts
Seen 1 year ago
Registered 14 years agothats a very strange thing to do, twist your nuts so much your ball bag fills with blood.
I was laughing at the thread until he went to A&E ....O_o -
dr_swin 4,930 posts
Seen 4 days ago
Registered 16 years agoI cant remember laughing so much at a thread ever. this has really brightened up my afternoon. thanks everyone.
about 7years ago when I was living in newcastle I was heading towards the metro station with my wife. we saw the metro approaching so i began to sprint to catch it. my wife being slower was lagging behind. I got into the train with the expectation of blocking the door so that she could catch up and get on. the door closed unexpectedly forcefully and trapped by foot. I tried to pull it back in, but my trainer came off and got stuck outside. I then bent down to retrieve it and the door opened a bit but then clamped shut on my head. so there's me with my head stuck in the metro doors, my shoe outside with my wife and a train full of people pissing themselves laughing at me. eventually managed to get my head back and skulk shamefacedly to a chair.
we have dined out on that story a few times since.
staand cleeah of the doas pleeze! -
JuanKerr 37,710 posts
Seen 10 months ago
Registered 15 years agoI went on a school trip to Paris when I was about 16/17. We did all the usual museum stuff with the staff and the instant we were told we could go off on our own, four of us buggered off to find bars and the red light district.
We found the red light district and strolled around for a bit. Then, one of us suggested going into one of the peep show places to watch a sex show or something. I reluctantly agreed and we went into one that looked less scummy than the rest.
When we got inside, it was a stereotypical, cramped little hovel with neon lights, but we decided to see it out. As me and my other reluctant mate were in front, we were shepherded into two seperate rooms by the 'owner' and he closed the door behind me.
As soon as I saw what was in front of me, I panicked - there was a chair, a little table with a box of tissues and about 2 feet in front of the chair was a big cushion. Then, this tarted up whore entered through another door, said something but by that point, I'd exited the room.
Then ensued a lengthy, broken English argument with the proprietor who was refusing to let us leave even though we weren't even demanding our money back. We ended up just giving him more money and we legged it. -
GuiltySpark 6,790 posts
Seen 3 hours ago
Registered 17 years agoPfft, you're less of a man than Rooney now is. -
JuanKerr 37,710 posts
Seen 10 months ago
Registered 15 years agoGuiltySpark wrote:
Pfft, you're less of a man than Rooney now is.
I know, but I was a 'young' 16/17 year old, if you know what I mean. It really freaked me out - the prospect of me sitting in front of some woman in a dirty little room and wanking off just made me feel unpleasant. -
asphaltcowboy 5,157 posts
Seen 4 days ago
Registered 17 years agodr_swin wrote:
LMAO! You couldn't make it up! Hilarious!
about 7years ago when I was living in newcastle I was heading towards the metro station with my wife. we saw the metro approaching so i began to sprint to catch it. my wife being slower was lagging behind. I got into the train with the expectation of blocking the door so that she could catch up and get on. the door closed unexpectedly forcefully and trapped by foot. I tried to pull it back in, but my trainer came off and got stuck outside. I then bent down to retrieve it and the door opened a bit but then clamped shut on my head. so there's me with my head stuck in the metro doors, my shoe outside with my wife and a train full of people pissing themselves laughing at me. eventually managed to get my head back and skulk shamefacedly to a chair.
we have dined out on that story a few times since.
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Any Fark readers on the forum? Cos I'm reminded of this.
/winces -
Lyingarden 364 posts
Seen 5 years ago
Registered 16 years agoOptyk wrote:
Rooney not back from A&E yet?
The waiting times are ridiculous. -
phAge 25,487 posts
Seen 3 days ago
Registered 18 years agoI bet he decided to check how far he could twist his OTHER testicle, and the doctors are now busy re-stringing his guitar completely, so to speak... -
DAZ_MEAKIN 19 posts
Seen 14 years ago
Registered 14 years agoMY MUM CAUGHT ME HAVING A WANK OVER TRANNY PORN YESTERDAY -
phAge 25,487 posts
Seen 3 days ago
Registered 18 years agoSocks have to be funny, otherwise they're just a bit sad. 
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mrharvest 5,718 posts
Seen 2 weeks ago
Registered 18 years agophAge wrote:
So you mean to say that isn't your sock? Who else gets off at tranny porn?
Socks have to be funny, otherwise they're just a bit sad. -
Shit, is it...recoverable? -
MrWorf 64,193 posts
Seen 5 hours ago
Registered 20 years ago#Rooney Rooney's only. got. one. ball!
;D
Sorry to hear it mate. I hope it all works out in the end. Get well soon..gif)
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Fucking hell man, thats worse than I'd have thought imaginable, I'm honestly shocked.
I really am sorry mate, get well soon and all that. -
mrharvest 5,718 posts
Seen 2 weeks ago
Registered 18 years agoUh well, congratulations on keeping the remaining nut, Rooney. -
Sorry for my rather melodramatic post, but most people on this forum will be cringing reading this and will really emphasise with you.
If you don't like trick or treaters it's a blessing though...shouldn't be too many of them in the hospital
maybe you can have a fake one, ya know, just for aesthethic purposes?
.gif)
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