Thanks all. I guess I'm just at a low point as collectively as a family we are going through some trials and tribulations and part of me feels like I'm letting the side down. I broke down in the doctors earlier. This is something that kind of surprised me as I'm normally good at masking everything but now i realise that could of been a catalyst.|
Anyway I've got some time off now. My managers have all spoke to me and said have as much time as I need. They've known about my family situation for a while as we are a pretty close knit team at work.
Depression • Page 217
itsamemarcus 25 posts
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@Addy_B I think for me seeking help this time has opened some kind of floodgate, maybe it's the same for you.
I'm glad to hear everyone at work is being so supportive. Hopefully the time off is just what you need. Keep us updated, and we'll be thinking of you.
quadfather 31,636 posts
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Yeah, that's good about the job front. Take some time out, recharge and take it easy for a while.
mrharvest 5,521 posts
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Addy_B wrote:I lived in Africa two years and got malaria when I was there. I took medication so I wouldn't die. For me the anti-depressants are exactly the same the anti-malarials - I take them because they keep me going.
I'm glad I went and feel both equally better and a bit useless at the moment. I feel defeated in the fact I'm needing medication to help.
Anyway, I hope things will look up for you mate.
Not sure if there's a stress thread, but i feel like I'm close to cracking up and need to write something somewhere.
I've had a very very busy 6 months in my new job and have had more and more work piled on me. Last three weeks two things I've been managing have gone wrong. If I'd had more time then maybe I'd have spotted the issues, but i'm managing over a dozen different things and can barely keep up. I've said in numerous occasions that I'm dying too much and something will slip. Last week was hell. Something went wrong that has seen me on the phone to multiple directors multiple times a day and working 11 hour days with no break at all. I've not been sleeping.
This weekend I've tried to get some rest and to recuperate, but I've ended up worse, with nightmares each time i close my eyes. Just tried eating a meal with my family and was almost in tears and was unable to eat. My wife said we're pulling out of the house that we're buying as the pressure of my work is too much and i feel even worse now.
Anyone have any idea how i can deal with this stress and get back to normal? I'm feel like I'm seriously cracking up and I'm currently trembling. Work know I'm doing too much and started helping finally last week, but we've too few people. Going to hr and saying I'm struggling is never going to go well even in this so called enlightened age, especially not when I'm new.
I offered to take on another role (Marketing) as well as IT Manager, but it all got too much. I was working non-stop and really felt a change mentally with the stress. Felt like an empty vessel around my family, my mind was only ticking over with work issues and sleep was affected. The only thing that has helped was to talk it through with work and tell them it was too much. Stress can lead to burn-out which, I guess, is a path that can lead to other things.
I just prioritised what was more important - work/family and it's a no-brainer. Felt my mind return to some sort of normality, but has been a real scare as the first time I've experienced something affecting my mind that you can feel and aware that something isn't right but not sure what to do.
azurelas_2 wrote:My wife lost her dad suddenly last year - won't go into details, but has been really hard all around. She found going to Drs and getting telephone chat with 'Mind' really helpful. This was only in last month - I only say this as obviously down to you when you are ready.
I don't even know how to start.
I was a depressed teenager until well into my 20s (I'm 29 now). I think I'm over it, but of course some days are better than others.
Now, my mother was killed last week Wednesday, and just 2 days before her birthday. Every day since then has been so painful. I seem to have a good girlfriend, and a very supportive family around me, but the same feelings I had are back in force.
I'm not looking for advice, I just need to vent. And let it out. Please don't be dicks about it.
Just wanted to say help is out There and they are very good at listening.
I felt the same... Wifey used the analogy that you'd take antibiotics or medicine for other stuff that's a medical issue, why treat your kind any differently? What it did for me is put me back on enough if an even keel to start dealing with the real issues....
Daryoon 5,916 posts
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You know what always irritates me about articles and advice on dealing with depression? They're always steeped in - for want of a better term - urban privilege. "Join a local group! Make new friends!" Yeah, that's all well and good when you live in or near a metropolitan area, but not so much when you're stuck in a town with a sub-10k population, (and, due to terrible eyesight, utterly reliant on public transport).
Even getting professional help is a nightmare, due to an understaffed doctor's surgery and aforementioned public transport pushing up the price (not to mention the commute required) to see anyone, NHS or otherwise.
Not to mention if you have social anxiety problems. Just going out, trying to socialize and fail horribly compared to others just leads me into having even less self-esteem.
I might be shooting myself in the foot, but while I think mindfulness is a better solution than medication, it still doesn't do it for me personally.
I'm in an existential crisis and I'm fully embracing it. Whatever I do to cloud the issue, be it medicine, alcohol or driving away the bad thoughts, it doesn't actually solve the issue of who I am and the broken individual I have become. There's a problem. A deep one. What use is it to hide from it?
What use is life if you don't fully reflect on it and experience it? Try to control it?
I don't think the answer to your airplane being on fire while flying over the ocean, is to step away from cockpit and do breathing exercises and think positively. It takes away the pain, but it also numbs you to the problem.
I'm also not in a position where I have much hope that taking a break will carry me through to better times. The plane burning up is a pretty systematic problem and I'm going to crash anyway.
I might just be torturing myself, but I'd rather just remain at the wheel, fully experience the dizzying tailspin, cognizant of the blaring instruments, and hope beyond hope that maybe I can still find something out there in the last remaining minutes, rather that sequester myself or ignore the trauma in an attempt to ignore lessons learned and dispell the inevitable.
I'm a pilot dammit. That's my role in life. That's the one thing I have remaining and I'm not giving that up either. Medication and meditation is cheap and unproductive to what I'm supposed to be. I'm going to go down a pilot. The problem is somewhere in the cockpit. It's my fault and I'm going to face up to it and ruminate even if it pains me.
Edited by Skirlasvoud at 03:44:52 21-10-2017
I still have my reservations, but thanks for the very considerate, highly detailed reply Guybrush. Youíre a champ and your positivity about it, hard to ignore. Iíll mull over your view on the matter.
Iím seeing a psychologist and Iíve earlier rejected her offer of her companies mindfulness coach. Iíll see if thinking about your post can change my mind.
Edited by Skirlasvoud at 11:00:56 21-10-2017
nah, guybrush is right
rather than stepping away from the cockpit, mindfulness is more about clearing any extraneous shite off your control panel, wheel etc so you can fly the plane properly - or like clearing unnecessary crap off the desk at work so you can get on with things...allowing you to filter unhelpful things out so you can approach and organise and tackle things with a clear mind...works wonderfully with breathing exercises as well, especially colour breathing...it does take time to master it, though
i was cynical at first but through work with my wife and the counselling/therapy group i realised it's a really valuable and effective tool and i'd at least give it a go if you;re being offered the opportunity...
I agree that mindfulness is great, it did change a lot, but what if you're past the point that it doesn't help or matter anymore?
FuzzyDucky 3,210 posts
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Reading "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron (she's a Buddhist nun) really helped me in my mindfulness.
As said, it's about leaning in and experiencing the problems. It effectively teaches you how to sit in the shitstorm and be receptive to it. It hurts, sure, but pain is just another feeling.
It also helped me in the sense that I would catastrophize something, have a massive panic attack, etc., but instead of getting bogged down it let me limp through and have some respite when I came out the other side. It's like when I need injections, blood samples etc (I'm diabetic); I know it's going to hurt and I know how it will feel, but I've learned to just sit with the experience.
I'm afraid I'm beyond all that. I can't say any more.
Maybe my previous example of why I think it doesn't work was somewhat flawed. I think I understand what DrStrangelove means... maybe.
So, mindfulness is when you need to get through a rough spot right?
So what happens when you're stuck in a rough spot? What if the thing making you depressed, is there to stay?
What if you simply don't want to deal with the rough spot, because you've reached the logical conclusion you can't stand it, regardless of how you'd be able to handle the feelings better with mindfulness?
I myself am using my pain somewhat as proof and ratification that something is wrong. Lessening or being able to better handle the pain, doesn't decrease the wrongness. The wrongness is what is driving me to be depressed.
I like the film "Cast Away", with Tom Hanks talking to Wilson the volleyball. There's a moment in the movie where he reveals he seriously considered suicide, because he felt so damn powerless and helpless on the island. Through suicide, he's at least capable of taking control over how he dies. The only reason he didn't go through with it, is because he realized he doesn't even have THAT much control over suicide itself (the branch didn't carry the weight enough to snap his neck).
The character's suicide isn't driven so much by emotional dispair, as the eventual conclusion that suicide is the best solution to the existence he's forced to endure.
Yeah emotional dispair motivates the character, but its the conclusion that makes him commit to him.
I'm in a similar position where I'm stuck on an island, with a desperate desire not to escape the pain, but to gain control.
I don't think mindfulness would take away my desire to gain control. However, I do fear that mindfulness will erode my motivation to do so. I'm afraid that the only thing mindfulness will do, is take away my desire to combat the wrongness of my situation and reach for the only elegant solution I have: Self destruction.
There's a paper I looked up once: The descend into suicide, by Maltsberger in 2004
The steps include:
Disassociation from reality
Alienation from the self (body)
and last: Coming up with the fantastic idea that self-destruction will lead to salvation and a better life... somehow.
I simply don't want to accept the wrongness of the situation and make it more bearable through mindfulness. I don't want to accept that the rough spot I'm in, is all there is. I've been close enough to the edge that I've already come up with the fantasy that suicide will lead to something better than this.
Again, already seeing a psychiatrist. No need to fret...
cov 1,761 posts
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broken is a very strong word and I feel for anyone who is in that place. It has taken several years but I can look back now and say that I was utterly wrong objectively but I do recall how subjectively powerful it was then.
there is a way through and what helped me was realising how judgemental of myself I was and more importantly why. That judgemenr came from an internalisation of a range of external voices.
it feels permanent and forever... it's not
I had a few beers yesterday and should have just shut up. I apologise. As for seeing a doctor, I'm under therapeutic and psychiatric treatment. But thanks for your time and thoughts.
I hope not because of me. I thought your mindfulness advice was very good. And my butting in unprovoked and unneeded.
Likewise. Don't worry about it GuyBrush. I can't recall you claiming to have the answers and the only think you did was make me aware of an option.
Edited by Skirlasvoud at 18:43:12 23-10-2017
GuybrushThreepwood wrote:nah, there's a big difference between giving the benefit of your experience in your situation - which you did, and i do on here - and forcing your opinion on somebody and presenting it as a viable option in their situation, which i can't see that you did
I should shut up myself on this thread. I'm just trying to help, but what do I know? And it can be dangerous giving advice on this subject, so i think i will.
the best advice anyone can give on here is to seek professional advice...but i know there are people on here, myself included, who have benefited from what others have said...and vice versa....
who are you saying sorry to, pal? hope its not me, i;m supporting you...
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