Following Depression Page 218

  • Deleted user 23 October 2017 19:23:10
    No. Stupid phone (or the stupid person holding it) posted my message after throwing a wobbly. I've edited it now.
  • drhcnip 23 Oct 2017 19:53:40 6,010 posts
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  • Deleted user 23 October 2017 20:11:35
    In other news I went for a walk today and felt really uncomfortable :/ Like had some paranoia and just felt a bit stressed :( not good at all. I've never been like this ever.
  • drhcnip 23 Oct 2017 20:14:21 6,010 posts
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    quite common, pal, don;t worry - i still get phases like that now, in fact in one at the moment...

    the tabs will help with that and then you can build up the toolkit of how to deal with those feelings...
  • Deleted user 23 October 2017 20:37:05

    Duly noted mate. I guess I'm just dwelling on stuff at the moment and making things worse. Like I want to flick a switch and be instantly back the way I was.
  • Deleted user 23 October 2017 20:40:57
    Just because you're paranoid, don't mean they're not after you.
  • Deleted user 23 October 2017 20:45:20
  • drhcnip 23 Oct 2017 20:47:07 6,010 posts
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    aye, and that's the problem - there's not really a quick road back...rumination's a key trigger for unhelpful thoughts and, as you say, just magnifies the issues - often much further than they need to be...

    always listening ears here, or a shoulder to moan on....;)

    you'll get there...
  • DrStrangelove 27 Oct 2017 20:42:22 12,725 posts
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    Somewhat surprisingly, after visiting my psychiatrist, I get meds again. He reinforced my impression that at the clinic they were acting unprofessionally by outright refusing to give me any medication no matter how bad my state. We're trying Lithium, and maybe something else if that should cause problems. Trying to get used to the thought again that maybe not all hope is lost. It's a strange thought these days, but I'll try to keep an open mind.
  • mrharvest 28 Oct 2017 08:04:12 5,527 posts
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    I've been doing pretty bad last couple of days. I've been trying to get a different medication but no one wants to take the responsibility. My GP prescribed me beta blockers to help counteract the shaking. I guess they work for that but they also make me too tired to do anything, so it's not really an improvement.
  • DrStrangelove 2 Nov 2017 13:41:20 12,725 posts
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    Almost half a year ago, at the clinic they discontinued my medication because they insisted it was the cause of my low blood levels, which threw me far deeper into the crisis. Ruined my recovery and my hopes of continuing my job training, and I'm still struggling to find any hope for the future.

    Now it turns out the meds had nothing to do with it. Great.

    Edited by DrStrangelove at 13:43:21 02-11-2017
  • mrharvest 2 Nov 2017 15:24:22 5,527 posts
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    I'm really sorry to hear that, DrStrangelove. It's tough sometimes for the doctors to tell what's the cause and what's unrelated. It's not the end, maybe you've not made as much progress as you'd hope but you're still at it. I wish you strength and endurance.
  • DrStrangelove 2 Nov 2017 16:55:14 12,725 posts
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    No need to feel sorry, but thanks. The new meds (Lithium) seem to slowly kick in, although it's too early to tell. Not sure what I want yet.

    Thing is, I had a lot of conflicts with the doctors there because of it. I understood they had to consider the meds the main suspect for my blood level, but they raised my eyebrows by always insisting "it's the meds, because what else would be the cause?". I always found that illogical and unprofessional, but thought well maybe they're right (they're the doctors after all) and my desperation may cloud my judgement, and so I went with it and accepted it. I still thought deciding that the meds must be the cause without actual evidence seemed premature, but who am I to tell, right?

    So now it turns out I was right all along. Not sure how to feel about this.
  • spamdangled 2 Nov 2017 21:18:21 31,630 posts
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    I'm preparing my will at the moment.
  • Deleted user 14 November 2017 14:53:07
    Can't believe I've been off work for 4-5 weeks now. Seems to have flown but I don't feel ready to go back :/
    Thing I hate the most at the moment is just my inability to make a decision and shutting myself away from people when normally I'm a social butterfly. My dad's having a big 70th birthday bash next week and I'm fucking dreading it. Normally I'd be all over a big shindig like this.

    I'm not sure if these propranolol or Sertraline are working for me. I don't really feel much different then I did before I started on them. Due back at the docs later this week anyway so will see what happens.

    Oh and I've an appointment with a counsellor tomorrow that's been organised via some help we've had for our eldest with dealing with her sisters having autism.
  • CellarDoor81 14 Nov 2017 18:19:53 32 posts
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    Had a job interview today. It went pretty well until I had two anxiety attacks while I was looking around the kindergarten. I did my best to not start crying (or to flee in panic). Nobody noticed. Cried like a baby the whole ride home.
    This is so embarrassing to myself. I'm off work for 12 month now and still can't withstand few hours at a working place although I'm excited to start working again. It seems like I said - I'm irreparable broken after this year...
    Two weeks now till they say if I have the job - somehow I hope they say no.
  • Dougs 14 Nov 2017 19:28:38 85,768 posts
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    Addy_B wrote:

    Oh and I've an appointment with a counsellor tomorrow that's been organised via some help we've had for our eldest with dealing with her sisters having autism.
    Hang in there mate. I can't help but think that these two must be related, so hopefully counselling will help.
  • Deleted user 14 November 2017 19:43:49
    Hope the counsellor helps.

    Try things like exercise, mindfulness (maybe, depends on how you are), a hobby and cutting down on alcohol, caffeine etc.

    Edited by GuybrushThreepwood at 08:56:29 05-12-2017
  • Deleted user 14 November 2017 20:25:06
    Cheers all. I don't think it helped me much being on my own over the weekend. I looked after the Ratbags whilst my wife took my daughter to her dancing comp in Wales (she came 1st as well :)) and it seems to be when I'm on my own I dwell on things and start to feel useless for no reason whatsoever.

    At the moment I can't drive. I've got some weird fear of driving or basically going anywhere outside of say a 1 mile radius from my home. I'm trying to not let that stress me out and just go with that weird turn of events.
  • wobbly_Bob 15 Nov 2017 00:09:28 4,473 posts
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    Edited by wobbly_Bob at 00:10:06 15-11-2017
  • CellarDoor81 26 Nov 2017 22:59:56 32 posts
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    Sorry if I come up with something so depressing but I have to put it somewhere out of my head before my brain explodes...and it's even gaming-related.

    So my boyfriend wants to finally split up with me - after almost 4 years. I'm sad beyond belief.
    I have to find a new home quick. And a moment ago, I had the most useless thought in my situation: "what if I don't have Internet from the get go in my new flat (IF I find one) - what games should I install now on my ps4 before he kicks me out?
    And from all 300 games that came into question, I choosed one: Bloodborne. Why, you ask? Because that's the only game he ever played on my Ps4 and I still have his savegame with his name from 2 years ago - when the world was still okay...
    Fuck. Now I'm crying... again. Shithead doesn't deserve my tears! I hate Christmas time!
  • erasr 27 Nov 2017 00:16:55 178 posts
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    Hey, you above, itíll be sad but I wouldnít treat it as the end of the world. Youíll be sad for some time and it will be hard, but it will make you a stronger, better person.

    If you do split up, take this time alone to value yourself and do things for yourself. Appreciate it. Thereís always someone worse off than you in the world so donít dwell. Get a hobby, book a mini break, do things for yourself.

    One day youíll be in another relationship and might get married. Years down the line youíll remember how nice it was when you had time to yourself! So take 6 months out and value every week that you have Ďspaceí.

    To put it into perspective; my girlfriend of 7 years finished me earlier this year. We have a 1 year old daughter. I had to sell the house and move, panicking about where Iíd live. I also got in some trouble because it all escalated from an argument and got physical. Itís been the worst year of my life.

    I havenít told anyone, have spent so much time alone at weekends and had quite a few very low points. Iíve learnt big lessons too and mistakes that Iíll never make again. Life can be cruel.
  • FuzzyDucky 27 Nov 2017 00:55:21 3,220 posts
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    "There's always someone worse off" is the worst thing to say in this thread.

    It helps to keep your own shit in perspective, but just because Jimmy down the road is having it worse than I am doesn't magically fix my problems. Fuck's sake.
  • erasr 27 Nov 2017 02:08:32 178 posts
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    Alright, thatís slighlyy aggressive of you.

    Thatís your opinion. The Ďalways someone worse offí line has worked for me personally. So, clearly it does help - some people.

    Unless youíre a trained psychologist Iíd suggest being less assumptive in difficult threads like this.

    The line itself is a little tongue in cheek. Humour is sometimes the best medicine. What works for me is knowing that Iím lucky, deep down I know I have a nice place to live and a good friend or two. The line reminds me that maybe Iím dealing with first world problems.

    My problems this year have been pretty much up there on the scale, to be fair.
  • Deleted user 27 November 2017 07:18:38
    @erasr i thought your reply was helpful myself and you're right that realising others have gone through similar or worse and come out the other side happier has helped me in the past.

    You'll recover and hopefully find someone nicer and share new memories with them. Until then, it will be a bit scary for a few days until you've got a place and it will hurt a bit, but the hurt will fade. His loss will be someone else's gain. I mean, you're a girl gamer, you're a rarity! :)

    Edit: realise you might not be a girl reading back as having a boyfriend doesn't necessarily mean you are, so apologies if I've made an incorrect assumption.

    Edited by GuybrushThreepwood at 07:22:34 27-11-2017

    Edited by GuybrushThreepwood at 08:59:27 05-12-2017
  • Bionic_Pixel 27 Nov 2017 08:02:25 147 posts
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    There is hope for us all.
    If one of the worlds most stunning models, Adriana Lima, can be bagged by a ginger scrote, we can all have a super model.
    Depression lifted! :D
  • FuzzyDucky 27 Nov 2017 08:27:47 3,220 posts
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    @erasr I take your point that it sounded aggressive, apologies.

    I get what you're saying, been there and through all the different stages myself. But it's a conclusion (that other people are worse off and you have stuff to be thankful for) you have to reach of your own accord. When you're in the pits of despair, being told that doesn't magically fix your problems and it also feels like they're being minimized, which can only exasperate a situation.
  • mrharvest 27 Nov 2017 08:37:13 5,527 posts
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    I think what this thread helped me was when other people who've been through the same shit said what they felt and how they experienced the same shit. Like with the SSRI medication, when people said that it made them feel shaky too, it made me feel a little bit more normal.

    In other news, the bureaucracy is moving glacially slowly here. I've been actively trying to get into psychiatric care here since beginning of September. Maybe in a week or two I'll actually get to have a first consultation with a psychiatrist.

    If it had taken me this long to get initial treatment in Singapore, I wouldn't be here anymore. Puts budget cuts into perspective.
  • Deleted user 27 November 2017 08:44:49
    I had my first counselling session last Tuesday and I'm booked in again for this Weds. It went ok I think. Never been to anything like that before so I had nothing to base it on. I've been signed off for another 4 weeks which takes me into the new year.

    Anxiety wise I had 2 really bad days last week with a low mood as well. I also cancelled going to my dad's 70th bash as I couldn't face it :/
    It's hard work putting a level on where I'm at presently as my kidneys have been bad so I'm high on strong painkillers.
  • CellarDoor81 27 Nov 2017 09:04:54 32 posts
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    Thank you all for the kind words! It's true, I'm pretty scared right now. It's hard to imagine how it will be without him.
    He wants that I move out for some time now but I couldn't do it so far. I just thought, if I fight, everything will be alright again. But it wasn't. He says, he doesn't love me anymore. This simple argument makes me... sad and angry. And somehow, I don't want/can't believe him. It's just an excuse for him.
    @erasr: Of course there's always someone with bigger problems. And after some time I will get over it. But for now... It's THE very big problem for ME. But I caught it as tongue in cheek too, so no problem :)

    What I have to do now, is to gain enough self confidence to make the first step - and to finally let go...

    It's strange to write about all this in English I have to say. Quite difficult.
    Oh, and I'm no girl gamer ;)
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