Following Depression Page 221

  • azurelas_2 25 Jan 2018 11:50:02 1,774 posts
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    azurelas_2 wrote:
    I don't even know how to start.

    I was a depressed teenager until well into my 20s (I'm 29 now). I think I'm over it, but of course some days are better than others.

    Now, my mother was killed last week Wednesday, and just 2 days before her birthday. Every day since then has been so painful. I seem to have a good girlfriend, and a very supportive family around me, but the same feelings I had are back in force.

    I'm not looking for advice, I just need to vent. And let it out. Please don't be dicks about it.
    Quoting oneself can be rather self-indulgent, but please, er, indulge me.

    After months of depression, being dumped by what is now my ex and being sacked due to basically being unable to function things are looking up a bit. I just got a new job, met a new girl and am feeling better than I have in a long time. There are still ups and downs of course, but thanks to you all for being there and for the friendly and helpful advice.

    It feels good to be alive again.

    Edited by azurelas_2 at 12:48:53 26-01-2018
  • DFawkes Friendliest Forumite, 2016 25 Jan 2018 13:19:40 31,947 posts
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    Good to hear azurelas :) If anything deserves a self-quote, that does.
  • JoelStinty 25 Jan 2018 15:09:22 6,314 posts
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    Good to hear azurelas! All to you having brighter days :)
  • mrharvest 26 Jan 2018 10:42:06 5,512 posts
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    azurelas_2 wrote:

    It feels good to be alive again.
    That's great! Good job on surviving.
  • spamdangled 31 Jan 2018 17:33:34 31,614 posts
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    I've finally settled my dispute against my (ex?) Stepmother over my dad's estate. She acknowledged that she could have done more to prevent his suicide and also acknowledged that her behaviour contributed to the decline in his mental state. I gain all of my father's personal documents and effect, all of my granparents documents, jewellery, furniture, personal effects. Plus 69k when she dies or sells the property he purchased. I also have a no prejudice right to pen a letter to her outlining my thoughts and grievances surrounding how her behaviour contributed to his suicide and how her actions and the loss of my father have impacted my mental health.

    I also have ownership of my father's email and social media accounts in order to keep his memory alive.
  • Lukus 31 Jan 2018 20:03:06 21,224 posts
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    I really feel like not everything personal needs to be documented online. This isn't vindication or victory. This is oversharing with people who don't know you or even v care necessarily.
  • spamdangled 31 Jan 2018 21:24:38 31,614 posts
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    @Lukus I get where you're coming from; this has severely impacted my mental health for 2 years. To see it finally over and completed means that a huge source of stress and depression is gone. The fact that my stepmother has admitted she played a role in dad's death is all I wanted.

    For the last 2 years, every dream I have ever had has involved my father and his death. I hope this can close that and allow me to move on.
  • Deleted user 5 February 2018 11:30:24
    Close to thinking I need to be in this thread.

    For some weeks I've been doing all I can to stave off low feelings, which I think I am feeling as a consequence of too much work and stress.

    I've given up alcohol, caffeine (aside from once a week / month) and sugar (but back on it again now). I'm trying to drink regularly so I'm hydrated. I'm exercising (just started). I've bought a SAD lamp (only had it a week). I meditate (usually once a day). I take vitamin pills and magnesium (I was deficient and that was affecting my moods).

    I'm doing most of the things I can think of and still I'm not in a great place. Work is still there and things are still going wrong in it (came in to a couple of issues that have blown up over the weekend).

    My wife is uncharacteristically low at the moment and - because its all about me - I'm worried she is getting sick of me and my moods. I realise she is probably down for totally different reasons (her work and kids settling in the new house), but it got me thinking I'd be sick of me. I'm hard work to be around and can be snappy when I'm worrying about stuff.

    Its probably over work and stress (though I've not been so diligent in taking my pills and water as I should be) as - with buying a new house - its been pretty full on at home and work for the last couple of months. I tried relaxing on Saturday and playing XC2, but time passed in a blink and I felt guilty for not doing things around the house and I wasn't transformed into the cheery person I once was.

    Anyway, I don't need any replies. Just getting things out of my head and onto "paper". I don't really have anyone close I can say all this to as I live in a new place and work in another. Its probably over work / stress and I need a break I guess, but a much longer one.. probably about a fortnight of sitting doing screw all. In the mean time, I'll try and get my coping strategies back on track. Think I might crack on with the things that need doing around the house as trying to rest up is just not working for me and I'm spending the time thinking of all the things.
  • drhcnip 5 Feb 2018 11:48:27 5,995 posts
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    can't remember, old chap, have you been to the docs about it?

    i would, if even to talk through options about it...

    only say so because your story sounds fairly similar to mine 5 years ago...i had a very ill daughter as well which was one of the triggers...i left it far too long to go and ended up popping badly

    not trying to coax you into it, just genuine concern from a faceless stranger

    all the best, anyway
  • HarryPalmer 5 Feb 2018 11:52:33 5,464 posts
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    Probably stating the obvious but is there any way you can change career or go part-time? I've recently gone down to a 4 day week because work was getting to me. I would say I need a complete career change, but this is a good stop-gap as I was beginning to feel trapped, and it was definitely making me a complete arse-hole to be around, as well as making me extremely stressed and unhappy at regular intervals.
  • macmurphy 5 Feb 2018 11:58:51 3,042 posts
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    Maybe go see a counsellor if you have the money? I was forced to go and see one at work (it was offered to all, my boss bribed me into it.) Went into it grizzly and objectionable and just had a conversation with a very pleasant guy for an hour and somehow felt great afterwards. I find stress is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You feel more stressed because youíre stressed. Sometimes a fresh perspective can make it all dissipate, or at least highlight your problems and give you the hope that comes with working on a plan toward resolving the issues.

    Sounds like with the exercise and clean living youíre doing everything else right. Off the top of my head, your biggest stress factors seem to be your wife and work. Talk to your wife for a start, as you suspect she may be worried about other things. Iím sure just explaining your concerns will take a load off.

    Then look for resolution at work. No idea what the problems are, but not addressing them isnít helping. Speak to your seniors/juniors and highlight what you think is going wrong and try to make it right. Bottling it up wonít help.

    Edited by macmurphy at 12:01:58 05-02-2018
  • macmurphy 5 Feb 2018 12:00:56 3,042 posts
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    I would say I hated my old job and it cost me my marriage. I just came home and acted like a helmet. I changed careers too late to keep the wife, but I am much happier now. No job is more valuable than your sanity or your family.
  • Deleted user 5 February 2018 12:03:52
    I went a while ago (few months). I don't get on with pills (tried 4 types with much more harm than help) and there's no budget for face to face unless you're at the "hearing voices" stage. I went to a psychologist for evaluation as a result of that and was told to take pills or take time off work (middle of Monday) for an 8 week course on Mindfulness based CBT. I pointed out that all the pills I tried had bad reactions and no positives and that I couldn't take time off work in a newish job for a course on overcoming depression. Despite what all the posters and adverts say, certain things in the workplace are still hushed up.

    I bought the book that the 8 week course is based on and got two weeks into that before the house move blew it all out the window.

    And yeah, I've had a breakdown in the past after two years in a job where I only had 12 days leave (excluding weekends and PH's).

    Anyway. Thanks. I'm at the point where my body is saying "oi you, do something about this or else". Maybe I need to drag that book out again and start again. I've got so bloody much to do.

    I'm supposed to have memorised a load of mumbo jumbo for something I'm going to tonight. That's not happened, so will need to bluff it and then its back to this insanity in the morning. Roll on the weekend.
  • Deleted user 5 February 2018 12:10:28
    Thanks all.

    I'm a delivery manager (its like a project manager) and have 20 projects to deal with at the moment as I'm doing two jobs and they've had trouble getting a replacement for me. I've told them its affecting my health, but I'm still here. I need the job to pay the mortgage on a new house.

    I've been told on Friday that they've finally secured someone to replace part of my job, so in a couple of month when they are in and up to speed I should have an easier life.I'm trying to keep going until this guy is in. If that doesn't happen then I will resign. Work on software and hardware and we have big clients and we seem to be fucking things up a lot as we are under too much pressure and have too little resource (again something I've highlighted).

    I'd love to quit, but its not an option. My wife hardly earns anything, so I'm keeping us going.

    And on that note, I better ring her as she's not contacted me at all which isn't like her.
  • drhcnip 5 Feb 2018 12:11:33 5,995 posts
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    aye, i know that 'so bloody much to do' feeling...take the time though, pal, otherwise there'll be nobody there to do it all...

    know what you mean about the workplace - my head was very understanding and supportive when i had the breakdown but i always got the feeling he never really 'got' it...

    if the mindfulness/cbt book is too weighty with everything else, this is a useful little book -

    it's what i used first while waiting for counselling - your other option is asking doc if there are any opportunities for group therapy..i did this as part of mine and it helped, was in the evenings
  • Deleted user 5 February 2018 13:00:25
    I asked for group therapy (done that twice now - previous time I was on a list and then due to cutbacks the resource I was on the list for was got rid of) and I've had no luck so far. Its all been unavailable or its in working hours. I got the impression from my last effort that next time I turn up, its another pill or nothing.

    I'll have a look at that book thanks. I've also spoken to my wife as well. Thanks all. Very kind of you.
  • drhcnip 5 Feb 2018 13:19:09 5,995 posts
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    no worries, pal - here to lend an ear if needed...
  • RawShark 5 Feb 2018 15:22:14 299 posts
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    @GuybrushThreepwood Just to add, they say moving house, alongside bereavement and divorce, is one of the most stressful things you'll have to endure in life. You sound like you're being quite hard on yourself, but I think you can forgive yourself for not being on top of the world given the upheaval that goes along with an event like that.

    And don't beat yourself up for spending time playing Xcom 2. Everyone needs some alone time occasionally, it's something you should be trying to make time for and don't feel the need to apologise for it. I mean sure, don't neglect the stuff that needs doing around the house (that will piss the missus off) but spend a few hours sorting that guff out and then reward yourself by retiring to a den of isolation and set traps outside so that none of the kids disturb you.
  • quadfather 5 Feb 2018 15:30:15 31,042 posts
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    Which reminds me, my dad's anniversary is coming up on the 8th. Last year I was a mess, so will see how it goes this year. And everytime this time of year comes round, it drags up the divorce, moving house, mum going to a care home with Alzheimers and getting a new job as they all happened at the same time.

    Wonder what odds you'd get at a bookie for that
  • Deleted user 5 February 2018 15:45:32
    @quadfather from what I've read and experienced, things get easier as time passes. Never goes away, but gets easier.

    I'm also divorced and in a fairly new job (it'll be a great next month).

    Glad things are working out with the your girlfriend.
  • Deleted user 5 February 2018 15:48:49
    @RawShark Thanks! I'll show your post to my wife :)

    Just had to do lots recently. My wife is very intelligent, but has the practical skills of a chihuahua on LSD and she's about as tall as one, so it's all down to me. Still a long list of things to do in the house, but I've stopped the worst leaks etc
  • quadfather 5 Feb 2018 15:58:02 31,042 posts
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    GuybrushThreepwood wrote:
    @quadfather from what I've read and experienced, things get easier as time passes. Never goes away, but gets easier.

    I'm also divorced and in a fairly new job (it'll be a great next month).

    Glad things are working out with the your girlfriend.
    Yeah, that's how I see it as well. It's always going to be up and down, which is normal. I was talking to my (counselor) sister about the recognition of the feelings and going through them etc so we'll see.

    We should setup a EG Divorced Club.

    Yup, cheers - so far so good!
  • convz 6 Feb 2018 16:39:32 1,093 posts
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    Is anyone here on Zyban/Wellbutrin/Bupropion? If so, where do you get it from?

    I've been experiencing quite a few side effects on Sertaline so went to the GP today to ask if I can go onto Wellbutrin - he said that we don't prescribe it in the UK for depression and gave me a prescription for Fluoxetine instead, even though it seemingly has the exact same side effects as Sertraline. Urgh :(
  • quadfather 14 Feb 2018 12:16:39 31,042 posts
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    Well, just booked myself in with a counselor for the first time.

    Unfortunately the woman I was seeing I am no longer seeing, as there was no spark which is a shame. It also kicked off more anxiety about it in general because of all the unfinished shite in my head that needs sorting out.

    It feels like one of those games, where there's a square on the screen, and you control a dot that moves around the outside of the frame. There's a moving object within the square and when it's out of the way, you have to quickly move your dot across the screen - if you make it to another edge, it fills in the space, and the object within now has less room to move about. You keep going filling in as much as you can before it lets you move onto the next level.

    That's how my head feels. My head is the square, and the shit in my head (unresolved bereavement grief, depression, numbness) are the squares that have been filled in, and the object moving about in the remaining little amount of space is like my conscious capacity. It doesn't have much room at the moment.

    Had a brief initial chat with the counselor over the phone and laid down the basics and got a face to face session next Thursday. Here's hoping.
  • Deleted user 14 February 2018 14:54:58
    bad bro
  • THFourteen 14 Feb 2018 15:13:26 48,208 posts
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    No experience of these things, but i imagine one of the hardest things to do is admit you need help and take the first step.

    So deserve a pat on the back for that IMO.

    Can't imagine it will be easy to confront those feelings, but you know its the right thing to do for your mental health and wellbeing.
  • quadfather 14 Feb 2018 15:23:57 31,042 posts
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    Yes, it felt weird doing it, but right at the same time. Took me ages to compose and send the initial email off in the first place.

    And yeah, I'm not expecting it to be easy, but it is a little bit of liberation just acknowledging it and accepting it, plus now I'm attempting to do something about it.
  • drhcnip 14 Feb 2018 15:27:37 5,995 posts
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    well done, sir - it is important to be able to build an effective relationship with the counsellor

    likelihood, unless you;ve done it over the phone consultation already, is that the first session will partially serve as the assessment to explore where you currently feel you are

    that's an excellent analogy you've used, i'd bring that up in your session

    best of luck with it, quaddy - thf is right, it can be one of the hardest but, in the end, the best things you can do...
  • Stickman 14 Feb 2018 15:28:49 29,972 posts
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    Hope it works out for you. If this isnít for you, donít stop trying to find a way.
  • drhcnip 14 Feb 2018 15:29:55 5,995 posts
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    and, if you have any general questions about the counselling process or what to expect, ping me a pm - wife's a counsellor...which proved to be very useful when i had the breakdown and was waiting for the therapy...;)
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