Depression Page 242

  • Blakester 11 Feb 2019 16:19:52 4,729 posts
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    quadfather wrote:
    @Blakester

    If you lost your job, would you get another one?
    I'd like to think so, I haven't been out of work for more than a couple of months in my life.

    Who knows how long it would take though...
  • quadfather 12 Feb 2019 11:35:07 34,451 posts
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    Blakester wrote:
    quadfather wrote:
    @Blakester

    If you lost your job, would you get another one?
    I'd like to think so, I haven't been out of work for more than a couple of months in my life.

    Who knows how long it would take though...
    But if you had another job lined up anyway, would it still be a problem?
  • Doomspoon 15 Mar 2019 02:35:11 2,975 posts
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    Post deleted
  • neems 15 Mar 2019 06:48:19 4,548 posts
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    Find something(s) to occupy yourself, it doesn't have to be worthwhile. Videogames. Take up writing. Join a gym. Learn how to cook and become an expert in food for coeliac. I don't want to sound glib, but too much time on your hands is the real enemy.

    In the absence of a blog... get a blog. It's easy enough to do.

    Talk to somebody. You can even get counselling online these days.
  • Doomspoon 15 Mar 2019 10:16:37 2,975 posts
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    @Neems cheers for the response. Sadly on the cooking front it's a source of more frustration as my only option is largely to cook for myself as it's really hard to find gluten free food that is also milk, egg, soya, sulphite and citrus fruit free, all of which affect me. Indeed it's one of the greatest contributing factors to my state of mind of late.

    I'm involved in some charity work here and there, I'm finding one aspect quite draining as I'm spending too much time in a forced social situation and ill at ease, it's awkward as the setup is supposed to be mutually beneficial but I'm feeling slightly out of my depth.

    I'm struggling with the ability to settle into anything to occupy myself, reading, watching films, listening to audiobooks, gaming etc I struggle to settle beyond 20 minutes. This could be attributed to diet though if I'm lacking in some areas, I will be seeing a dietitian next month so hopefully some light will be shed on that aspect.

    All of the advice given is sound, I'm not arguing against it, the years in and out of psychiatric and psychological care have taught me some strategies. I seem to be in a weird spot where I could be a lot worse but I'm aware of how I'm feeling at present and where it could lead me if that makes sense?

    It's frustrating that one of the charity roles I serve is spending time with dogs at a rescue centre. I'd gladly give over nearly every day of the week to be there, the dogs are good company and this is truly mutually beneficial. Sadly the centre is quite a way out that public transport isn't an option and I don't drive. I can only get there when going with another family member. Nearer sites don't have any roles or work available, I'm also signed up with a local wildlife rescue charity, interview done, forms filled etc but no actual work suitable for me at present. This might change soon though as a lot of their work is seasonal.

    Anyway, thanks. I appreciate your indulging lastnight's wobble. This will pass eventually.

    Edited by Doomspoon at 10:32:03 15-03-2019
  • GuybrushFreepwood 15 Mar 2019 11:12:10 946 posts
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    @Doomspoon Do you have IAPT in your area? If so, I'd advise giving them a ring. I recently went on a 12 week (2 hours per week with homework) Transdiagnostic group therapy course. I found that transformational and it has given me something I didn't have before which is hope.

    I have food allergies (which have come on at the same time as increased stress and I think that is the main cause) so can relate to that. When my wife asked about me giving up something for Lent, I said I'd done enough as it was. I'm hoping that as I get my situation and stress under control and change my outlook to both that the food intolerances will also diminish.

    Maybe give up some of the more onerous charity stuff? As someone said to my earlier this year, do what you enjoy and not what you feel you should do. If it is getting you down, then quit it. If you want to help, then look at other ways you can help.

    I've certainly been well down the depression rabbit hole (as recently as yesterday when a migraine really messed up my head), so I can again relate to that. My biggest issue (which took me a long time to realise) is anxiety. That leads in my case to depression. I've always been treating the latter and not the former. I;m on it now.

    As I say, I've got hope as I took a lot of years to get where I am and will take a lot to get out of it. These things take time. I'm finding mindfulness (insight timer) and yoga are helping a lot and my family have seen a huge difference with that and the course.

    Good luck and see an expert and/or speak to someone.
  • KD 15 Mar 2019 12:03:09 2,085 posts
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    Doomspoon wrote:
    I seem to be in a weird spot where I could be a lot worse but I'm aware of how I'm feeling at present and where it could lead me if that makes sense?
    @Doomspoon It makes sense, I'm currently nearly 6 weeks since a very good friend died, between me losing my job in December over the stress of trying to be around for her and helping her mental health, I'm just broken and sad, time sucks and a long road until I feel myself again.

    I guess that's what the past help we both have had starts coming back and your seeing how your mind works through these things, not the first time I lost a friend in similar way and just coping is enough for now while doing the hard things like being social.

    Edited by KD at 18:31:17 28-03-2019
  • Doomspoon 15 Mar 2019 12:54:40 2,975 posts
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    @KD really sorry to learn of your loss there, that on top losing your job too, that's a rough deal :( I can empathise, in my 20s I went through a run of friends dying suddenly through illness or suicide, it had quite an impact on social interactions beyond there.

    I deleted last night's post as I didn't feel so comfortable with some of what I'd mentioned. I've had long term PTSD with various ups and downs. I was recovering well and picking myself up when a regular volunteer spot I'd done over the years was at the Shoreham Airshow which has been in the news a lot lately, that coupled with the recent Boeing crash has set some stuff off again.

    There are quite long waiting times locally for mental health related treatments or therapies. I feel somewhat awkward about pursuing any counselling again as I know this is a phase and I wouldn't want to deprive someone that may be in greater need. In an ideal world we'd have the resources to get treatment as and when but that's just not the case and I understand the pressure NHS staff are under.

    I think getting it off my chest a bit is a logical move in trying to address it at least.

    Guybrush, I was shown an article by a coeliac friend of mine that showed the impact on mental health of dealing with specialist dietary requirements, it's quite pronounced. People that don't suffer from it might not be aware of just how heavily it impacts your life. It affects social situations, encourages paranoid, or at least hyper vigilant behaviour and just the not being able to enjoy the same food and drink as everyone else wears you down. Then there are the people that think it's a lifestyle choice, a fad or that you're doing it to be awkward. Family gatherings, holidays, social dining, all of them are massively affected by it.

    I can review the awkward charity role, I have had email discussions with my team leader regarding it. I don't want to let anyone down.

    I'm glad to learn that your group therapy course worked for you, that's good news. I'm going to see how the weekend goes and consider whether I should pursue anything through local services or whether I can ride it out.

    Thanks for the input everyone.
  • KD 15 Mar 2019 13:30:45 2,085 posts
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    @Doomspoon Near me they closed all the surgeries and made a resource center for them, the bonus is the local mental health services have a desk and do a walk in, those serevices seem made for your sort of thing too if you can hunt any down near you. Just a chat in a room and someone to give a honest opinion or just listen to your issues.

    Edited by KD at 18:31:41 28-03-2019
  • Addy__ 18 Apr 2019 20:31:17 700 posts
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    Genuinely think im losing the plot. This might be a full of grammatical errors and a bit incoherent but here goes.

    Stresses of raising my girls seems to be having a big impact on my mental health at the minute. Extremely low moods were I've contemplated fucking killing myself but something inside always holds me back. Mood can swing from high to low several times a day and I think as this sits on my mind a lot I dwell on this turn of events a lot more. Marriage is stable but strained (if that makes sense) we sleep in seperate rooms due to the girls and we don't get a great deal of sleep. I'm usually pretty outgoing at work but several colleagues have commented on how stressed and down I look. I just shrug and carry on.

    It's felt like any hobbies/interests I have are simply just masking the bigger issues I have so again that's another thing swirling around in my head. Part of me thought the meds I'm on could be a factor so I went to the docs who said it wasn't and when I broke down a bit and said I had suicidal thoughts and he just sat there non plussed and said "what do you want me to do?" and proceeded to tell me to self refer to minds matter (NHS service) which I have done.
    I drove home from the surgery and felt like driving off a cliff. I got home and broke down again in front of my eldest daughter and wife which is something I really felt ashamed of doing. Like I'm weak or something?
    My wife is extremely worried and going mad about the doctor and wants to lodge a complaint. I've told her to leave it. She's told my siblings who are offering this and that. I guess I've had no outlet and so I thought id use this place as I guess it's a bit of escapism for me at times.

    Apologies, like I said I'll probably read this all back and think it's a mess but sod it.
  • Frogofdoom 18 Apr 2019 20:42:54 13,222 posts
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    I fully understand mate, having a kid with mental difficulties is fucking brutal. I've been doing it for almost 19 years and often feel like I've lost myself. They key thing to do is get yourself in a good place as you cant help anyone else when you are feeling crushed.

    Hang in there mate, this period will pass and there will be a good time again where it all feels manageable. Counselling will be good as it sounds like your brain needs a good shit without being judged on what comes out.
  • Trowel 18 Apr 2019 20:45:03 22,531 posts
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    If you need a vent, have you tried the CALM webchat?

    https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/webchat/

    Easter weekend is always a tough one to have problems in your head.
  • Trowel 18 Apr 2019 20:45:03 22,531 posts
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    .

    Edited by Trowel at 20:45:17 18-04-2019
  • GuybrushFreepwood 18 Apr 2019 21:38:59 946 posts
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    Sounds tough and like youíre under a lot of stress and have been for too long. Can you take some leave and take a break?

    Have you tried giving IAPT a call? I found them lifesaving.

    Donít try to be everything for everyone. Just do what you need to and donít feel guilty about not doing extra. Try to cut back on worrying about everything and anything. Try to have some you time each day where you do something just for you. Iím spending 10 minutes each day learning mandarin and 10 minutes meditating. Iím going to add violin and yoga. Itís not much out of a day but it makes me feel like Iím doing more than running on the hamster wheel of life.

    Oh and see another doctor or better yet speak to IAPT and as you are doing , open up to those who care about you around you.

    Iíve not suffered the same things as you but have been in a similar place. It does get better but you are the only one who can get yourself there. You need to give your brain a break. Good luck.
  • DrStrangelove 18 Apr 2019 21:42:36 14,093 posts
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    Addy__ wrote:
    I got home and broke down again in front of my eldest daughter and wife which is something I really felt ashamed of doing. Like I'm weak or something?
    I'm not sure if I can be of much help anymore on the topic of mental health, so please feel free to ignore what I say if it's stupid or whatever, can't really tell anymore myself.

    I'd just like to say that breaking down in front of others--especially loved ones--is not weak in my opinion. It feels like you must stay strong, it's shameful to show your weakness etc., but I've learned it can be quite the opposite.

    Last time I was in the mental hospital I actually tried to break down, but I couldn't anymore because I was too weak to show any vulnerability anymore. I admired the others who still had the strength to allow themselves to break down. Which can be liberating, make others understand what you're going through and if they're the right people it can even earn their respect. It certainly earned mine.

    I don't know your loved ones, but from what you say they seem to really care about you. This stiff upper lip rubbish, not showing how bad it really is, can be like building a concrete wall between you and others, where you feel alone and separated and they feel helpless and rejected because they can't reach you.

    If it's the right people, breaking down in front of them can be like building a bridge. It can be like giving them a chance to get in touch with you.

    Again, these days I can't tell anymore if my thoughts are wise or commonplace or just stupid. Just wanted to say this because maybe there could be a chance that it helps you.
  • askew 18 Apr 2019 21:46:56 19,092 posts
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    Great post DrS.
  • BinaryBob101 19 Apr 2019 08:25:25 26,803 posts
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    @Addy__ That GP, "What do you want me to do?"

    I echo what everybody else has said above, but your GP fucking sucks, this exchange should be complained about and you should change GP immediately. That could have pushed some others over the edge.

    Could you be having these invasive thoughts because of your meds?

    Edited by BinaryBob101 at 09:04:02 19-04-2019
  • JamboWayOh 19 Apr 2019 08:31:22 13,158 posts
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    @Addy__

    Don't really come in here that often but hear for you mate, I can't add anything to the really good advice that has been posted here. Like DrS says you're not weak but actually strong. Also please get another doctor, I can't believe they said that to you, it's stuff like this why male mental health doesn't get enough exposure.
  • quadfather 19 Apr 2019 08:47:14 34,451 posts
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    @DrStrangelove

    Totally agree. Being able to show vulnerability is one of the strongest things anyone can do. Especially in front of loved ones.

    @Addy, that shows a lot of strength and also how much you feel for them. It's having these periods that makes you stronger going forward when you then experience a more stable time. And I notice that your wife is rallying round trying to help in the way she can, starting with that twatty doctor.

    Hang in there mate. It's all ups and downs, but that's the point - it's a journey that we're all on, not a competition that you can win.
  • Addy__ 19 Apr 2019 09:08:54 700 posts
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    Thanks for the posts guys. I guess I'm initially just seeing how I can turn it around as I feel like I'm only going one way at the moment. I think I have 2 issues. One is the dark thoughts and then the other is the guilt and sadness over having said thoughts. Both seem to be colliding like I'm powerless to prevent it. I think I made things worse with the wife with bottling things up but as she shares the same stresses with me (the girls) I really felt like I shouldn't be adding to the problems etc etc.

    Looks to be a nice day today so probably going to go for a walk with the kids. Bit of fresh air to clear my head a bit. I really appreciate the comments so far.
  • Addy__ 19 Apr 2019 09:11:15 700 posts
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    BinaryBob101 wrote:
    @Addy__ That GP, "What do you want me to do?"

    I echo what everybody else has said above, but your GP fucking sucks, this exchange should be complained about and you should change GP immediately. That could have pushed some others over the edge.

    Could you be having these invasive thoughts because of your meds?
    I'm not sure. It could just be coincidence but I've not felt right since taking Metformin (diabetes meds) but it's apparently the best to take in terms of side effects. We shall see.
  • quadfather 19 Apr 2019 09:13:13 34,451 posts
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    Addy__ wrote:
    Thanks for the posts guys. I guess I'm initially just seeing how I can turn it around as I feel like I'm only going one way at the moment. I think I have 2 issues. One is the dark thoughts and then the other is the guilt and sadness over having said thoughts. Both seem to be colliding like I'm powerless to prevent it. I think I made things worse with the wife with bottling things up but as she shares the same stresses with me (the girls) I really felt like I shouldn't be adding to the problems etc etc.

    Looks to be a nice day today so probably going to go for a walk with the kids. Bit of fresh air to clear my head a bit. I really appreciate the comments so far.
    I'd say your first paragraph is understandable. It's not like it's easy is it? It's going to be difficult, and you're (both) going to have to work at it, and that's ok. Because it's normal to feel like this in front of a difficult situation.

    But as your second paragraph shows, it's not always difficult is it. Now, on a nice sunny day, you can take the kids out and have a walk and enjoy it. Clear your head, get some perspective and carry on.

    Go enjoy!
  • fontgeeksogood 19 Apr 2019 09:19:30 6,050 posts
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    It's so trite, but exercise is what helps....both getting off the Metformin and keeping the thoughts at bay.

    Start doing stuff for you
  • JamboWayOh 19 Apr 2019 09:21:01 13,158 posts
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    @Addy__

    We need you Addy, who's going to make comments about Goodform, Spacemonkey and Ecosse.
  • Frogofdoom 19 Apr 2019 09:22:17 13,222 posts
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    We've got ecosse covered but you need to hang about regardless.
  • fontgeeksogood 19 Apr 2019 09:23:06 6,050 posts
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    Also I don't really want your shoes when your feet come off, I want your feet to stay on
  • Addy__ 23 Apr 2019 11:45:16 700 posts
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    Got a call with someone from the NHS mindsmatter team tomorrow. Anyone done this?
  • JamboWayOh 24 Apr 2019 22:33:06 13,158 posts
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    Addy__ wrote:
    Got a call with someone from the NHS mindsmatter team tomorrow. Anyone done this?
    Yes it can take a while to be seen by someone, I got lost in the system and didn't get an appointment until 8 months after applying, I sought out help through Macmillan to get counselling. Essentially YMMV. Good luck mate you're making an important step for the better.
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