Following Depression Page 255

  • IRWATWO 8 Dec 2019 09:57:16 419 posts
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    I fucking love Viz, just whilst I'm nervously rambling.

    One where Nobby is launched through the air (as usual), but in penultimate frame, lands on skip full of mattresses ('phew') ... which then bounces him though a window of a shop called 'Rusty WW1 German Helmets With All Spikes On Top'. :)

    In other news, the piles patient here is appealing to Allah for intercession. Not sure that's in his remit, but the nurses are bringing ice packs, a more practical step.
  • IRWATWO 8 Dec 2019 20:36:53 419 posts
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    FINALLY got it done, day 23 of the original 7 to 10 day timescale. Going to fucking wreck when the nerve blocker wears off, don't care the Meccano is gone CHASE THE PAIN! CHASE. THE. PAIN.

    Peace and love and kisses all x
  • BinaryBob101 8 Dec 2019 21:13:33 27,368 posts
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    Hey mate, glad you finally went under the knife and hope your recovery is fulsome and quick.

    Only just heard back from local, who's been away from messenger a bit. She does remember you! Anyway, she said to say hi and get well soon. I think Brexit and the election shite has knackered her out a bit. Like us all.

    Anyway speedy recovery man!
  • wuntyate 8 Dec 2019 21:18:27 13,490 posts
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    Brilliant man! Speedy recovery, then you can get out and get home.
  • IRWATWO 8 Dec 2019 21:22:44 419 posts
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    Thanks very much dudes, and to local too!

    Home Wed Thuat a guess but as above, just happy to make some progress.

    Thanks all, really :)
  • IRWATWO 8 Dec 2019 21:45:40 419 posts
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    I hope local can forget the politics etc, and just concentrate on nearest and dearest, and wait for the world to turn again. Far far far easier said than done of course.

    Edited by IRWATWO at 23:57:03 08-12-2019
  • IRWATWO 10 Dec 2019 06:48:05 419 posts
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    Soooooo ...

    It turns out I have a 3 or 4 inch long plastic or metal or wood splinter embedded right through my foot, which a month in hospital, and at least half a dozen sets of xrays have completely failed to spot. Orthopedic team all shrugging their shoulders, not us guv, etc etc. It is breaking up, and no idea currently what to do.

    This is a bit of a concern, to me, but not any of the 4 docs I have spoken to.

    If you ever find yourself in hospital, start a notepad timeline the moment you arrive, ask all the questions you can think of, ask them what they would be asking, and look very very carefully at the answers. And even then, know you and they could be missing anything that falls outside the tight remit of the team you are tallking to.
  • TechnoHippy 10 Dec 2019 08:52:31 15,838 posts
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    Bloody hell. I hope they get you sorted out soon - it's been quite the trial so far!
  • IRWATWO 10 Dec 2019 10:29:47 419 posts
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    @TechnoHippy Thank you very much.

    At the moment I can't even get a doctor to address the newly discovered issue. Ortho are the only team assigned to me, and it's not them, and they have at least played a part in missing it so are running scared.

    Just have to keep going at them, politely but firmly and loudly. Some take offence, in which case on the one hand, sorry no offence whatsoever intended, and on the other, fucking fuck them.
  • wuntyate 10 Dec 2019 11:45:32 13,490 posts
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    Bit radical but the only option soon might be to chew your own foot off and crawl out of there.

    So you're basically in limbo again?
  • IRWATWO 10 Dec 2019 12:49:26 419 posts
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    @wuntyphyve

    Thanks for interest dude, means a lot and good to get it all out.

    Was in limbo up until about 30 mins ago but a squad of docs appeared, I very firmly advocated on my own behalf.

    Foreign body will be investigated, but further info from top Ortho was good, can be lower priority whilst main injury heals. Still an issue, but good thing is as long and very thin (looks like pencil lead) should be relatively easy to pinhole when other injuries healed.

    Have pics of internal 316L, some v impressive engineering.

    Off for new plaster shortly. Have discussed pain / meds and reduction of such. Begun getting monitoring and physio lined up back north.

    Lots more but still assimilating, for instance 3rd and 4th breaks in metatarsal no one mentioned previously, minor and expected to heal during 8 weeks of convalesense, but now I know.

    Upshot, hope to be home Fri Sat maybe, then see what is to be done, if anything, with my son and the horror that awaits there.

    'I just love life really' - Paul Calf

    Thanks all again, really, for a smelly pile of old gamers, you guys rock :)
  • challenge_hanukkah 10 Dec 2019 14:27:29 11,887 posts
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    @IRWATWO

    I like you.
  • Jono62 10 Dec 2019 14:41:41 23,338 posts
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    What was your username before?
  • wuntyate 10 Dec 2019 15:16:28 13,490 posts
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    That's better news man! You must be glad at least of the glimpse of what awaits re: recovery after you're out the hospital and back up home. You'll hopefully find yourself in a better frame of mind to start thinking about how to progress the situation with your son as well. I hope that you can find a means of moving forward with all that.
  • IRWATWO 10 Dec 2019 18:07:55 419 posts
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    @challenge_hanukkah thank you, I love you dude :) I'm a bit full of shit to be honest, but I try not to be

    Jono - no one especially interesting honest

    Wunty - that's down to him. I have tried everything I possibly can, for years, but it's not him anymore, when I look in his eyes, he isn't there. I hope beyond hope he comes back, but I don't think I believe it.

    Primary concern now is protecting my daughter, sisters and dad, and I will keep trying to reach him, but I think he just wants to hurt everyone he can, and we have no way to get through. If he hurts me I can deal, the rest of my family I couldn't.

    Thank you all so much, as I sit in a totally alien environment and try to think through the next stage, means absolutely fucking everything.

    Edited by IRWATWO at 18:14:36 10-12-2019
  • IRWATWO 10 Dec 2019 22:27:47 419 posts
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    https://www.amazon.co.uk/Storz-Bickel-Mighty-MIGHTY/dp/B00P2K1UQ6/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=storz+and+bickel+mighty&qid=1576016053&sprefix=storz&sr=8-1

    I'm just going to leave this here. Been having a read back through this thread, and some of you describe muscular issues (such as bruxism) which may be alleviated by certain herbs, but the ingestion of which is problematic in a variety of ways (not least nausea, use of tobacco alongside). This is an alternative, which has been life changing for me and some of my friends, with tobacco gone but the benefits (such as a good nights sleep) retained. Just for interest, happy to answer any questions.

    (Eg How much!!!!???? Save it every month on fags and reduced consumption)

    Edited by IRWATWO at 22:37:00 10-12-2019
  • IRWATWO 10 Dec 2019 22:33:34 419 posts
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    AboutHalfaStevas wrote:
    Well I have been "there". To that place. The one you can't really describe to someone who hasn't.

    Here's how I deal with it, when I still visit (for what it's worth):

    Stand in front of a mirror, and think about all the cunts in this world. All the greedy, sociopath pieces of shit; seemingly out to not only win, but ensure everyone else loses.
    Look yourself in the eye. I know. That's the hard bit. But it's necessary.
    Then ask yourself this:
    Am I one of them?
    The answer is always no. Why do I know? Because they don't get depressed. They don't have to do this. They stand in front of a mirror and it's all they can do to stop themselves winking and finger-shooting themselves a big shit eating grin.

    Then ask yourself how many people you made laugh today. Or you helped at work. It doesn't matter what it was, just anything you did that positively influenced another's day. Even once. If you struggle to think of one, what about yesterday. Or the day before. This week. Month. Whatever. Whatever it takes. Because it's worth it. It's worth you hanging around because of that one time three months ago when you fell off a bus seat half asleep and made a kid laugh so much he had a coughing fit.

    Because you're not a cunt.

    I mean, you probably are a cunt, but in the same way I'm a cunt: I'll laugh at you falling off your bike, but I'd help you up afterwards (while failing to control a chuckle).
    And I'd probably bring it up for a few years. Okay, thirty years. Maybe include it in my best man speech at your wedding. Man, I swear you were crying like a child before you even hit the ground. Did I mention we WERE children, and I'd loosened your front wheel, then a bunch of us encouraged you to do a wheelie? That was so funny. I...

    Look, you're not a cunt. That's my point, dammit.
    Yes, I had one.

    And tomorrow, you're going to do just one thing. One thing that makes the world a brighter place for someone.

    Even if it is just falling over in a really dumb way.
    That's just fucking beautiful man.

    A bit of a cunt (trying to avoid the metrapazine NHS chucking at me so v much appreciate insights there too)
  • d_h1234 10 Dec 2019 23:18:53 228 posts
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    If you mean Mirtazapine, I've just started on it myself.

    Should I be worried? :S
  • IRWATWO 11 Dec 2019 05:48:38 419 posts
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    @d_h1234

    I do mean that, I'm just tired, stupid and opiated to the eyeballs, apologies.

    It certainly wouldn't hurt to be as read up as possible on any meds you are ever on, particularly (I would say) those for mental health as they are very often quite easy to become addicted to. Your doctor will of course be aware, and be prescribing accordingly, but if the need for the meds is greater than the risk of addiction, it is something to be aware of, particularly given the limited options and incredible pressure GPs currently operating under.

    In my case, addictive personality is a ludicrous understatement, I could get addicted to fucking pickled onion Walkers (no exaggeration, multi pack a day when I was bad, Asda knew what they were doing but the pusher don't care man, I gave up crisps 20 months ago now, been 'clean' since :) ).

    Also, I'm currently in hospital on a variety of other meds, all of which have constipation as a side-effect, as does Mirtazapine, and I would quite like to have a shit again sometime this decade. Finally, again in my case, I have my own Mighty solution (mentioned above) for a good nights sleep, which Mirtazapine is often prescribed for, I just need to get back to it. Works fucking beautifully to fix constipation too, as it happens. Soon .... :)

    So, I would recommend reading the last few pages on here, and elsewhere on line of course, ask questions you may have, don't be worried necessarily, just be informed as possible.

    If :S means you already know all this, sorry for banging on :)

    Edited by IRWATWO at 06:10:04 11-12-2019
  • IRWATWO 12 Dec 2019 01:02:38 419 posts
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    Jesus Fucking Christ, I can't believe I'm still here, I could have been home and the bed here freed up anywhere between about 8 and 14 days ago, depending how tightly you defend the rank fucking incompetence caused by chronic understaffing, and lack of skills and experience in those that are here.

    Really, 2 fucking weeks, for nothing more than staff not offering critical information, and being unable to carry out basic tasks. They're almost universally lovely and dedicated people, but it's like watching the contents of the average old folks home lounge trying to pull off an F1 pitstop every 30 seconds, with all the fluids that suggests.

    I fucking need out now, seriously.
  • PrivateFloyd 12 Dec 2019 08:48:00 5,217 posts
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    So....after a particularly shitty year I started to feel pretty down during the summer. Isolating myself off without realising, in hindsight a shitload of other telltale symptoms that I just didn't see at the time either. Culminating in what I only really want to describe as a cry for help that made me realise how bad I was.

    After multiple trips to GP and going to a wellbeing centre I've been put on anti-depressants. Been on them for a month and cant quite be sure how much of an effect they are having. The physiological symptoms like the globus in my throat has largely gone away but still feel generally low, anxious, isolated.

    I always have struggled to open up to people.

    This thread has been a huge help, the strength of some of you and what you go through is mind boggling.
  • BinaryBob101 12 Dec 2019 10:07:10 27,368 posts
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    Hey up Floydy. Feel for you man. After Storm Desmond hit us hard and took away everything I hit rock-bottom harder than I've ever done before.

    It's taken me until this point to truly rebuild myself. My Dad died last November, we got evicted as faultless tenants in February, got made redundant in April and so much more. This year has been as bad as most, but I've just learned to surrender to it all,I've truly accepted the life/death cycle and that external forces that impact on me for the negative and positive are absolutely beyond my control - so fuck it. We're here for such a short time, you have to be able to say fuck it. Take one day at a time and do what you love, relying on those closest to you that you love. Nothing else matters but that really.

    Mate, I've been so low over the past few years, you wouldn't recognise me. I'm also proof you can use this period as growth and become a better man down the line. You are a good bloke though, don't forget that.

    I've been you, if you need to talk. I'm on FB or my mobile at any time man.

    You've got this, Floyd.
  • BinaryBob101 12 Dec 2019 10:09:48 27,368 posts
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    I also watch this almost every day:



    Helped me loads.
  • IRWATWO 12 Dec 2019 10:19:49 419 posts
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    @PrivateFloyd

    Very sorry to hear it dude.

    Firstly, what Bob said. Especially 'fuck it':) Didn't know he got hit by Desmond, so did I but not as bad I'm sure, but just you posting here has revealed that, so thank you :)

    I'm the least qualified to offer advice on strong mental health, but I can certainly understand how difficult it is to find effective ways to cope.

    Try to talk to friends if you can. They may seem like they have never encountered such issues, but increasingly, everyone has, in other friends or family or themselves, we are just still very bad at admitting that atall, so try to reach out to them if you can, explain to begin with that just listening really helps, whether they understand or not. Well done for posting here regardless :)

    Exercise and fresh air, many say can be transformative, got to be worth a try if you have a deficit of either.

    Basically ... try anything. When you get to the very lowest point, then anything whatsoever is worth a go. Maybe think of something you have never done, give it a go. Dance to music you've never listened to, paint, learn to juggle, whatever, anything to engage and distract your senses. Bouncing off the walls (alone) to very very loud music has certainly got me through a couple of times.

    Personally, I do a sort of self regulating CBT, using a chart to monitor and generate more positive behaviour. Positive behaviour gets a black tick, negative a red cross. So one day, 2 hours spent flicking through 13 channels of shit on the TV, to choose from, gets a red cross, next day hours dance and learn something new from a decent documentary, or talk to a mate, is a black tick. And lists, for everything, just because when the day is done, the crossed off stuff is just a minor visual reminder of something accomplished.

    Regards meds ... that's really difficult I find. In my case, half a gram of weed is my daily bread, I hardly drink and just refuse any prescription meds as I would have long term issues, so on that subject, find better advice than me. There is plenty on here and out there too, and don't be afraid to take lists of questions to your docs.

    That all may just be so much shit, I am full of it. But well done for coming here. As an aside, I have the vaguest feeling you joined us briefly on EVE about a decade ago, but bounced off? Bouncing off EVE is actually a recognised sign of good, strong mental health, so feel reassured by that :)

    Edited by IRWATWO at 10:35:00 12-12-2019
  • BinaryBob101 12 Dec 2019 10:26:56 27,368 posts
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    Yeah, we're from the same area. We lost everything. We were going through a tough time financially anyway, being uninsured was the most stupid thing ever.

    But, you must live with your mistakes, know yourself and all your dirty secrets, live with that shit and move the fuck on.

    Let go to live.
  • IRWATWO 12 Dec 2019 10:28:47 419 posts
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    @BinaryBob101

    Well done for keeping on dude, seriously :)
  • IRWATWO 12 Dec 2019 10:32:34 419 posts
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    @BinaryBob101

    Being uninsured it just unavoidable a lot of the time now. I was vv lucky to be able to afford somewhere up a hill, still got hammered. Thought I knew rain after 40 years a Mancunian. Not so.
  • IRWATWO 12 Dec 2019 13:08:21 419 posts
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    Post deleted
  • IRWATWO 12 Dec 2019 13:08:23 419 posts
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    Sooooo .....

    Finally finally finally got a new cast. Been waiting roughly 90 hours. The paperwork was finally properly put through 3 FUCKING HOURS AGO, so the other 87 were a total fucking waste. This is why beds are full, NHS administrators. I know, you couldn't give a fucking flying fuck.

    Classic NHS though, when you finally do get through the labyrinthine bureaucratic cuntery, you get access to the best healthcare professionals on the planet, FOR FREE, this time Ruby the fracture specialist, who is clearly the Da Vinci of plaster casts from the work I have just watched.

    Now it's back to the cuntery, waiting 40 minutes for porters so far, but my record is well over 2 hours. It's like Knightmare in a hospital gown.

    Next battle - outta here. Needs meds notes transfer request crutches transport. Lots of skirmishes to come.

    And when I do get back .. hmmmm
  • IRWATWO 12 Dec 2019 13:16:40 419 posts
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    Sorry, I do fucking crap on. But it helps, thank you all so much.
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