Page 258 • Depression • Non-Gaming • Social • Eurogamer.net

BinaryBob101 23 Dec 2019 15:00:50 27,755 posts
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@Blakester Some brilliant thoughts and advice there, feel like we've shared a very similar experience there. My catalyst was the 2015 floods, losing everything. While still in shock my psychiatrist put me on 600mg of Quetiapine, quite a powerful anti-psychotic, which was the wrong drug for me at the wrong time.

I'm about to kick it for good, I'm taking my final 25mg dose tonight after an easy withdrawal over a few months. Feel more alive than ever.

Glad to hear another success story and I hope we hear more when 2020 begins. The Troubled Teens were a fucking awful decade, glad to see a new one.

Blakester wrote:
Have been following this post very closely this year as I've been battling the big D since Feb and finally coming out the other side.

As I reflect on what has been a pretty shitty year, the thing I realise is that all the negative thoughts and feelings I had were purely a symptom of the illness. Now that I'm gradually coming off the medication and my thoughts are becoming more natural and level, it actually seems a bit absurd that I used to think in that way when I have so much to be thankful for. It's such a powerful illness that it can make you completely forget all the great people in your life and the experiences you've had.

I attended a MIND course on mental wellbeing recently, and they talk about depression in terms of a physical form which can really help you describe to others what you're experiencing. There's also an animation which I found particularly relatable, although it's not an easy watch:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

A few things I found helpful that I'd like to pass on.

- The catalyst for my depression was a toxic person and situation. I knew for a long time it/they were making me ill, but thought I could deal with it. I should have listened to my gut and removed myself from the situation much earlier.
- It was tough, but I opened up to my family very early on that I was suffering. They encouraged me to see the doctor and were 100% supportive throughout. Keeping this stuff to yourself is probably the worst thing you can do.
- When I went to see the doctor for the first time, I took a written list with me of the all the things I was suffering from (lack of sleep, hot sweats, etc, etc, etc). The experience was a lot more emotional than I expected, so having things in writing helped me through and he was able to diagnose quickly.
- Although mental health awareness is improving dramatically, it's still a taboo, and I found myself "acting" a lot in situations to mask it which is emotionally draining. I think that's pretty much unavoidable, so having good quality time by yourself, exercising and treating yourself to little things you love was a real tonic.

If there's a silver lining, it's that I've learnt a lot about myself in the last year, in particular how important it is to regularly take stock of your environment and ensure you're surrounding yourself with positive influences. I don't know if it will come back again, but I know I'll be better prepared.

Sorry for the long ramble, ended up being a bit cathartic.

Edited by BinaryBob101 at 15:05:12 23-12-2019

Rusty_M 27 Dec 2019 10:59:05 7,172 posts
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Just heard that one of my colleagues lost his battle to depression and anxiety on Christmas Eve. He was a really great guy as far as I could tell - we weren't hugely close, but I liked him. Strange atmosphere in the office today.

I can't begin to imagine how hard this must be for his partner, children and the rest of those close to him.

I always find it pretty hard to hear when this happens to someone I admire. Ordinarily it's something I have to remind myself not to do on a near-daily basis.

TechnoHippy 27 Dec 2019 14:23:31 19,245 posts
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Sad news - I have a similar battle, usually keeping busy helps, but sometimes the urge persists. The medication has lessened the urges though over time.

IRWATWO 28 Dec 2019 08:09:53 1,379 posts
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IRWATWO 28 Dec 2019 08:31:37 1,379 posts
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IRWATWO 23 Jan 2020 15:32:29 1,379 posts
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Finally found a doctor willing to be honest, who says I'll be on crutches another 6 months. Fucking great.

IRWATWO 23 Jan 2020 15:35:49 1,379 posts
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@BinaryBob101

Hey Bob, would like a chat at some point if that would be ok? If so, any preferred way to do so? Don't worry if you'd rather not, just a few things I'd like to chat about. Thanks dude, regardless

BinaryBob101 24 Jan 2020 10:40:45 27,755 posts
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@IRWATWO Ah yeah, we may be able to sort something mate. You do Snapchat or WhatsApp?

IRWATWO 24 Jan 2020 10:54:26 1,379 posts
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Thanks mate, whatsapp yeah. Could you mail me at jpc71555 AT gmail, I'll send you my mobile number? Much appreciated Bob.

BinaryBob101 24 Jan 2020 11:37:02 27,755 posts
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@IRWATWO You should have been pinged mate.

Deleted user 27 January 2020 20:04:15

While I'm not actually depressed I am feeling under the weather so this thread will have to do I suppose.

Story of my love life: other than my former girlfriend every woman I've met and had clear mutual romantic interest with already had a boyfriend. Each time this has devolved in a (very) complex situation that didn't end well at all for me. The last three times this happened I felt terrible, after the second-to-last one I even ended up in a fairly serious depression. This last time it's not nearly as bad but I'm not a happy camper right now.

What made those three specific situations even more complicated is that a) all three were colleagues and b) they tried to get involved with me but didn't want to risk losing their boyfriend on a moment's notice so it all had to happen very hush-hush for them, with both their BF and myself being aware of as little as possible (if anything)
Comically, I was very interested myself each time, except it just couldn't happen in the circumstances they had created but I just couldn't get that message across. I assume they feared I'd slap the 'either dump your BF or accept there won't be anything between us' message that is typical of this sort of situation on them if we ever were to talk seriously.

Result: a complete clusterfuck each time, except I didn't get to enjoy the fuck part; nothing personal actually happened in all instances. Better yet, it ended up costing me my job twice because my employers clearly noticed I was not able to function normally under those circumstances (which indeed I wasn't) and couldn't think of anything other than letting me go.

My biggest frustration - other than the facts themselves - is that I still have no idea how to handle this kind of thing. I could've put my foot down and stuck to the 'dump him or naught' point of view (which my friends recommended each time) but as I was attracted to them as well I didn't really want to do that. Other options though: I still have no idea.

So there. Now mock me and bring on the Stacy from Finance jokes.

challenge_hanukkah 27 Jan 2020 21:27:52 14,394 posts
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@Rodimus-Prime

JamboWayOh 27 Jan 2020 21:33:10 25,236 posts
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@JoeBlade

Not going to mock you, but there's obviously a very clear reason why you seemed to be drawn to people who are unavailable and/or like to engulf you in their drama. You need to stop this cycle, especially as you are very much aware that this a thing that is affecting your mental health. If you're not first choice then no one is worth that bullshit.

Deleted user 27 January 2020 21:43:28

JamboWayOh wrote:
@JoeBlade

Not going to mock you, but there's obviously a very clear reason why you seemed to be drawn to people who are unavailable and/or like to engulf you in their drama.

I'd be inclined to agree except for one factor: in most cases I didn't find out the BF part until much later (sometimes only when the situation was long over) So unless I can read minds without being aware of it it's unlikely I'm drawn to this sort of crap.

JamboWayOh wrote:
You need to stop this cycle, especially as you are very much aware that this a thing that is affecting your mental health. If you're not first choice then no one is worth that bullshit.

Yeah, I'm beginning to become convinced again of this as well. It's odd: when I was younger I shared that point of view passionately. The last 10 years of so I gradually gravitated towards a 'well, maybe it isn't all black and white, maybe there are other options' but now I'm starting to lean towards the former again.

Like I said, it's exactly what my friends keep on recommending me as well. And yeah, far too much bullshit, that's for sure.

JamboWayOh 27 Jan 2020 21:58:11 25,236 posts
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@JoeBlade

Sometimes there are familiar characteristics no matter how small that you can be drawn in by. Have a think, apart from the secret bfs, did these women share anything in common. Did they say similar things, did you become close with each other rather close without truly knowing the person. There always little telltale signs.

Also yes, compromise is a thing in relationships but you should never have to compromise the things that you look for in a relationship. Your self worth is one of them.

Edited by JamboWayOh at 21:59:20 27-01-2020

Deleted user 27 January 2020 22:34:23

@JamboWayOh You make a good point that I had considered but perhaps have not given enough thought. Each of them did indeed seem to want to rush things, i.e. get close first and get to know one another second.

Wonder what the reasoning behind such an approach could be... Ah well.

JamboWayOh 27 Jan 2020 23:04:21 25,236 posts
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@JoeBlade

Sometimes it can be where they recognise you as someone they can be emotionally intimate with but get the physical part somewhere else and thus will never leave their partners. It can also be where perhaps you are seeking immediate intimacy and don't stop to realise what is occurring in the moment. I have been in that same situation and I can attest that yeah it's fucking shit and it can make future real relationships more difficult as you start to question if this person actually wants to be with you. Good luck in pushing through it mate, you'll get it through, just remember it's ok to be selfish and concentrate on yourself.

Rodimus-Prime 29 Jan 2020 07:40:42 498 posts
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challenge_hanukkah wrote:
@Rodimus-Prime

I can't be of much help, as I genuinely didn't care that a couple of the women in my office who fancied me had partners.

They were very unlikely to ever show up at our various rendesvouz points (my flat, my favourite bar, the stationary closet), so were a non-issue to me. They weren't my boyfriend/husband, so I wasn't cheating.

Things nearly got serious with one of them, but my friends tried to warn me off with the old 'if they cheat with you, they'll probably chest on you' cliche... but don't be fooled into thinking that's going to be the case.

Sometimes a woman is in a relationship that has become stale or isn't going anywhere, and the proposition of something more fun and exciting comes along. A person should be allowed to explore that without being branded a 'slut'.

Of course, none of this appears to be applicable to our hero's tale, as he has very much been cast in the role of 'bit on the side'. To that, I say: don't be down, friend. Take confidence from it, and go cast your net in deeper, more exotic waters.

There is probably a girl in the local area who is willing to go public about a relationship with you.

Decks 29 Jan 2020 07:45:50 31,013 posts
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Go public? That's a pretty big step, make sure not to rush into anything.

fontgeeksogood 29 Jan 2020 07:47:13 12,913 posts
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Worst PI ever. You should tout for business, this poor chap just needs you on a retainer for future background checks

Jono62 29 Jan 2020 07:59:46 27,356 posts
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Rodimus-Prime wrote:

challenge_hanukkah wrote:
@Rodimus-Prime
Things nearly got serious with one of them, but my friends tried to warn me off with the old 'if they cheat with you, they'll probably chest on you' cliche...

Shit on your chest?

Frogofdoom 29 Jan 2020 09:19:12 17,973 posts
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That's very forward of you Jono, at least buy him a drink first.

d_h1234 2 Feb 2020 13:25:08 298 posts
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My disabled wife has lost her PIP (was DLA) after ~20 years of having it. Apparently she got better without either of us knowing it. They literally said she's completely fine and has no problems at all.

Thanks Tories!

Edited by d_h1234 at 13:25:40 02-02-2020

Pipedream 2 Feb 2020 16:12:12 658 posts
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I�ve recently changed jobs and I feel that I�ve made a terrible mistake. This has driven me into depression and I�ve started having regular panic attacks not being able to move which is leading to vomiting.

I left my old job on good terms and I�ve reapplied, but over 200 people have applied for the role. As so many people want my old job it�s made me think even more, �why the f did I leave, it�s a dream job�.

I really don�t know what I�m going to do if I don�t get it back. I�m really worried this stupid decision will ruin my life and lead to further depression and anxiety.

sirtacos 3 Feb 2020 06:01:16 8,279 posts
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Rodimus-Prime wrote:

challenge_hanukkah wrote:
@Rodimus-Prime
I can't be of much help, as I genuinely didn't care that a couple of the women in my office who fancied me had partners.

They were very unlikely to ever show up at our various rendesvouz points (my flat, my favourite bar, the stationary closet), so were a non-issue to me. They weren't my boyfriend/husband, so I wasn't cheating.

Things nearly got serious with one of them, but my friends tried to warn me off with the old 'if they cheat with you, they'll probably chest on you' cliche... but don't be fooled into thinking that's going to be the case.

Sometimes a woman is in a relationship that has become stale or isn't going anywhere, and the proposition of something more fun and exciting comes along. A person should be allowed to explore that without being branded a 'slut'.

Of course, none of this appears to be applicable to our hero's tale, as he has very much been cast in the role of 'bit on the side'. To that, I say: don't be down, friend. Take confidence from it, and go cast your net in deeper, more exotic waters.

There is probably a girl in the local area who is willing to go public about a relationship with you.

That is just depressing to read. One of my worst nightmares is to get cheated on.
I suspect it may have happened once already in a previous relationship; the rabbit hole of suspicion itself a gut-wrenching experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

When my ex and I parted ways after nearly a decade together, I started to have my doubts about the long-term viability of monogamy, and stuff like this just seems to confirm the idea that we're not built for fidelity.

Reading "Mating in Captivity" at the moment too, which isn't helping my trust issues.

Edited by sirtacos at 12:17:51 03-02-2020

Chug666 3 Feb 2020 12:15:18 768 posts
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@Pipedream That sucks- I had a similar situation a while back (moved into a role that where the last two people had quit after less than 6 months due to a whole host of issues, only found this out when I started). I spent a year or so flip flopping between stubbornly pushing on in the new job and thinking about going back to what I did before- the balance gradually shifted and I'm now happy I made the change.

Presumably something made you want to move, so making the jump was probably the right thing to do even if the new job isn't perfect. Really general comment but looking forward has usually worked better for me than looking back, and if it means another move in the future you might find something even better. Good luck with it mate!

Goban 3 Feb 2020 17:03:03 10,121 posts
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Not sure this is the right place to vent. Been here before with depression and EG has always been a place I end up when I hit bottom. Ok, here goes. My wife of 17 years told me yesterday that she no longer wanted to be with me. Bolt from the blue, although in retrospect I should have seen the signs.
If anyone doesn't know my history, it all went a bit wrong 10 years ago when my Cinema went to the wall. Since then I've tried to rebuild our lives, being the support and primary carer for our two kids. I've also suffered some health issues which have caused me to become more withdrawm.During this whole period my focus has been on keeping a stable home for us all, and making it easier for my wife to do her thing.
I've been back at full time work for the past 3 years, during which I've still kept things together at home, cooking, cleaning, walking dogs, childcare arrangements. This is because my wife has a high stress job(mine ain't I easy either) I've always taken it on myself to support her, from the day we got married.
She hated our house, we moved, she hated her job, she needed space to find herself...and so it goes on. Now it seems during this process she's discovered I'm the problem.
I admit I'm not the most communicative person, and living with someone with health issues ain't easy, and I tend to do rather than talk. Anyway, to cut to the chase, she says I don't support her emotionally enough and she can't compromise herself anymore and wants to end it.
Sorry for the wall of text. I'm really not sure why I'm posting this, just a need to communicate.

Nexus_6 3 Feb 2020 17:10:44 6,169 posts
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You seem to be doing all the caring for the 2 of you.
Perhaps this is for the best, as trying to look after 1 person, yourself, can be tricky enough never mind 2.

From what you say, it's not a particularly reciprocal relationship you have. Sorry if I'm talking out of turn but it seems quite one-sided to your detriment.

And well done to you for keeping it all together for the little ones during what I remember was a very difficult time for you with the Oban situation.

Edited by Nexus_6 at 17:11:57 03-02-2020

Goban 3 Feb 2020 17:21:16 10,121 posts
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Thanks, it's very much being framed by her as failings in me, and I've taken that and tried to do what I can. The thing is that now I'm looking back at it I have always been the one in support of her. She is saying the opposite of course. I don't really know who I am anymore as I've spent so long stifling me and the need to make recompense for the whole cinema shit storm.

mrpon 3 Feb 2020 17:28:35 37,366 posts
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Don't dwell. Don't look back. Move on, start a new chapter and be happy.

Good luck man, you deserve it.

Depression • Page 258