Following Andrew Dice clay "poems"

  • templar-wizard 27 Nov 2003 11:32:16 3,153 posts
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    i do love this guy. not stuff your gf/wife/misc would like to listen to.

    Little Bo Peep fucked her sheep
    Blew a horse, licked his feet
    She ate his ass so very nice
    Tongued his balls not once but twice

    Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater
    Had a wife, loved to beat her
    Smacked her twice across the head
    Fucked her ass and went to bed

    Little Miss Muffet
    Sat on a tuffet
    A lightbulb was stuck up her ass
    It woke up the spider who lived deep inside her
    He said "hey, free electric and gas!"

    Jack and Jill went up the hill
    And Jack would try to hump her
    Jill said "no", Jack said "so, I'll ram it in your

    Twinkle Twinkle little star
    Will she blow me in the car
    Because I bought her dinner, she had fun
    Now my balls are boiling and I'd like to cum

    Old mother hubbard
    Went to the cupboard
    To get her old dog a snack
    The cupboard was bare
    She didn't despair
    She let Rover munch on her crack

    Peter Peter pumkin eater
    Whacked off in the movie theater
    Sprayed his load across the screen
    And ruined Titanic's final scene

    Hickory Dickory Dock
    My balls fell out of my jock
    I laid them to rest
    On some hooker's chest
    And paddled her face with my cock

    *Thanks Peter*

    Betty and Jack, up a tree
    First cums Betty, then cums Jack
    Then cums the goo out of Betty's crack

    Little Boy Blue
    He needed the money

    Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie
    Jerked off in his girl friends eye
    When her eye was dry and shut
    Georgie Fucked that one-eyed slut

    Old King Cole was a merry old soul
    A merry old soul was he
    He chewed off his tit, ate his own shit
    Washed it down with some tea

    Roll, roll, roll your cunt
    Gently down my prick
    Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
    Then you'll suck my dick

    Hickory dickory dock
    Some chick was sucking my cock
    The clock struck two, I dropped my goo
    I dumped the bitch on the next block.

    Jack and Jill went up the hill
    Both with a buck and a quarter
    Jill came down with two-fifty
    That fuckin' Huar.

    Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
    Trim that pussy it's so damn hairy

    Littly Miss Muffet
    Sat on a tuffet
    Eating her curds and whey
    Along came a spider,
    Sat down beside her, And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?"

    Old Mother Hubbard
    Went to the cupboard
    To get her dog a bone
    She bent over,
    Rover took over
    And she got a bone of her own

    Jack Sprat could eat no fat
    His wife could eat no lean
    So Jack ignored those flabby tits
    And licked her asshole clean

    Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top
    Your mother's a whore
    I ain't your pop

    Little jack Horner sat in a corner
    Eating a pizza pie
    He shit pepperoni, blew his friend Tony
    And wiped his mouth on his tie

    Twinkle, twinkle little star
    How I wonder what you are
    Shine upn the parking lot
    As I eat my girl friends twat

    Three blind mice, see how they run
    Where the fuck are they going?

    Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe
    Suck my dick and swallow slow

    Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
    Jack burnt off his fuckin' dick

    There was an old lady
    Lived in a shoe
    She had so many kids
    Her uterus fell out

    Patty cake, patty cake
    Baker's man
    If your chick's on her period
    Fuck her in the can

    Mary had a little lamb
    She kept in her backyard
    When she took her panties off
    His wooley dick got hard

    Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle
    The cow jumped over the moon
    That's more than my lazy wife does
    That fat, fuckin' smelly babboon

    Doe, a deer, a female deer
    The guy that fucked her ass

    Rub a Dub Dub
    Three men in a tub
    Faggots have threesomes, too
    So fuckin' what

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I fucked your mother's ass
    And she had you
  • Deleted user 25 January 2005 13:14:38
    I searched for "dice" and found this thread! =) After recently listening to his albums, I am ashamed to admit I enjoy his stuff. His poems and sex jokes - which is 80% of his material - are rather weak IMO, some "normal" stuff is bloody excellent. Like the "40 too long" argument at the Chinese suit shop or taking his wife to the movies: "get in the trunk, let's go".

    Edited by valli at 13:18:26 25-01-2005
  • templar-wizard 25 Jan 2005 13:22:06 3,153 posts
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    lol, i saw that this was bumped and i was wondering:

    'why' and 'who'

    you have seen his meltdown on CNN?
  • Deleted user 25 January 2005 13:24:21
    Nope.. :) What, they actually let him LIVE on the network?

    He has a part about "farmers" from Michigan inviting him to their houses: "you gotta be a moron to invite me to your place".
  • templar-wizard 25 Jan 2005 13:29:53 3,153 posts
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    Registered 16 years ago
    "whats a farmer? a farmer is ever fucking goo-bag in between NYC and LA...thats what a fucking farmer is"

    i will get you the link.
  • templar-wizard 25 Jan 2005 13:30:37 3,153 posts
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    Registered 16 years ago
  • Deleted user 25 January 2005 13:48:46
    They should have listened to what he said about inviting him over... :) I have to admit he looks rather pathetic now, haven't seem him since the Ford Fairlane days.

    TW btw, are you coming to Khab's geekmeet? If not, when are you coming to Stockholm? Hyo mentioned something about "soon".
  • templar-wizard 25 Jan 2005 13:51:39 3,153 posts
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    Registered 16 years ago
    no geekmeet for me, its too much of a circus for me. but i will be in Stklm soon, for a combined work/pleasure trip.

    hopefully we can meet up.
  • Deleted user 25 January 2005 14:18:41
    Sounds good, let me know!
  • bivith 25 Jan 2005 15:10:35 2,469 posts
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    sorry but those were all completely crap. Was he twelve when he wrote those?
  • Aga 25 Jan 2005 16:07:36 2,148 posts
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    Registered 15 years ago
    ...and don't forget to mention Ford Fairlane.

    So many assholes... So few bullets..
  • cubbymoore 25 Jan 2005 17:05:30 36,709 posts
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    I laughed at them...

    /isn't twelve, honest
  • Deleted user 31 August 2005 16:28:32
    Listening to him right now...

    (in redneck voice): "Would ya like a glass-a pop?"
    "I'm like, who said what to who?"
    "Would ya like a glass of pop?"
    "What, your father's gonna jerk off in a cup for me? It sez SODA, it's right there on the f*cking can, farmer!"
  • Deleted user 31 August 2005 16:41:49
    I invented one years ago...although obviously not to the same high standard...;0)

    "Jack be nimble,
    Jack be Quick,
    Jack can suck
    my fucking dick"

    ah...hadn't read the Jack be nimble- burning thing above..

    Edited by Madder Max at 16:47:49 31-08-2005
  • templar-wizard 31 Aug 2005 18:02:34 3,153 posts
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    Registered 16 years ago
    im over HERE now Syd.

    Syd and the... what are you darling? some kinda chinaman?

    Syd and the oriental
  • Deleted user 31 August 2005 18:07:28
    Oh, the assault that poor girl gets on that show...

    She's got little tic tac pin tits! What are you gonna tell her? "Oh I wanna f*ck you between the chest plate!"
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