Random rants that don't warrant their own threads Page 429

  • Rogueywon Most Generous Forumite, 2016 13 Feb 2018 23:39:00 3,333 posts
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    Don't do it. At the risk of getting all serious, you've given marriage vows. Vows not trivial things. Divorce is a way out of them that preserves some integrity. Breaking them through adultery, on the other hand, is going to label you for life as somebody who can't keep your promises. Other people may or may not judge you for that. If you've any honour, though, you'll judge yourself for it. Just don't do it.

    And on the other point...

    I've never thwarted a mugging of somebody else.

    I've escaped from two without injury or loss of property by doing the full Brave Sir Robin and legging it. On the second occasion, the one of the scrotes tried to chase and got hit by a car dashing across a road after me.

    I walked the rest of the way home physically shaking from the nervous tension. Then I laughed so hard I nearly coughed up my spleen.

    Edited by Rogueywon at 23:39:27 13-02-2018
  • Deleted user 14 February 2018 00:42:07
    Armoured_Bear wrote:
    GoatApocalypse wrote:
    To round out this farce, I just about thwarted a mugging earlier. Left me with a fat lip, a cracked phone screen and a bruised ego.

    Been a fucking strange few days.
    Do tell...
    That was his wife's response to him telling her he'd like to dry bum a 23 year old.
  • David_Richardson 14 Feb 2018 00:48:47 1,076 posts
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    Rogueywon wrote:
    Don't do it. At the risk of getting all serious, you've given marriage vows. Vows not trivial things. Divorce is a way out of them that preserves some integrity. Breaking them through adultery, on the other hand, is going to label you for life as somebody who can't keep your promises. Other people may or may not judge you for that. If you've any honour, though, you'll judge yourself for it. Just don't do it.
    This is some wisdom, right here. Something you could garner by making a very bad mistake, or simply by listening to Most Generous Forumite, 2016.
  • Deleted user 14 February 2018 06:02:09
    Sounds like he's not very generous with his seed.
  • phAge 14 Feb 2018 07:43:03 25,487 posts
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    Having a bird fancy you is like a gentle-yet-firm handjob to the ego, especially when you're in a relationship.

    However, like any Swedish massage, the feeling has very little to do with who (whom?) is doing the tugging - a realization that will set in as soon as the spunk cools, and you find yourself seeing clearly again, alone in your damp apartment in Hammersmith with a threepack of Stella and a copy of Razzle for company.
  • GoatApocalypse 14 Feb 2018 07:55:54 3,843 posts
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    @Rogueywon

    Thank you.

    And on the second point, I narrowly avoided being the muggee. Fucker ran into me full pelt as I was crossing the road in the city centre and tried to snatch my phone out of my hand (I was calling my dad at the time).

    As if it weren't abundantly clear that I'm a man of little valour, I thwarted it by falling at such an angle that he couldn't easily grab any of my stuff so he decided that, rather than hanging around in oncoming traffic, he'd leg it.
  • GoatApocalypse 14 Feb 2018 07:58:31 3,843 posts
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    @phAge

    This will sound absurd but I'm not fantasising about her. Like, at all.

    This may be a product of the fact that Little GoatApocalypse has seen very little action over the past two years and my libido has packed in and fucked off.

    Which is one of the reasons I'm very perturbed about the whole situation.
  • DrStrangelove 14 Feb 2018 08:02:16 12,539 posts
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    I like that you call it little goat apocalypse
  • phAge 14 Feb 2018 08:15:29 25,487 posts
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    GoatApocalypse wrote:
    @phAge

    This will sound absurd but I'm not fantasising about her. Like, at all.

    This may be a product of the fact that Little GoatApocalypse has seen very little action over the past two years and my libido has packed in and fucked off.

    Which is one of the reasons I'm very perturbed about the whole situation.
    The handjob was an analogy, mate. What she's stroking is your ego - she's giving you the feeling of being wanted, which is pretty damn powerful.

    Again: Why do you think that your feelings for her have only surfaced *after* you realised she had a thing for you? You're reflecting her feelings - that's all it is, and you're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.
  • Tonka 14 Feb 2018 08:17:39 27,850 posts
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    GoatApocalypse wrote:
    Again, sounds stupid but this is all actually really helpful.
    It's absolutely fascinating for me to get a behind the scenes look at possible adultery. The way it was rather obvious to everyone (except your projected self) what you wanted to do.

    I wouldn't ever come close given how much I care for my family and it makes me sad to see that there are relationships where one party is about to do the ultimate bad thing to the rest. But I'm well aware that these things happen and that it's not coming from a place of "How can I be as cruel as possible to my wife and children" but rather "OMG she saw me. I'm hot!"

    Fascinating stuff really. I'm rooting for our children by the way. And maybe the best thing for them is that you and your wife break up and you become that guy they see every other weekend.
  • phAge 14 Feb 2018 08:23:54 25,487 posts
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    Just to be absolutely clear - thoughts of cheating, or even doing the act, does in no way imply that a relationship is necessarily doomed, or even more flawed than the majority.

    This is backed up by science.

    EDIT: That said, when all of this is over, and you hopefully haven't cocked up your marriage because a new woman thought you were a nice guy, it'd probably be a good idea to give your current relationship a thorough checkover - possibly with the help of a professional.

    Edited by phAge at 08:27:26 14-02-2018
  • GoatApocalypse 14 Feb 2018 08:45:45 3,843 posts
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    To be really clear, I adore my wife. And as I've said all along, I'm absolutely clear in my mind that I don't want anything to jeopardise my marriage.

    What's weird is that I've made decisions that I genuinely thought would help me, and we're the Right Things to Do, but when I play them back here you all rightly point out how fucking stupid they are. And that's helping me to row back from them and keep my powder dry.

    So again, thank you.
  • Rogueywon Most Generous Forumite, 2016 14 Feb 2018 08:49:45 3,333 posts
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    To echo what phAge said - having thoughts of cheating is just being human. Acting on them is when you cross the line.

    If there are problems in your marriage, then depending on the specific circumstances, constructive ways of resolving them might include talking to each other, talking to friends outside your marriage or talking to a professional. What's not a constructive way of resolving the issues is to jump into the bed/inflatable love couch/paddling pool filled with alphabetti spaghetti of another woman.
  • GoatApocalypse 14 Feb 2018 08:51:12 3,843 posts
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    I'm not a kink-shamer, but I'd like to take this chance to say that I've never understood people who bring food into the bedroom.
  • KnuttinAtoll 14 Feb 2018 08:58:54 5,558 posts
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    .

    Edited by KnuttinAtoll at 09:30:57 14-02-2018
  • Rogueywon Most Generous Forumite, 2016 14 Feb 2018 09:04:45 3,333 posts
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    @GoatApocalypse Clearly you've never met Rimmer's mother...

  • Deleted user 14 February 2018 09:23:59
    LittleSparra wrote:
    Peter Stringfellow wrote:
    I've been up to my neck in putang since I turned 30.
    Another knock to my ego... I have had nowt! ;(
    Perhaps you're unlucky Sparra, or lucky depending on your point of view.

    Not particularly thinking about you but about the various situations on here. As we get older we may have certain things that make us more appealing. Some women like older men. Maybe we're more confident and relaxed because we're married and aren't looking for anything or didn't think we stood a chance anyway. She might like the idea of us because we're unattainable, whether as a deliberate home wrecking tart or innocently wanting what she can't have.

    You might meet a woman and as time goes on you go from work colleagues to being a bit friendly to being very friendly then being a bit flirtatious to being very flirtatious and then suddenly being surprised when she's drunkenly making a move on you, at which point you wonder how you got to that situation and realise you should have cooled things off a few stages ago.
  • quadfather 14 Feb 2018 09:31:20 31,069 posts
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    So....

    Is this 23 year old single then, yeah?
  • Armoured_Bear 14 Feb 2018 09:36:31 22,187 posts
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    Tonka wrote:

    I wouldn't ever come close given how much I care for my family and it makes me sad to see that there are relationships where one party is about to do the ultimate bad thing to the rest.
    IMO that's a stupid thing to say, anyone is capable of cheating, it just takes a certain combination of circumstances and doesn't necessarily mean that someone doesn't care for their family.
  • GoatApocalypse 14 Feb 2018 09:50:31 3,843 posts
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    quadfather wrote:
    So....

    Is this 23 year old single then, yeah?
    Funnily enough, she is not.
  • GoatApocalypse 14 Feb 2018 09:52:15 3,843 posts
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    Fuck off with this older man chat, too. I'm 32 and regularly get IDd for ale.
  • Tonka 14 Feb 2018 09:54:01 27,850 posts
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    Armoured_Bear wrote:
    IMO that's a stupid thing to say, anyone is capable of cheating, it just takes a certain combination of circumstances and doesn't necessarily mean that someone doesn't care for their family.
    On this we'll have to disagree. Unless certain circumstances wander off into "A white supremacist has kidnapped everyone you know and will kill them in a horrific way unless you sleep with Brad Pitt!"
  • Armoured_Bear 14 Feb 2018 09:57:03 22,187 posts
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    Tonka wrote:
    Armoured_Bear wrote:
    IMO that's a stupid thing to say, anyone is capable of cheating, it just takes a certain combination of circumstances and doesn't necessarily mean that someone doesn't care for their family.
    On this we'll have to disagree. Unless certain circumstances wander off into "A white supremacist has kidnapped everyone you know and will kill them in a horrific way unless you sleep with Brad Pitt!"
    Whatever, enjoy your naivety and smugness.
  • Rogueywon Most Generous Forumite, 2016 14 Feb 2018 09:58:12 3,333 posts
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    @GoatApocalypse I'm 36 and I got IDed in the supermarket back in November.

    It left me with a little happy feeling that lasted all weekend.
  • quadfather 14 Feb 2018 09:59:13 31,069 posts
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    GoatApocalypse wrote:
    quadfather wrote:
    So....

    Is this 23 year old single then, yeah?
    Funnily enough, she is not.
    Oh right.

    So what does she want out of all this then?
  • GoatApocalypse 14 Feb 2018 10:04:24 3,843 posts
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    Well her partner is a dickhead so she needs to leave him, come what may.

    I think she has a crush on me because we're very similar and she seems to think of me as some sort of culturally enlightened intellectual. The berk.
  • quadfather 14 Feb 2018 10:08:59 31,069 posts
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    Ahhhh, the penny drops.

    She wants an easy out. And she'll happy use you to get it.

    I'm with you now.
  • phAge 14 Feb 2018 10:11:24 25,487 posts
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    So substantially younger, possibly even decent-looking, female idolizes older (and 32 IS significantly older than 23) male, whose current relationship has maybe gone the slightest bit stale over the years?

    Occam's Razor, mate.

    ... I'm repeating myself here, aren't I?
  • phAge 14 Feb 2018 10:12:04 25,487 posts
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    Also, what quadfather said.
  • Decks Best Forumite, 2016 14 Feb 2018 10:17:21 13,877 posts
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    I was 30 when I met my girlfriend who was 23 at the time and let me tell you, 23 year olds are great. Their skin is all soft and they have beautiful perky breasts and incredibly firm buttocks.

    Hope this helps.
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