Hate Jeremy Kyle? Step Right On In...

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  • Spong 13 Jul 2007 04:57:56 525 posts
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    Yup. If you hate the big-eared, big nosed, ferret-faced, infuriating excuse of a 'talk show' 'host', then vent it all here.

    Things I hate about Jeremy:

    1: His general tin-pot psychology.
    2: The way he ponces down the street in the intro looking at everyone as though they're all c*nts except him.
    3: The way he constantly uses the word "massive", and I really DO mean constantly.
    4: The way he reads out the shows' phone number and uses the word "it's" constantly.
    5: The way he uses the the sub-mental audience to back him up like they're a pack of seals being thrown fish (am I right?)
    6: The strange tendency he has to sit down next to the sixteen year-old female chavs and put comforting hands on their shoulders.
    8: The way he always refers to his "years on the radio" as though it were some infallible book of experience that means he knows everything about life's ups and downs.
    9: Because of 8, his righteous attitude that makes him dictate his solution on to the guests.
    10: The way he'll take a subject so far, then just fucking wrap it up from nowhere.

    So, anyone else hate him?
  • MrSensible 13 Jul 2007 07:54:33 26,517 posts
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    These are mostly all reasons why I love him. He's a twat but straight up about it and he treats people how they deserve to be treated.
  • deem 13 Jul 2007 07:56:17 31,664 posts
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    Post deleted
  • DaisyD 13 Jul 2007 08:12:29 11,816 posts
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    Nope. You're the only one. That's why we have this thread. Now be gone with all yor hateful posting.
  • DaM 13 Jul 2007 09:43:18 17,346 posts
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    What about reason 7? Was it just too evil and you self-censored?
  • nickthegun 13 Jul 2007 09:46:55 78,293 posts
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    Hate Jeremy Kyle?

    No. Im not a student and i've got a job.

    /I kid, i kid..........
  • magicpanda 13 Jul 2007 09:51:39 14,870 posts
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    Charlie Brooker wrote:
    You know that weird "thing" about Nicky Campbell? That indefinable "thing" that makes him ever so slightly creepy, like you wouldn't want to get stuck in a lift with him, because you half suspect he might suddenly pull a Stanley knife from his sleeve and start wildly slashing at you with a terrifyingly blank expression on his face? Well Jeremy Kyle's got that same "thing" about him, but amplified by a factor of 12.
  • Fat-Boy 13 Jul 2007 09:55:47 4,300 posts
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    Jeremy Kyle is undeniably a cunt, but I can't tear my eyes away from his program when I'm off work.
  • Spanky 13 Jul 2007 10:00:55 14,962 posts
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    I can't even look at him, he's got that whole paedophile/serial killer arsehole look about him. You see it a lot these days...

    Did we debunk the paedophile 'look' yesterday?
  • Pirotic Moderator 13 Jul 2007 10:02:13 20,642 posts
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    Oh he's a right twat, no doubt about it. But so long as he keeps manging to find people even worse than himself to morally batter live on air, It's a good show.
  • DaM 13 Jul 2007 10:02:52 17,346 posts
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    Magic Panda wrote:
    Charlie Brooker wrote:
    You know that weird "thing" about Nicky Campbell? That indefinable "thing" that makes him ever so slightly creepy, like you wouldn't want to get stuck in a lift with him, because you half suspect he might suddenly pull a Stanley knife from his sleeve and start wildly slashing at you with a terrifyingly blank expression on his face? Well Jeremy Kyle's got that same "thing" about him, but amplified by a factor of 12.

    I was in a lift once when Christopher Biggins got in.
    I kept my cute young teenage ass firmly against the wall.
  • James-Caldari 13 Jul 2007 10:06:40 2,103 posts
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    DaM wrote:
    Magic Panda wrote:
    Charlie Brooker wrote:
    You know that weird "thing" about Nicky Campbell? That indefinable "thing" that makes him ever so slightly creepy, like you wouldn't want to get stuck in a lift with him, because you half suspect he might suddenly pull a Stanley knife from his sleeve and start wildly slashing at you with a terrifyingly blank expression on his face? Well Jeremy Kyle's got that same "thing" about him, but amplified by a factor of 12.

    I was in a lift once when Christopher Biggins got in.
    I kept my cute young teenage ass firmly against the wall.

    Yes, I've often heard Christopher Biggins referred to as 'The Wall' ;)
  • cubbymoore 13 Jul 2007 12:30:29 36,709 posts
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    I love the way he sits down on the steps.
  • Spong 13 Jul 2007 16:44:44 525 posts
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    Dammit, olded by DaisyD merely 4 posts in. Ho hum...

    I started the thread early in the morning, a spur of the moment thing, because the tosser was on TV at the time and he was getting on my nerves. I just had to vent. Apologies for not searching first.

    Anyway, about #7 on my list of hate...

    Looks like I've been modded. Have to admit, it WAS a bit libellous. Shame that, it made me laugh too as I was writing it.

    So, I'd better come up with a brand-spanking new #7...

    7: I hate the way he licks his lips almost every time after he's finished doing his audience plee (the bit where he goes on about future shows). If he doesn't do #5 during this, he WILL do #7 at the end. Eeeeeuuuuuuuuwwwwwww!!!!!
  • James-Caldari 13 Jul 2007 16:46:09 2,103 posts
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    Spong wrote:
    Dammit, olded by DaisyD merely 4 posts in. Ho hum...

    I started the thread early in the morning, a spur of the moment thing, because the tosser was on TV at the time and he was getting on my nerves. I just had to vent. Apologies for not searching first.

    Anyway, about #7 on my list of hate...

    Looks like I've been modded. Have to admit, it WAS a bit libellous. Shame that, it made me laugh too as I was writing it.

    So, I'd better come up with a brand-spanking new #7...

    7: I hate the way he licks his lips almost every time after he's finished doing his audience plee (the bit where he goes on about future shows). If he doesn't do #5 during this, he WILL do #7 at the end. Eeeeeuuuuuuuuwwwwwww!!!!!

    And it you divide 7 by 5, you end up with Kyle all over your face!

    Edited by James Caldari at 16:50:48 13-07-2007
  • Spong 13 Jul 2007 16:49:05 525 posts
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    James Caldari wrote:
    And it you devide 7 by 5, you end up with Kyle all over your face!

    EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Deleted user 13 November 2008 23:16:25
    Post deleted
  • You-can-call-me-kal 13 May 2019 13:54:36 16,324 posts
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    Oh dear...

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-48253358
  • nickthegun 13 May 2019 14:05:35 78,293 posts
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    All the reports are tellingly vague.
  • You-can-call-me-kal 13 May 2019 14:26:04 16,324 posts
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    Exactly my thoughts.
  • Dgzter 13 May 2019 14:27:10 2,782 posts
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    Yeah, tragic. Not that it'll make one iota of difference, of course: pedalling in misery and humiliation is just far too profitable.

    Depressing.
  • Graxlar_v3 13 May 2019 15:10:14 7,253 posts
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    Surprised it hasn't happened sooner.
  • mothercruncher 13 May 2019 15:11:49 16,384 posts
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    Dgzter wrote:
    Yeah, tragic. Not that it'll make one iota of difference, of course: pedalling in misery and humiliation is just far too profitable.

    Depressing.
    WELL YOU SAY THAT BUT MAYBE YOU SHOULD GERROF YOUR ARSE AND DO SOMETHINK ABAAAAAT IT.

    Problem fixed Dgzter, no need to thank me.
  • Armoured_Bear 13 May 2019 15:11:54 27,176 posts
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    Suggesting Daniela Westbrook is dead or am I being dumb?
  • Your-Mother 13 May 2019 15:25:40 2,881 posts
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    Allegedly someone killed themselves after a lie detector test.
  • X201 13 May 2019 15:47:25 19,279 posts
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    Your-Mother wrote:
    Allegedly someone killed themselves after a lie detector test.
    A real shame if someone has been driven to suicide by a sham like a lie detector test.
    There's no proof that lie detectors work. It should be in the same category as homeopathy.
  • nickthegun 13 May 2019 16:12:04 78,293 posts
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    I think the general consensus is that they work but they are easy enough to game that they are not considered proof in the eyes of the law.

    Like it would work for most people but that one guy who dropped a wrap of speed before the test would have a high heart rate whatever the question.

    Or you could clench your butthole (which had led to anti-butthole clenching tech being developed).
  • nickthegun 13 May 2019 16:12:55 78,293 posts
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    Thanks, astonishing legends.
  • Load_2.0 13 May 2019 16:15:16 29,625 posts
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    I imagine being chastised on TV probably doesn't help with irregular heartbeats and responses.

    Plus the Jeremy Kyle lie detector machine and facilitator are likely to be several steps down on GCHQ's set up.
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